Someday, the Dream Must End

Phoenix at Orlando 7:00 EST

I fully expected the Suns to bounce back a bit this year, but I never expected them to start the season with such resolve. I fully expected Nash to look more comfortable without Shaq, but I never expected him to win games by himself. I fully expected Channing Frye to have a career year in PHX, but I never thought he’d be nailing threes like his name was Raef Lafrentz’s more talented twin. But the early season gravy train is coming to an unfortunate halt. Both teams are coming off of a back-to-back, but those situations typically favor the superior team. The Suns’ excellent conditioning and fast-breaking style could help to counteract that, but I’m assuming Orlando will be out for blood after they somehow lost to Will and the Bynums last night. Dwight Howard is as equipped as any center in the league to run the floor with the Suns, and yet he’s strong enough and powerful enough to completely smear their interior defense. Sorry, Suns, this one won’t come up roses.

LOCAL SUPERSTAR HURTS BACK BY CARRYING TEAMMATES ON BACK WHILE JUMPING INTO A KIDDIE-POOL DEEP ROSTER (MIAMI, FL)

Miami at Washington 7:00 EST

The Miami Heat are about as bare bones as teams get, and they’re about to go on a collision course with one of the deeper teams in the Eastern Conference. Randy Foye and Mike Miller have been huge for the Wiz thus far, but of course not as huge as the addition-by-health of Gil and Haywood. Plus, I’m not sure what basketball-playing demon decided to possess Andray Blatche, but it’s been a trip. Seriously. The bone-headed, turnovering, near vomit-inducing ways of Andray the former have been visible only in flashes this season, and dare I say he might be turning over a new leaf.

Wade will do his best to pull off a white ninja vs. 8 black ninja deathmatch, but the rest of the Heat could end up just being Chris Farley in Beverly Hills Ninja. Yes, I went there.

No, I’m Simply Saying that Life, Uhh… Finds a Way.

Detroit at Toronto 7:00 EST

Those Raptors…they’re figuring some things out. There’s so much reason for optimism with the way Toronto bested Cleveland (and hung with Orlando, and…well let’s not talk about that Memphis game), and Chris Bosh and Andrea Bargnani have been nothing short of spectacular. Hedo may be finding life as a real small forward even more difficult than he remembered, but the Raps have enough offensive talent to make him flashback to the good ol’ days as well.

This is an ideal opportunity to get back on track after two sudden losses, as the Pistons are a pretty bad team. Unless Detroit manages to pull the guard 20-point hat trick again, the Raptors should be able to put some decent runs together and still make it home for supper.

As You May Have Heard, It’s the Magic Number

Indiana at New York (7:30 EST)

The Knicks and the Pacers have a lot in common. For one, they’re both even worse than I thought they’d be this season. For two, the are both among the worst defensive teams in the league, and quite possibly among the worst defensive teams I’ve ever seen. And for three, THEY LOVE SHOOTING THEM THREES. No shame in that. When your team isn’t that good, you essentially have a few options:

• Don’t even try.
• Tonya Harding.
• Seek counsel/intervention from your deity of choice.
• Shoot lots of threes.

I can’t blame these two squads for opting for threes, since everyone loves jacking up lots of shots that count for a sexy extra point. It’s basketball’s answer to going to the two-point conversion, if only this metaphor made any sense and those two things had anything in common aside from counting a bit more than other plays. SO IN SUMMARY, these two teams will play tonight, Danny Granger will be open approximately 79.33 (repeating, of course) percent of the time, T.J. Ford and Jared Jeffries will alternate bad shots, and Gallinari will again put up absolutely stupid high numbers. What a treat!

Oh, Bother

Denver at New Jersey (7:30 EST)

I can virtually guarantee that this game will go exactly how you think it will. The Nets will be operating at, at best, 70% Devin Harris power, which may be enough to prevent the Nuggets from winning by 40. Denver has been one of the hottest teams in the league (O, hai Melo.), and I don’t see the Denver freight train coming to a stop to accommodate the cute little NJN bunnies crossing the tracks. It just isn’t happening, folks. CDR, Courtney Lee, Terrence Williams, and Brook Lopez are such gosh darn fun, but being a welcome diversion isn’t the same as being competitive. I may watch, in part to watch the young Nets at work and in part because no one can look away from a car crash.

We Have a…History.

Boston at Minnesota (8:00 EST)

KG’s career in Minny is all but forgotten at this point, a regrettable prelude that introduced our villain. Maybe he was barking then (he was certainly crazy), but if a man barks on a court at another player with no camera to see it, does he make a sound? Hell, no.

