Relax, Relapse
Chicago at Toronto (7:00 EST)
Brad Miller is the newest resident of frowntown :(. But look, Bulls, let’s chill for a second. Robbed or not (and honestly, who can tell? All the angles/replays I’ve seen are impossibly close), you can win this game. Yes, even on the second night of a back-to-back. Toronto’s a talented squad but still very much vulnerable, and the match-ups certainly go in Chicago’s favor. Plus, the Bulls are as equipped as anyone to stop Chris Bosh, provided they sick Joakim Noah and the whole gang of long, athletic forwards on Bosh. What you should learn from this: Chicago always stands a decent shot of beating superior teams with energy and quickness, and Chris Bosh really, really needs a nickname.
As for Toronto, what did you really expect? The Raps’ D has always been troublesome. They added Hedo Turkoglu and a few rotation players, and that’s supposed to key some sort of drastic improvement? This is where I chuckle. Or laugh maniacally. Either way, Toronto’s dead last in defensive efficiency, and we shouldn’t be at all surprised.
This Way Is a Water Slide Away From Me That Takes You Further Every Day.
Golden State at Indiana (7:00 EST)
These teams had potential. Not for the championship, or even the playoffs, really. But both the Warriors and the Pacers had a chance to establish themselves as a cult favorite, this year’s Thunder, if you will. Indiana could theoretically run a fun, aggressive offense that would force people to tune in, and the Warriors’ particular brand of gunslinging could potentially be pure sex appeal.
Instead, both teams decided they’re going to take my great hopes and use them as a blunt weapon to beat me to death with. Stephen Jackson really, really loves playing in Golden State, so much that he and his agent are currently moving forward with a months-long artillery shelling that will bombard the Dubs into nonexistence, strategically cut off their access to key ports, and then heavily tax their imports. Otherwise, the team is essentially fun player after fun player playing for Nellie with a scowl on their faces.
The Pacers…ugh, don’t even get me started. Anyone who has ever expected T.J. Ford to take a leap (me) over any point in his career is probably a fool. Rare is the Steve Francis-esque point guard who simply refuses to learn any new tricks over the course of their early career, but Ford is one such creature. Granger’s a treat and Hibbert is improving, but too often watching the Pacers feels like a trip to the dentist (in either the literal sense or the Veronica Mars sense).
Still Don’t Know What I Was Waiting For, and My Time Was Running Wild a Million Dead-End Streets
Atlanta at New York (7:30 EST)
I get the impression that the Knicks are the team that everyone circles on their calendar. D’Antoni’s SSoL dream has transformed into a bit of a nightmare, as the Suns that once tore up opponents with their speed and conditioning have been swapped for a Knicks team that encourages opponents to run the break while not being effective enough on offense to counter. You don’t think Jamal Crawford is going to love that? You don’t think Josh Smith is going to love that? YOU DON’T THINK JEFF TEAGUE IS GOING TO LOVE THAT AND PROVE IT BY DROPPING A DOUBLE-NICKEL AND MAKING THE WORLD WONDER WHY MIKE BIBBY IS STARTING FOR ANY RESPECTABLE NBA TEAM?
I refuse to acknowledge that I’m getting carried away (and of course, in saying that very thing I’m acknowledging what I refuse to acknowledge), but the point is made. The Knicks are who everyone wants to play against, and tonight the Hawks will show you why.
How Bizarre, How Bizarre
Philadelphia at New Jersey (7:30 EST)
Elton Brand’s decline is, and shall ever remain, one of the most bizarre phenomena our world has ever seen. I’ve watched games and I’ve read theories, but to this point I’ve digested no true coherent, believable reason as to why Elton Brand fell off the planet in such a sudden and dramatic fashion. You can blame injury or you can blame chemistry, but Elton doesn’t look all that inhibited and he spent the majority of his career playing for the Clippers. You want teams with bad chemistry and bad fits, look no further than the those Clips teams from the rest of Brand’s body of work.
Elton was the rare humble star, and looked to be the kind of player that could plug-and-play in just about any system. He was mobile, he was strong, and he was skilled on both sides of the ball. I’d be shocked if he was described in any of those ways now. So Elton, Sixers’ coaching staff, or oracles out there reading this: what the hell happened to Elton Brand?
I’m This Close, Larry and MJ. THIS. CLOSE.
Charlotte at Detroit (7:30 EST)
The Bobcats are testing my patience. I’ve waited around this long because even in their struggles, the Bobcats were fun. But every time I see Tyson Chandler in one of those new Charlotte unis, my heart aches. Nothing is fun anymore. The food tastes different, the air is less sweet, and Amelie seems hopelessly depressing. And this is WITH Gerald Wallace leading the fracking league in rebounding. His performance on the glass has been the lone bright spot for the ‘Cats so far, and though the rest of the roster is playing well within their respective abilities, that’s exactly the problem.
It’s been fun, Bobcats, but I’m on the verge. I’ve been a part-time fan of your fledgling franchise for a few years now, but I’m close to jumping ship. Even when times were hard before, there was always the entertainment; the dynamic play of Wallace, the steady influence of Emeka Okafor, the hilarity of Felton shooting lots of jumpers. But when Okafor left, I fear some of that magic left with him. I’m trying, guys, but you’ve gotta give me something.
What’s It Feel Like to Be a Ghost?
Utah at Boston (7:30 EST)
The Utah Jazz. They have good players. They don’t really play good basketball. Sometimes they win games. Sometimes they lose games. But all of the time they are a hopelessly confusing team in search for…what exactly?
