So Paroxi-Wife and I are relocating back to the Midwestern plains from whence we came. Which means that I have to have the cable turned off. This wouldn’t be a big deal, except for the fact that I won’t have my new place till the 12th of December. Which essentially means I wont’ be able to regularly watch the NBA for about, oh, three weeks.
YE GODS.
Posting will continue here, but it’s up to Rob, Graydon, and …sigh… Corn to carry the banner. There’s a slight possibility I won’t have any 15s till the 15th of December. Hope you can carry on. Good slate tonight. Enjoy them.
REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:
The Gods Must Be Crazy (And Like Really, Really Sh*tty Basketball):
Los Angeles Clippers at Oklahoma City Thunder
If you’re really tuning into this and you’re not a fan of either team, and I mean a diehard, tattooed, season ticket holder, own the slippers, would seriously consider losing an organ for a Conference Finals appearance fan, I pity you. I pity you far more than the panhandlers I see on the street that ask for money so they can buy DVD porn they can’t watch, but like to look at the pictures because it seems more lifelike. I pity you more than a certain party that finds itself withoug leadership, a majority, or direction for the first time in three decades. I pity you as I pity a one-eyed-one-leg-incontinet kitten. And I ask you to consider what you’re doing before you watch.
Okay. Al Thornton versus Kevin Durant could have some lightning in there (see the Thunder refernce? Ah? Ah?) Russell Westbrook versus Boom could also tickle your fancy. How about Chris Kaman verus Nick Collison in “Battle of the That Guys?”
I like the Clippers by default here. If they lose to Earl Watson and Johan Petro, it’s time to move the team. Overseas. To a cave. Don’t worry. Kaman will be happy there.
The Only Thing Separating These Teams Is Time. (And Coaching.) (And Talent.) (And Chemistry) (…You Get The Idea):
Philadelphia at Minnesota.
Fast, athletic guards. Veteran scorer. Young forward. Talented big man. These two teams are not so terribly different. I’m still not sold on Philly being back to 100%, but at least Iggy is getting it done in the major stats categories. I will say that Andre Miller looks tentative and lost sometimes. Meanwhile, Brand is a workman, and can do what he wants given the opportunity. The Wolves are disfunction junction, what’s your function? The only question is if they’ll somehow figure some things out. They have the potential to be decent, and this is as vulnerable a team at .500 or better as they’re going to see, but they’ve got to capitalize, especially at home. Jefferson needs one of his Harbinger nights, and Miller’s got to be efficient if they want to hang with the Thaddeus Young Tour (CANNONBALL!).
Home Is Where The Invincible Star, Power Flower, And Hammer Helmet Are:
Milwaukee at Utah.
If this was on the road, I’d take Milwaukee. No kidding. The Bucks aren’t bad. They’re not especially bad, and Bogut leaves a lot to be desired for a franchise player, but they’re still a pretty good team, and Al Jefferson and Ramon Sessions have been brilliant in stretches. But the Jazz are unbeatable at home. Un.Beatable. Until May rolls around, getting wins here is like getting your grandfather to give you $20. He’s got the money, and it would make sense that he’d give it to you. But he’d rather show you the value of hard work by having you rake leaves until sundown, then sneak off to Bingo without paying you. Welcome to the Utah Jazz.
Oh, and Carlos Boozer will get blocked tonight.
Didn’t You Hear the Good News?(Via The Corndogg):
Washington @ Atlanta
I know, I couldn’t believe it either. Tom Daschle is the new Secretary of Health and Human Services. And you thought the only thing South Dakota had going for it was its D-League team. But really, I bring this up because the best parts of this game are still the walking wounded. Josh “I Think I Just Made That ‘Leap’ Thing” Smith is still sitting while the Hawks keep falling. Zero might not have come out of his hyperbaric chamber long enough to even realize his team is putrid without him there. And, to be fair, no one knows exactly how good it would be WITH him here. I mean, they did alright last season, remember? Well, all that’s to be said is we need to get some health around this league, so that the NBA will better serve us humans. The agonizingly insane Nick Young will be on display for all to see. And not to be outdone – Al Horford owns your face.
