Better Move the Sixers Up Those Pre-Season Power Rankings: They Got Donyell Marshall

The missing piece of the puzzle. The big talent off (the end of) the bench. Enter Donyell Marshall, the player that truly thrusts Philly into the ranks of contention. Elton Brand’s too small to have post moves or play defense. He’s so unaware of his role on a team and his own talents. Marshall on the other hand, knows exactly what aging players are supposed to do: shoot threes. Like, all the time. He shot more three pointers per minute than any player on the Sixers last season, and would have ranked fourth in average attempts per game despite averaging just thirteen minutes of gametime.

But for serious, this is the kind of signing that rounds out an incredible off-season for the Sixers. You need vets, and you need them on the cheap (are you listening, Mutumbo? No one wants to sex you when you’re being a doucheceratops). Donyell no doubt understands at this point that he isn’t the kind of player that’s going to get a lot of time, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have anything to offer this team. He can be an excellent mentor…well, unless he teaches Thad how to lurk on the perimeter. But in terms of veteran guys signing minimum deals, Marshall is as low-risk as they come, and can really be a presence for the Sixers in all ways that don’t involve scoring points, rebounding, playing defense, or basically being on the floor.

Oster-Tags:

Post comment as twitter logo facebook logo
Sort: Newest | Oldest

One more thing: As of 1:46 p.m. Eastern time, this is the headline to the ESPN.com story on the signing:

"Report: Marshall persuades Sixers to sign him"

I love it -- Donyell begs, borrows and steals his way onto the roster. Excellent.

Two things:

1. "Doucheceratops" is a phenomenal word. You win the Internet today.

2. I'm stunned that the "Donyell Marshall to the Rescue" tag hasn't gotten more use; I expect this to be rectified in the future.