The HP cast, together as one. It’s a beautiful thing.

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

The Atlantic Chemistry Solvent (New Jersey at Boston) (Matt):

The Celtics figured out how to get back on track. Beat the living hell out of Atlantic teams that can’t match up. Earlier this week it was Toronto. Now it’s New Jersey. Though Devin Harris will remind them that no matter how good Rondo is, he’s not great, the rest of this team is badly outmatched, save Carter. He should be able to get some things going, but Brook Lopez is not having another career game against Boston’s interior defense. But hey, CDR might play! /crickets //crickets, crickets

I Remember The Days Of The Old SchoolYard (When We Sucked Worse Than You) (Washington at New York) (Matt):

The Knicks are respectable even though Stephon Marbury is still on the roster and the Wizards are not even with the big three still on roster. Oh, the wacky world we live in. The Wizards have been close to a win several times, but keep finding new ways to screw it up. Meanwhle the Knicks knocked off the Hornets for their bi-monthly “win they have no business getting” win. I like the Wizards tonight, because even with David Lee showing off for the trade deadline, Al Harrington’s gone back to suck, and Caron Butler has to be tired of this silliness. I expect an Epic Vale beatdown this evening.

You Are Also Cold And Start With M. We Shall Destroy You As Well. (Miami at Milwaukee) (Matt):

“Erased” is my current favorite block term. And Wade has been erasing people inside the last two minutes on the weak side. Combine that with Beasley’s newfound ability to stand still and hit shots Wade gives him, and Marion playing like, you know, Shawn Marion, and these guys are not to be messed with. But this is the back end of a road trip back-to-back, it was a physical game last night, and the Bucks have an actual reliable frontcourt, top to bottom. Milwaukee hangs close, pulls forward, then hitches its waggons to Redd in the last quarter, Milwaukee skates away. Miami also needs the All-Star break bad. Or a center. Either one.

You (I) Are (Am) Terrible At Defense (Utah at Oklahoma City) (Matt):

The Jazz win, because OKC is terrible. However, its on the road, where the Jazz are 7-11 (a championship contender? Are you kidding me?) Millsap may be back tonight, but Boozer is still out. Lucky for them, the Thunder have Durant, Westbrook, and a whole big pile of nothing. Jazz show why they are definitely going to the second round of the playoffs tonight.

I Seem To Remember You, Ah, Yes, You Were That Thing I Ran Over (NOLA at Dallas) (Matt):

New Orleans will be angry after a lackluster loss to the Knicks. The Mavs are reeling, bleeding from every pore. The Hornets have a better center, an equal power forward who knows how to get in Dirk’s head, and a better point guard. Unless Brandon Bass has himself a 25/15 night, there’s going to be a lot of panic button pressing in Dallas, unless they have another blown call to blame it on.

3 Is Better Than 2… That’s Math! (Lakers at Spurs) (Corn):

If you look at the Spurs results from the past 2 months, you notice once small trend – Tim Duncan and Tony Parker are dominating. And, judging by their second place record in the West, it has worked out alright. Ginobli still isn’t at 100% and the newcomers are helping out (Mason, Hill) but you still get the sense that if you cut off one of the 2 Ts, you can handle the Spurs. Coincidentally, LA has enough people to cut both of them off, plus Pop, plus the waterboy and half the cheerleading squad (Odom). The Lakers are moving the ball extremely well and have found a (relative) toughness and intensity that was noticeably lacking last year. They don’t get as nasty as San Antonio, but to pull this one out in the heart of Texas tonight, they might just need Kobe to put on his sh#tkickers and, well, kick some sh*t in the face of the Spurs.

Also, Kobe will NOT be looking ahead to his matchup against Lebron in a few days. So don’t hang your hats on that Spurs fans. Even though he is, in my opinion, the second best player in the league right now, Kobe will assuredly will himself to a focused performance tonight. */goes to shower because he feels like one of those Kobe lovers

My Suck Is Better Than Your Suck (Sacramento at Golden State) (Corn):

Except the Opposite

Not much to talk about here. Lots of scoring. No defense. The Oracle. K-Mart on Maggette (ewww, sounds like something Eddy Curry would like). All in all, you could most likely watch this game in highlight clips and envision the entire 48 minutes. Also, Monta rumors!

