I tried my hardest to find a picture of Tyrus Thomas last night.  In the last moments of the game against the Knicks, Thomas was violently swatting at a Nate Robinson shooting the possibly tying three point field goal shot attempt.  Not just once, but twice.  I thought to myself, since Tyrus Thomas is far too large to actually fit in side of a nut’s shell, that’s really him in a nut shell.

And what kind of a shell has a nut like that?  The kind that is energy without thought, decision making without actually making a decision.  Instinct with no regards for result.  Of course, Thomas blocked the shot (and probably hit Nate’s tiny midget hand), because of course he would.  He’s amongst the most athletic players in the league, but at the same time, he’s governed almost entirely by his body.

There seems to be nothing in him that says, “maybe you can’t actually block every shot,” while his legs and arms are saying, “maybe you can.”  Ergo, if someone kept goaltending statistics (someone does, I’m sure), Thomas would be top 10.  Unlike the Celtics’ blocking shots after the whistle for intimidation, Thomas’ attempts to block anything and everything are more of a fact-finding mission.  Just what can and can’t he do?  It’s sometimes frustrating to watch, because what happens is often infuriating.  Goaltending gives points to the other team, and with Chicago, every point counts.  Last night, if the Bulls are on the road, maybe Nate is shooting free throws to tie.

However, it’s also fascinating to actually get to watch a player discover what he can and can’t do.  It’s like that scene in Spider Man when he’s learning his web-shooting maneuvers, only way less Tobey McGuire-y.  In time, I’m sure Thomas will hone his instincts, and hopefully become a upper echelon shot-blocker, but for now, I’m enjoying being mad at him for doing silly things that work out well.

And since I couldn’t find a picture of his latest foray in to silly blocks, here’s a picture of Tyrus Thomas smiling, which seems like the least natural thing he’s ever done.