This is a Game That the Corndogg Wants to Watch.(Via The Corndogg)
Toronto @ Miami
Two teams on the periphary of yours truly are the, uh, teams I am currently writing about. Bosh was my #1 pick in fantasy, so I’mma be stalking him like suicidal singers do Paula Abdul the rest of the season. And today, on Gchat, Moore and I gave the Raps the “THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY ARE” award (first this season). Calderon could very well end up leading the league in assists – if his wings were more efficient and he didnt spend so much effort on D sucking. Perpetual underachievers, how sweet thy sound. Miami, equally frustrating, might be gasp better if my mortal enemy were still in charge. Yes, I said it, I think Riley needs to usurp this team. Nothing against Spoelstra but this odd cast of characters is not something a young coach needs to handle. It takes an experienced puppet master to start no one taller than 6’9″, still have the corpse of Marcus Banks on your roster, employ Shaun Livingston and perhaps even get Wade above 30 a game. At the very least, he is someone I can slam if all these odd parts dont fit together for back to back games. Its like Pure Goodness vs. Pure Evil (I’m Goodness) and I need that foil to complete me. Or, I can just watch the game and be happy. Either or.
Give Me Mikki Moore, Gimme More!(Via The Corndogg)
Sacramento @ New Orleans
There may come a time tonight when Mikki Moore and Melvin Ely guard each other. Not just that, but they may also make physical contact in the post. Sort of like 2 grown goliaths, fluid, heaving, dancing with each other in an athletic ballet of wonderment and explosiveness. They shall glide together, an inseperable duo, effortlessly elevating this animalistic game into an intergalactic, poetic aria – this game of basketball. Then, one of them will get the ball passed to them and his head will explode, brains all over the court. I don’t know which I would prefer.
Just Call Me Karl Malone, Cause I’m Mailing It In. (Via The Corndogg)
Cleveland @ Pistons
So many great things to be said about this game. In fact, I am so sure they have already been written, so I won’t even bother. Cleveland – #1 in offensive efficiency, Lebron and his disregard for human life (see “Tom Dashcle”), the manna which is Delonte West. Pistons – Kwame (KAPPOW! he is playing decent), Stuckey’s head wrapped up like a mummy and a potential Walter Hermann sighting. That’s all you need.
The Big Chill Versus The Poet:
Chicago At Portland.
Derrick Rose has been Pablo freaking Neruda for the first month of the season. He’s sweet, he’s pretty, he flows, he cajoles, he shakes, careens, and lays softly down the fears of Bulls fans. Unfortunately, the only thing more inconsistent than the grading techniques of your English professor Freshman Year is the rest of his team. “Ben Gordon is awesome!” “Ben Gordon is a chucker!” “Tyrus Thomas is amazing!” “Tyrus Thomas doesn’t know his head from his ass.” And so forth. Tonight they’re getting a Blazers team that looked terrible to start the season and still hasn’t fixed its defense, but is absolutely lethal with confidence right now. And oh, yeah, the Big Chill got his groove on last night and showed that he could still become the guy we all want him to be.
If Portland traps Rose effectively, this game is over before the half. The Bulls are tired after last night’s game with LA, are terrible on the road, and don’t match up well. But Portland’s big problem this year has been keeping the pedal on. It needs to come out and put the foot down with The Big Nifty, LaMarcus Aldridge and set a tone. You’re not in our league, Bulls. Back to the salt mines. That’s how LA did it, that’s how Portland should do it. Roy versus Rose will be awesome, though.
SPURS/NUGG (Trey Has To Die Remix):
San Antonio – Denver
Tune in to see a high flying battle between Tony Parker and Manu Ginobil against Allen Iverson and Carmelo Anthony. There’s going to be tons of points in this game and it’ll be ridiculously entertaining.
REMIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tune in to see a team that hates defense play against a team that features a fourth option as Their number two option. Watch as Tim Duncan and Nene ram in to each other 13 times a possession. Enjoy as Carmelo Anthony asks Roger Mason, Jr. why he stole his high school haircut. Marvel in the battle for who has the best fey name: Jacque Vaughn or Chauncey Billups.
