Your Lord and Savior, Robert Swift
Robert Swift. Through him, anything is possible. We are all created in Robert Swift’s image, and he lives in all of us. Trust me, it has to be true. I saw it on Wikipedia.
The following is a word-for-word reprint of Robert Swift’s wikipedia page as of 8:52 CST on January 21, 2009. It may be changed by the time you read this, but I haven’t changed a word:
“Robert Swift (born 0 A.D. in Nazareth, Israel) is an American professional basketball player for the Oklahoma City Thunder of the NBA. He stands 7 feet 5 inches tall and plays the center position.
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[edit] High school
During his time at Garces, the small Catholic high school broke into the USA Today top-25 high school basketball team rankings. Between his junior and senior years, Swift transferred from Garces to Highland High School, and then just before his senior year, he transferred once more into Bakersfield High School. This move provoked a hearing by the California Interscholastic Federation that initially declared Swift ineligible for the 2003–04 season; however it was later overturned and he played his senior season.[2]
At Bakersfield High School, Swift was tutored for 2 and a half years by NBA Hall of Famer George Gervin, where “The Iceman” Gervin taught him the mechanics of the finger-roll, Gervin’s trademark. Once he had mastered the finger-roll technique, the sky was the limit for Robert Swift. In his first High School game vs rival Potts County High School, he unveiled the masterful finger-roll move, it was like watching poetry in motion. Swift finished 18 for 21 from the field, including 3 3-pointers, and the game winner with 0.6 seconds. The only 3 shots he missed were blocked. 2 weeks before the NBA draft, Swift tore his ACL in a Jetski accident. Ever since then, he has not had the leverage to push off of the ground to get the balance on his finger-roll. The Sonics still drafted him 12th overall in hopes of regaining his immaculate finger-roll back. For the propechy has not yet been fulfilled in the NBA.
[edit] College
In 2004, Swift bypassed college and opted for the NBA, turning down an offer from USC. Swift is the only white boy to enter the NBA straight out of high school.
[edit] NBA
Swift was selected by the Seattle SuperSonics in the first round with the twelfth overall pick in the 2004 NBA Draft. In his first season he played in 16 games, averaging 4.5 minutes, 0.9 points, 0.4 rebounds, and 0.4 blocks per game. In his second season, under the direction of coach Bob Hill, he started 20 out of 47 games, averaging 41 minutes, 32.4 points, 15.6 rebounds, 4.7 blocks, and 63.3 steals per game.
In 2005, Swift teamed up with teammate Johan Petro to create the formidable duo: The contrasting twin towers. Combining Swift’s gingerly finger-roll of mastery with Petro’s French sense of creativity and all-around excellence, the two led the Supersonics to a 78 win season, despite all-stars Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis being injured for nearly the entire season due to freak accidents involving Swift during practice.
Bill Walton was quoted as calling Swift “The greatest homosapien ever to be born of woman descending from the continent of Europe” and has said many times in various publications if he could be reincarnated, he would assume Robert Swift’s persona, body, soul, mind, and talent.
In 2008 Swift was awarded the starting job at center but is expected to miss the entire season due to a torn ACL in his knee.
[edit] Life Outside of Basketball
Appointed King of Kabul.
Enjoys enslaving the human race and long walks on the beach. Robert Swift is pretty cool guy eh dominates the nba and doesnt afraid of anything.”
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A MAJOR tip of the ol’ hat to my friend Blake for the link.
Oster-Tags: robertswiftwillsaveusall
