I’m just warning you now. Your HP world? About to be rocked. To the core.

But as a warmup, in place of the linkdumps, which are too long because there is too much NBA awesomeness on the blogosphere, I give you our link-driven Tumblr.

http://hardwoodparoxysm.tumblr.com

Look, it’s not that I didn’t think the short guy in the dunk contest wasn’t cool. When they did it. And it’s not that I didn’t dig the awkward white dude. When they did it. And hey, I think Russell Westbrook and Rudy Fernandez could put on a show. But I’ve got a better idea for the fourth competitor.

I think you know where this is headed.

On the Friday before the All-Star game, the night before the Dunk Contest, the D-League will hold it’s Dream Factory exhibition with a HORSE contest, a skills contest, and a dunk contest. Last year’s winner, Brett Petway, narrowly edged out now-Clipper Mike Taylor. Here’s one view. Here’s another.

Now, I know these guys can’t play defense like NBA starters can. They can’t stay focused, knock down 18 footers, break the trap, or work the screen like NBA starters can. But dunking is different. It’s a different animal, born from a different place than defensive rotations and curl screens. It’s more emotive. And the guys in the D-League are going to have a whole different set of emotions.

Here’s what you do. The D-League dunk contest winner is put into the actual dunk contest as a regular competitor. He isn’t allowed to use any dunk used the night before. A league representative is there to check, and if he does, he’s disqualified. This puts the advantage even more firmly in the hands of the NBA guys.

Imagine it. An undrafted rookie or a veteran journeyman who’s bounced around in the dunk contest, trying to outdo Dwight Howard and Rudy Gay for the dunk title. It’s a win-win situation for everyone involved. If the D-Leaguer fails, he’ll probably fail miserably, cementing how superior a product the NBA is. Bloggers get to post video and mock him. And every year that the D-League guy doesn’t pull it off, it starts the streak. So whenever someone gets close, they can flash that graphic.

“NO D-LEAGUE ENTRANT HAS EVER WON THE DUNK CONTEST.”

And it builds suspense. So when someone actually does pull it off, it’s a huge deal (if ever).

And think about that. What if he does well enough to warrant votes? America and the world will go bonkers for him! That’s a fantastic story.

It hurts the league but not at all, lets them focus on the good players, and provides an instant story. There’s nothing more ridiculous than the D-League, except for maybe the Dunk Contest.

Let’s make this happen.

I’m a Shawn Marion addict.

No lie.

The affinity I have for oversized-3/undersized-4 forwards ties directly back to Marion. Quick on the touch pass, funky release, tremendous man-defender, great in transition, not an awesome handle, can’t create his own shot, can nail open looks from anywhere on the floor. That’s my type of guy. I think Marion was scapegoated in Phoenix to a certain degree, but also tends to bite off more than he can chew. He wants to be a number one guy, but you can’t be a number one guy if you can’t take your guy off the dribble or dominate in the paint. That’s just not the way the world works. You can be really awesome at thinking up ways to make food, have an eye for ingredients and temperature and taste, but if you can’t slice a tomato, you’re out of luck as a chef, you know? But Marion still possesses an incredible array of skills, is a multi-faceted weapon at both ends of the floor, and can still put together a stat line to make you dizzy.

So when I say this, understand it’s not born out of a disrespect for Marion’s game. But I want what’s best for both sides in this.

The Miami Heat desperately need to trade Shawn Marion.

Now, I have been here before, which I should probably factor into Marion’s value. But there are entirely different reasons for Miami needing to switch him out. And oddly enough, a lot of it goes back to the player the Suns traded Marion for, and Miami’s acquisition of him.

In 2003-2004, the Heat figured out that this Dwyane Wade kid might have a future someday. They had a scrappy, young club with a lot of promise. They had a trifecta of Dwyane Wade, Caron Butler, and Lamar Odom. They sacrificed all of that for the big prize, a championship ring with Shaquille O’Neal. Now, we know they won a championship with Shaq, and we have no idea if they would have won one with Tuff Juice and Lamar the Head Case. But you have to believe that with young players, cap management, a superstar in Dwyane Wade, and the kind of potential they had, they may have been able to develop a lasting establishment. We’ll go ahead and throw that idea out for now as nothing more than whimsy. But when you look at the devastation in the wake of Shaq’s decline (and believe me, it’s coming Phoenix!), you have to at least think about what they had to go with. Now the Heat in that situation ditched the uncertain future for a certain path to the Finals. Great, right? But there’s a reason Joe Dumars doesn’t sacrifice multiple young players for superstars. He only took on Iverson when it was clear a change was necessary and he knew he could get him as an expiring. Dumars thinks about five years, not one.