• So, all that talk about the amateur game being great because of how “wild” and “unpredictable” it is? Can we put that to bed? Because to me it looks like the preseason no.1 finished postseason no.1.
• Other news, as I noted on Twitter: Great college fundamentals and $1.50 will get you a coke against NBA-level talent. MSU, you will get a coke.
• Carolina March provides yet more proof that, no, really, this whole tournament was pretty much a pointless beatdown by a team with 8 NBA prospects. And I’m no Carolina fan. Jordan’s from there, and he’s the deathbringer to me. Paroxi-wife, a Tarheel fan, is pleased, though.
• And yes, I can realistically see eight Carolina players getting drafted. Only about four will play considerable minutes, and only two will be household names. Tyler Hansbrough is not one of them.
• Though there is one place I would love to see Hansbrough. The Spurs. Can’t you just imagine them in the high twenties, Tyler having plummeted, that wide open shocked look he gets, trying to deal with the fact that he’s no longer special because in reality, his talent in the NBA is less than that of Sheldon Williams? And then Pop comes and puts his hand on his shoulder. And leads him to the dark side. Wouldn’t that be a terrific fit? The good, clean character kid that hustles who everyone hates on the good, clean character team that hustles who most people hate? Let’s make this happen Buford.
• Ty Lawson is going to make some 5-10 team very lucky.
• Check out KD’s status report on the league which yet again has me constantly saying “I was just thinking that!” Though I never think as eloquently and there’s also more profanity most of the time.
• It’s bizarre to me that so many things have happened to the playoff teams, from development (the Cavs’ offensive explosion, the Spurs’ defensive erosion, the Portland coming of age, the Boston going of age, Detroit’s complete lack of focus, Denver’s obtainment of focus for the first time in a decade) to injury (Bynum, Ginobili, Nelson, McGrady, the entire Boston Celtics team) and yet we’re still right back where we started. Even with the Cavs winning games, the Lakers look like the team to beat, Boston’s going to have to rely on more than just “We’re the Champs” and no one really believes in the Magic.
• It seems that everyone’s either decided that the Magic arent’ legit, or are trying to convince themselves of it. And I’m included in that. It speaks to the validity of the playoffs that until you prove in that format that you can get it done, no one’s going to vouch for you. Even last year there was a certain skepticism around the Celtics, though that combination of All-Stars was hard to find fault with.  And it gets you store credit, as well. Even though the Celtics are playing with what will probably be at best a 75% Garnett, and Paul Pierce is doing an amazing job of hiding a knee injury that hobbles him every other quarter, and their bench is thinner than plexiglass, there are a lot of people who still have them penciled in for the Finals.  Meanwhile, the Magic have two wins against Cleveland, Boston, and LA and yet we’re still holding out to see if they can even hang in round two. And if they end up versus Detroit, most of us will mentally erase them from the conversation.
• Speaking of, I got a taste of what it’s like to be a Bobcats fan the other night versus Detroit. I was really rooting hard for that team. And it was fun. There were ugly bits, but all in all, the Bobcats don’t do things that just drive you crazy. They miss some shots, and yes, Raymond Felton can be a bit maddening, but he’s not Ben Gordon, for good or for bad. He’s neither as talented or as self-focused. Meanwhile, Detroit just kills me. This team was done for. They’d cashed it in. When they hit the Bobcats with a roundhouse, they expected it to be over. And when the Bobcats got to their feet, worked the body in the third, and landed a few haymakers to get them on the ropes, the Pistons looked liked they’d had quite enough of this game, this season, this perennial march to the playoffs. But then Will Bynum, of all people, finds the seam in the Bobcats defense (thy name is Augustin, poor kid).  Rasheed decides to try for about five plays, hits some shots, the Bobcats can’t quite get them to fall, and the Bobcats playoff run is just about over. But whereas the Suns should be embarrassed and distrought over their complete failure as professionals, the Bobcats went down swinging. And this team has  a bright future, if Brown keeps up with this “trade ‘em if you got ‘em” approach. He’s cobbling together veterans into a competent group, and he’s still got young guys getting better.
• I do wonder if Ben Gordon wouldn’t fit perfectly in Charlotte, though. A true two guard who’s small but not tiny at 6-3, who can create his own shot, is at least competent at defense, and where his ISO-action would be welcome, as opposed to infuriating next to Rose.
• And speaking of the Suns, just so we’re clear: Steve Nash cannot start in this league unless he’s next to a lock-down defensive two with size (kind of like Raja Bell in 2006, but whatever).  Versus some people who seem to think that this guy who has killed himself on the floor for a decade is just not trying anymore, I tend to side with KD. He’s physically unable to defend better. He’s never been a good defender. Ever. And if you think that should be part of the MVP conversation, I can’t fault you for thinking he didn’t deserve it. But it’s gotten worse. His back must be a freaking disaster zone at this point. I watch Steve Nash, and I wince. It’s always boggled me that people don’t pay more attention to the fact that Nash has to LAY on the ground during his time on the bench to keep his back loose. There’s just nothing left for him to push there.
• Now, I would be in the big guy’s corner a lot more if he stuck up for his teammates. But he doesn’t.  He decides Robin Lopez, who busts his backside when he’s on the floor, deserves to be screamed at. And we can excuse the pick and roll. I’m fine with that. Forget the pick and roll. There are only about fifteen bigs in the league who can really defend it well. But if you watch the games closely, you’ll notice something. Barnes/Dudley/Amundson/Hill gets crossed over/blown by and his man is on a beeline for the rim. Now Shaq can move over, deflect the shot, probably get the call, and stop the play. But he doesn’t. Because he might get posterized. He actually drifts away from the play. Stan always tells me that I should notice how well Shaq holds down his man. Well you know? I’d much rather have biggie challenge Josh Howard than make sure Erick Dampier doesn’t hit a 10 foot jumper. We can live with the twelve foot jumper.  This isn’t to say Shaq doesn’t defend better than most of the Suns. He does. But he also is part of the team defensive problem, not a bright spot in the black hole.
• Andrea Bargnani is awesome. You should all be aware of this.
• I feel like if I look at the Wizards, they’ll melt. Again.  The thought keeps drifiting to the back of my mind, though. “If Arenas comes back full strength…” “They’ve got Jamison and Butler still…” “Haywood has come back strong…” “What if they get Griffin/Jennings/Evans…” Maybe the tank of this year was just God’s way of giving them the chance to stockpile. Or maybe they’re doomed like we all assume.
• I already feel like I can visualize a Grizzlies jersey with “Thabeet” on the back. And it makes me nauseous.
• If you wonder if I wish I was Trey, I do.
• Final thought, or rather a question, because I don’t really know.  Does Utah blasting New Orleans without Chandler make up for losing to Minnesota at home, where they are supposed to be stupendously, amazingly stupendously stupendous?

