Toronto Raptors trade Jermaine O’Neal to Miami Heat for Shawn Marion, Marcus Banks – ESPN.

Great move for both teams. Miami needed a center and even JO at 40% is better than what they’ve got at 100%. Marion gives the Raptors an all around stat filler to pit with Bosh and Calderon, the link between the two. It may not make much of a difference, depending on Marion’s health and how motivated he is, but it could also be a big swing. Either way, this means Calderon, Marion, Bosh, Bargnani, and that’s a lineup I’m kind of already in love with.

TRAID SEESON IZ HUR, REJOYCE, REJOYCE.

When Perception Clouds Reality.

Every so often, someone will grossly misstate a quality of a player. It’s why I’ve grown to loathe general sports columnists so much. Many of them do great features. Some of them do okay with covering specific events. But often times you have a columnist who has an interest in a sport that tries to examine it as if he spends all his time on this one game.

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Things

Quick hitting analysis today.  It’s the All Star break after all.

- Why does Tyrus Thomas goaltend so much?  I couldn’t find a goaltending stat anywhere, and I’m not really sure how it could be calculated, but I’m guessing he AVERAGES two goaltends a game.  That’s four free points.   He had two in the first quarter last night, and if you’ll recall, the Bulls lost by 2.

- I’m not entirely certain why Thabo Sefolosha is the inbounds guy on the final offensive Bulls play.  I’m also not entirely certain why Del Negro didn’t actually call an inbounds play. 

- A problem that I see with the TrailBlazers is their inability to play different styles.  They looked out of sorts all night against the Warriors.  Part of that is because they play Oden and Pryzbilla heavy minutes, which kills their transition game.  Part of it is McMillan’s insistence on setting up a halfcourt offense and working the shot clock (nearly 20% of their shots come with 3 seconds of less).  But a big part of it is that they get a ton of their identity from Brandon Roy.  Roy is a very good player, but he monopolizes a bunch of their possessions by dribbling and dribbling and dribbling until something opens up.  I think Shoals said it, but he’s the sneakiest ballhog in the league.

- Enjoy the All Star game and take your lady out for a nice bowl of porridge.  No Morning Bell Monday, I’ll be on a boat.

Things About the Lakers/Jazz Game

1. The Jazz scored more points than the Lakers.

2. The Lakers scored less points than the Jazz.

3. The Jazz beat the Lakers.

4. The Lakers lost to the Jazz.

Still not caving.

Things About the Rookie of the Year Race

Lately I’ve suspected that OJ Mayo had passed Derrick Rose statistically.  Thankfully, these fears are unfounded, as Mayo only surpasses Rose in scoring.  Howevsies, this might prove detrimental as voters notoriously care way too much about scoring.  Anecdotally, Rose is better, while also playing a more important role for a better team.  I’d still guess that Rose is the favorite for ROY, but if Mayo keeps hitting game winners, things could change.

Random Things That I Need Help Answering

Is it time to start taking Charlotte seriously as a possible playoff team?  They’re only 3.5 games back with New York struggling and Milwaukee banged up.  The Bobcats, Bulls, and Nets seem to be gunning for that number 8 spot, meaning that I may have to end my blognership with Matt Moore.

Are we done caring about the Knicks?  They’ve lost 6 in a row, including games to the Warriors and Clippers.  It was fun while it lasted.  SHOCKINGLY, relying on Tim Thomas and  Al Harrington didn’t exactly pan out.

Why did Chris Paul play against Boston last night?  He’s clearly not 100%, so why not sit out and rest the groin over All-Star weekend?  That team without Paul is mediocre and it’s seeming more and more likely that the 8^th seed in the West is going to the healthiest team.

I’ve been in a bad mood all week.  It’s like there was a dark cloud hanging over me, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

Today, it hit me.  It was the Mo Williams snub.

I mean, he really deserves it.  Are there really that many more deserving point guards?  Mo’s done a lot for his team this season, and his ability to ‘get all of his teammates off’ is pretty special considering the marginal talent around him.  LeBron’s alright, but Sasha?  Wally?  Ben?  Are you kidding me?  The league needed to correct its mistake, and if an injury is the vehicle that allows them to do that, then good riddance.

Wait…we’re talking about the same thing, right?

PLAYSTATION SKILLS CHALLENGE FO LIFE!

