QUO VADIMUS (WHERE ARE WE GOING?)

By James Herbert

Consider this the optimist’s guide to the 2011-2012 Chicago Bulls:

They won 62 games last year and essentially everybody’s back and in shape. You should be excited about Rip Hamilton replacing Keith Bogans. You should expect Carlos Boozer to be better. You might be a bit worried about slippage after a season where everything seemed to click, but is there anyone on this roster you’re seriously worried about falling off? Is anyone going to let Tom Thibodeau, Derrick Rose, and Joakim Noah down? I don’t see it.

I see a team that’s about to outwork its opponents in the regular season and win a ton of games. I see one that, barring the kind of injury or trade that makes preseason predictions mostly useless, should finish first or second in the East. If the Bulls face the Heat in the playoffs again at full strength, I’d bet on it going longer than five games this time. Miami will be favored, but Chicago will still have its depth. It’ll still have that suffocating defense, with Noah, Taj Gibson, and Omer Asik moving their feet. Thibs has watched 45 million hours of game tape since the ECF ended, so if anyone has figured out the Mavericks’ secret LeBron-neutralizing formula, it’s him.

“The Bulls are nebulous, like an octopus, occupying whatever space is needed with endless amounts of capable arms and an intelligent head in the center.” – Anthony Bain, Bullsologist.

Rose, the octopus’s strongest arm, blamed himself for last season’s playoff exit because obviously he did. It wasn’t really his fault, but he’ll be better this season as a result. He’s been lifting weights and working on his post-up game. He’s a year older and smarter. If he can continue to make strides on the defensive end, get to the line more, and become a more consistent three-point threat, maybe we’ll stop saying that he needs more firepower. The Bulls were close last year. Now their frontcourt is healthy and they have a proper starting shooting guard. Now they might have enough.

LET’S START A CULT ABOUT: OMER ASIK

By Noam Schiller

It’s pretty funny, when you think about it: the vast majority of NBA players come into the league without knowing how to play basketball.

Your typical NBA superstar gets drafted after 0 to 1 years of pretending that college is super important to him, and spends his early years losing games with his horrible team while accumulating stats on athleticism alone. As time goes by, so comes a jump shot, and court vision, and a basic understanding of how to do more than just stand by idly on defense, and voila – you got yourself a baller. Or, conversely, you never learn anything useful except how to take more jump shots, in which case you just stay on the Wizards.

Omer Asik is not likely to become an NBA star, and he is far from typical even without analyzing his game. He looks awkward regardless of whether he’s running, standing, sitting, or not even on your screen. He’s whiter then yours truly, and I drench myself in sunscreen before turning on flashlights.

He is also a legit 7 footer who knew everything he needed to do and everywhere he needed to be in order to play NBA level basketball right off the bat. Defensive possessions to Asik are like the moon to a werewolf: they heighten his instincts, draining the awkwardness out of his existence and replacing it with animalistic vigor for the ball. He blocks shots at an impressive rate. He places himself perfectly for rebounds. He cuts off baseline drives faster than Nate Robinson cuts off a teammate’s interview. He’s so good at the mental aspect of the game that only his confused baby-face expression and his high foul rate reveals the fact that he was actually a rookie and not a taller, less fatherly Brian Cardinal.

Asik wasn’t a typical rookie – he was 24 years old when the season started, and as an international player, he skipped the questionable profits offered by the NCAA for actual pro basketball experience. And his offense is so atrocious – he was the worst offensive player on a Bulls second unit that employed the strategy of shooting for a 2-0 win – that it’s hard to see him as a truly elite player in the future.

But regardless of the caveats, the Turk was the best per-minute defensive player on the league’s best defensive team in his first year in the league. It’s a type of mental awareness that we rarely see from such an inexperienced player, and it is something we should celebrate in cult form.

A BRIEF VIDEO INTERLUDE

By Curtis Harris

How Carlos Boozer spent his lockout vacation in Central America: