15 Footer – 12.08.09

There once was a day when NBA Tuesday on TNT (or at least TBS…I can’t remember) was a staple of my week. Not sure what ever happened to that idea. But guess what, Ted Turner? I don’t need no stinkin’ special Tuesday national TV night. (And, no, NBA TV Tuesday Fan Night doesn’t count as a national broadcast.) I have League Pass. So I’m watching anyway. And you should, too.

Advanced Stats Clash
Nuggets @ Bobcats – 7:00 pm EST

Given their personnel, the Bobcats are probably overachieving at 8-11. This is mainly because their defense is ridiculously stingy, yielding a second-best-in-the-association 99.7 points per 100 possessions. That’s less than a point per possession, which is insane. For perspective, no team had a defense that good last season. On the other side, we have the Nuggets, who are conveniently the 2nd best offensive team in the NBA at 114.2 points per 100 possessions. And the best part is that Gerald Wallace, a guy who allows -4.3 points per possession, will spend much of the night guarding Carmelo Anthony, a guy who scores 37.52 points per possession.

Cut It Out, Scheduler Guys
T-Wolves @ Raptors – 7:00 pm EST

I swear that the Raptors play EVERY SINGLE TIME that I do this 15-Footer thing. Still not watching.

‘Sheed & ‘Sova
Bucks @ Celtics – 7:30 pm EST

The Pterodactyl With Wings of Fire goes head to head with Rajon Rondo for the first time tonight. That will be fun. Even more fun will be watching Ersan Illysova and Rasheed Wallace occupy the same court. As far as their looks and my perceptions about it what it would be like to have dinner with each of them, they seem like exact opposites. I’m not sure if there is antonym for the word “doppelganger” but that’s pretty much what I’m looking for here. In less important news, the Celtics are once again looking rather good, winning 7 in a row and not being all old and decrepit for the most part, which is nice. Tune in to see that.

Dancing in Memphis
Cavs @ Grizzlies – 8:00 pm EST

This is for some reason the game fans (i.e., LeBron groupies) voted in for NBA TV Fan Night on NBA TV. Considering Suns/Mavs play, that’s just retarded. Still, I’ve been digging the Grizzlies (winners of two straight @Minnesota and over Dallas). And the Cavs are the Cavs. Look for (a) Mo Williams to keep shooting out of his mind (he’s hit 15/23 from three in the past five games), Zach Randolph to rebound his way to a double-double (he’s had 24/15 and 20/10 his last two games) and LeBron to do some dancing (which bored people will very annoying keep writing about and even more annoyingly keep filling up my Google Reader with. Please, people, stop it. I could not possibly care less about a subject, unless it was you talking about what LeBron’s favorite baseball team is.)

Omri vs. Some Short Dude
Kings @ Hornets – 8:00 pm EST

Last year, I spent a lot of my time fellating (not literally) two role-player guys to ridiculous levels: Trevor Ariza and Roger Mason, Jr. This year, I will abandon them since they have become boring and devote most of my attention to Omri Casspi. His game is exactly what I like to watch. Dude does everything on the court. Not like a Dwyane Wade-like everything — he’s obviously not that good. But he can rebound, shoot the three, bring the ball up court, throw good entry passes, penetrate a little bit, score inside and just do a lot of the little stuff that makes an undervalued role player someone who every coach wants on their team. So watch him tonight. And, apparently, some guy named Chris Paul will also be in uniform. He is #3 for New Orleans, according to the media guide. Not sure who he his, but his stats look wild. Check him out, too, I guess.

The Race to 60 Points Bowl
Nets @ Bulls – 8:00 pm EST

You couldn’t pay me enough money to watch this garbagefest between two of the worst offenses I’ve ever seen. And this is coming from a guy who would normally sell my first kid to gypsies to see Derrick Rose play and donate a kidney to anyone not named Sean Elliot to have a ten-minute conversation with Brook Lopez about giraffes. In fact, I should be getting paid just to write about this game. Next.

Game O’ Da Nite
Suns @ Mavs – 8:30 pm EST

As everyone aside from Nick Nolte knows, it is not 2006. So this game isn’t as great as it used to be. But Steve Nash, regardless of what he says in his interviews where he pretends to be some sweet little Canadian dude with floppy hair rather than the guy who swims with and murders sharks, still gets up for games against the Mavs. They didn’t believe he would hold up this long and he most certainly has. Plus, Dirk is the Cuttino Mobley to his Stevie Franchise, so we’ve got that going for us as well. And in a 2009 Western Conference pissing contest sense, both of these teams badly need a win. The Mavs have lost two in a row and three of their past five, with their last real quality win coming on November 25 against the Rockets. And the Suns have not just lost three of their last four, but gotten blown out on all three occasions — one of which was against the Knicks. Nash failed to beat D’Antoni. Will he also fall to Dirk? All this and more tonight on “League Pass: Special Victims Unit” (which will unfortunately not include a guest appearance from Pau Gasol).

Camping in Los Angeles
Magic @ Clippers – 10:30 pm EST

Our late game takes us out to Los Angeles, where everyone wishes it wasn’t the city’s JV team playing tonight. If I wanted to be a bigger douchebag than I normally am, I would have titled this match up “Orlando @ Los Angeles” and just let you get all excited and start looking forward to this great Finals rematch gift awaiting you tonight only to later be very disappointed. It would be a lot like on my daughter’s birthday each year when I tell her we’re going on a special birthday camping trip and then I leave her out in the middle of the woods by herself with just a bowie knife. She’s so gullible. It took the rescue team six days to find her last time. It’s memories like that that an eight-year old will never forget. I’m a very good father. In fact, I have a coffee mug that confirms I was actually ranked #1 in the world last year in the dad category. Wait? What were we talking about? Clippers/Magic? Right. Well, it’s the only late game on, so you’ll watch it anyway.