Again, this is not to say the Heat did the wrong thing. They have a ring they may not have had otherwise. But perhaps not being bold was the move then, but it is now. Because they are faced with a dual-headed scenario of equal complications now.

On the one hand, they have Marion, who simply does not fit here. It’s not a conceptual issue, but he just sticks out. It’s as if there are two entities on the floor simultaneously. The Miami Heat, and Shawn Marion. And to be sure, there are times when Wade is able to bridge that gap, and when he does, it’s music. But Marion looks awkward, restrained, out of place. He’s the bicycle for the Heat’s goldfish. Many are going to suggest this is a problem with Marion and not the relationship. That’s fine, for the discussion. Because once we admit that something’s got to give, we see the opportunity in the problem.

And there is opportunity to be had. There’s a foundation in place. The Lakers found it staring them in the face tonight in the fourth. Udonis Haslem picking his spots, breaking for dunks when the defense floats up. Wade 2.0 absolutely unleashed. He’s pressuring more and more in the halfcourt trap, tonight forcing a late crucial turnover on none other than Kobe Bryant to create the tying dunk by Haslem. They have shooters in Dequan Cook. A serviceable backup point guard in Chris Quinn who needs to know when to not try to be a hero, but can still hit some big shots. They have a talented athletic young point in Mario Chalmers, who can attack the basket. And the biggest complication to Marion. Beasley.

Time and time again tonight, the Lakers assumed that if they sent two guys to the top of the key to double Wade, the offense would flutter and die. Only, for some reason, they decided to double either with Beasley’s man or force the rotation to him. And Wade, who’s taken the kid more and more under his wing, fed him. And he knocked down shot after shot. To be sure, Beasley can’t create assists right now. He’s the quintessential black hole. But his handle’s not terrible, and his vision is something he can work on to improve. The fact is he’s a natural shooter, and tonight for the first time I’ve seen, there was chemistry between him and Wade. I followed Beasley for Under the Microscope over at FanHouse, and you can see that Wade wants him to succeed. When Beasley stuck to the perimeter on a half-court break opportunity on a busted play and Wade’s pass sailed out of bounds where Beasley should have been, Wade yelled, but he also rubbed the kid’s head. He’s seeing what Beasley can be, and he’s investing in him. Kid’s a natural scorer of the best degree and is starting to put in his time on the boards.

There is plenty to be excited about for this team in the next few years. However, they have a legitimate shot of making noise this year. But that’s not going to happen unless they add a legitimate center. Haslem is a workman’s workman. But physically he’s over matched just in terms of height. The only reason the Lakers sneaked out that one tonight in Staples was because there was no one tall enough to block out Bynum. Bynum had an explosive night, and I was noticing that on the box score. Until I realized that he was up against Joel Anthony and Haslem, who just gives up too much vertical size. The Heat have to have a guy to put a body on people. They’re not a pure running team. They can really put something together, with some more size. It’s possible the thought preseason was to overwhelm teams with talent instead of size, with both Marion and Beasley on the floor, stretching defenses and picking up boards.

But Marion and Beasley can’t coexist. If you watch possessions with them both on the floor, it’s like two bassists for a band on stage at the same time. They’re both taking up the same space on stage, they’re playing over one another, and every time they go for backup vocals, they’re staring at the other one wondering what they’re doing. It’s just awkward.

Marion’s numbers are mute compared to his usual flourishes. Age probably has some to do with it, but a lot of is just a lack of fluency within the Heat. But that’s what makes this situation such an amazing scenario for the Heat. The big problem with Marion in Phoenix was that there was no way to get equal value for him considering his stats, productivity, talents, and the fact that he had the extension option for this season. But now? His numbers are down. His contract is expiring. He’s both more attractive and more tradeable. He no longer demands so much you have to try and swindle teams. He’s an expendable 30 year old former All-Star that can rebound, score, block shots, run in transition, hit threes, defend power forwards, small forwards, and small guards, and who even if you don’t get equal value back on, you’re still coming out ahead because you set yourself up for the playoffs and beyond. But they have to pull the trigger.