This Team With No Future Is Really Interesting To Watch Play (Atlanta at LA Clippers) (Corn):

Moore and I had a debate the other night about which team in the NBA had the dimmest future. We concluded it was the Clips. Other teams are either/and younger, with more long term cap space, better coaching or give a flying crap. The Clippers have none. Besides Thornton and Gordon (who is fulfilling my prophecy!) the rest of the Clips are burnt out and looking for ways to skip town. Although it wouldn’t be surprising to see some of these elder Clip floating around in trade talks… Actually, that would be the only thing about this team that isn’t surprising, well, except for the SUCK.

Back to Backs on the West Coast for the Hawks do not sit pretty, but at least they get Phoenix then LAC and not the other way around. Josh Smith is a one man basketball thriller. Expect him to shine bright in Staples tonight.

This 15 Footer comes to you courtesy of our friendly co-founder and leader extraordinare, Matt Moore.

Today I’m actually giving predictions to go along with the previews. Won’t be a regular thing, but I’m feeling saucy.
(Corn Ed. Note – I do not approve of using the term “saucy.” But for Moore, it’s oddly appropriate. Also, I fully expect one of these predicitons to be dead on. Moore’s predicitons, FTW!)…

Let’s Get Violent (Detroit 96 Charlotte 90):
Close. Not close enough. This Charlotte team has fire in its veins, and Detroit’s feeling a little mercurial with this whole silly “starting” business. I don’t believe Iverson and Hamilton starting is a good idea, and this is going to be the game where the Pistons go “woah, didn’t know Okafor could play like that.” If they had Augustin and this was in Charlotte, I’d give them the W, but a few big shots and the bench differential is enough. Do enjoy Adam Morrison on the floor at the same time as Kwame Brown, though. That’s fun to think about.

Crank Engines To “Nova” (Heat 105 Minnesota 103):
This five game winning streak by the Wolves is seriously messing with my ability to endlessly mock Kevin McHale. It must end. In reality, this is a lot of fun on paper. Inconsistent guards versus inconsistent guards, Jeffersno versus Haslem, and Beasley/Marion with no one that can match their range. Wade’s got to be angry after the LA loss and is starting to trust Beasley. If Chalmers can get his head back together, the Heat should be in good shape. I’m betting they’re not, but then in the last two minutes, what are the Wolves going to do to Wade?

Someone Alert The Governor, We May Have to Declare Emergency (Cleveland 100, Memphis 81):
You know how this pains me. The Grizzlies are playing with zero continuity, zero composure, and look worn out. Cleveland is on a mission from God to destroy everything in its path. Rudy Gay can’t keep up with LeBron, Mo Williams will eat Lowry for dinner, they’ll double Mayo at the perimeter, and kill them on the boards, which the Grizzlies have troubles with anyway. There’s not a matchup on the floor I like, and that’s just the starters. LeBron sits the fourth.

Simple. (Lakers 109 Rockets 99):
TMac and Crazy Pills aren’t playing, which means that even though Farmer, Walton, and odom aren’t playing, the Rockets are screwed. Too many shooters, too much speed, too much Kobe. Always, Kobe. So if you’re going to check this one out, I have a suggestion. Young Mr. Bynum versus The Dynasty. Everyone likes to talk about Andrew Bynum being the next great NBA center (HOWARD SMASH!!!), yet Yao Ming still puts up numbers despite his passion for getting Dunked On. So this is a good one to watch to measure Bynum’s been hot lately, playing close to his supposed potential (albeit against small teams). If he shows up big against The Dynasty tonight, this could be the start of his ascension to the Greatest (HOWARD SMASH!!!)

The Freak Show Visits The Freak Show (Dallas 102 Denver 95): Birdman and Balkman team up tonight to take on Dirkalicious and Erik Dampier fresh of getting his face rocked by Shaq and Hawes. The Mavericks are reeling, drowning, clawing for air. Luckily they get Denver without Melo, and a squad they match up well with. Billups-Kidd may not be a wash, but it’s not a complete annihilation. And the Denver bigs don’t have what it takes to stop Dirk, not that anyone can. Bass provides the spark off the bench, Terry hits some big shots and the Mavs stem the bleeding.

