My favorite Irish folk tale goes a little something like this:
Let’s get to some St. Patty’s Day Faces, yes?
Lion Face: LeBron James
It’s kind of sick that we’ve arrived at the point in LeBron’s career in which these 32-point, nine-rebound, nine-assist performances don’t even really phase us. In reality, those are disgusting numbers and the fact that he’s still got at least a decade of greatness left makes me think he’s going to break every record in the book. But this is where we are. LeBron is THAT good to where these nights don’t even really register. LBJ just destroyed the Pacers even though the game was fairly close due to some hot three-point shooting by Indiana. After Brandon Rush blocked James inside, LeBron decided to embarrass Kareem Rush’s brother for the rest of the game. Well, embarrass isn’t really the right word. On a scale of embarrass to the kind of torture and torment you only see in those Saw or Hostel movies, I’d say it was somewhere in the middle. LeBron should apologize and send Brandon a nice fruit basket.
Lemon Face: New Jersey Nets
Okay, we’re getting dangerously close to this all-time worst team debacle. The Nets are now 7-61 on the season, which is a winning percentage of 10.3%. To avoid this dubious record, the Jersey Shore has to produce three wins in the final 14 games of the season. That’s a winning percentage of 21.4%. That means they have to more than double their season long output of the rate they win in order to beat a record and prove they aren’t the worst team of all time. I just don’t see that happening. Seven of those final 14 games are against playoff teams so those are out. That means they have to find three wins out of the lot of games against Sacramento, Detroit, Chicago and New Orleans at home and Chicago, Milwaukee and Indiana on the road. My condolences, Sebastian.
Lion Face: Samuel Dalembert
In giving the Nets their 61st loss of the season, Samuel Dalembert did a yeoman’s job on shutting Brook Lopez completely down. He used his length and athleticism to change, alter and slap away shots. He helped contain Brook to just 12 points, which marks just the 14th time he’d been held to 12 points or fewer this season. Other than Lopez beating out Sammy in scoring (12 to 10), Dalembert outplayed him in every other facet of the game. Sammy grabbed nine rebounds and blocked five shots in 37 minutes of basketball. He was a +20 on the night because he helped protect the rim and force the Nets into bad jump shots instead of them challenging at the basket.
Lemon Face: Hawks Defense
The Hawks did a fantastic job of frustrating Chris Bosh all night (6/19 shooting) and keeping him from dominating the game. But they failed to play much defense on anyone else in a confusingly green Raptors uniform. They let Hedo Turkoglu create like he still had Dwight Howard on his team. They let DeMar DeRozan explode for 19 athletic points. They let Andrea Bargnani dominate the game like his name was actually Andre. And when it came down to getting key stops, they allowed the Raptors to score three times in a row to end the game. Bosh got a hook shot in the lane over Josh Smith when no double team came, Hedo went to the free throw line against Crawford and then after a missed defensive rebound, Chris Bosh hit the game-winner with a step-back jumper over Horford. Not a strong finish for this Atlanta defense.
Lion Face: Hedo Turkoglu
Welcome to the 2009-2010 NBA season, Hedo. Nice of you to bring your enormous contract along too. Hedo looked a lot quicker against the Hawks defenders and found a way to get into the lane whenever he needed to. He was fast, concise with his moves and efficient in the way he attacked the defense. He only finished with 16 points, five rebounds and three assists but it was less about impressive numbers and more about him finally showing up. Considering the Raptors could play the Hawks in the first round of the playoffs, Hedo playing like this could actually give Toronto a shot of moving on past the first round. Granted, he has to play better than this and the rest of the Raptors can’t cower. But if we see this Hedo, we might see the Raptors be a more formidable playoff opponent than everyone expects.
Lemon Face: Homerish Fans
Someone in the Daily Dime Live chat on ESPN.com said that Tyson Chandler was an elite center. And he was serious. That’s unacceptable. That is all.
Lion Face: Stephen Graham
I’m as shocked to see this name in this category as you are if not more. Joey Graham’s doppleganger played against one of the hottest teams in the league and nearly played Kevin Durant to a standstill. He scored 19 points on 7/9 shooting in 30 minutes of play. Most of all, he shed his Graham-ness for one game and came out on top against one of the best players in the league. Much like the success of Lady Gaga, it just doesn’t make any sense.
Lemon Face: Kevin Durant
I really am only putting Kevin Durant on here because his team lost, he shot the ball horribly and I’ll probably never be able to justify him being on here ever again. 26 points on 26 shots with 10 rebounds and zero turnovers isn’t exactly Boumtje-Boumtje type of game. But for those of us that are about to suffer at the ruthless hands of Kevin Durant over the next 18 years, it’s a little bit of solace for us.