The Heat have been silent about Marion the whole season, supposedly waiting to see if this combination could work. It doesn’t. They now have a chance to lock up the long term success they sacrificed, rightly, in pursuit of their ring. They can acquire a set of assets to fill in, while not sacrificing their 2010 spending money. And they might just have enough to make some noise come April, put the fear of God in the Eastern Conference, and establish themselves as the rising challenge to the Kingdom of James.

But they have to pull the trigger.

I’ve made a lot of fun of Joe Alexander in my life. A LOT OF FUN. But Joe?

You just got my vote.

(Hat Tip: The Awesome Mouthpiece Sports)

When I was in junior high, I decided to only take the advanced coursed for math and science. I like English the best, I had the best grades in English, but I thought that there was no hope for me ever getting a job in English, and I should just stick to what’s “important.”

Nevermind the fact that it was the job of the TAG (Talented and Gifted, FTW) teacher to identify where my specialties lay. I just declined to say anything about it and carried on. But after my first writing exercise my sophomore year my teacher busted me and asked why I wasn’t in the higher classes. I explained and she said that was pretty stupid and set about getting me into AP English, mostly so I wouldn’t ruin the curve and cause everyone to hate me more than they already did. I got into the AP classes, discovered I loved English and things have been pretty different since.

Now, I’m not saying this to stroke my ego based off my high school accomplishments ten years ago in small-town Arkansas public schools, as awesome as that is, but to illustrate a fact. Eventually, you’ve got to look yourself in the mirror and realize who you are, regardless of how you intended to become.

The Houston Rockets have not done this.

The best this team has performed in the past three years was during their massive 22 game win streak last season that coincided with Yao Ming’s injury. Additionally, the best game of their season since opening night was Saturday night when, without Tracy McGrady, Shane Battier, or Crazy Pills, they battled, rattled and flummoxed the very-good-no-for-real-stop-laughing Atlanta Hawks at home. Luis Scola was making mince meat out of Josh Smith, even as Smith was popping off at the other end of the floor. Aaron Brooks commanded a topside screen, flew past it, threw himself through the air and sliced in layups. Rafer Alston made big steals. Yao Ming did his thing. Carl Landry brought the energy. There was ball movement, there was effort, there was Von freaking Wafer playing through a hamstring issue, still hitting big shots. It was everything the Rockets have not been.

Was it Battier’s absence? Clearly not, he was around for the run last year, and if anything, the team’s movement and leadership is improved with him on the floor.

Crazy Pills? Maybe, but Artest is a wild animal you sick on your opponent. He may bite you from time to time, but it’s worth it just to scare the bejeesus out of them.

Which of course leaves Mr. McGrady.

I can throw stats at you, if you’d like. I can talk about his shooting 39%. I can talk about the fact that his page on Yahoo! actually says “Injury Note on January 3rd, 2008 (Chronically sore left knee). I can talk about the fans turning on him, hard. But none of that reaches the real issue. Because the issue’s not really McGrady. It’s the Rockets.

See, McGrady’s doing what he feels like he has to. He’s playing through pain, like a leader should. He’s trying to shoulder the immense burden, which has compounded with every loss to the Jazz in the first round. He’s trying to rise above. The fly in this martyrdom ointment? He talks about it. He said before the season he didn’t think his knee would be right all season. He constantly talks about the issue. Let me put it this way. When Manu’s ankle got worse after the Olympics, did you hear him constantly talking about? Was he trying to play through it? Were there constant discussions of it? No. Popovich shelved him and told him to stay quiet, get healthy, come back. Period. Because otherwise, you’re still going to get the criticism. If you can’t play, don’t play. Because if you do play, no one’s going easy on you just because you tried hard. It’s harsh, and unfortunate, and honestly, it sucks for him, but that’s how it is.