The Farce Continiues(Phoenix 115 Atlanta 103):
Shaq will continue fooling everyone into thinking he’ll be able to play like this in the playoffs against a team without their best interior defender tonight. With Horford not available due to injury, and Nash feeling spritely, it should be pretty easy to put a hurting on the Hawks. Smith is overwhelmed by Amare, Nash topples Bibby, and Richardson keeps pace with Johnson. Unless Marvin Wililams decides to have a career night, on the road, when he hasn’t shot the ball well, the farce in Phoenix will continue.

DWIGHT SMASH! (Orlando 107 Sacramento 89):
DWIGHT SMASH PUNY HUMANS! PUNY HUMANS TALK ABOUT ANDREW BYNUM! PUNY HUMANS TALK ABOUT GREG ODEN! HOWARD STRONGEST! TONITE HOWARD GET BRAIDY HAIR BRAD MAN. HOWARD NO LIKE BRAIDY HAIR BRAD. BRAIDY HAIR BRAD SMELL LIKE HERBAL SUPPLEMENTS! HOWARD SMASH PUNY BRAID HAIR! HOWARD ALSO FACE SHOCK AND/OR HAWES. HAWES NO MATCH FOR HOWARD, EVEN IF HOWARD NO POSSESS SHORT-RANGE, MEDIUM RANGE, OR LONG-RANGE JUMPER! IF PUNY KINGS BRING DOUBLE TEAM, HOWARD GIVE TO JAMEER! JAMEER HOWARD’S FRIEND! HE SHOOT LONG WAYS! HEDO SAYS TO TAKE REVENGE ON KINGS FOR NOT WANTING HEDO. HOWARD NO CARE ABOUT HEDO’S CONTRACT HISTORY. HOWARD SMASH! Then Howard go home read Bible. Praise be to the Lord. … (Howard smash!)

As Rob spotlighted earlier, this Eddy Curry fiasco looks like prime time Knicks material. I mean, there aren’t too many ways you can upstage the Twilight Zone-esque absurdity of the Isiah years, but Curry may have just found the way. This lawsuit appears, at least at first, to have some sort of legs that will keep it meandering in and out of the mainstream for quite some time. Because, as we all know, the New York press loves to just uncover great stories and then never do follow ups.

My initial reaction was this: it’s D’Antoni’s fault. Why, you might ask? Well, my mother always told me “Idle Hands are the Devil’s Playground.” (see above picture) Although I am quite sure she wasn’t talking about hurling ethnic slurs and racists epithets at my hired help while I forced him to touch my schlong, I can assume that her sentiments tip-toed around a vaguely familiar line. If this is true (and right now, who could really say for sure – except for, as Rob noted, why in the hell would anyone not getting sexually harrassed want to make this up?) then I have to chalk it up, at least in some part, to all the idle time Eddy Curry has on his hands. He hardly practices, rarely plays and obviously has refused to pay attention while the Knicks are busting their butts on the court. So, in the meantime, Big Eddy’s thoughts can drift wildly, creating ridiculous scenarios about what a man of his stature and financial well-being can do with his social life. There is no need to be disciplined or self-regulating in your behavior. You are being paid extremely well to NOT PLAY BASKETBALL. That, coupled with a sense of immortality and entitlement that often (though not always) comes from being a professional athlete can lead to some rather blurry bouts with reality.

Of course, blaming D’Antoni is just a ruse. But, I don’t think it can be taken totally out of account that if Curry were out on the court burning testosterone, feeling appreciated for his skills and effort and having to live a far more focused personal life, these allegations may not have come to light. Maybe his driver really IS just making this up (New Yorkers have come up with far more outlandish stunts than this for noteriety and financial gain). And maybe Eddy, just like all of us, took his round of “The Penis Game,” just a little too far. I mean, what’s a little grab-sausage between friends, right?

Right?

Anybody?

Regardless of the what/when/why/where/who the situation, it will be interesting to follow. Just when we thought the NYK ship would be tight and sailing straight, along comes one of Isiah’s embarrassments to try and capsize the entire crew. And really, my life will be more complete scouring the NY Post everyday for the newest facts on this kooky, and somewhat oddly appropriate, case. Use all the “white devil” and “cracker” digs you want, Mr. Curry. For your sake, I hope your personal nickname for Mr. Kuchinsky wasn’t “BITCH.” Isiah would not approve.

