Photo from Pewari via flickr
An important element of the plan is that it puts pressure on owners to run their businesses well — some teams struggle because they face long odds, and there’s an appetite among owners like Buss to help those owners.
But nobody wants to help owners who simply aren’t running their businesses seriously.
Dr. Jerry Buss received his doctorate in soul-crushing.
That’s the only way to explain that quote, in which Henry Abbott pulls back the curtain on the blood-thirsty tendencies of the Lakers’ owner. It’s not enough that he and his team vanquish you and yours on a regular basis (COUNT THE RINGZ!). Being one of, if not the most, attractive free agent destinations in the league doesn’t suffice. No, if one truly wants to placate the Good Doctor, the prescription is simple:
1. Get knocked down.
2. Let Buss help you back up.
3. Black Mamba Evisceration Strike Force, activate!
Dr. Buss has no time for the Kings and Bobcats. His sights are squarely on the pretenders to his crown, those who wisely use their resources to foolish ends. It is no accident that Abbott used the word “appetite” in describing the way that Buss views his prey. Buss’s business is basketball, and he knows that he makes money when the product on the floor is the best it can possibly be. That condition for profitability encompasses both teams; the Lakers are most profitable and most exciting when they win, but win in exciting fashion. The blowouts are fun in the moment, but fans of both teams remember the games like the triple-overtime marathon between Phoenix and Los Angeles this past season.
Helping to prop up the less fortunate, then, is not just an altruistic gesture by Buss. It’s good business – so long as the people he supports recognize good business as well. Teams in smaller markets or burdened by the sins of their GM-fathers with effective plans of action and resources in need of development bring a gleam to the eye of Dr. Doom – an opponent who offers both a challenge and a chance at profit is the preferred kind. Like the very best movie villains, this doctor has his monologue at the ready. All he’s lacking is a hero worthy enough to look him in the eye as he delivers it and a handsome face on which to stamp his boot forever.
If you need a minute, dear hero, Dr. Buss will give it to you – and a place to rest your weary head for the night. After all, he needs you at your best for the blockbuster finish.