She Blinded Me With Snake Eggs. (Trey)
Dallas – Houston
Certainly this is the biggest game in Texas tonight, and that’s saying something. If you haven’t heard Texas is a pretty enormous state. Like one of the biggest ever. So if this is the biggest game in a big state, by using the transitive property, you can assume that this is a big game. That’s math.
You don’t want to argue with math. I tried arguing with math once and ended up getting a detention. Sure, math in this case was a substitute geometry teacher who busted me for throwing things out the window, but you get the point. You try arguing with math, you have to stay 45 minutes after school. That’s science.
And believe me, science is not messing around. Science will make you remove skin from animals. Science has created bombs. Science made it possible to have shirts that change color, just from touching them. Science is CRAZY. Do not mess with science, unless you want all of your skin cut off, exploded, and then changing colors. Science will do that to you.
If that doesn’t convince you, I don’t know what will.
Buncha games tonight, I’m moving, Corn’s got a stupid prior engagement. Let’s play WHEEL… OF… MEH!
REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT IN TWO SENTENCES OR LESS:
Atlanta at Indiana: Because otherwise you won’t be able to honestly say that you’ve watched small market teams and they are flat out inferior compared to the Lakers/Celtics.
Dallas at Charlotte: Because one day soon you’ll be able to tell your kids, “I remember when Gerald Wallace was on the Bobcats. They sucked! Just like they suck now!”
Miami at Washington: Because Dwyane Wade will either break your soul or break his leg and nothing in between. Also, Chris Quinn looks funny and Epic Vale is tall.
Toronto at Orlando: Good teams not playing well. Watch and criticize!
Cleveland at New Jersey: LeBron James meets Yi Jianlian in one of the singularly most bizarre sights in the NBA.
Not so much with the good. REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:
Good Love Is Hard To Find (In Oklahoma):
Houston at Oklahoma City.
Crazy Pills: What is this?
Earl Watson: What is what?
Crazy Pills: This thing. This thing we’re playing. This thing that’s trying to stop me yet I continue to throw the ball with great velocity at the basket unimpeded?
Nick Collison: Look, we’re rebuilding, okay? We need some work.
Yao Ming: You can’t build a fortress from the dung of a dragon; completeness is only sacrifice in golden terms.
Crazy Pills: What the f*ck does that mean?
Luis Scola: I think what he iz traying to say iz this team is very terrible at playing basketball.
Crazy Pills: But what are they?
*Kevin Durant clangs another jumper.
Russell Westbrook: Noooo, couldn’t have taken Love, could they? Noooo. I could be running with Al Jefferson right now. Stupid Bulls.
*Joe Smith sinks 18 footer, secretly ties shoelaces of Jeff Green together.
Crazy Pills: I think I’ll dunk now.
Tracy McGrady: My booboo hurts.
THE END.
Blake Ahearn’s Revenge, Game 1:
San Antonio at LA Clippers.
Now that Blake’s back in the NBA, tonight he begins his slaughter of all those that questioned him, starting with the Clippers. Expect a barrage of golf claps from the bench and awkward high fives during timeouts. That’ll show ‘em!
I already miss the 2006-2008Baron Davis, don’t you?
Um. Roger Mason is good. The end.
“Two Teams I Trust About As Much As A Convicted Pedophile Near An Elementary School…With Lollipops.” (Via the Corndogg):
Phoenix at Utah.
Have you ever seen a less happy, discombobulated and underacheiving 8-3 team than Phoenix? They can’t keep their entire team on the court, either due to suspensions, resting ailing stars or injuries. Their all world point is definitely a step slower and not comfortable being treated like a dinosaur in this new system. Amare can’t seem to get it together for long stretches and Shaq – yes, that Shaq – has been their best and most consistent player. This team has no chemistry, no definitive rotation, a short bench and even shorter attention spans. You get the sense that they know they have lost it, but that they still have way more talent (albeit aging and awkward) than 95% of the teams in the league. This team enjoys playing basketball the same way your dad enjoys regular prostate exams. They have, almost literally, turned into the old man waging his finger at the kids and telling them to tay off his lawn – he can’t even step outside anymore because of a bad back and severe allergies, but he still doesn’t want anyone to be around his house and enjoy his property. I think all these guys would rather be in Papua New Guinea than Phoenix – yet they keep winning. I wonder what happens when they start caring?