Conversely, the Rockets can’t look at themselves and say “We can win without him.” They did it last year without Ming, but without the player that is constantly saying he wants to just “take what comes to him” instead of forcing the issue, which the Rockets desperately need from him from time to time on the offensive end, they tend to lose their heads. Richard Justice, who is reviled by the blogoshphere, speaks to this fear.

“Yet the Rockets must have McGrady playing at a high level to make any noise in the playoffs. That’s the bottom line. At the moment, they can’t win with him. During the playoffs, they can’t win without him.’

There’s some truth to that, that you need those kind of players in the playoffs. But they have enough talent to make some noise if they were to trade McGrady for a composite. A reliable point, a shooter, and another big to throw in their Ultimate Frontcourt Of Doom Machine. You want Yao to be your franchise? Let’s see it.

This is moot of course. No one is taking McGrady. And giving up on McGrady would mean further revisions to the team, another direction which takes time. And that’s not what Morey’s angled for. They’re stuck.

It’s too bad because when this team is clicking, when Brooks is haphazardly attacking the rim, when Scolas is shocking people with his post moves, when Landry is finishing on putbacks and Barry’s hitting big shots, they have a good team. They’re just a little shorthanded.

Unfortunately, McGrady can’t give them the hand they need. It breaks too easy.

For Christmas, Paroxi-wife got me the McGrady Free Darko print. As much as T-Mac frustrates me, I love the print. It talks a lot about what I love about the game. Because McGrady, at least for now and the forseeable future is doomed. And yet he’s still trying to force his way through skeletons, fully aware of the doom that shrouds him, but going on. I don’t know if it’s masochism, perserverence, martyrdom, obsession, or good intentions, but it says something about him. And I’ll keep hoping for things to turn out right for him, finally.

But in the meantime, I have to keep pointing at the mirror and hope the Rockets turn to see what they are, and what they could be.

Joker: Oh, and you know the thing about Chaos?

(pause)

Joker: It’s fair.

I had that line up as a status message on GMail. Why, because it tapped into some deep, philosophical paradigm that I feel implicitly connected to? Because it represents a heartfelt sentiment about the state of the world that I subscribe to? No. Because I think it is sounds cool.

Josh Coleman dropped me a little note out of the blue about it.

“Chaos isn’t fair, it is merely indiscriminate and random. That doesn’t equate to “fair” or “unfair”. Chaos still affects the “innocent” just as much as the “guilty”.”

Which led me to respond. And when I responded, something hit me.

“The chaos argument is tempting, because it seems to make sense. You have to hold on to certain tenets to not be suckered in by it. It’s like 7SOL, really.”

I meant it as a joke, but in reality, it’s pretty accurate.

The crux of what the Joker says in that speech is that there is a perceived way to function in the world, and when you threaten that, people’s fear overcomes them and drives them to irrational behavior. And similarly, he offers to Harvey an alternative to the lifeview that resulted in the death of his fiance, the release of every criminal he’d helped detain, and of course, that little matter of the left side of his face. He proposes to him a path of unhinged action, of violent opposition to a system that clearly fails to uphold the ideals it claims to value. And the temptation for Dent is how easy it is to give into the alternative, because it rewards all of the dark impulses that exist inside of him, namely, murder, destruction, and most importantly, revenge.

Now, the natural reaction to this line of thinking, despite its temptations, is twofold. First, there’s the fact that, you know, unrestrained, indiscriminate destruction and violence is inherently wrong. But of course, the chaos side of the argument gets around that by disavowing the entire concept of right and wrong as part of those tenets you have to hold on to. Secondly is the matter, that the Joker ends up getting his ass kicked, swinging from a roof after his master plan completely failed. But think about why it failed. In the end, his failure, even in the short-term, was the result not of the caped crusaders’ punching and kicking and bataranging. It was the inability of people on the boats to push the button. The decision not to go through with the most chaotic of impulses, the disregard of those exact tenets. In reality, the tenets didn’t dictate the action, the action validated the tenets through their existence. People are inherently good because they didn’t push the button. This of course goes back to a fairly long-standing and unspeakably more complex philosophical debate than I can articulate, but that’s neither here nor there, so bear with me.

How does this relate to a mustached coach and Al Harrington? I’ll tell you.

