Lion Face/Lemon Face 12.23.09: The Z-Bo For President Edition
It’s that time of year for some Christmas Caroling. Hit it boys!
Well, that was great TBJers but I was thinking more of these guys:
Lion Face: Zach Randolph
Wait, THAT Zach Randolph? The guy who does stuff like this?
Yep, it’s THAT Zach Randolph. Z-Bo has been a monster this year and particularly monstrous over the past two games. 33 points and 18 rebounds coming off of a 32-point, 24-rebound performance and he’s shot 27/42 in this period. Hell, looking back over his last three games, he’s averaging 30 points, 19 rebounds and shooting 38/62 (61%). What do we do if Zach Randolph starts going like this all the time? Who is going to be willing to call him an All-Star? Who’s going to be willing to call him anything but a stat whore? I’d rather remember him as the lazy Anthony Mason and Anthony Mason was 350 pounds!
Lemon Face: Chicago Bulls
If Vinny Del Negro doesn’t get fired after his last two games, I’d like to apply for Jerry Reinsdorf to be my boss so I can kick back, be mediocre at best, and have a blank, confused look on my face 24/7. Oh wait, I already do that except Reinsdorf doesn’t sign my checks. Not only did they blow a 35-point lead to Tyreke Evans, his onions and the rest of the Kings but they followed that up with a loss to the Knicks in which they scored 81 points. 81 points against the Knicks? I feel like the Bulls situation has become the end of There Will Be Blood (spoiler alert). The players are the young reverend who have smugly decided to strong-hand Daniel Plainview (Vinny Del Negro). They’re playing horrible basketball in a way to hold him ransom. Maybe they feel like playing this way will get him to either give in to what they want as a basketball team or get him fired. Only VDN has other ideas. He’s going to beat them to death with a bowling pin until he decides that he’s finished. Then maybe he’ll tell Reinsdorf to fire him or he’ll step down. But not until after he’s brutally beaten this team to a bloody pulp.
Lion Face: Gerald Wallace
First, he called out Tyson Chandler, which everyone in the basketball blogging community has been doing since we realized he isn’t any good. Then he decided to keep up his spectacular play this season with an all-around performance against the Pistons. He poured in 29 points (10/18 shooting), 12 rebounds, four threes, four blocks, three assists and two steals. He also made a lovely lasagna, washed his dog, decorated a gingerbread house and the entire series of Sports Night. He did it all and is still third in the NBA in rebounding. He’s always been a player with an S-load of potential but if he begins to harness his powers like this, he could very well be just what we need to defeat Joy Behar.
Lemon Face: Brad Miller
Zero points for Brad once again. In his last four games, he’s scored just two points in 80 minutes on the court. What in the name of Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje is going on here? Why can’t Brad Miller score? Why can’t he be effective on the court? Why can’t he play like the All-Star he used to be? Is there something going on this time of year that is distracting him from contributing?
Lion Face: Joakim Noah
I feel like every time I do one of these Lion Face/Lemon Face pieces Joakim Noah goes off and I include him in the Lion Face category. Maybe I’m just good luck for him. Or maybe he’s just an F’ing All-Star. In a game in which both teams shot 40% there were plenty of opportunities for rebounds. But grabbing 21 rebounds is still grabbing 21 rebounds.
Lion Face: David Lee
An even more impressive 21-rebound performance was David Lee’s effort in the Bulls-Knicks game. It’s not like his 21-rebounds were tougher to get than Noah’s 21. But he did it in a win, thanks to also adding 18 points and five assists. I’m still and probably always will be confused about the impact of David Lee. Everybody loves him because everyone thinks with a fantasy sports mentality these days. He still plays atrocious defense in my opinion and I don’t know that his stats mean very much on a consistent night-to-night basis. But the numbers look so sexy, it’s hard not to talk yourself into him. He’s the basketball equivalent of Anna Paquin. I can’t tell if she’s attractive or beastly. But I’m not willing to throw in the towel on her just yet.