On the other side, Utah is floating in some eerily similar waters. Injuries, system fatigue and other random outside elements have really kep the Jazz from proving what the masses had ordained for them in the preseason. When they are on, they still look really good. But, you just cant shake the feeling that they need one fairly significant move to get themselves over the top. We’ve been bandying around AK in trade talks for years and it will inevitably pop back up again. Although, I doubt that will happen. The Jazz have this compulsive need to prove to you that their player and their system are good enough, even though end-year scenarios have failed continuously to back it up. But, with Boozer in a contract year and Deron getting healthy, this team will surely find its footing. But a package of younger stars for an established veteran inside presence and lock down wing defender might put these guys cloer to LAL than LAC. Jury’s still out. The unique matchup tonight is the points and powers matchups. That’s your game right there.
KWAME FÃNG BROWN: 10 points, 10 rebounds, 3 assists, 1 steal, 1 block. And that one block? On Pau Gasol. One of 2 blocks allowed by Gasol.
Everyone thought I was crazy when I said Detroit would beat LA.
WHO’S CRAZY NOW?
We are still awaiting Andrew Bynum’s arrival as the greatest center in modern history. For the season: 10.1, 8.9, 3 blocks, which is honestly awesome.
I think somehow the Lakers will ease their suffering by the fact that they are still light years beyond everyone else as the best team in the league. No sarcasm. They had a bad shooting night. That’s it.
Wallace just blocked the hell out of Boozer’s shot, Boozer gets it back, then Adam Morrison steals it and accidentally lays it in trying for the dunk for his 15th point of the night (!). Boozer comes back down and because Wallace is trying to cover both guys, Boozer gets a dunk on Wallace, and then stares at him. He gets a series of putbacks, but that sequence pretty much cost the Jazz the game. They get a pass for not having Williams, AK, OR Okur. But that pretty much sums up the Jazz. He also misses layup down six.
Twelve games tonight. So you can go ahead and cancel those dinner plans. Or. Not.
(As a side note, our thoughts and prayers go out to Leandro Barbosa and his family. Barbosa lost his mother recently, which is something everyone goes through and is never easy.)
Reasons to Watch the Games of the National Basketball Association Tonight:
So Michael Jordan… Has No Shot… At Beating Utah…Ironic.:
Utah at Charlotte.
Okay, Utah. You lost to the Wizards. The freaking Wizards. But I’m going to give you that one. You occasionally drop East coast road games. Which is okay. I’m not going to rag on you for that. But not back to back, kids. Not to Charlotte, which is a lost babe in the woods, asking the wolves for directions. Take care of business, so I don’t have to mock you. Deal?
This is actually kind of interesting. Deron Williams is obviously not 100%. Augustin is coming on. Kirilenko is playing really well, but so is Wallace. And Koufos is playing, but Okafor is raw. So this could be pretty even.
This is the game to watch tonight. I know, I know. Detroit at LA, and whatnot. Trust me.
Philadelphia finally got its sh*t together. Using Iguodala as a distributor, not a finisher, worked wonders, and he poured in the type of overall game they need. Brand got his, finally. Thad Young and Louis Williams added theirs. The team gelled and started to play defense. Finally. Now they face a surprising Indiana team that’s slowly getting people excited. The forefront is going to be Granger v. Iguodala, and that in itself is a microcosm of style that only Free Darko (buy the book!) could really describe. But I’m intrigued by the frontcourt battles,too. Troy Murphy will need the game of his life and Marquis Daniels is going to have to cheat on the double leaving Iguodala open, except when they go to Williams. Foster versus Dalembert is some sort of odd tree monster battle I can’t even really get my brain around. And is there a greater conceptual differential in point guards than T.J. Ford versus Andre Miller?
The Pacers are 6th in pace this season. That’s pretty fast for a squad that employs and starts Jeff Foster and Troy Murphy. The Sixers, though, don’t want to slow it down. They want that kind of up and down game. Because their athletic is athleticer than the Pacers’ athleticer. If you athletic what I’m athleticing.