One of the things that’s been noted by many people in the basketball world is the fact that SSOL tempts you into playing their game. You’ll notice teams that get suckered into the pace, throwing themselves up and down the court, trying full court outlet passes, transition threes. It speaks to the funnest nature of basketball. Bill Simmons, actually, surprisingly, nailed it pretty well in his recent article.

“When you exert a seemingly chaotic run-and-gun pace, opponents invariably get caught up in that tempo—you know, because deep down every player really wants to shoot every seven seconds—and that’s exactly what Coach Mike wants. He trains his teams to play that style and looks for players who make it work, giving him an inherent advantage every night. “

Now, Simmons’ article is heavily flawed in several respects, as outlined here, and here, but that point is pretty accurate. There’s a reason you’re seeing Al Harrington having a renaissance there and why the Knicks as a whole look like they’ve been released from prison. D’Antoni has tapped into something ethereal that exists in players that tend to falter in traditional systems. Players that are made of athleticism and style, but little toughness or resolve. He is, somehow, able to tap into something philosophical with his teams and bring out the best in players that previously had nothing resembling a “best.” He does so by feeding what many consider the worst parts of them previously. He takes their little world and he turns it in on themselves. It’s fun. And it’s tempting. It’s that chaos being introduced to a system. And from a player’s standpoint, it allows them to freelance and always look to score. It’s… fair.

Now, conversely, Simmons’ article also is a good reference point because it speaks to the prevailing counter-argument. The tenets of rational order, you might say. The tenets are that defense wins championship, toughness always wins over flash, and that you can’t play basketball like that and expect to win. And just like in the Dark Knight, the end seems to justify that train of thought. The Joker got caught, the Spurs won the title, and all is right with the world (don’t even get me started on the similarities between Batman accepting the responsibility of being hunted by the police and criticized for his good intentions and the Spurs being constantly dogged as “boring”). But there’s also something telling in what the Joker tells Batman, hanging there, laughing at him.

“I think you and I are destined to do this forever.”

Just because SSOL failed in the desert doesn’t mean it will always fail, and it didn’t mean the end of the movement. Because tonight, when the Knicks, with Al Harrington firing threes and Nate Robinson splitting defenders, beat the Celtics, with all their defense, all their fundamentals, all their strength, you saw a glimpse of it. The battle’s eternal, and necessary between the two. Chaotic, freewheeling mania versus controlled, disciplined order.

Now, of course, this isn’t meant to idolize the violent murder the joker takes as whimsy, nor to link D’Antoni to that kind of behavior. But there’s a reason that no one goes around quoting any of Christian Bale’s lines from that film, a reason that Ledger is posthumously up for an Oscar and was spoken of a nomination before his passing, a reason that when you think of that film, you think of the Joker. And it’s the same reason kids love to dunk, that we like the fastbreak more than the halfcourt, and why Gilbert Arenas is on the All-Star ballot despite not playing a tick and Bruce Bowen has never been a serious DPOY of the year candidate. It’s human nature, and it plays out every night on the court.

The best part is that there will never be an answer to the question. The fundamentalists will respond with “Who’s got the rings?” and the other side will respond with a cackle and just a simple…

“You’ll see. I’ll show you.”

You’ll have to forgive that many Anchorman references inside of a week, cats and kittens, but sometimes, they’re just called for. And when a team signs a player the same day a letter is distributed threatening any team that signs him, well, that’s pretty much the professional basketball equivalent of “Yeah, why don’t you trade this for a solid array of picks and role players?”

Now, Memphis did this because Darko’s still on the shelf and they’re getting murdered on the boards. They did this because they need cheap players to fill the roster and provide some perspective for the kiddos. And they did this because they felt they could help their team.

But the fact that this puts a big Grizzlie foot right in the Wonder Team’s crotch?

That ain’t bad, either.

Pritch, you’ve done so well, man.

Pride goeth before the fall, Manager Man. And if this wasn’t your doing, you need to get that owner and the staff back in the stable. Now.

Hat Tip: 3Shades, of course.

Notes from the Denver Nuggets at Atlanta Hawks, December 29th, 2008.

