You know what this post needs? Yakety-Sax.

• Let’s talk Dallas. We wrote them off. You did, too. Don’t lie. Liars go to hell, Billy. We all wrote them off and chanted “Thank You, Cuban!” along with the Nets twelve fans (and we are still right to have done so), and figured they would embarrass themselves on the way to either a first round playoff exit or missing the dance entirely. Well, the first round exit still seems likely, but embarrassing themselves doesn’t. Kidd is playing the best ball he has in years, Howard is back to full force, Dirk is so damn consistent we should all be taken to court for the crime of not appreciating it, Terry is their sixth freaking man, and they have depth all over the place.  When this team is playing well, and if you watch them right now, they’re playing really well, they’re still a loaded team with a ton of playoff experience.
• Let me take you back to last year. The Mavs were facing the Hornets on the last day of the season. If they won, they avoided the terrifying fate of the Lakers and instead got a Hornets team that busted them in the face and wiped them from the face of the Earth like a plague. I was begging the Mavs to lose that game last year, to take the Lakers. The matchups are so much better for Dallas against LA.
• Okay, you think I’m nuts. I get that. And hey, looking at the regular season results, that’s certainly true. But then, if we go by that logic, the Bobcats would wipe the Lakers out in the first round, the Thunder would push San Antonio to seven games, and other nonsensical comparisons. I don’t think the Mavs would beat the Lakers, let’s be clear on that. No one’s beating the Lakers. Not happening. But if you look at the matchups..

• Let’s do 1-3 and 4-5. Jason Kidd, Antoine Wright, Jose Juan Barrea (Jub-Jub!), Jason Terry,  and Josh Howard versus Derek Fisher, Kobe Bryant, Jordan Farmar, Sasha Vujacic, Lamar Odom, Trevor Ariza, and if you’re feeling frisky, Luke Walton even though he’s been guarding a lot of fours lately. Now, take Kobe out of that equation. We know Kobe is a force of nature all his own. And he’ll be the reason the Lakers win, this series and all series. But Jason Kidd, Barrea, and Terry versus Fisher, Farmar, and Vujacic? Josh Howard versus Lamar Odom? Throw in the fact that at least the Mavs have Antoine Wright who is tall enough to physically match up with Kobe, and that pulls them within range.
• Next you’ve got Dirk Nowitzki, Brandon Bass, and Erick Dampier versus Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum, and DJ MBenga. To give the automatic win to Gasol over Nowitzki and Bynum over Dampier is to ignore Nowitzki’s brilliance and Dampier’s play as of late. Bynum has struggled this season, even when he was healthy, against players who were big enough not to be bullied by him. Dampier for all the flack he takes is bullied by no one outside of the MDE. He’s got the frame to stand up to Bynum for spots. Bynum will have a few solid games, but it won’t be outright destruction. Now, Gasol’s been the most important player for the Lakers this season (there’s a point where you just take Kobe for granted, because he’s just that good. He’s like factoring in space and time). And he’s owned Nowitzki this year. But in a playoff series, do you really want to bet on the half-beard versus Dirk?
• All of this is to say that the Lakers will still easily win a series with the Mavs. But if you’re looking for the easiest road to the Finals? To allow time for rest while the West beats the crap out of itself? That road goes through Utah and their inability to play on the road. Not through Dallas and a team with another important factor. They have nothing left to lose.

• So Griffin’s going pro. Surprise surprise. Now the fun part begins. There’s a widespread assumption that he’ll go #1.  I’m not so sure. Look at the teams at the top of the lottery. The Kings have Shock and Hawes and need something to undo the horror that is Udrih’s contract. Plus if they don’t take Rubio, Tom Ziller will hold shiva. Now, Tom told me that when you’re a team that wins 17 games, you take the BPA approach. But you have pieces to build around there. I’m not certain if Griffin is the direction they want to head. The Clippers? Good God. Who can the Clippers take? The Clippers should lose their pick out of concern for the well being of the rookies. They could take anyone and it would be understandable and yet sad for whoever gets put there. They have Z-Bo, Camby, and Kamby. Is adding a frontcourt player the way they want go? We all know Memphis will never have the luck to get the top pick. Your argument is invalid.
• Which brings us to Washington. We’re going to pretend for the purposes of this exercise that we’re getting Gilbert and Haywood (and Jamison and Butler and Epic Vale and everyone else) back at full strength next season. If they get the top pick… CATSANDDOGSLIVINGTOGETHERMASSHYSTERIA. What, do you bring Blake Griffin off the bench? The top pick with explosive talent, the big investment, you groom him as a longterm replacement to Antawn Jamison? Do you shift Butler to the 2 guard, move Jamison to the three (ewwww) and start Griffin? Do you trade Jamison? I mean, it seems like it could be a gluttony of brilliance or an absolute disaster. So basically, a very Wizards scenario.
• What ever happened to Linas Kleiza? Where did that go? He’s got a 12 point variance in his last three games. High is 27, low is 0 this season. It’s like he vanished, while doing almost nothing different.
• The Paroxi-House is a house that supports the Hornets. Paroxi-wife loves Paul’s baby eyes. I think David West, even though he’s kind of brusque (or a jackass, you might say), is an assassin that’s fun to watch, and the alley oop is sacred behavior here. But man, this team just doesn’t have it. Largely I think the “it” factor is irrelevant, not because it doesn’t exist, but because it can appear and disappear completely randomly at any point. If you don’t believe me, remember the Timberwolves have winning streaks this year. But this team seems incapable of hitting that geat they were at last year. And though the statistical evidence is heavy to disprove me (but maybe not all of it), I have this blind faith feeling it’s got to do with losing Pargo.  The Hornets seem to have been immasculated a bit over the course of a year. I have hope that Chandler will get healthy and all of a sudden this team will look like a bunch of guys in C.O.B.R.A. again, but right now, they’re one of the easiest draws in the West.
• Portland, on the other hand, looks like a team you don’t want to mess with. KD’s right, they can’t play defense worth a lick. But if they get hot, they can hurt you in so many ways. And there’s zero quit in them. They’re not seasoned enough to have lost the drive that comes with playing a giant number of games.  Then there’s the fact that they have a legitimate rivalry with three teams in the playoffs (Utah, Denver, LA). Portland’s at the glass ceiling, and if they can get some balls to bounce their way, they could bust through.
• The Memphis Grizzlies keep inventing new ways of losing. Last night it was Conley losing a pass for no apparent reason. Tonight it was OJ Mayo shooting  a three without setting for no apparent reason. That would be a good name for the team. The Memphis For No Apparent Reason. I want to be excited about how well Gasol has developed, about OJ finding his shot, about Rudy’s pulse, and the fact that Conley’s no longer an abomination. But Jesus, guys. Put the damn game away.
• Rajon Rondo has a ridiculous amount of versatility at this point. While we were watching KG snarl, Allen knock down J’s and Pierce be the Truth, Rondo added the stop-go-stop-go-and under, the drive and kick, the faintest hint of a pull-up, and a screwball pass to his repertoire to go along with the floater. Watching him go against Parker is going to be one of the best and most underrated battles of the next five years.
• Man, the Spurs are screwed.