T.J. Ford is going to need to be lights out, and not in the knocked unconscious on a layup way. If Brand gets going, I don’t know if the Pacers have the guns down low to keep up. 7PM, FSIN.
God In Heaven, The Knicks Are Going To Be 6-3… Pray. :
Oklahoma City Bad Chinese Food at New York Knicks.
You and me and the bottle makes three tonight, baby. OKCitians should learn that tune because this is not a Knicks team you want to play on the road right now.
Okay, you should sit down before I tell you this. Wait, this is a blog. You’re probably sitting. Okay. Just make sure you’re not in one of those weird ball chairs you can just slide right off. Ready?
Zach Randolph is averaging 19 points and 11.5 rebounds.
I know!
The Knicks will win this game because the Thunder are very, very bad. What’s worse, they’re not bad enough for Carlesimo to let Westbrook play full time. Earl Watson still gets minutes. What the hell’s up with that? He and Marbury should switch places.
The matchup to watch tonight is Jamal Crawford versus Kevin Durant. Crawford’s leading the Knicks and shooting 46% from the field. The Knicks effective field goal shooting percentage? 51.4%. The Thunder? 42.1%. For those of you not big into stats, eFG% should not be 42% unless you have cerebral palsy (and then it’s just kickass that you can still ball), or start Earl Watson. Wait. FAIL.
Check this one out to see if the Knicks get a standing O. 7:30PM EST, MSG
Like Trying To Hide The Daylight From The Sun:
Hawks at Nets.
There’s a lot to be excited by in this one, but mostly, if you haven’t checked out the Hawks yet, tune in, smoke out, and drift away. I would never openly support drug use, but this might be the best game to get high to in the entire season. Joe Johnson is effortless. The guy just does things with ease and brilliance that he’s becoming a human Cult Film. Devin Harris is back, so there will still be those pesky Vince Carter alley oops that force you to get up. The Hawks alley oops are so easy, like it’s part of their offense, and watching them pursue offensive rebounds with their length and vertical is like watching brontosauruses dance.
I’m intrigued by the idea of Yi Jianlian on Marvin Williams, though, especially with Williams’ improved three point shooting. Couple that with the hilarity of Josh Boone v. Zaza Pachulia (if he plays) and you have yourself a concoction better than Half Baked.
7:30PM EST, YES
Every Win Streak Begins With An Epic Vale:
Washington at Miami.
How do you feel bad if you’re the Heat? You played a hot Blazers team close, are .500 early, and you’re doing it without Shawn Marion, who can only bolster his trade value upon return. This Heat season is like pizza. If you’re paying more than $20, you’re getting hosed. Wait. That’s not right.
Anyway, the Wizards finally got off the snide by beating the invincible Utah Jazz at home, and have found their source of inspiration. JaVale McGee. Or as Skeets has coined him, Epic Vale (+1 Nickname). With Antawn and Butler finally finding their stroke and the rest of the team contributing, this looked more like last year’s playoff team than the dreck that’s been on the floor so far. The best news for them is that the Heat have no big men. They have a power forward playing center who’s older but still capable, and other than that, they play small. Antawn can carve up Beasley in the block if they put him there. 2.0 will be an issue, but if the Wizards can knock down some shots when the defense collapses, Washington might be able to start a little streak here. Which would be a nice thing to roll things back to .500 before you-know-who comes back.
7:30PM EST, League Pass
Paging Mr. West, Mr. David West To The White Contender Phone:
Portland at New Orleans.
“Hello, David?”
“This is David.”
“Hi, David. It’s your jumpshot. I miss you. When are you coming home?”
“I miss you too. Why don’t you come to me?”
“I can’t do that David, you know it won’t work. You have to constantly force shots and seek me out. None of this, ‘Letting me come to you’ crap. Don’t listen to them. Keep shooting!”
This is essentially the conversation I imagine West has been having all season. He started to bust loose against the Lakers but too little too late. The Hornets’ stretch doesn’t get any easier with Portland coming to town. This is Must-See-TV. Rudy Fernandez, Peja Stojackovic, Chris Paul, Brandon Roy, Batum, Hilton Armstrong, and Mr. Nifty, LaMarcus Aldridge versus West. That’s the key matchup. Aldridge has been superb this season and expanded his game. He’s got the length to challenge West’s elbow jumper and still muscle him in the post. If West can’t shake his slump, the Hornets are going to find themselves in trouble.