• Is Marvin Williams human or is he dancer? The most frustrating of all the Hawks young guns is arguably the most important improvement on this Hawks squad. Bibby’s simply living up to his perceived potential, Johnson is the same killer he’s been, and the team synergy is certainly something we’ve seen glimpses of, even if it’s never been palpable like this. But Williams was supposed to be the glaring reminder of losing Josh Childress, the disappointment compounded by inconsistency. But instead, he’s been the Hawk that’s one step ahead of everyone, even his teammates. You notice him making passes his teammates don’t expect, finding cutters where there were none. Several times Horford turned the ball over, surprised to find the ball whipped towards him even when he was cutting. Williams’ points and assists are down this year, but take last night’s line. 16, 8, and 4 with 1 turnover. That’s more than enough, given the way the rest of the team is playing.
• It’s certain that Billups was the turning point for this team, but I’d argue that Billups was the conceptual shift, the attitude pull that allowed for the Nuggets to embrace their natural identities. If you want the meat and potatoes of why they’re a better team, and simultaneously why they’re still vulnerable, take a look at Renaldo Balkman. His minutes are erratic due to injury and his predictable capacity for vanishing. However, when he strikes it’s like a thunderbolt, and it wakes up the whole team. He blasts through for rebounds, put-backs, and dunks. He’s obsessive on defense tonight, even if his discipline isn’t always in the right place.
• Kleiza is somehow the de facto redundant player, able to produce offense in spurts, but unable to do anything any coach would rationally want him to do.
• Mike Bibby is having a killer timer. He’s smiling, laughing, making all the right plays, shooting when he should, passing when he should, playing with poise and aggressiveness. He’s been simply killer.
• But not as killer as Johnson. The problem Johnson poses is a constant danger. You get lulled to sleep waiting for him to appear. He’s not Kobe, where you obsess over his every movement on the floor. He slips and glides in and out of the offense. He vanishes like a lot of players for minutes. But then he appears like Raiden and blitzes you. You’re overwhelmed by his versatility and explosiveness. He’s got a bigger game coming, and my hope is he’s saving it for April and May. The look teams get when he starts to execute them is some sort of bleakness, like they’ve just been snuffed out.
• I keep leaning to compare Horford to Duncan, but he’s not nearly as big and way more mobile. Then I lean to compare him to Brand and he’s more workman-like. He’s polished, but not in the new-age, prototypical ballhandling big way. He’s not the best of all worlds, just some of them. The vacation planets, maybe, but ones visited by the working class and with mountains to climb instead of neon beaches and drinks with umbrellas.
• Josh Smith’s not dead. He’s just biding his time. The energy and ability is coming back to him after the injury, and I would anticipate a detonation and follow through after the All Star Break.
• Sometime, take a look at the trucker hats and three day scruff on the camera crew and ball boys in Atlanta. It’s like a truck stop on hardwood.
• The whole idea about Johnson being stymied by Billups made sense, until you started to factor how much Johnson moves without the ball. Early in the third, Billups tried to cheat on the under screen, Johnson had full rotation and nailed a three. It’s not a bad idea, per say, but I feel like the Nuggets would have done better to focus on Bibby with Billups straight up, neutralize him, and let the help defense focus on Johnson.
• People are coming to games in Atlanta. Ye Gods.
• Denver focused so much on cutting down on Johnson and Bibby’s perimeter, that they left themselves wide open when Smith sliced in, saved it on one foot, one hand, and found Horford for a huge dunk.
• Next Wednesday, Hawks, Magic. Be there or be the Spurs.

Don’t Stand On The Quisy When The Hawks Are Comin’ Through (Hawks at Pacers): Is Danny Granger crazy? Probably a little. He’s certainly crazy about the Hawks. He lit them up for 34 when last they met, including shooting 72% from the field and um, well, lighting the building on fire. The Hawks are rolling, having won 5 in a row. But this is a back to back coming off an 8 game homestand, first game back on the road, last game before New Year’s, and yeah. So essentially what we have here is a recipe for disaster. With Quisy Daniels.

