You know, I’d just about given up on preview ideas. Do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with original season preview ideas? Long-winded conversation about the relevance of the team and its players? Shoals. Amalgam of well-threaded analysis combined with LOLercoasters and sweet tracks? BDL. In-depth look at the subtle points of each team, and statistical look at what to watch for this season? Try and of the bazillion terrific team blogs on THN, SBN, or Bloguin. Trying to come up with original insight would largely be an exercise in derivative lip service. So in light of that, I’m going to run through the 30 teams, and give you a Lion Face/Lemon Face for consensus or widely thought paradigms entering this season. It would be meta, but hopefully it’s not completely obnoxious enough to be considered meta.

What’s Lion Face/Lemon Face, you ask?

And with that, the 2009-2010 season for the Southeast Division.

Atlanta Hawks

Lion Face!:  Jamal Crawford will make them better than they have been.

I get irritated when people expect every NBA player to do everything. It’s not that they shouldn’t. Yes, every person being paid that much should kill themselves on defense, pass with intelligence and diligence, manage the clock and be a good teammate. But you know what? The IT guy down the hall mumbles during meetings and can’t formulate complete sentences when communicating with leadership. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want him around when the server goes down, you dig? There’s a place for guys like Jamal Crawford, and that place is scoring off the bench, which is what he can do. Good size, good athleticism, provides a number of lineup combinations that can reasonably defend while not plummeting into a black hole of offense like the Bobcats’ second line.

The Hawks are likely at their ceiling for this incarnation. Bibby’s wheels are going to start skidding more and more and Johnson may not be around next season. That said, they do have a shot at being competitive in the second round, which is still another step for this franchise. Considering their long-term viability with Teague-Smith-Horford, getting incrementally better to try and make some noise against the Big 3 is not a bad goal. They pushed Boston two years ago with worse club, why not now with a better one? Having multiple weapons and not just the core essentials (point, scorer, athlete, big) will help them do that. Crawford’s skillset is worth what they paid for.

Lemon Face!: There’s no chance the Hawks ascend.

The “no” is the only part of that sentence I disagree with. You can plug in “a infinitely microscopic, so small you have to use technology which has not yet invented yet to see it” there to describe the chance, but it’s there. What have you got? We all keep waiting for Bibby to turn to the suck, but even if he does, Jeff Teague looks good right now. Really good. Not just Acie Law “Hey, maybe, in a while, if he gets it” good. Really good for a rookie. Joe Johnson, for all his B-Level All-Star status, is still better than 80 to 90% of the small guards in the league and can do spot time at the 3. Josh Smith is incessantly hyped and analyzed for good reason. We can all see what he’s capable of, the question is simply if he ever makes that jump. What if he does? You can do a hell of a lot worse than Al Horford down low. Smart, capable, hard working, puts in the points, the minutes, the effort. And Pachulia is just plain nasty. Throw in Crawford and Joe Smith, and there’s zero chance this team could ascend? Why? No one thought the Magic would ascend last season. They were doomed to being second fiddle. Every year there are surprises.

The Hawks last year showed me something that convinced me to stop being pessimistic. They played with intelligence. They weren’t just athletes flailing all over the floor. They held onto leads, they executed inbounds plays, they hung together through slumps. I’m not saying this team is going to be much better than last year. Hell, with the East reloaded, they could be worse. But as of right now, this is not just an okay team. It’s a good team. It would take a lot for them to be great, but just because the castle looks twenty miles away with a moat and a dragon and big sikes in front of it doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Charlotte Bobcats

Lion Face!: The Tyson Chandler trade was a bad deal.

This one is, more than the rest, subject to change. The only thing, the only thing that gives me pause on this is that at every turn where we’ve thought LB was out of his damn fool mind with the Cats, he’s turned out to be pretty right.  Think about it. Drafted Augustin?! They needed a power forward! Oh, Augustin’s pretty damn good. Traded for Diaw? DIAW?! Oh, his interior passing and work from the interior created a bridge that opened up both Wallace and Okafor. Huh. So it’s in that spirit that I want to see how this plays out before I firmly bury it.

HOW-EV-AH.

