REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE ASSOCIATION OF NATIONAL BASKETBALLS TONIGHT:

Must See KD
Oklahoma City Thunder @ Washington Wizards – 7:00 pm EST

Kevin Durant dropped 40 on 22 shots last night. He might do that again. And you’re gonna feel like a giant douche if you miss it two nights in a row.

Game O’ Da Nite
Cleveland Cavs @ Atlanta Hawks – 7:00 pm EST

I couldn’t possibly be more excited for this first game in a home-and-home-back-to-back that will hopefully foreshadow the series we see in the Eastern Conference Finals. At least I hope so. Nothing against Boston and Orlando, I’m just a big Hawks backer right now, am a little bored of Boston and am ready to watch LeBron re-enact Apocalypto in this year’s Playoffs. We’ll see. As for now, the Hawks are 8-2 in their last 10 while the Cavs are 9-1 in their last 10. Someone has to lose, I suppose. And no matter what happens tonight in ATL, shawty, it will set the scene perfectly for tomorrow’s re-match in the Mistake By the Lake.

The Schadenfreude Bowl
New York Knicks @ Detroit Pistons – 7:30 pm EST

The Pistons have lost 7 in a row despite Rodney Stuckey averaging 21.1 ppg in December. Or perhaps they’re losing in part because of his high usage numbers? I honestly have no idea. Don’t watch Pistons games. But … ummm … you should. That way, you will get to see them snap this skid of futility. Or you will get to point and laugh at them when they lose their 8th straight. To the Knicks of all people. Now, normally, I wouldn’t waste a lot of time watching New York either, but what with them TRYNA PUT NATE IN A BOX and all, it’s almost worth tuning in. Almost.

Why Don’t We Gather Up All These Bricks and Build a Shelter for the Homeless?
Indiana Pacers @ Chicago Bulls – 8:00 pm EST

A good game to watch if you want to see some really good defense a ton of missed open jumpers. The Bulls, for example, shoot an embarrassing 36.2% on shots taken between 16-23 feet (which ranks them 27th best in the league from that location) yet they opt to lead the league in attempts with 29.8 FGAs between 16-23 feet per night. (For perspective, only two other teams take more than 25 attempts per game from that range. And Orlando only takes 13.2 per from this notoriously inefficient distance.). The Pacers, on the other hand, like to miss from further out. They attempt 20.8 three-pointers per outing despite only shooing 31.8% from there as a team and only having one healthy member of the rotation (Troy Murphy) shooting above 34% from behind the arc. I suppose none of this should come as a surprise since these two teams rank 28th and 29th in the NBA in FG% (Indy is 43.0% while Chi-Town shoots 42.8%), but these really are some staggering numbers. Get amped for this one, sports fans.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? (Spoiler Alert: Me. Also: Sidney Poitier)
New Orleans Hornets @ Houston Rockets – 8:30 pm EST

What happens when the jambalaya of continual sadness that is Chris Paul’s ongoing prison sentence in Nawlins meets the smorgasbord of effervescent joy that is the Rockets of Houston? A great meal. But probably one that gives you heartburn. Either way, I’ll be watching.

Meh
Minnesota Timberwolves @ San Antonio Spurs – 8:30 pm EST

Since I don’t have a marketing degree and am not a good liar (I suppose that’s redundant), I’m not going to try to polish this turd. But I would like to point out that the gamblers among you may want to think about parlaying some of the home teams tonight. Why you ask? Well, the Hornets, Pacers, Wolves and Warriors all play on the road tonight and have a combined 11-50 road record. Or, in other words, those four teams, in 61 opportunities, have failed to win as many road games as Cleveland has (12) in it’s 18 opportunities. Thus, if anyone tries to convince you that there is anything even remotely resembling parity in the NBA, you have my permission to punch them squarely in the throat. Don’t worry, I’m a doctor.

The Makings of a Franchise-Altering Win Streak?
Golden State Warriors @ Los Angeles Lakers – 10:30 pm EST

Last night, the Lakers were embarrassed by Phoenix and Monta Ellis played all 48 minutes for Golden State (something he has now done in 5 of the Dubs last 11 games) in a win over Boston. So it’s pretty hard to imagine this one staying close. Then again, if the Warriors can figure out a way to beat the Lakers in Staples Center on the night after they beat the Celtics, it would be the best thing to happen to the franchise since the We Believers knocked the 68-win Mavericks out of the first round of the 2007 Playoffs. Considering that the current best thing to happen to the franchise since then was their coach getting pneumonia and opening the door for someone else to run the team for a few games, we’re not exactly talking about an achievement on par with putting a monkey on Mars or recording Illmatic, but it would still be two nice, back-to-back wins nonetheless. And who knows: Maybe Premo, Pete Rock and Large Pro all show up for this one, too. Provided they don’t get stuck in traffic with all the other bandwagon Laker fans, of course.