You’re Going To Love Them And Forget Them So You Might As Well Love Them Lots(New York at Charlotte): I feel like Richard Dreyfuss in Close Encounters… . “This means something.” In the end scene of that film (that goes on for about a half hour), they do that awesome special effect where all the clouds boil together over one place, in that instance Devils Tower. In this instance, it’s Madison Square Garden. This is a perfect storm of oversized combo forwards with no respect towards defense, underachieving shooters, uncoordinated big men, random hustle junkies, and Wilson Chandler. Al Harrington, the DÁntoni edition meets Boris Diaw, untethered from expecations and free to roam. Gerald Wallace versus David Lee. And to top it all off, you have the former DÁntoni favorites Bell and Diaw to mix with the trade rumors linking them towards a reunion. Come inside, come inside.

The Devil Knows You’re Dead (Cleveland at Miami): LeBron vanquished Wade the other night, even though Wade had a more explosive game. So now they meet again, this time in South Beach. Since there’s little chance Riley will get off his ass and trade Marion for the composite pieces he needs to in the next 13 hours, the result should be largely the same. However, you’re not going to find much better of a matchup. The Heat are damn entertaining this year, as expected. The Cavs are efficient and deadly. The big problem for the Heat is they’re simply outgunned at point guard and power forward. They’re second biggest problem is that they don’t have LeBron James. Don’t get me wrong, Wade’s a NOVA machine in his own right, but LBJ has too much raw power for defenses right now. Also bear in mind that Delonte West and Shawn Marion will be sharing a floor tonight. You might as well announce “Paranoia” as a starter.

Look Who’s On A Winning Streak (Washington at New Orleans): There is a basketball-like substance in Washington. Repeat, a basketball-like substance in Washington. Do not attempt to subdue the basketball. The Hornets are either cruising or drifting, and there’s not much to use to decipher which. So it’s entirely possible that the Wizards could pull this thing off, especially with Mike James’ added motivation. Or, probability can show up and, well, the Wizards can lose, lose, lose badly. Unlike the Rockets, the Hornets are capable of actually finding their own asses.

Got Some Bad News For You There, Shaqy-Poo (Suns at Grizzlies): You’re losing tonight, you big, overrated, chemistry-killing, small-guard-hanging-out-to-dry, pain in the ass. I know, spoken like a true Grizzlies fan, right? Look. Nash may not play with back spasms. The Grizzlies lost a nailbiter to the Spurs, then let the Timberwolves slip away. Mayo’s playing like a bomb gone off, and the Suns are overly due for a “Holy Hell, how did they lose that game?”game. A back-to-back for the Suns, on the road, injuries, and OJ Mayo. Goodnight, Moon.

Team-That-Can’t-Win-Playoff-Games, Meet Team-That-Can’t-Win-Games (Minnesota at Dallas): Josh Howard’s pretty good, Dirk Nowitzki is better, the Mavericks will win. Al Jefferson is fun to watch, but after last night, he’s going to be exhausted.

It’s Not A Race, It’s War Of Attrition And The Spurs Are Killing Themselves (Milwaukee at San Antonio): The Bucks are almost as even as they can be in every way. The Spurs have devised a nice pattern. Fall behind for three quarters. Apply pressure in the fourth. Take lead inside two minutes. Coast to victory like you’d always expected it. The Bucks may actually be a more complete team right now than the Spurs. How insane is that? I like the Bucks in an upset, because the Spurs are due for their luck to run out and the Bucks have to catch a break at some point.

Ironmonger, Meet The Ore Mine (Boston at Portland): Both teams are flawed, both teams are discombobulated, both teams need a pick me up. Beating Sacramento does not count. The Blazers have depth, but the Celtics have experience. This is a pretty striking contrast, and honestly, anything could happen and I wouldn’t be surprised.

LA Clippers at Sacramento Kings: A game so terrible it’s not worthy of pithy headlines. Only watch on doctor’s orders.

Notes from the Miami Heat versus the Cleveland Cavaliers at the Q on December 28th, 2008.