Lemon Face: Shawn Marion
One of my favorite comedies to watch on TV right now is Tropic Thunder. It’s always on and I find it to be hilarious. I mainly find Robert Downey, Jr.’s performance in it to be hilarious on so many levels. His own tribute/mockery to actor blacksploitation is pretty brilliant. Well in one scene, an actual black actor gets frustrated with Downey’s character (Australian actor who is outrageously playing a black soldier by darkening his skin and going by every stereotype there is) and yells at him to be himself instead of his version of a black man when the cameras aren’t rolling. He yells, “You’re Australian; Be Australian!” That’s where I am with Shawn Marion right now. I want to grab him by the arms, shake him and yell, “You’re an All-Star; Play like an All-Star!” Especially after he can’t even manage to score in 25 minutes against the Blazers.
Lion Face: Kevin Love
Kevin Love had 19 rebounds last night. In a couple of weeks, Kevin Love is going to qualify for enough games to be amongst the leaders in rebounding. When that happens, he’s going to start the first of an eight-year stretch in which he leads the NBA in rebounding and never gives away the boarding title. It’s going to consist of efforts like this one on the court in which he’s the only player that doesn’t give up on a terrible Wolves team and keeps playing hard. He has one of those motors that doesn’t look to be in great shape but keeps working and getting the job done. Sorry, Dwight Howard but I hope you weren’t wanting to look back on your basketball-reference.com player page in 20 years and see a lot of bold numbers for your yearly rebounding totals.
Lemon Face: Dallas Mavericks
The Dallas Mavericks are way too talented to have four games this season in which they failed to reach 85 points. Everyone outside of Dirk Nowitzki and JJ Barea combined to score 32 points on 12/1500 shooting. They also missed a bushel of free throws (I have no idea how many are in a bushel). The 20-9 record is great but if you keep having these let downs, I’m going to take you out of my League Pass rotation. If you’re going to lose, lose like the Warriors do – with no defense and very little pride.
Lion Face: Carl Landry
Imagine if 50 Cent was a basketball player, good at his job and a likeable person. His name would be Carl Landry and you’d love watching him play every night. All Carl Landry knows how to do is put up spectacular performances off the bench. He’s averaging 16.4 points per game and trying to run away with the 6th Man of the Year award. He’s only really like 6’7” but he managed to score 27 points on 10 shots off the bench against a huge Clippers frontcourt. He got to the line 15 times in this game. There are times in which he’s the equivalent of Super Mario after getting a star. He just has this glowing, blinking aura around him and runs through everybody. It doesn’t matter that he was once shot or just lost his teeth. He just keeps coming back.
Lion Face: Paul Pierce
He was terrible in the first quarter. He was terrible in the second quarter. He was mediocre in the third quarter. But in the fourth quarter, he took a possible win from the Indiana Pacers and gave Tommy Heinsohn a happy reason to drink. He scored 14 of his 21 points in the fourth by terrorizing the Pacers with his mid-range repertoire. He isn’t the best closer in the history of basketball but he may end up being the Trevor Hoffman of his basketball era. Great numbers in the clutch and probably underrated as a crunch time savior.
Lion Face: Kobe Bryant
40 points on 26 shots with eight rebounds and six assists. The scary thing is we don’t seem to get fazed by these nights from Kobe Bryant. We just accept it as regular news like it’s raining outside, the stock market went up/down, or my rash cleared up so I’m going out tonight. Someday, we’re going to look back on Kobe Bryant’s career and realize we took him for granted.
Lion Face: Oklahoma City Thunder
So many fun parts to this team, so few Lion Faces left to give. If Serge Ibaka can keep giving this kind of effort (8 points, 14 rebounds), I’m not going to be able to control my hyperbole for this team. I still don’t think they’re a playoff team this year (Matt, you’re not getting a cake from me). But with Jeff Green and Russell Westbrook playing so incredibly and James Harden coming off the bench, it’s just too hard to not fall in love with this team. And then there’s Kevin Durant.
I’m not quick to throw him into top 5 or top 10 status like so many pundits. He’s really good and the potential to be one of a kind legendary is definitely there. I can see why everyone wants to elevate him early so they can be one of the first ones to expound on his greatness. Think about what he did last night. He scored 30 points on 19 shots against Ron Artest, Kobe Bryant and Lamar Odom. And it didn’t even look like it was difficult for him to do so. Throw in moves like the video below and I’m downright giddy for the next decade-plus.
