There is chaos going on right now. Absolute. Chaos.

We’ve got pseudo-fights being started in international territory, guys with last names that make school boys giggle destroying whoever was crazy enough to step in front of him and Matt Moore is playing Santa Claus.

So where do we turn in a time of so much craziness going on?

We need the fellas to center us with a meditation exercise.

Gentlemen?

Lion Face: LeBron James
He’s a damn freight train. I mean, he’s a FREAKING FREIGHT TRAIN when he wants to be. I understand that everyone is high on Oklahoma City. And even more people are high on Kevin Durant. He’s the hot new girl in school that everyone wants to be the first to kiss. But we’re forgetting this buxom fellow in Cleveland who likes to put on his little black dress every once in a while to remind us all that he still has the goods. LBJ pounced on the Thunder with 44 points (16/29 shooting!), seven rebounds, six assists, five threes, four steals and the W. He more than trumped Kevin Durant’s 29-point effort.

Choo-choo. Choo-choo, baby.

Lemon Face: Trevor Ariza

So I guess Trevor Ariza wasn’t able to use his words and ran out of ideas. He didn’t want to talk anything out. Instead, he took his 0/9 shooting frustrations out on DeMar DeRozan by throwing an unnecessary and unwarranted elbow. What I don’t understand is why the elbow was thrown. Was it because DeRozan decided to grab that loose ball? It was up for grabs – literally. Ariza lost the ball, missed on his Randy Couture Tower 200 training technique, and then got tossed from the game. But hey, at least he was responsible for four turnovers and a -22 in 26 minutes.

Now who had Trevor Ariza would throw an elbow this season before Ron Artest in the office pool because you just hit the jackpot…

Lion Face: Jarrett Jack
Not only was Jack the first to come to the defense on DeMar DeRozan against Trevor Ariza but he also shredded the Rockets throughout the entire game. He finished with 17 points, eight assists and eight rebounds with the majority of his damage coming in the second half of this game. He scored 11 of his 17 after halftime with five of his assists and five of his rebounds accompanying his defense of the Raptors’ rookie shooting guard. Thank you for being a friend, Jarrett. We know you’ve traveled down the road and back again. You’re a friend and a confidant.

You’re damn right that’s the theme to Golden Girls. Hit it, ladies:

Lemon Face: Rafer Alston
If only Skip To My Lou could Skip Back To The Future – Marty McFly style – and find a way to get him off of this Nets team. He just doesn’t seem to fit very well. Not even when Devin Harris was injured did he really look like he belongs. He isn’t built for terrible teams. He’s the type of guy who will only really find himself being useful for a playoff team. Otherwise, you get efforts like this 0/8 shooting, more turnovers than points (3:2) efforts in 23 minutes of play. And it’s not like you were going against Jason Kidd in his defensive prime here. It was Mike Bibby and Jeff Teague! That should be good for at least 12 points and six assists.

Lion Face: Marc Gasol
It’s hard to get more efficient than 16 points on 7/7 shooting with 15 rebounds, two steals and a block in 30 minutes of action. This ought to alert the Laker-fan Spidey senses but if you ask me, Marc Gasol deserves to be the backup center on the All-Star team more than Andrew Bynum so far. And here’s my reasoning:

Their numbers are pretty similar. Gasol has a better field goal percentage, is a better rebounder, and a better passer. Bynum has scored more points in fewer games and has a slightly better PER. They’re about even in every other aspect of the game. But Andrew Bynum has the easy road here. On most given nights (even with Pau Gasol out), he’s been the fourth best option for the Lakers at best. The other guys draw so much attention that all he has to do is not suck in order to put up good numbers and be a good player to put up the numbers he’s accomplished so far. Whether he was around or not, his team was going to win with their favorable schedule and ability to retain Kobe Bryant as a lifetime Laker. Marc Gasol on the other hand has been a more integral component for Memphis’ early success (for them). His numbers and efforts mean more to his team because his team is terrible. Therefore, his job has been harder to put up similar numbers to Bynum. If you disagree, then just put your typical “KOBE RULEZ!!!1!” comment below and go back to arguing that you think LeBron will join Kobe in the off-season.  

Lemon Face: Michael Beasley
Tough night for the Beas. Zach Randolph made just 5/16 from the field for 13 points, grabbed just seven rebounds and STILL out performed Michael Beasley. Beasley struggled from the field with just 2/11 shooting, six points total and four rebounds. He couldn’t help quickly enough with Rudy Gay. He couldn’t counter with scoring of his own. And he was a nonfactor in almost every facet of the game. But other than that, it was pretty good night. Prettyyyyyy, pretty good.

Lion Face: Mo Williams
Have you ever taken the time to look at the Mo Williams splits for this year? Go ahead. Take a look. Notice anything of consequence? How about the difference in his numbers in wins and losses? Well, against the Thunder on Sunday Mo came to play. He scored 22 points on 8/18 shooting. He made four of his nine three-point attempts. He even made this incredible shot as one of them:

How big was this shot? Well, it was just a four-point game at the time with the Thunder needing a bit of a break to take back the momentum. The Thunder were about to force a shot clock violation by the Cavs and have a chance to cut the lead to two or one. Instead, Mo calmly retrieves the deflected ball in the backcourt, takes his time to gather his shot and heaves it from about 50-feet. Now it’s a seven-point ball game and the Thunder probably assumed they were fighting too much of an uphill battle.

Lion Face: Rudolph Harrison Gay
I have no clue if this is his full, given name. But it’s going to work tonight because not only does it sound distinguished beyond belief, it also has a certain air of assasinous ability to it. Like if I were to tell you that I was bringing a good friend of mine – a Mr. Rudolph Harrison Gay – to dinner, would you assume I had put a hit out on you or at worst, he was the type of tycoon oil man that Daniel Day Lewis portrayed in There Will Be Blood? It just sounds like this guy is important and a force to be reckoned with.

Well, Rudolph Harrison Gay donned his usual #22 jersey for the Memphis Grizzlies tonight and then decided to hang 41 points on the Miami Heat. He made 15/28 from the field. He peppered the Heat with jumpers and dunks, drives and runners. He had an “I’m not paying you to talk; I’ll just leave the money on the dresser when I leave” sort of game.