Oh, and by the way, where the hell did Steve Blake come from?!
8PM EST, League Pass
A Disciplinarian’s Nightmare:
Milwaukee at Memphis.
For me, this is heaven. Two relatively bad basketball teams with loads of potential, facing off with no one watching. Yes. Ramon Sessions and Ridnour have the advantage at point. Mayo is clearly the best small guard with Redd still out. If Redd plays, the advantage swings to the Bucks. Richard Jefferson versus Rudy Gay is like that scene in Back to the Future II where McFly sees himself. Villanueva/Allen versus Arthur/Warrick might as well be a dopeldanger battle.
I can definitely see Milwaukee pulling this one out. But at some point, the shots are going to start falling for the Grizz. And when that happens, this is a whole different team.
The big game plan here is the Memphis gamble-and-recover versus the Milwaukee guards. Sessions is playing particularly efficiently, and if he’s able to make the hockey assists, the Bucks are going to get wide open looks. Marc Gasol can’t leave Bogut to rotate, either. Jefferson can take anyone off the dribble. It’s a tough matchup for the Grizzlies, but we’ll see if they can get some offense of their own going. And we’ll see if the OJ Mayo at point disaster continues.
8PM EST, FSWI
The Little Hill That Became A Starting Point Guard.
Houston at San Antonio.
George Hill. Honestly. Where do the Spurs find these people?
If the Rockets have any right to call themselves a contender for a top four seed, they need to detonate the Spurs. It’s one thing to beat the Knicks at home. But the Spurs just lost to the Bucks. It’s time to rethink mental gameplanning with or without Alston. The Rockets have an edge in almost every capacity, but the Spurs know how to gameplan. If Artest gets rattled by the defense, he could give away some possessions. And Aaron Brooks is going to get hammered by a press everytime he tries to work the perimeter. The good news is that Brooks has shown terrific speed in attacking the basket. We’ll see if the Spurs can knock down enough shots with their three healthy wing guys to keep in it.
Oh,and Houston? If you thought those screens were bad…
Hyping the Game, Brought to You By Your Dad (Rob) :
Denver at Boston
That Allen Iverson is really something. I’m not sure that I like him, but…what? Oh…nevermind then. Who do they even have on that team, then? Caramel? What? Carmellow? That’s funny because I had a friend who had a horse named Caramel back in my finer days, y’know, and boy: that horse could run. You put that thing in an open field and it would take off like a spoon in a Cadillac. Boy.
…huh? Oh, right. Where were we?
I do like those Boston Celtics. They won the championship, you know. You don’t just do that without some talent and you sure as heck don’t go and do that without some hard work. They play basketball the right way. They’re not showboatin’ and trash-talkin’ and gun-fightin’ or none of that. It’s like they’re straight out of the good ol’ days. Just a higher way of playing the game, something that all the young kids don’t know anything about with their lack of fundamentals and all. And they all get paid too much money, too. Where I come from you’ve gotta earn that first paycheck. I didn’t get three million dollars when I got my first real job, and they shouldn’t either. Something about that is just downright unsettling. And that’s exactly why these Celtics are gonna win.
8:00 EST, ESPN
The Answers to All Life’s Questions Shall Be Unveiled to You via Dwight Howard (Rob):
Orlando at Dallas
What is going on with the Mavs? Is it the defense? The offense? Both? Why are things suddenly falling apart? And why on earth are they making another damn Da Vinci Code movie? Your guess is as good as mine. The problem with the Mavs’ offense is that there just isn’t enough firepower to keep the team on top without Dirk, Josh, or JET having a great night. If everyone is just playing OK, then they have to rely on their defense to keep them in it. The problems are magnified by the fact that the interior D and the perimeter D have been spotty at best — it’s kind of what happens when you have an aging, slowed Kidd and an undersized two guard headlining your guard spots. Not to put this all on Kidd and Terry, of course, but Ben Gordon and Derrick Rose (by any other name, he would still be a badass) merely brought the flaws to light yesterday.