This is Sergio Hernnadez. He coached the 2008 Argentinian National Basketball Team.

And right now, Gregg Popovich is on a plane to kick him in the nuts.

You see, Popovich, who is a light hearted man who seems to genuinely care about the people he works with and shows a remarkable amount of perspective for someone employed in professional sports, gave his blessing to Manu Ginobili to play for the Argentinian National Team in the Olympics. You may have seen them on your television or seen pictures on what the kids call the ‘World Wide Web’ or ‘Information Superhighway.’

And they wound up with the Bronze. Not nearly as good as the GOLD. But hey, not bad.

But in the process, Manu fell down went OHMYGODMYANKLEITHURTS. And not just like how he ACTS like he’s hurt whenever he drives. Actually for real hurt. It took Ginobili months to recover. But the Spurs did as the Spurs do, and weathered the storm. So even though Popovich maintained contact with the Argentinian coach and wasn’t too pleased when Manu came home with the defect, he’s a forgiving man. Bygones and all that. On to the playoffs.

WHOOPS.

Personally, I like to imagine in a yellow jumpsuit with a pad and a pen, a la Kill Bill, tracking him to the end of the earth. And when he finds that coach, he’s going to do what he does best.

Make fun of him.

Pop will make fun of the way he coaches. He’ll make fun of his players, especially that sweaty Scola kid. He’ll make fun of his tie, his coat, his shoes. The way he talks. His favorite wine.  He’ll mock his favorite episode of House (OF COURSE IT’S NOT MALARIA!). He’ll mock his kids. He’ll mock his parents. He’ll mock everyone and everything he’s ever loved. And then he will say it’s been good to see him and go home. Because Pop’s just that kind of guy.

This doesn’t knock the Spurs out of the Western Conference Finals for sure. But it drops them down to the rest of the pack below the Lakers. They’re down there again. In the scrum. The pack. The alley. They still have enough to beat the Nugggets, the Blazers, the Jazz, the Rockets, the Mavs, and the Hornets. But the odds of an upset just went way, way up.

Before the injury, I started thinking about the Mavs and if they could put together an attack agianst the Spurs. The Mavs are the only other team besides the Lakers to take down the Spurs in a playoff series. Kidd’s finally playing well again. They have muscle off the bench with Bass, and long athletic defenders. Throw in Dirkalicious and their depth, and they could push them to six, maybe seven games.

But now Ginobili’s out. When Parker’s gassed and Timmy’s having a bad night (flip them if you rather), Ginobili is the saving grace. The left drift. High off the glass. Falling down as if shot. The complaints, constant in the ear of the official. I can complain as much as I like about Ginobili’s antics, but the guys’ a freaking warrior.  And to not have him is a bummer.

Part of me wonders if Ginobili’s ankle broke not from a fracture caused by stress, but of a broken heart. Without the Suns to torture and humiliate on ABC, how can that ankle go on?

Z-Bo got pulled last night for speeding in his Rolls Royce, after knocking back a few too many. Somehow, I still feel that Mike Dunleavy is to blame for this. I know it.

In other news, NBA gods hate the Clippers so much that they have guaranteed that they will win the lottery and get Blake Griffin. Then, he will be plugged in right behind their 3 irascible, untradeable front court guys – the aforementioned  Z-Bo, Camby (not totally irascible) and the rotting flesh of what used to be a halfway decent player named Chris Kaman.

From Worst Possession Ever to Worst Decision Ever.

Let’s see if I remember how to do this.

I’m clearly biased, but if you’re not reading Rob’s game recaps over at Two Man Game, you’re missing out. The Mavericks are actually becoming interesting down the stretch, and Rob’s coverage should be essential to your playoff check-ins.

Channing Frye and the sage of 86 wings.