You’d think that the Jazz would be a better defensive team than they are, even if they do play Carlos Boozer. The rest of the team ranges from slightly below average to very competent individual defenders, which seems good enough to me. Opposing offenses apparently think otherwise, as Utah is brutally slain time and time again by respectable and miserable defenses alike.
On paper, they’ve got it all. An elite point guard, post scoring, a big to stretch the floor, slashers and finishers, a quality coach. But tonight the Celtics will show them what a pretty damn good team really looks like, and it won’t be fun for the SLC. KG is basically what Boozer wishes he could be, ‘Sheed is a more respected (if crazy!) and defensively-skilled Memo, and Perk is a hellish Paul Millsap. Beyond that, the C’s have their star power, they have their quality coach (Garnett), and all the components that fit together just right. Not right enough to produce anything but a miserable offense, but right enough to maybe win the championship anyway.
Sweet Dreams are Made of Jonny Flynn
Portland at Minnesota (8:00 EST)
Jonny Flynn isn’t the best point guard out of the ’09 draft class. In fact, I don’t know if I’d even rank him among the top three at the moment. But something about Flynn’s game is powerful and watchable. The way he moves his body and moves the ball is infectious, and it’s the primary reason why the Wolves have been semi-regulars on my League Pass despite their generally terrible play. If you don’t believe me, DVR this game tonight, and just watch Flynn. Watch him operate against Steve Blake and Andre Miller, watch his ball control, watch his shot selection, and just watch him. I know I may sound like a seventh grade girl with a crush, but this guy is going places. It may not be to the top tier of point guards and it may not be to a championship team, but wherever Jonny’s going is where I want to be.
As for the Blazers, I just want to add this: For a 5-2 team, Portland is in a strange place. Players are unhappy, not everything is going according to plan, and oh, there was that time they let Trevor Ariza go absolutely bonkers. The team is good, and I happen to think that the coach is good, but something is rotten in the city of Portland.
An Unfortunate Game Between Two Lottery Teams
Cleveland at Orlando (8:00 EST)
It’s really a shame. Two general managers took a page from Daryl Morey’s book, and though these lovable squads of upstarts and role players play hard night-in and night-out, they just don’t have the talent to win that many games. Maybe if we threw some superstars into the mix, these teams would not only compete, but manage to sell some tickets. But as it stands, this should be a hard-fought game between two also-ran squads, the runt of tonight’s litter, and a depressing visage of what happens to desolate franchises when deprived of the league’s moneymaking stars. BTW, these teams owe me for the free pub, because this blurb is all the press they’re going to get tonight.
MASCOT DUEL!
Denver at Milwaukee (8:00 EST)
vs.
and
vs.
There’s a Man in the Habit of Hitting Me on the Head With an Umbrella
Memphis at Houston (8:30 EST)
You could take this metaphor in just about any direction. Is the Umbrella Man Allen Iverson, repeatedly tapping the skulls of everyone in and around the Grizzlies organization?
Or is the Umbrella Man the Houston Rockets, tapping and tapping their opponents into eventual submission and acceptance of their defeat?
Choose your own metaphor, but I’ve got an inkling that this game will echo all of this story’s insanity.
Together We Will Live Forever
Dallas at San Antonio (8:30 EST)
Duncan and Parker aren’t playing tonight, but I still feel like Dallas-San Antonio is the premier division rivalry. Lakers-Celtics still has some fire, and Cleveland-Washington is an emotionally charged barrel of monkeys, but no rivals in the NBA can boast the history, mutual respect/hatred, and proximity of these two. I don’t see any magic happening tonight with the Spurs’ bottom-heavy roster, but consider it a prelude to their later acts. All is nearly said and done for this decade, and it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to claim that Spurs-Mavs has been the most intriguing rivalry the 2000s (who says “aughties” anyway?) have had to offer.
The Times They Aren’t a Changin’
New Orleans at Phoenix (10:30 EST)
Chris Paul may be the new jack, even if he’s not quite so new anymore, but Steve Nash still has to say his piece before riding off into the sunset. The Suns are winning again and the Hornets are…well, kind of pitiful. Somehow Nash looks young and spry with his flashy new contract and teammates, while Chris Paul has the demeanor of an angry veteran on a team of inexperienced youngsters. And while Paul may run circles around Nash tonight, you can take this one to the bank: the Suns will run the Hornets off the floor. Not because NOLA is old, or slow, or anything like that. Just because at this point in the season the Suns are that much better, that much more exciting (and excited), and that much more worthy of the W.
Also, Bobby Brown.
True Love or a Passing Fancy?
OKC at LAC (10:30 EST)
If I do throw the Bobcats into the wind, it’s for these two teams. But the Thunder are too obvious; Durant is easy to cling to, watching Russell Westbrook play is like watching a car crash (but in a good way), and the team is filled with lovable muppets like Jeff Green and Shaun Livingston. The non-conformist in me won’t let me grab hold of the Thunder, even if they are fun to watch, and charismatic, and headed in the right direction.
I think I love the Clippers for those same reasons, even if they’re a bit behind the curve. Baron Davis is so aggravating when he’s in a rut, and the farthest thing from charismatic when unmotivated. And even though Boom isn’t quite playing up to his potential in LA, he looks involved. He looks engaged. And believe me, the Clips are all the better for it.
I never thought the Clips sans Griffin would pique my interest, but that’s exactly what they’ve done this season. Eric Gordon is worth the price of admission alone, and Chris Kaman’s strong start doesn’t hurt. They’re a goofy team, and hardly a successful one, but this team is very, very cool. Not smooth, not effective, just cool.
