NBA Playoffs: Celtics and Cavaliers Display Faces of Lion, Faces of Lemon

I was G-chatting with Matt and Ben earlier today, and they were all “Whatevs, brah — I see how it is. You think you can cover these playoffs without us? YOU NEED US. Who set this thing up? Us. That’s who. Who do your readers trust? Us. That’s who.”

And then they did this:

Lion Face – The Takeover

There’s not really any way to express how good Rajon was with the written word. Through two games, this is Rajon’s series. For the second straight game, he did pretty much whatever he wanted on the court and was by far the best player on the floor for loooong stretches. A floor he often shared with LeBron James mind you. About his Game 1 first half, I wrote that he played about as well as any human could. Tonight? He might have been even better. The 19 assists don’t even tell the whole story. He was Boston’s heart and soul and if he plays like this in Boston as well, the Celtics could be well on their way to the Eastern Conference Finals. In summation, Rajon Rondo not only sounds like the name that should belong to some sort of ancient sun god — he might be one.

Lemon Face – Cleveland’s Half-Time Speech

I have no idea what happened in the Cavs locker room during half time. But it didn’t work. 12 points in the third. Twelve. Uno. Dos. Unacceptable. Particularly when you, perhaps relatedly, give up 31 on the other side. I mean, Cleveland’s offense was hitting on zero cylinders all game long (91.5 offensive efficiency, 42.9% eFG%, 4/21 from three and 26/38 from the line for the game), but the third was particularly gross. And a lot of it came against Boston’s reserves given the team’s foul trouble. You can’t win a playoff game scoring 38 points in the second half. Not even at home. Not even after you watch the NBA MVP trophy being handed out to your captain before the game. This is not 1998 and Jeff Van Gundy is not hugging Alonzo Mourning’s leg.

Lion Face – Throwback Sheed

At this point, mocking Sheed’s tenure as a Celtic isn’t even funny anymore. There are no jokes that haven’t been made already, and everyone in the universe knows how that his inability to contribute can be blamed on his doughy exterior, half-hearted (at best) effort and unwillingness to do anything consistently beside hoist errant three-pointers. Tonight, none of that mattered. Sheed, in just 18 minutes, was a true difference-maker and showed us all the qualities that once made him one of the most feared, versatile power forwards to ever lace ‘em up. He hit 7 of the 8 shots he took and 3 of his 4 trey attempts. 17 points on 8 shots without even going to the line. CTC.

Lemon Face – Mo’ Williams, Mo’ Problems

You know what you did. You did it last season against Orlando, and you did it again tonight. If you don’t learn how to play a meaningful playoff game without having to wear a diaper for fear you might soil yourself on any given evening, your team will not continue to advance. Real talk.

Lion Face – PEEERRRRK

You knew it was going to be a good night for the big fella when you saw him hit a mid-range jumper early in the first quarter. KG kicked it over. Perk looked at the rim. No one challenged. And he was like “I’ll take anybody’s money if they just giving it away” before re-gathering and letting it fly. Twine music. Throw in some solid interior defense even before that shot when Cleveland unsuccessfully tried to run some offense through Shaq to start the game, and Kendrick had a lot to do with setting the tone for how this game would unfold.

Lemon Face – Kevin Garnett’s shooting

8/21. Not cool, dude. Not cool. /headbuttsmirror

Lion Face – Kevin Garnett’s Other Stuff

Nice work. /headbuttsmirror

Lion Cub Face – Antawn Doing His Job

You were dull, not all that stand-out-ish and generally Antawn-ian. But you did your job. You hit some shots (6/11 from the field and 2/5 from three), spaced the floor, played enough defense and rebounded well enough. Nothing to get too excited about, but this should be all that Cleveland really needs from you. Still, you’re going to have to have at least one 25+ point game in this series. It would be wise to try to make that happen in Game 3. Please advise.

Lemon Face – Anthony Parker Not Doing His Job

What would ya say … you do here? Quit trying to penetrate. You’re not good at it. Spot up, keep the ball moving and perhaps drive-and-kick a little. No one is going to let you get to the rim. This is the Boston Celtics defense — not the California Penal League. More importantly, play defense. They need you to control Rondo and other perimeter players and generally control penetration. Do what you are good at. Not the other stuff.

Lion Face – Al Roker’s Press Conference

Way to call out your team for putting up a game like that at home against a conference rival. Mike Brown was fiery, unapologetic, demanding and down-right pissed off in his post-game talk. “Aint a goddamn thing that’s going to be given to us in this series,” he said unhappily. A lot different than his giddy reaction after Game 1.

Lemon Face – LeBron

You were 1/7 on shots from outside of the paint. You only took 1 shot in the second quarter. And it’s not like you were creating a lot of great looks for teammates instead — not by your standards anyway (only 4 assists for the game). You turned the ball over 5 times. You missed 5 free throws. You had a few steals and that one insane — yet somehow now expected every game — chasedown block on Tony Allen, but your defense was not particularly good. You took some plays off, didn’t fight through screens all the time and missed some assignments. Sure, you finished with 24, 7 and 5 on not-terrible shooting — but that’s not enough. You don’t have Manu Ginobli or Pau Gasol. You have to play better for your team to win in these next — you hope — three series. If not, there won’t be three series at all.