Oh, thank God. A completely arbitrary sport that is entirely built upon people’s enjoyment of sunlight and the color green is back to save us from the horrors of athletes who are athletic and not paid for two and a half minutes of effort in a span of three hours.  Thank Goodness. Maybe now we can get back to actually being a sports blog with writers who are in some way worthy of the blog they write for. You know, like it was until June of 2008.  Or, maybe, just maybe, we’ll get more in-depth coverage of completely fictional breakdowns of Indiana, YouTube videos of high school basketball, overbearing coverage of Philadelphia that isn’t as good as 700 Level, and the occasional bright glimpse of talent from the KSK crew.  Hooray. Baseball season.

Do not be alarmed. ClipperSteve is alive. Repeat, ClipperSteve is alive. .

Hedo’s not real sure where he’s going to end up next year. On the one hand, I keep thinking they must have some players to cut because they have so few essential bench players. On the other hand, Rashard Lewis makes so much money he could be a baseball player. Except one that’s actually earned it. In this economy, with that market, I can’t see the Magic dipping into luxury tax. But you have to think losing Hedo kills their chances at a title.

Pour one out for V-Nuv, he’s hurting right now.

The Hornets have left the door open, if only a crack, for the return of Jannero Pargo.

If you’ve let the Raptors fall off your radar, check them out sometime, if nothing else than to see that Andrea Bargnani is turning into something pretty awesome. That kid gets a mean streak and we’re going to have a freaking terminator on our hands.

Steve Nash has earned zero credit on file in Phoenix. “What have you done for me lately?” is the name of the game, and lately Nash has lacked the ability to effectively defend a strong wind.  Meanwhile, Shaq’s played like an All-Star and yelled at Robin Lopez for not fouling in a blowout, and his defensive gaffes seem trivial compared to the gaping wound of their perimeter. It may be time for Steve Nash and the Suns to go their separate ways.

Just in case there was any question, Hasheem? You ain’t no Dream.

This poor kid.

The coach that coaches no defense and too much shooting is mad that someone wants to shoot.

They’re alive! I’m not going to watch, because when I do, I get the Rudy Gay meltdown.

Unsung Player Day! Hurray!

Go Green!

I need to catch up on some thoughts in shorter form and rather than do my usual ridiculously long article, I’m going to keep them shorter. Almost like blog posts. Almost.

Twitter is awesome.

Okay, in terms of the new era of fan interaction it’s awesome. What bugs me is how we try and characterize this new medium into two rash generalizations. Just like blogs. There’s criticism that all twitters are banal and trite. Just like blogs. And don’t get me wrong, there’s a fair amount of “at home, watching tv” and “OMG, Britney is SO awesome” and even “LeBron James is really good.”  JUST LIKE BLOGS. But there’s also a lot of interesting things going on and it can be a great tool for a variety of societal spheres. Personally, I love it because it allows me to make notes on what happens in a game without committing to a liveblog or doing a game notes post if I’m flipping through.

So while it’s fine to criticize when there’s something you deem ridiculous, let’s not toss out the whole medium.

I gotta say, though, it’s pretty awesome how NBA players have embraced Twitter and a  chance to interact with fans on their terms.  Because 90% of the time, they’re so overloaded by interactions with wild-eyed fans bugging them at restaurants or after games when they’re exhausted, they can’t really interact. Throw in the draw of groupies and you’ve got the perception that players don’t care about fans that don’t have humongous breastseses. But with Twitter, it gives them a way to interact that’s not intrusive.

Paul Pierce has no reason to be giving away tickets. It doesn’t get him anything. People are going to love you whether you reply on Twitter or not. You hit shots, you are the man. So it’s not like it’s a marketing effort. Yet we’re seeing athlete’s take an hour out of their day to reply to Twitter @s.

I do get concerned, though. Pierce drove up to hand tickets personally to players. Other players are routinely tweeting their location. There are a LOT of psychos out there. That could be a bad combination one of these days.

As far as V-Nuv’s halftime, I think it’s awesome. What’s stunning is that even though the comment was completely stock, nothing shocking, it was still a big deal. I mean, all he twitted was the same thing he would have told a halftime reporter. Here’s a shortlist of worse things he could have written on twitter:

“We’re down, but I’m still getting paid, so who cares?”

“The guy I’m guarding smells like korean food and a failed science experiment. I think I’ll drift to the perimeter.”

“I would care more about this game if I wasn’t playing for Milwaukee.”

“I know I SHOULD stop shooting 18 footers, but that’s just not how I jive.”

