When life gives you lemons, you say “Lemons? I aint eating no goddamn lemons” and devour an antelope with you giant lion fangs.

Lion Face: Al *looks down at boxscore* Thornton?!?!

Not only did Wolves fan have to watch a guy like Al Thornton drop 31 points on them by going 10/16 from the field and 9/9 from the line while also collecting 10 boards, but they also got to hear the Clippers announcer say “Remember, Corey Brewer and Thornton were taken in the same draft. Brewer at #7 and Al Thornton at #14.” Silver lining for ‘Sota loyalists: Brewer’s teammate Joakim Noah went #9, Spencer Hawes went #10, Thaddeus Young went #12 and Rodney Stuckey went #15. (Disclaimer: I’m not actually sure what the term “silver lining” means. I’ve always presumed it means “here’s a kick right to the nutsack.”)

Lemon Face: Heretofore, the Aforementioned Caveman Fadeaway Is Verboten

The Office of David Stern
The National Basketball Association
645 Fifth Ave
New York, NY 10022

Dear NBAPA,

If any member of your union ever — and I do mean ever — engages in any physical activity that even marginally resembles the turnaround fadeaway jumpshot that Los Angeles Clipper Chris Kaman engaged in on the evening of November 23, 2009 while his team was ahead by two (2) points with forty-five (45) seconds remaining in the contest against the Minnesota Timberwolves, said player will hereby be indefinitely and without further consideration terminated from the National Basketball Association for the duration of my stewardship of this aforementioned Association — i.e., until I let God take me — by a unanimous vote of 1-0.

Sincerely,
Mgmt

P.S. – Iverson is DONE in this League. You hear me? D-O-N-E. Stop answering questions about it. Ask Donaghy’s Nana what happens.

Lion Face: Rudolph Gay, son

I’m pretty sure I’m the only person in the country who is a fan of all three of Al Thornton, Rudy Gay and Carlos Boozer. For whatever reason, all these guys have seen their approval ratings plummet in recent years. I’m not going to pretend I don’t know why and, sure, both Thornton and Gay have perhaps underachieved while Boozer doesn’t play much defense and welched on a deal he made with a blind guy. I get it. Still, I like who I like and on this night, Gay joined Thornton in the Lion Face Academy of Distinguished Gentlemen. Rudy, with some help from his pal Marc Gasol (18 pts, 4 blks), led his Grizzlies to a blow-out win over the Kings and Tyreke Evans, who came pretty close to earning a Lion Face of his own by putting up 28 points on 18 shots in the loss. But, in the end, it was Gay’s 24 points on 17 shots along with his 8 boards and 3 steals that were much more important.

Lemon Face: The Pterodactyl Tweaks a Wing

Ok, Brandon Jennings, you’re allowed one of these nights. But only one. Please, oh, please don’t do it again or you will make the Jesus cry. The blond-haired, blue-eyed, almost-Swiss-looking, lightly-bearded-like-Mike-Piazza, sweet-smelling-of-lavender-and-Dial-soap Jesus.

Lion Face: Ghostface Sova

Whaddya do on a night when Brandon Jennings shoots 6/21 and actually sorta kinda resembles a mere mortal? If you’re Ersan Illysova, you do the same thing you’ve been doing all year: chew bubble gum and kick ass … only they apparently don’t have any bubble gum manufacturing plants in Turkey. His 8/13 shooting earned him 20 points, and the masked man (who I sincerely hope I never in my entire life see unmasked) also racked up 4 steals during a tough loss on a night when Jennings was a figurative no-show and both Andrew Bogut and Luc Richard Mbah a Moute were actual no shows while relaxing on the bench with injuries. Honestly, this is mostly a “life-time achievement” Lion Face for Sova, as his performance last night wasn’t particularly amazing, but essentially just another reminder that The Pterodactyl isn’t the only reason to watch the Bucks. Ersan, Mbah a Moute and Bogut are three other, more-foreign reasons to stay tuned all season to Milwaukee — even after their inevitable fall back to earth, which likely began last night.

Lion Face: Blazer Big Men Blaze Some Bulls

Greg Oden and LaMarcus Aldridge both brought their Bull-whupping shoes last night, dominating the Joakim Noah/Taj Gibson/Brad Miller trio of garbage to almost immeasurable levels. But since we do have some numbers for measuring purposes, you should know that the two Portland bigs combined for 48 points on an obscene 17/24 shooting and, oh by the way, collected 25 boards. Those three Bulls bigs, by contrast, scored a combined 15 points, which, for even more perspective, was the exact same total put up their teammate Janero Pargo. By the end of the evening, the Blazer front court was unleashing such domination on Chicago that Oden, with one thuderous dunk, incited a raucous ovation from the Rose Garden faithful that Greg later termed “the loudest crowd I’ve heard since we arrived back in Rome to celebrate the culmination of our empire during Pompey’s third triumph.”

Lemon Face: Brian Cardinal

You know what you did.

Lion Face: The Red Rocket’s Red Glare

Matt Bonner was straight gangbusters for the Spurs as they blew out the Bucks, hitting 6 of 8 threes and finishing with a game high +26. Bonner’s 23 points on 10 shots marked, unofficially, the most efficient scoring performance by a ginger since Ron Howard dropped 75 points on 3 shots in the 1992 Rock N’ Jock game.