NBA Draft Lottery Drinking Game

I can’t tell if these girls are happy or sad that the NBA conspiracy machine is going to give the Kings the third pick, despite the worst record in the league. On second thought, who cares? ENJOY!

Oh, you thought drinking games were only reserved for college parties, vice presidential debates or ACTUAL NBA DRAFT NIGHT (that is, after all, how Matt and I fell in love), then HP has the new rage for you.

That’s right, NBA Draft Lottery Drinking Game!

So what if this event should only take about 4 minutes of real time. All that dead air leading up to the massive disappointment of all Clippers/Grizzlies/Kings fans (c’mon, you know its all rigged!) can be made so much more exciting by following these simple rules. Hey, consider this a crash course for the big event, happening June 24th. In this short segment, you will get to know the sure things, the potential busts, the distraught GMs and on-air personalities that will make that Thursday such a scorching success, on both your liver and your fandom. So, without further ado, if you don’t have better things to do tomorrow night, here is the HP Draft Lottery Drinking Game:

*Every time Blake Griffin’s name is mentioned, take 1 drink.
* Every time the word “long” is used, take 1 drink.
* First Snoop Dogg sighting, take 2 drinks.
* First person to notice Elgin Baylor camoflouging himself as a podium so he can sneak in an abduct Mike Dunleavy and take back over his rightful spot as perpetual Clippers GM Lottery Loser, take 3 drinks and seek therapy.
* Every time Stuart Scott uses the phrase “Big Up,” take 1 drink and throw a nacho at the television.
* Every “celebrity” subbing in for management on the 14 team panel (current/former players that currently working in team front office don’t count) take 2 drinks.
* Every time Adam Silver takes more than 7 seconds, from first syllable to last, announcing which team is next on the lottery list, take 1 drink per second over.
* Any time the word “bust” is used, take 1 drink.
* Any time the word “bust” is mentioned in referenced to either Hasheem Thabeet or B.J. Mullens, reward yourself with 2 drinks. And, don’t forget to pray for your team, should they feel the need to “go big” this year.
*Any time the word “bust” is used in association with a possible Darko Milicic defection to Europe, coupled with the speculation of announcers mentioning the Grizzlies might “go big” if he defects, take 2 drinks. If rumors of the Grizzlies fancying Hasheem Thabeet on account of that story, take 4 drinks and allow a friend to sucker punch you. If you are a Grizzlies fan, give your car keys and all loose rope at your apartment to your friends to lock away for a few days. HP loves you, baby. Save all that despair for the actual Draft.
* If there happens to be a Steve Nash or Steve Kerr interview (odds are, 1 of the 2 will be representing the Phoenix Suns), make a joke about their current situation and take 2 drinks. I assure you, they wish they could.
* Follow www.twitter.com/HPbasketball for more great ideas and liver sabotaging activities. If anyone during the broadcast uses the name Twitter, take 3 drinks and tweet about it. If they use it in reference to Shaq, send an @ reply to The_Real_Shaq and take 1 more drink. Trust me, if makes you stronger.
* Every time someone responds on Twitter with their bewilderment that you are having a drinking game competition for the NBA Draft Lottery, please reply back with this link, take 1 drink, and encourage them to catch up.

Draft fever – catch it! And make sure you haven’t mistaken it for swine flu. If so, take 2 drinks.