Do you ever get deja vu? You get a glimpse of maybe one specific action at a particular location, a facial expression from a familiar person during a conversation, or maybe just a series of words in a particular order? Happens to me a lot, actually. About two weeks ago I had a dream – nay, a nightmare – in which the following lines were softly spoken gently to me from across a carpet of rose petals: “Look at me, [Rob], look” and “Come and touch it, Rob.” Eddy Curry smirked as he stood naked beneath an oversized bathrobe. I woke up, heart beating out of my chest and sweating like an Eddy Curry after his 2 minutes of PT against Dallas, and frantically brainstormed ideas to pick apart my hippocampus with a chopstick and forget everything that I thought I saw.

So imagine my surprise to hear that our good friend Eddy has allegedly sexually harassed his former driver — a man, not that there’s anything wrong with that — and threw in some pretty racially insensitive comments as well. But for your sake, read the ever-dubious NY Post‘s take on it as well as the report from Newsday. There’s (allegedly) some big money, armed weaponry, racial slurs aplenty, and denials, denials, denials. They read more like pulp fiction or the script to a Lifetime original movie than news articles. But as the title to this post suggests, I have just one question: why on earth would anyone want to make this up? Suppose for a second that Curry is completely innocent, and the entirety of the situations described were flat-out lies. If you’re David Kuchinsky, Curry’s driver, couldn’t you come up with a scenario or a story that doesn’t involve you conjuring up visages of Curry’s man parts for testimony? Or why would your mind even go there in the first place? I’m not saying that Curry is innocent, or guilty, or whatever, I’m just…sayin’.

I’m a Shawn Marion addict.

No lie.

The affinity I have for oversized-3/undersized-4 forwards ties directly back to Marion. Quick on the touch pass, funky release, tremendous man-defender, great in transition, not an awesome handle, can’t create his own shot, can nail open looks from anywhere on the floor. That’s my type of guy. I think Marion was scapegoated in Phoenix to a certain degree, but also tends to bite off more than he can chew. He wants to be a number one guy, but you can’t be a number one guy if you can’t take your guy off the dribble or dominate in the paint. That’s just not the way the world works. You can be really awesome at thinking up ways to make food, have an eye for ingredients and temperature and taste, but if you can’t slice a tomato, you’re out of luck as a chef, you know? But Marion still possesses an incredible array of skills, is a multi-faceted weapon at both ends of the floor, and can still put together a stat line to make you dizzy.

So when I say this, understand it’s not born out of a disrespect for Marion’s game. But I want what’s best for both sides in this.

The Miami Heat desperately need to trade Shawn Marion.

Now, I have been here before, which I should probably factor into Marion’s value. But there are entirely different reasons for Miami needing to switch him out. And oddly enough, a lot of it goes back to the player the Suns traded Marion for, and Miami’s acquisition of him.

In 2003-2004, the Heat figured out that this Dwyane Wade kid might have a future someday. They had a scrappy, young club with a lot of promise. They had a trifecta of Dwyane Wade, Caron Butler, and Lamar Odom. They sacrificed all of that for the big prize, a championship ring with Shaquille O’Neal. Now, we know they won a championship with Shaq, and we have no idea if they would have won one with Tuff Juice and Lamar the Head Case. But you have to believe that with young players, cap management, a superstar in Dwyane Wade, and the kind of potential they had, they may have been able to develop a lasting establishment. We’ll go ahead and throw that idea out for now as nothing more than whimsy. But when you look at the devastation in the wake of Shaq’s decline (and believe me, it’s coming Phoenix!), you have to at least think about what they had to go with. Now the Heat in that situation ditched the uncertain future for a certain path to the Finals. Great, right? But there’s a reason Joe Dumars doesn’t sacrifice multiple young players for superstars. He only took on Iverson when it was clear a change was necessary and he knew he could get him as an expiring. Dumars thinks about five years, not one.

Again, this is not to say the Heat did the wrong thing. They have a ring they may not have had otherwise. But perhaps not being bold was the move then, but it is now. Because they are faced with a dual-headed scenario of equal complications now.

