Paroxi-Wife columns may only be marginally related to the game of basketball. But at least it gives you something to read at work, right?
Readers, I apologize for my absence last week, but there was not much basketball-watching to be had in the house as Matt had the death-flu, and I thought any writing I might have done would have a) taken away from my juice-fetching and b) been even less informed than usual. Thankfully, the Paroxi Household is healthy now, and writing has recommenced.
NBA Viewership
Corn’s lovely girlfriend and I were cursing everyone associated with The Bachelor calmly discussing the effects Monday night’s Bachelor finale might have on NBA viewership and decided that ABC’s douchery miscalculations could only lead to even higher Nielsen ratings. Our theory is that wives and girlfriends everywhere will cave and agree to watch NBA games without even bothering to argue in favor of another scripted season of emotional manipulations a reality television show that will go unnamed. We decided that at least when watching NBA games, we know what we’re signing up for, and hell, there’s some pretty fine looking bachelors throwing around the ball.
This theory may not apply if games are held on ABC.
(FYI: Image from- no lie- www.deadflowers.org, for “When you don’t care enough to send anything resembling the very best!” ABC representatives, take note.)
Wade v. LBJ
- Both hot.
- Both have great arms, though they vary in tattoo art (one has lots, one none).
- Both are capable of being scary.
- Difference? I’m fairly certain that physical relations with LBJ would kill mere mortal women.
Miami v. Cavs
- Great game.
- Tall Guy (I don’t even know his name) is a total asset for the Cavs. He just stands in there, being tall, tipping in shots, catching poor passes, and knocking around rebounds. If Miami had a Tall Guy, they’d be in business.
- Replacing Tall Guy with Anderson is a bad idea. I said throughout most of the game that you could replace Anderson with Anderson Cooper, and HE’D be more effective on defense with only his piercing blue eyes to work with than Flopsy Cottontail over there. Though in the fourth, Anderson did three good things, and I suppose that justifies his contract. But he’ll never be a Tall Guy.
- Delonte West, DO NOT PUT DOWN YOUR WRIST WHEN YOU FALL. FO’ REAL.
- It is by and large a dumb decision to foul LeBron during the first half of the game when he is shooting a three. This is basic cost analysis, and I slept through most of Econ class.
- Mike Brown is a rather ordinary name for an interesting looking fellow.
Boom Watch
My year-long boycott of my boy Baron on account of his unbelievable stupidity is still in effect. Matt thinks I need to acknowledge that he’s not that great of player, but that’s not the point. I also boycotted Mark Messier for a year when he left the Rangers for the Canucks after all of his lobbying to play with Gretzky again, and he’s MUCH scarier than Boom. Lesson: drool-worthy arms will not let you off the hook with me if you’re a moron. Still, has anyone seen him? Is he coming to his senses?
Eighth Seed in the East and The Knicks
Trey is actually right and I am rooting for the Knicks, not for David Lee’s curls but because Mike D’Antoni’s smirk is just amazing, and they’re a hell of a lot of fun to watch. I love that every player has had some of their best games against the Knicks, and still, they just keep on rolling. I also refuse to dump on the Knicks for cutting Starbury because several years of dating people from St. Louis taught me you have to know when to cut your losses and go separate ways. Plus, I’ve got the MSG love given my affection for the Rangers.
Additionally, Trey, if you need some book recommendations, I’ve got a non-basketball related list. You know, given the fact that I actually blog somewhere other than on my sugar daddy’s website.