Even with Okafor’s injury and the chemistry issues in New Orleans, Tyson’s offensive limitations make this such a risky move it’s hard not to be down on it. Okafor’s not exactly Hakeem Olajuwon, but he’s also not Hasheem Thabeet. He’s got the ability to score from the post, to work the glass, to get tip-ins, and to nail a hook or two. Chandler hasn’t been able to show an offensive versatility threat in years. For a team that has trouble scoring and is pretty much dependent on Gerald Henderson making a fantastic leap forward to really improve offensively, losing Okafor for Chandler was not great. I get the value in trading a long-term asset for a short-term asset, essentially providing an opportunity if they play their cards right to make a huge move in the summer of 2011, or “what washes up after the tsunami.” But from a pure basketball standpoint on a team trying to make the playoffs right meow, Raymond Felton’s going to have to get much better at lobs for this to be a win.

Lemon Face: The Bobcats will win less than 25 games.

What the hell, are you kidding me? Are you jerking my chain? Are you coughing on my piranha? Are swinging my hammer? Are you chasing my Wall-E? Are you roasting my kibobs? Look, putting a ceiling on this team of 40 wins is well within reason. Saying they won’t make the playoffs in a considerably tougher East is a high percentage prediction. Thinking they are at best mediocre on the scale by which most NBA teams are measured (Do you have a title? Yes. Good! Do you have a title? No. Do you have a superstar who’s marketable? Yes. Good! Do you have a title? No. Do you have a superstar who’s marketable? No. Do you play in a major market and win half your games? Yes. Good!) is totally fine. But a ten game drop for a team that was well within reach of the playoffs before their late season schedule finished them? For a team that has a full season to gel with the same components that relied on chemistry, effort, and communication last year? That’s brutal. What’s worse, it’s falling victim to the idea that if you’re not setting the world on fire with flash that you suck. And that’s just downright short-sighted. Cats will finish the same place they did last year. Out of the playoffs, dogged by pundits who only like to talk about LA, Boston, and Chicago, and still the team that you don’t want to meet on the back end of a road trip or a back to back. Not dominant but dangerous.

Miami Heat

Lion Face!: Michael Beasley should play power forward.

KD’s been on this kick for a while, and in the beginning, I had a lot of venom for the idea. I spent a ton of time last year tracking Beasley, beyond my one game Microscope, and saw him again just a few days ago in person. And he’s put on muscle, there’s no doubt about it. But I also saw him get worked over by undersized power forward David West. And I mean worked over. Hookers On The Point worked over.  By David West, on one leg. It’s like losing a foot race to a zombie. If you get caught, you deserve to be eaten.

But after talking to Trey, I’m not so sure anymore, mostly because of how the small forward position has changed so much. I mean, hell, the elite forwards now a days are insane bionic combo-forwards, able to run point-forward, work in the block, rebound, pass, run, gun, and make pomme frites. Beasley can shoot. That’s it. He can rebound if he’s got JO low enough to distract two other rebounders and it bounces right and Marcus Thornton isn’t there to careen off of him, causing them both to miss the board. Beasley can’t shoot from range. He can’t work in ISO, can’t out-smart anyone nor overpower them. In reality, he’s neither a 3 nor a 4 at this point, but his development certainly speaks to being a four with range, as opposed to a 3 with no range. In two years he can play power forward very well. So that’s where he should be. Of course, that can’t happen as long as JO and Haslem are better players than Bease. So maybe, instead of small or power, he should just be “shoot wide open 15-18 footers and drain them constantly while making 2-3 plays and looking lost for much of the rest of the time” forward. Hmm. That might be too long for a recap.

Lemon Face!: They still have a point emergency.

Chalmers is going to make the jump. He’s ready. He’s not jumping to All-Star, I’m not predicting a scoring binge or anything. But he’s ready to be a capable point guard on a team with Dwyane Wade. He’s learned the pick and roll on offense and defense, his vision’s improved in the halfcourt and full court set, he’s lost most of that college venom that causes players to do things like stand around and run in the opposite direction. Best of all, he’s got that confidence that only comes with experience. He knows what he’s doing, he knows where he’s going, and how to make his star happy.  Throw in Carlos Arroyo if the kid hits a slump and the Heat are no longer bleeding at point. Honestly, I’d put Chalmers in top 20 in point guards, which isn’t great, but when you have Dwyane Wade? You don’t need to be great. You just need to not be a gigantic wound oozing all over the floor.

Orlando Magic

Lion Face: GOOD GOD IN HEAVEN THEY HAVE SO MUCH TALENT.