On the one hand, they have Marion, who simply does not fit here. It’s not a conceptual issue, but he just sticks out. It’s as if there are two entities on the floor simultaneously. The Miami Heat, and Shawn Marion. And to be sure, there are times when Wade is able to bridge that gap, and when he does, it’s music. But Marion looks awkward, restrained, out of place. He’s the bicycle for the Heat’s goldfish. Many are going to suggest this is a problem with Marion and not the relationship. That’s fine, for the discussion. Because once we admit that something’s got to give, we see the opportunity in the problem.

And there is opportunity to be had. There’s a foundation in place. The Lakers found it staring them in the face tonight in the fourth. Udonis Haslem picking his spots, breaking for dunks when the defense floats up. Wade 2.0 absolutely unleashed. He’s pressuring more and more in the halfcourt trap, tonight forcing a late crucial turnover on none other than Kobe Bryant to create the tying dunk by Haslem. They have shooters in Dequan Cook. A serviceable backup point guard in Chris Quinn who needs to know when to not try to be a hero, but can still hit some big shots. They have a talented athletic young point in Mario Chalmers, who can attack the basket. And the biggest complication to Marion. Beasley.

Time and time again tonight, the Lakers assumed that if they sent two guys to the top of the key to double Wade, the offense would flutter and die. Only, for some reason, they decided to double either with Beasley’s man or force the rotation to him. And Wade, who’s taken the kid more and more under his wing, fed him. And he knocked down shot after shot. To be sure, Beasley can’t create assists right now. He’s the quintessential black hole. But his handle’s not terrible, and his vision is something he can work on to improve. The fact is he’s a natural shooter, and tonight for the first time I’ve seen, there was chemistry between him and Wade. I followed Beasley for Under the Microscope over at FanHouse, and you can see that Wade wants him to succeed. When Beasley stuck to the perimeter on a half-court break opportunity on a busted play and Wade’s pass sailed out of bounds where Beasley should have been, Wade yelled, but he also rubbed the kid’s head. He’s seeing what Beasley can be, and he’s investing in him. Kid’s a natural scorer of the best degree and is starting to put in his time on the boards.

There is plenty to be excited about for this team in the next few years. However, they have a legitimate shot of making noise this year. But that’s not going to happen unless they add a legitimate center. Haslem is a workman’s workman. But physically he’s over matched just in terms of height. The only reason the Lakers sneaked out that one tonight in Staples was because there was no one tall enough to block out Bynum. Bynum had an explosive night, and I was noticing that on the box score. Until I realized that he was up against Joel Anthony and Haslem, who just gives up too much vertical size. The Heat have to have a guy to put a body on people. They’re not a pure running team. They can really put something together, with some more size. It’s possible the thought preseason was to overwhelm teams with talent instead of size, with both Marion and Beasley on the floor, stretching defenses and picking up boards.

But Marion and Beasley can’t coexist. If you watch possessions with them both on the floor, it’s like two bassists for a band on stage at the same time. They’re both taking up the same space on stage, they’re playing over one another, and every time they go for backup vocals, they’re staring at the other one wondering what they’re doing. It’s just awkward.

Marion’s numbers are mute compared to his usual flourishes. Age probably has some to do with it, but a lot of is just a lack of fluency within the Heat. But that’s what makes this situation such an amazing scenario for the Heat. The big problem with Marion in Phoenix was that there was no way to get equal value for him considering his stats, productivity, talents, and the fact that he had the extension option for this season. But now? His numbers are down. His contract is expiring. He’s both more attractive and more tradeable. He no longer demands so much you have to try and swindle teams. He’s an expendable 30 year old former All-Star that can rebound, score, block shots, run in transition, hit threes, defend power forwards, small forwards, and small guards, and who even if you don’t get equal value back on, you’re still coming out ahead because you set yourself up for the playoffs and beyond. But they have to pull the trigger.

The Heat have been silent about Marion the whole season, supposedly waiting to see if this combination could work. It doesn’t. They now have a chance to lock up the long term success they sacrificed, rightly, in pursuit of their ring. They can acquire a set of assets to fill in, while not sacrificing their 2010 spending money. And they might just have enough to make some noise come April, put the fear of God in the Eastern Conference, and establish themselves as the rising challenge to the Kingdom of James.

But they have to pull the trigger.