Every time I watch the Cavs, I’m overwhelmed by a lot of the improvements they’ve made. Most of these were pre-West’s injury and none of them were on display on Sunday when the Lakers pounded them in the second half. They have more weapons than they have in the past, with West and Williams and Gibson and Szczerbiak.
And yet, for some reason, time and time again, and again on Sunday, Anderson Varejao does things that he has no business doing. To be clear, we’re going to go ahead and provide Andy and all the Cavs fans a list of things Varejao should not do in a game. Ever.
And to start, a little reference.
1. Dribble.
2. Dribble and then shoot.
3. Attempt to formulate a solo offensive move.
4. Post up with anything but the intention to pass it to LeBron or a guard.
5. Attempt a drop step hook.
6. Attempt a jumper from anywhere on the floor except the left baseline, and then only if there is less than four seconds on the shot clock.
7. Attempt a hook shot.
8. Attempt a drive-and-kick.
9. Fail to focus on rebounding in pursuit of “setting up for a shot.”
10. Keep that ridiculous haircut.
11. Ignore LeBron, Mo Williams, Wally Szczerbiak, Delonte West, Boobie Gibson, JJ Hickson, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Sasha Pavlovic if they are even an ounce more open than he is.
11. Pass to Ben Wallace underneath for the “easy basket” as there is no such thing as an “easy basket” with Ben Wallace.
12. Attempt a basketball move that is not rebounding, tapping back a rebounding, or handing the ball gently to a guard following a rebound.
13. Consider himself an offensive threat.
14. Attempt a putback if there is anyone A.taller B. the same size C. within three inches of his height defending him.
15 . Drift away from the lane for any other purpose but timeouts or to run to the other end of the floor.
16. Get a perm.
17. Try and flop more.
18. Gamble on steals.
19. Ask for an extension.
20. Think about shooting.
Andy, Cleveland fans, basketball fans, and the concepts of efficiency, aesthetics, and righteousness appreciate your cooperation.
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I’ll take Andersen bricking jumpers over ben wallace being on the court any day of the week
Awesome list. Though I dont know if I’d even want him to leave the lane to call a timeout…
Misread. But still, there’s no need for him in the huddle…
I totally agree with everything on this list. Varajoke sucks!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Someone get Anderson the MEMO asap!
sideshow bob is garbage on a good day
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