Since Matt rarely posts my funniest comments or starts the movements I tell him he should, I decided to take matters into my own hands and abuse my admin log-in that was originally intended for my use as an editor.  Thus you are now graced with Paroxi-Wife Wednesdays, a column which I will use to shamelessly pontificate on players and teams in all my non-expert glory.  But who needs to be an expert when you’re hot?  I think Erin Andrews has already answered this question for all of us.

First Matter of Business

O.J. Mayo.  People need to stop referring to him as “O.J.” and take up the nickname I thought of during the draft: “OJAM.”  The reasoning for this is simple.  His name is actually Ovinton J’Anthony Mayo. So, if you do the math on his true intials, they are O.J.A. and NOT O.J.  Therefore, we should all call him “OJAM” which is a helluva lot more fun to say, and let’s face it, the name O.J. ain’t what it used to be after that other guy.  Long live OJAM! (The name tends to lend itself to exclamation marks.  This may or may not work in its favor.)

Random Observations

Also, I think the New Jersey Nets are boring.  I feel no need to back up this statement, as I know nothing about them.  I just think they sound boring.

If you want to get a really dirty look from your significant other this weekend, just wait until they say, “I’m SO pumped about the HORSE contest.”  Then respond, “You mean the GEICO contest?” and you won’t hear another word about All-Star weekend for at least an hour.

Pao Gasol is not attractive.  Please stop zooming in on him after baskets.

I can’t watch Chicago games without thinking of that scene from Scrubs:

I really wish Joakim Noah would do the same thing to all of his hair.  He looks like an asshat.

I’ve said it before, but it’s still true: I like LeBron a lot more since he started making funny commercials.  I appreciate it when people know how to laugh at themselves.  Also, I like Cyndi Lauper too.  But maybe I’m just jones’ing for the arms since I’m boycotting Baron Davis this season, as I’m still mad about his stupidity.  Don’t mess with me; I hold a grudge.

Hard Truths

Thin mustaches on white guys make them look creepy.  I don’t advise going this route. Hinrich, I’m looking at you.  Either commit or shave.  And while we’re on facial hair, Dwight Howard, you look dumb with those two cottonball-shaped tufts on either end of your chin.

The neck? Not the best place for a tattoo.  And I’m a tattoo girl!  I think they’re hot! But yeah, you need to be out of room on your chest, arms, back and ankles before you go this route, and even then it’s highly questionable unless you have a lot of high-collared shirts.

::

And that’s all the gems I’ve got for you today, kids, but I’m sure after being subjected to a weekend of All-Star non-action and speculation on exactly what sexual favors Steve Kerr is holding out for before he agrees to trade Stat, I’ll have a lot more for you.

Things Gleaned from the Bulls/Pistons Game

a) There were many complaints from the Ball Don’t Lie readers that Derrick Rose wasn’t consistently attacking the basket during the first three quarters.  This has been the case with Rose for quite some time.   He hangs around the perimeter, choosing his spots until the fourth quarter, and then he goes to the hoop with abandon.  It’s similar to Chris Paul’s near disdain for the first 36 minutes of a game, and it provides a few benefits.

First and foremost is that it saves Rose’s legs for the final period.  He’s fast to begin with (duh), but in fourth quarters, Rose seems a step ahead of everyone on the court.   This allows him to get to the rim on fast breaks and explode around screens, something that happened time and again against the Pistons.  Equally as important is the long-term benefit to Rose’s game.  By picking and choosing when he wants to attack, Rose can develop a jump shot.  Look at his last ten games (right) compared to his season shooting (left):

While he’s still no Jason Kapono, he’s also not Rajon Rondo.  Last night, he shot 7-11 on jumpers, which would seem to indicate that he can still be effective when not attacking the basket.  It can be a little frustrating and confusing during the times when he’s not obsessed with getting to the rim, but if he can get a solid jumper and save himself from the beating he’ll take, it’ll just make him a better player.

b) Vinnie Del Negro played Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah big minutes last night!  And they produced!  Thanks, Barack Obama for changing everything.

But seriously, Tyrus went for 22 and 10, three steals and a block (and 5 turnovers L). Noah had 12 and 16 (!), two steals and a block (and NO turnovers (!)).  It only took 35 games, but Del Negro is finally realizing that these guys can be players.  Don’t let Vinnie off the hot seat just yet.  He still played Nocioni the entire fourth quarter

Things About The Lakers/Thunder Game

Yeah, right.  I’m not caving.