Lion Face: Vince Carter/Rashard Lewis
Just days after The Basketball Jones discussed their effectiveness, Vince Carter and Rashard Lewis responded by showing just how effective they can be together. They dismantled the Spurs with outside shooting and playmaking. Lewis had 20 points and made four of his six three-point attempts while Vince Carter more or less ran the show in Orlando. He scored 24 points on just 11 shot attempts to go with his eight assists. It didn’t matter what the Spurs threw at them. Actually, most of the time the defense was so bad on the side of the Spurs that Lewis and Vince had free reign to let it fly without much resistance.
Lemon Face: Tim Duncan
Five points, a minus-21 and 1/10 shooting in just 25 minutes on the floor for the greatest power forward of all-time. I don’t know that I really want to discuss this further. It’s kind of depressing me.
Lion Face: Aaron Brooks
You know who could score Wednesday night? Aaron Brooks let it fly and ended up knocking down every long-range shot he took en route to his game-high 31 points. He was seven for seven from three-point range and 11/14 total. The Grizzlies backcourt of O.J. Mayo and Mike Conley simply couldn’t handle him. He was like one of those wild cubs you see on public access talk shows who all of a sudden go nuts on the handler or show host. There was no warning of it. Just quick strikes followed by some yelling, confusion and utter joy for a select group of people.
Lemon Face: Minnesota Timberwolves
You’ve given up 274 points in the last 96 minutes of basketball. You’re pretty much dead to me for now. We’ll see where our relationship is when/if you bring Ricky Rubio over to the states.
Lion Face: Hasheem Thabeet
In a Bizarro NBA world in which Tim Duncan is terrible and other people are not, Hasheem Thabeet was actually pretty good against the Rockets. He started for Marc Gasol who was out with a neck and he played pretty decently. He was on the court for 27 minutes total and tallied eight points, ten rebounds, four blocks, a steal and five fouls. The majority of his effectiveness happened in the first eight minutes of play but the point is that the guy everyone assumes won’t be in the NBA for very long actually looked like he belongs. And that’s because he does. Great showing for him. You can see he benefitted from the D-League.
Lemon Face: Kevin Love
In the 43 minutes of play since Love returned from a strained left foot, he’s scored six points, grabbed 10 rebounds and shot just 1/11 from the floor. He looks terrible out there. I don’t think it’s a matter of him being out of shape from missing time. I don’t think he’s 100% healthy out there and with the pathetic displays of competitive spirit that the team is putting out there right now, I don’t see why Love should play until he is completely healthy. Don’t mess with this man’s feet. Treat him like Frank Costanza. Nobody goes near his feet!
Lion Face: Golden State Warriors
No Steph Curry? That’s not a big deal. The Warriors used a 43-25 fourth quarter domination to turn a potential loss into a homemade win that couldn’t have been a better promotion for the importance of the NBDL. Chris Hunter had 17 points off the bench. Reggie Williams had 22 off the bench. Anthony Tolliver was the team-high scorer with 30 on 11/19 shooting. Some guy named Monta Ellis also had 28 points and 13 assists. This was a fast-paced game that saw both teams shoot over 50% and combine for 58 fast-break points. 131 points later, the Warriors came out on top.
Lemon Face: Darren Collison
Please stop turning the ball over. Please. I beg you. Stop flirting with bad triple-doubles. I just want you to be efficient and you can’t do that when you’re handing the ball over to the other team. Eight turnovers are way too many. Hell, half of that is too many. Please just be careful out there. We’re worried about you.
Lion Face: Brandon Jennings Yahtzee
Brandon Jennings got hot sometime in the second half of this game and made it pretty interesting. He found his stroke by going 9/16 from the field, 3/7 from three for 21 points. He also had a weird Yahtzee like box score with fives all across the board. He had five defensive rebounds, five total rebounds, five assists, five turnovers and five personal fouls. That’s just weird and not exactly the 5X5 fantasy guys beg for. Even though he lost, it was fun to see his shot get back on track after a three-month hiatus.
Lemon Face: Brandon Jennings Twitter Smack
Jennings tweeted this after getting to Sacramento, “Just landed in SAC, smells like cows.†Now, I know he only got that from Phil Jackson because he was living in Los Angeles when Phil made those comments all those years ago. And when he was auditioning for the draft in June, he certainly wasn’t talking that weak, tired, unoriginal trash when he was begging for the Kings to take him with the fourth pick. But most disturbing from all of this is that he currently lives in Wisconsin. Isn’t Wisconsin the Cheese State? Cheese! Cows! You can’t live in a place with a ton of cows and then make fun of a city that doesn’t have cows. It just doesn’t make any sense. I guess they teach you that stuff in college.
Lion Face: Clippers Coaching
I’m going to keep this brief because I’m a little afraid that the apocalypse might be near because of this occurrence tonight. The Clippers made a coaching adjustment against the Bucks that was brilliant and stopped them from running an effective offense. The Clippers went to a soft zone and took away the majority of the quality shots and good passing lanes the Bucks were enjoying for much of the night. Let’s acknowledge it now and never speak of it again.