• How good are you at sizing up something you have a conflict with? How long does it take you to evaluate what you’re up against and how best to overcome that obstacle? Now imagine you have less than two seconds to make that assertion. Imagine that while making that assertion, you’re moving at full speed directly towards it, while it’s moving full speed to stop you and you don’t know whether it’s going to move towards you or move to cut off your trajectory. Now realize that Dwyane Wade manages to routinely make professional NBA defenders look silly. That’s right. Silly. Like silly girls with pigtails. There’s a play early in the third where he crossed up Z and though Z had a perfect angle on him and was playing it conservatively, Z ended up facing the exact wrong way while Wade slipped an off-hand lay-in off the glass.
• I’ve been developing a theory. It’s called the West-James-Mind-Meld Theory. It goes something like this.
• At some point during this dunk, part of LeBron’s consciousness was transferred to Delonte West. The sheer violence of the act imparted part of LeBron’s in-game identity to West’s noggin. This did not let West imitate James in any way, but instead made him the perfect partner to LeBron.
• Upon the trade that sent West to the Cavs, this shared consciousness became evident. West found himself in full-court transition scenarios and instead of challenging the basket as has been taught to him his entire life, he automatically looked for LeBron, resulting in a series of devastating, jaw dropping alley-oops.
• In return, James rewarded West for his assent to the way of LeBron, and started setting him up in situations instead of throwing the ball at the basket.
• This connection has survived even Mo Williams’ arrival, and in fact, has been assisted by West’s newfound freedom.
• It’s startling to see what happens when you let a player fill the role they’re meant to. West gambling on steals and pestering Wade, setting up on the perimeter for LeBron’s drive and kick, constantly throwing himself at the ball or basket like a kamikaze small guard, it brings joy to my heart. West may end up being the unlikely Robin to LeBron’s Batman. All this time, we’ve been looking for someone equally skilled but in different ways. Yet, Robin was never Batman’s equal. He was a sidekick. Someone to be rescued from giant robotic spiders, to toss him that last batarang when the Penguin turned his gun on him, someone for the Joker to beat to death with a crowbar. West gives LeBron someone to run with, to tousle his hair (even tonight you saw LeBron checking West’s arm to see if he was bleeding after a skirmish like a worried hen), and to shake hands with. West provides him all the auxiliary firepower he wants, without any of the homosexual overtones of the caped crusaders.
• At what point do we stop waiting for LeBron’s jumper to arrive consistently? It’s like a Ryan Adams concert. Sure, when it shows up it’s glorious and transformative. But a lot of the time you just end up pissed off you’ve been waiting so long for something that just played three chords and then walked off stage.
• Wade’s jumper, on the other hand, still surprises you with its fluency. It waltzes in, charms the waitress, gets the drinks for free, and then waltzes out with the bottle of 15 year Scotch. Sure, sometimes it gets tiresome or tries too hard, but man, when he sets both feet and isn’t trying to fade Like Mike, it’s lightning bottled and sold in Sex Panther bottles.
• You know how you know a lead is going to fade? When Udonis Haslem is working his range, that’s how.
• When the Cleveland offense stagnated in the third, the Cleveland announce team noted that the Cavs were just “pushing it to LeBron and hoping he comes up with something” (to paraphrase). To which everyone watching at home said “Oh, so just like the last five years.”
• Chalmers’energy is contagious, it just doesn’t have anything behind it yet. That’s a project that should work out well for them. Unlike Banks, which is the New Coke experiment.
• Anderson Varejao has what I would call a “Neato”offense. He does things that you don’t expect him to do, and that aren’t really necessary. Like a can-opener that also irons your socks. Or a VCR that also serves as an electric-razor. It’s not that you don’t appreciate their versatility, and it’s kind of neat, but it’s just not what you’re looking for.
• There are few more hilarious moments for an NBA junkie than that moment where both teams realize the refs have itchy whistle lips and just start pushing to see what they can get called. It started when Wade got Gibson to brush his forearms for the shooting foul, and carried all the way through Delonte West simply falling over when he ran out of options like he just pulled the microchip out of his brain and shot it to prevent the enemy from decoding its contents, only to find a foul called. I know it’s infuriating for the casual fan and the other team’s fans, but you see it so much, you have to laugh at it. Wade’s one of the best at drawing fouls, but the Cavs are sheer artists at creating phantom fouls from nothing.
• Shawn Marion is filling in all the areas he wasn’t brought to Miami to do, and not filling all the roles he was. It’s the most awkward fit. It’s like a polar bear in a tu-tu plopped into the middle of the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. You may still get “The Impression That I Get” but you still don’t know what the hell it’s doing there.