Thing About the LeBron/Danny Granger Incident

I imagine LeBron is going to be lambasted for leaving the court so quickly after last night’s game.  And for complaining about his foul.  Rightly so, I’d say.  You can’t expect to get the call on offense, then not get called for the same thing on defense.  But let’s remember he’s 24.  This past year, I got kicked out of a men’s league game for throwing the ball at a guy. 

Rob has started a lobbying campaign to get J.R. Smith in the Dunk Contest. Well, consider this my official campaign to add one more person to the already impressive field for the GEICO (man I love the sound of that) competition. But we need some transcendant, someone powerfully creative and unpredictable.

Someone with so much imagination that, much like KG claims, “ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!”

A man with such an alarmingly brilliant stroke, supreme creativity and the gusto to try shots that mere mortals like Durant, Johnson or Mayo could even comtemplate.

A man with ethereal hints of beauty even in the formative designs of his attempts.

A man, who has literally, had the Worst Possession Ever.

How in the world can the other 3 compete with this. Game Over. There is no way they can duplicate such brave feats, such marvelous execution, such specific failure. It is a suck that is so awful, it is exactly what is meant to be. Missed jumper, pshaw I say. Try and duplicate that Kevin, Joe and O. J., I dare you.

What’s that dunk contest?  You’ve got an iffy lineup with no pizazz and a chance of completely floundering?

Problem solved.

I can’t even begin to describe how excited I am to see J.R. in the dunk contest.  Rudy Gay blew it last year despite the YouTube mystique, and the fact that he was in the contest over Smith is a travesty in itself.

Prepare yourselves, basketballers.  Your world is about to be rocked.

Last night Moore and I were talking at length about possible Amare trades, since the consensus is that it WILL happen. It’s a topic that requires plenty of spirited debate and will have the greatest impact on the second half of the season, regardless were STAT lands. For what it’s worth, there are a few options that could ignite an entire arms race in the league (We’re watching you like lustful hawks Cleveland and Detroit), while others would just make us sad (most anywhere out West). 

However, I was without internet access last night (come on Obama, where is universal broadband at?) and Moore was kind enough to alert me about the new post over at The Dreamshake. It seems that GrungeDave – a long time friend of ours – is feeling about the same with his Rockets as I am with the Suns. When I say “about the same,” I mean he is clearly near needs medication, while I, on the other hand, have accepted the impending doom of Kerr’s management. I even mentioned to Moore that I would just have more respect for the guy and offer him a big ole Tip O’ the Hat, if just came out as a Spurs plant, sold his house in Phoenix for #1, took a leak on the U. S. Airways Center and gave a presser where he just said “I told you so. Kerr Rules!” That is the point I have reached now. In my mind, that would make sense.

So, as our conversation turned into childlike delirium at all of the awful possible trades Kerr might be tempted to accept, we came across this one.

Nash and Amare for T-Mac, Artest and Rafer. I am not kidding.

And look, it even works in the Trade Machine!

Think about the amazing possibilities. Amare gets to play with a center who commands attention but doesn’t clog the lane. The Rockets remain a great defensive team. Battier, Landry and the rest can mash Amare’s liabilities in that are for the most part. Nash can run the show and improve their outside shooting. Adelman would have no choice but to just give up and say “Run, run like fat kids trailing an ice cream truck.” And it could work… not to mention, save GrunveDave’s sanity.

But that isn’t even the best part. T-Mac is sure to die from heat exhaustion within days of arriving permanently in Phoenix. Great news for Rockets/Suns/Doctors/General NBA Fans alike. Rafer can now get a good night’s rest knowing he is clearly out of The Dreamshake crosshairs. Heck, even he can lob the ball down to Shaq and hang out on the perimeter jacking up threes. And, of course, we all know Artest would wind up binging on peyote, cartwheeling through the desert and starting his own snake egg farm. Delicious!

Such a wonderful trade would bring sweet solace to all those Rocket fans and the final, necessary kiss of death to the Kerr lead Suns. Blow it all up and start again. And give us all something to smile about.

Update: Links were wonky earlier. Should be fixed. Enjoy.