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Centers Of Initiation, Or How To Handle Your Big Man

If his commanding performance against the Los Angeles Lakers in the playoffs showed us anything, it’s that Paul is the game’s most complete point guard. His fundamentals are impeccable, and he’s capable of effectively running any set in any style of offense. With arguably the best handle in the NBA, it’s virtually impossible to deny him access to any path to the rim or spot on the floor. His combination of yo-yo-like ball control, speed and split-second decision-making make him the best pick-and-roll point guard in a pick-and-roll league. He rarely makes the wrong decision after the pick, and no one is better at throwing the lob to the rolling big.

via Chris Paul leads Top 5 NBA point guards – ESPN.

There’s a unique feeling for NBA fans when their team settles into the half-court offense. As the ball makes its way to the top of the key, the gears are set in motion and the keys to this precision vehicle are handed over to the man for whom this machine was manufactured:

Robin Lopez.

Yep, it makes about this much sense. (Photo from raindog via Flickr)

Did you feel that? That mixture of disgust and confusion? At the end of a long season for a team falling further and further out of the playoff hunt, weird things happen. During the few games that Steve Nash missed with injury this year (or, as Suns fans refer to them, “The Dying Times”), ROBIN LOPEZ RUNNING THE PHOENIX SUNS’ OFFENSE happened. Only one thing about that scene made sense – Lopez’s hair was the succinct expression of bewilderment and nonsense in that perfectly disharmonious moment.

Unfortunately for several other fan bases, it seemed Lopez was a member of a new, super-secret fraternity of big men intent on handling the ball 25 feet from the rim. In the span of only a couple weeks, Kris Humphries and Kendrick Perkins* both took their turn at running the show. Humphries apparently wasn’t content with stealing rebounds from Brook Lopez – he had to demonstrate that he and Robin were in this totally kick-ass organization of bigs with handles and there were no Brookie Monsters allowed.

Perk? Listen, I’m not going to ask Perk what he was trying to do. Perk does what he wants. If you want to question the modern-day Charles Oakley, go right ahead. Last I heard, he’s still in his hotel room, in shock about his trade away from the 24-hour room service that is Avery Bradley and away from his good friend, Rajon Rondo. The two are so close that Perk is the bread to Rondo’s Turnover Rate sandwich*.

*Because of their ball-handling duties, point guards tend to have the highest turnover rates in the league - 14 of the 20 highest TORs for players averaging more than 25 minutes per game last year belonged to point guards. Rondo had the highest TOR of all of those point guards (second-highest overall), balanced out by the third-highest Assist Rate.

Perk had the highest and third-highest TOR in the league, counting his stints in Boston and Oklahoma City as separate “seasons”. This wasn’t a fluke brought on by his lack of games played, either – his TOR has been over 20% every year he’s been in the league. There are many things to appreciate about Perk’s skillset. His offensive handle is not one of them.

In the end, these were flukes of execution. I can’t even tell you the result of each play. But I think those flashes of insanity were more than just a communication breakdown – they were a voice crying out for attention and for love.

“Big men have handles, too! I’m more than just my hair! STOP CALLING ME SIDESHOW BOB!!”

“I can steal rebounds OR conjure up a hilarious pick-and-roll with ‘C is for Center, that good enough for me!’ Please stop using me to get to my wife!”

“KjRSDHpaLAPVNMC PERK SMASH.”

I beg you, NBA fans. The next time you stop to fawn over a guard’s sick handle and his ability to break defenses and ankles, think of the big guys and their handle, too. Commend them on their presence of mind to keep the ball up high, away from the gnats doing their best J.J. Barea impressions. Take your eyes off of the ball and watch the footwork so many of the pivots spend years perfecting. Marvel in the fact that these miracles of flesh, these skeletal skyscrapers, possess the control – and yes, the handle – to do the things they do with limbs that stretch for miles.

Appreciate Dirk, of course, but don’t forget LMA and his ability to run an offense from the high-post. Re-read a recent article on the beauty and the poise of Arvydas Sabonis. Love the Brookie Monster and the fact that the Nets have a go-to option in the clutch because of his skills with the basketball around the basket.

Please. If you don’t, Kendrick Perkins is going to run the offense again.

Shammgod help us all.

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Any video evidence of perk mad handles...? thnks!