Look, no one hates Vince Carter as much as we do. Even Toronto’s forgiven him. But the dude can play. His problem was he couldn’t be the man because of his body. Well, that and he has no soul and enjoys the suffering of fans that pay good money for his jerseys and/or tickets to watch him not play. But mostly the body thing. And on this team? He’s the second option, but it’s close. Simply because everyone else is so damn talented. Do you remember they keep Gortat, one of the most valued free agent centers this year? Do you remember they nabbed Brandon Bass? They added a rebound and low-post scorer to complement Howard, along with Ryan Anderson for forward versatility, while obtaining Vince Carter and giving up Courtney Lee (the worst loss), Hedo Turkoglu (the second worst loss only because of a lack of upside), and Rafer Alston, who everyone hates. They have eight guys who are starter material. They beat the Cavaliers with LeBron James in 6 games, winning in Cleveland twice against the best home team in the league with the best player. They beat Boston, Garnett or no, in seven games, with the deciding game in Boston! They return all of their key pieces save for one, and have replaced him with an All-Star and multiple high efficiency big guys. How is this possible?! When Otis Smith came out and said they were going over the luxury tax, I didn’t buy it. Whatever. They’re going to let Hedo walk and go cheap. And then the VC trade, and Bass, and Gortat! 1-5, the only team that is comparable in talent is LA, and they are the World Breakers, so it’s not even a fair comparison. Which leads us to…

Lemon Face: YET THEY’RE THE FREAKING 3RD BEST IN THE EAST?!

How can you blame Van Gundy for being pissed about disrespect? What more does the guy have to do? “Beat LA and not get rolled in the Finals.” What team on Earth can stop LA now? Orlando has been doubted at every step and has responded with progress. They couldn’t make the playoffs. Did it. Couldn’t make the second round. Did it. Couldn’t compete with the big boys. Did that, too. And yet somehow they’re right back where they started because they upset the chemistry by adding better players. Meanwhile, the Cavs added the biggest locker room hassle this side of Starbury and that makes them the best team again. Meanwhile, the Celtics may or may not be entered into the fossil record this year, but they’re still the rottweilers. I’m not asking for much here, just the acknowledgement that right now, it’s Orlando-Cleveland-Boston, 1A-1B-1C.

Washington Wizards

Lion Face: This Team Is More Than The Big 3

I’ve given up on Nick Young. I don’t want to, but until he learns to actually be a basketball player, I feel I have no choice. That said, you’re looking at Brendan Haywood, Stevenson, Mike Miller, Foye, Epic Vale.  That’s better than the Wolves were last year with Jefferson out. Okay, that’s mostly THE Wolves last year with Jefferson out, but still. That’s a healthy support crew before we get to Arenas-Jamison-Butler. There’s no one on this team that you necessarily need to provide weapons for, no pure passers, no great rotation guys. But there are weapons. And other weapons make it easier for big weapons to fire. It’s drawing attention. They’ve got a re-energized fanbase that’s ready to compete, a great coach who knows how to talk to his players, and multiple guys that are starving to redeem themselves in the league. Arenas doesn’t have to be anything special for them to win games. But when he is, they’ll win more than they lose, and when he’s not, they’ll still win more than they lose. There’s no big revelation coming here. The revolution will be consistency, and it will be televised.

Lemon Face: This Team Is Strong Enough To Survive Adversity

Some adversity, yes. But bear in mind that losing scars people. It creates the expectation of despair. That’s at the root of momentum, good and bad, the feeling that one result will lead to another. Jamison going down hasn’t capsized them (as far as we know), but it certainly means the seas are choppier. They have to develop a rhythm, a healthy sustainable rotation of playing night in and night out to at least 80% of their ability in order to solidify the locker room. Saunders makes good teams great. But he can also lose guys. They can slip into shadow and then he’s left with the lantern, perplexed at how they could vanish so quickly. He has to work hard to maintain consistency and focus in them, and yet not ride them or micro-manage them into discontent. In a lot of ways, Flip Saunders has the hardest job this season, because not only does he have expectations and talent and egos to maintain, but he also has to fight the fear of despair on a team that isn’t exactly filled with the confidence of champions. Determined, not convinced that they can compete.

Of course, Doc Rivers was in the same situation two years ago, and he’s not half the coach Saunders is.