I’m just saying.

Your Current Eastern Conference Playoff Seedings:
East:

1. Cleveland
2. Boston
3. Orlando
4. Atlanta
5. Miami
6. Philadelphia
7. Detroit
8. Chicago

If I’m Orlando, I will do EVERYTHING possible to maintain this order. Now, Dwight thinks that the only way for the Magic to really prove themselves is to go through Detroit. That they have to prove to themsevles and the world that they can beat the Pistons. That you have to overcome your demons.

This is a load of crap.

Look, the Magic are going to end up winning sixty games. The Pistons are not a lock to make the playoffs at this point. The Magic have beaten the Lakers, the Celtics, the Cavs, and just about everybody except the Pistons. So are the Pistons a better team than the Magic? Does anyone think that? Do the Pistons think that? Okay, well, maybe. But then, they’re biased.

The fact is that the Magic have nothing to prove by beating the Pistons. It’s a lose-only scenario. The Pistons have their number, not because they’re a better team, but because of matchups. McDyess, Maxiell, and Amir Johnson are athletic bigs who can neutralize Howard’s vunlerability in his mid-section. Howard’s not built like a tree like Duncan. He’s got powerful legs, but most of his power is in his upper body. Throw in the fact that Sheed is a big man that can shoot from the outside but defend like a tank inside, and their perimeter defense’s ability to shut down the Magic three point artillery, and you’ve got what you need to take this team down again and again and again.

None of this means that the Magic are incapable of winning the NBA title, despite what people will tell you. Is it unlikely? Of course. They’re unproven, they shoot a lot of threes, and um… well, that’s what people tend to point to. They play great defense, they’re deep, they shoot well, they have a big man and good guard play. They have what it takes and they’ve proven it against the best teams in the league. But your shots at the title only come as a result of a perfect combination of hard work, aggressiveness, and a few godo breaks.

Running yourself directly into the one team that has the perfect combination to beat you is not a lucky break. It’s embracing your own mortality, then drowning yourself in it.

The Houston Rockets have somehow managed to do what they did last season. Overcome a significant injury to one of their two biggest stars, gel behind defense and team-centric play. They’re surging. And with the addition of Ron Artest, they have a chance at beating any team in the West. Except Utah.

Utah on the other hand, sucks. I don’t mean they actually suck. They have the sixth best scoring differential in the West (it was third best before the Blazers ran a train on their defense last night). They have the (X) best point guard (where X=a number between 1 and 2). They have a great coach. They have terrific fans. But they couldn’t beat you, me, and Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance on the road. They’d get trampled underneath his feet, which move independent of his body. Memo is an awesome player, but he’s the kind of guy you want to add to a good frontcourt, not hinge your interior defense on. Boozer is a decepticon. A robot of suck disguised as a good player. This team doesn’t play defense well, has struggles on offense when Williams isn’t doing everything, and oh, yeah, can’t win on the road, ever.

Yet if they get Houston in the first round, they’ll be advancing to a second round beatdown. Yet you know Houston wants to play Utah in the first round. Because they’re masochists.

I understand that these guys have been trained to win their entire careers. They’re built upon a culture of winning and they believe in that. I get that running from an opponent seems less manly, and doesn’t seem right. I get that the personal pride that comes with defeating a longtime opponent is something desirable.

You know what else is desirable?

Yeah, that’s pretty desirable, too. And if you get it? No one cares how you got it. The record books won’t say “2009 NBA Champions: Orlando Magic (Except They Didn’t Beat The Pistons).” The trophy reads the same, kids.  And there are players that will give anything to even get close. They’ll sink to signing Stephon Marbury just to get back there. So why is dodging a matchup that doesn’t fit you any worse than sitting out players to get them healthy, tanking to improve lottery balls, or exaggerating an injury to mess with an opponent? Do what you have to to win. Quit feeling like you need some sort of self-actualization in pursuit of a championship. Beat the teams you know you can beat, and go as far as you can go.

And if you’re having trouble with an incentive? How about this?

MONEY.

There, that should get the point across.

Paroxi-Wife columns may only be marginally related to the game of basketball.  But still, her advice has to be better than Dr. Phil’s.  Right?