If there was every any magic to Garnett’s return to Boston, it’s been devoured whole by the time monster. He eats up memories and destroys childhoods, or in this case, casts an infamous shadow over the state of Minnesota when their one, single basketball asset was liquefied into essentially one inferior asset. That’s a rough break.

Oh, I heard there will also be a basketball contest between two teams in Minnesota on the night of November fourth, in the year of our Jonny Flynn, two-thousand and nine. Celtics by 34, suckas, and Marquis Daniels goes bonkers.

A Game Recap, Courtesy of Your Dentist

LA Lakers at Houston (8:30 EST)

Hey, you’re really big into basketball right? –Whoa, no talking while I’m working in here, wouldn’t want to knick your…well that’s just a little blood, no problem. We’ll clean that right up for ya. Annnnywhoooo, did you see that Lakers game last night? THAT’S KOBE, BABY! THE BEST THERE IS! –Hey now, I told you not to talk, you’re starting to be a really difficult patien — and how who’s that Artest fella? Is he the same guy that did the whole slaughter in the stands thing about a decade back? I mean, I’m a principled man, and I won’t abide having thugs or somesuch on the court for the good ol’ purple and gold. Putting on that uniform is just an honor, y’know? I know Artest went to jail after the whole dog fighting thing, and it’s good to know he’s done his time, but I’m gonna have to keep an eye on him. You know, Phil Jackson’s second cousin…well, once removed, really, is a patient of mine. That means I’ve got eyes and ears on the inside, so if you ever want an autograph or a photo op with Luke — we’re on a first name basis, y’know, me and Luke — or something, you just let me know, okay? But seriously, my Lakers just really went at it last night, and Tracy McGrady, and that tall Asian man…and…y’know, all of those guys, they just couldn’t hang. No one can, right? –I SAID NO TALKING, DAMMIT! I WILL RIP OUR YOUR TONGUE AND FEED IT TO YOU!

And Spaceships, They Won’t Understand…

Dallas at New Orleans (9:30 EST)

Last night, Dirk said, “Oh, Rob, I feel so down, when my jumper is off. And I feel left out.”

So I (almost) walked out. “Oh, Dirky, I don’t care no more. I know this for sure, I’m-changing-the-channel-if-this-doesn’t-get-better-in-like-30-seconds-because-there-are-a-gagillion-good-games-on-League-Pass-tonight-and I’m walkin’ out that door.”

“Well, I’d been tuning in just about two hours, now, and Dirky, I feel so down. And I know why. No, not Darius Miles.

But, people they don’t understand…No, Okur’s girlfriend, she can’t understand…Jerry Sloan’s grandsons, they don’t understand
On top of this, I ain’t ever gonna understand…HOW DIRK WENT ABSOLUTELY NOVA AND OBLITERATED THE TEAM FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE JAZZ IN A FIERY BALL OF FREE THROWS AND GLORY. YEEEEEE-HAWW!

The Game That Time Forgot

Atlanta at Sacramento (10:00 EST)

Amidst everything else going on tonight, I’d pencil in ATL-SAC as the game to forget. I count myself among Kevin Martin’s biggest fans, but these Kings just don’t do it for me. I think it’s the principle of even attempting to start Desmond Mason, or the audacity to bring Spencer Hawes off the bench in favor of Sean May. I understand the logic, and I appreciate the ingenuity of putting your best big man on the bench, but it’s just a bad move. Hawes needs burn, he needs experience with Martin and to develop chemistry with Evans, and sitting him on your bench to start games isn’t the way to do it or build his confidence. It’s downright silly, really.

Meanwhile, Atlanta (Jeff Teague aside) is so completely pedestrian that they actually bore me a bit. I love Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, and Al Horford, in principle. I love what they can bring to a game, and I even appreciate them sometimes when they bring little. But they really can’t hold my interest the way that almost every other team in the league can. I’ve been tuning in to watch the Clippers and the Bucks, so why can’t I get behind what has to be the best Hawks team in a long while? I’m on the clock, internet. I’ll tell you about my mother, just tell me what’s wrong with me.

Where the Sidewalk Ends

Memphis at Golden State (10:30 EST)

anthony randolph
walking     crawling     walking     crawling
no       run            for              tony                  until                       he                finishes                 his               chores
iverfather-iverson ~ more mayo on the rudy bread as you hand~off to randolph

never

knowing

that

none

of

it

means

a

damn

thing

it

means

every

damn

thing