In April 2008, I had been married for less than six months, and HP was about the same age. Between the two of these things, I was totally unprepared for the realities of maintaining a relationship with a sports blogger during playoffs. Additionally, I was in a little bit more of a bind than some significant others because my blogger is not just a fan of one team. No, sir, my blogger has to love the LEAGUE. In its entirety. Good and bad teams, but especially the mediocre ones. Every. Single. One.

Okay, enough of writing like him too.

So to say that I was naïve when April 2008 rolled around would be an understatement. To be fair, Matt tried to prepare me by letting me know he wanted to watch every single series, and ideally all the games. He made some bargains and gave up the pivotal third Netflix disc. And still after three days of playoffs, I was a mess, and he was bewildered.

Readers, both bloggers and fans alike, I would like you to learn from this scenario and start working hard to prevent the annual playoffs collapse of your relationship. As such, I have put together a guide, and I’ll be posting thoughts on this until the playoffs start, and possibly through playoffs if I survive the second year. [Thanks to Rob, Corn, Trey and Graydon, and Josh’s technical support, I think the odds are in my favor.]

Preparations for the Playoffs: Laying the Groundwork

• Start bringing home fresh flowers weekly. These don’t need to be fancy or expensive flowers- grocery store bought is fine. But by this time, we’re all sick of winter and could use something pretty to look at, and these will serve as a bright spot in the day when you bring up playoffs. If flowers don’t fit his/her personality, then find something else of a slightly indulgent, soft-spot kind of nature to bring home instead.

• Start helping out around the house more without being asked. We’ll know we’re being primed for a favor, but for the most part, people don’t mind being bribed. Or maybe that’s just me.

• Ask what big projects your significant other would like to do in the next few months, and see if you can do any of these pre-playoffs. Whether it’s cleaning up the yard after winter, rotating the clothes in the closet, or assembling bookshelves that have been in their boxes for months, you would rather get these things done now- and off her to-do list- than be asked to do them in the middle of playoffs.

• Give the house a good cleaning. This might not seem important, but it is for two reasons: 1) bloggers are not the cleanest people during playoffs because, let’s face it, halftime just isn’t that long; and 2) that way you can pinpoint EXACTLY when everything was last done- just in case you are involved with a nut like me who will suddenly say, “Dude, we have not vacuumed the basement stairs in months! We must do it today!”

• Suggest to her that the end of April might be a good time for a weekend trip to see her family, best friend, etc. – but make sure it is someone that it would make sense for her to go see by herself.The key when it comes to this is to NEVER make it seem like you are kicking her out or wanting the TV, house, and town to yourself, but rather being upfront about this being an opportune time given the fact you’ll be tied up.If a trip is out of the question, suggest weekend brunches, hanging out with friends she hasn’t seen in awhile locally, or happy hours.

• Pre-order a handful of Trey’s cards from last year.

I’ve got plans to consult with Sadie (Corn’s better half), and garner her thoughts on this topic as well.  Together she and I have seen our guys through two playoffs season (although only one as sports bloggers), and her support has always been invaluable.  If you’ve any other suggestions, please feel free to add them.

Now I’m off to get a foot rub while I can, and yell at players who chew on their mouthguards.  So annoying.

A treat to all the hardcore Hoop Heads here at HP. Saw this on Sporcle today and decided to give it a try. I can safely say (no bragging) that my knowledge of all things useless lead me to a compelling victory with 39 correct. If you don’t know your NBA JAM  (computerized voice) “Get That Out Of Here.”

Couple tips to keep in mind: This test is for the 1993 Original Arcade Version and, to save time, you only need last names to match. Spelling counts, you BLOGGERS! Scores go to the comments, Paroxites.

“And, with the (insert # here) pick in the 2009 NBA Draft, the (insert mismanaged, impossibly helpless and arrogantly aloof team here) select – B.J. Mullens of THE Ohio State University.”

My guess is Chicago, cause he seems like “Del Negro” type of guy. The Horror! The Horror!

(Ed. Note: In constructing this epic post, I did not purposefully intend to label the Bulls as “impossibly helpless.” But really, Mullens just seems like a Del Negro guy. Personally, I think he would make an excellent Clipper, but the Bulls deserve a B.J. Mullens after the Rose Miracle of ’08. C’mon, Paxson. You know you wanna.)