The fun part will be watching Damp and Diop squirm trying to guard Dwight. They’re both physical guys with some size, so there’s always a chance that they can bully Dwight into an off night. But I sure as hell wouldn’t count on it. The Howitzer’s coming off his ridiculous triple double, and the Magic will be looking at this game as a mini-statement win. They’re not struggling like the Mavs, but Orlando has definitely been more comfortable. Of course when it comes down to it, they’re still 5-3…but doesn’t it seem just a bit worse than that?
8:30 EST, League Pass
Hello, Sacramento. Amare Would Like You to Meet His Good Friend, “Running Dunk Through Traffic”. We’ll Give You Guys 48 Minutes to Get Acquainted. (Rob):
Phoenix at Sacramento.
Hawes and the Jason Thompson Army have played pretty incredibly thus far, make no mistake. But asking that crew and Brad Miller to hold down Shaq and Amare is just cruel. Just imagine in your head an endless animated GIF of a double-teamed Shaq dishing to a streaking Amare who tomahawks the jam in. Now, prepare for deja vu when you watch this one tonight. Amare’s coming off a less-than-stellar effort against the Rox, one which involved him voicing his displeasure about his inability to completely dominate Scola, Landry, and Hayes. I can’t imagine he’s exactly intimidated by Sactown’s frontline. Sorry, guys :(
The Kings are still Martin-less, and even if Udrih has another good scoring night, the Kings are going to have some serious troubles. Phoenix’s defense has looked rock-steady so far (with a few exceptions, obviously), and they’re doing a pretty good job of disguising their weaknesses (‘ey, Stevey!) by changing things up a bit. Expect a heavy dose of John Salmons, most of which will be quashed nicely by a metaphorical Raja Bell clothesline. Also, Hawes blocks at least one player on his own team. Hilarity ensues.
10:00 EST, League Pass
You’re All That Stands Between Our Universe And Oblivion:
Detroit at Los Angeles Lakers
On Monday, I looked at the Lakers schedule, and deduced one thing. The only thing standing between them and Christmas if they beat the Hornets is Detroit. They beat the Hornets. Everyone points to next Thursdays game in Phoenix. I hate the matchup. Everything about it. I like this Phoenix team quite a bit, for what it is, but I just don’t think there’s anyway they can hang with the Lakers if they’re rolling at this clip.
So for me it came down to tonight. Now, last night’s game against the Warriors has me spooked. I also didn’t note when I made the predicition that the Pistons would actually win this game that it would be part of a back-to-back west coast road trip for the Pistons. That’s pretty bad. I mean, like WOAH, that’s pretty bad.
The reason I swung to the Pistons is because of their combination of matchups and attitude. Detroit fears no one, outside of maybe LeBron, and even then, it’s a secret fear, hidden deep in the recesses fo their minds. So Bynum and Odom and Gasol and Fisher don’t scare them. Kobe scares them, but no more so than any other intense scorer. It’s nothing against Kobe, but after all, this is the team that vanquished his dynasty. They’ve seen him a time or two.
Running Tayshuan Prince at point forward creates all types of mismatches for the Lakers. Hamilton’s not the most physical guy, but he can work over Fisher or Radman or Vujacic, whoever they put on him. We’ve seen how Sasha does against premier shooting guards (Ray Allen). Bynum’s got a huge advantage, but he’s not blistering people, only averaging 10.1 and 8.9. He’s been terrific defensively and causes matchup problems, but this Pistons team neutralized Dwight Howard, so they probably have some tricks up their sleeves.
Sheed’s the pendulum, as always. If he’s not feeling it, if he’s tired and wants some Cheesecake Factory and to see his kids, Gasol’s going to go off. But if he gets ornery and decides to publish one of his reminder manuals on how good he actually is, he’s got the physical tools and basketball skills to make Gasol’s night a living hell. You have Odom coming off the bench as a huge issue, but the Pistons counter with Amir Johnson. You have the Lakers perimeter depth, but the Pistons counter with Allen Freaking Iverson.
I still think this is possible, but my faith is shaken after last night’s struggle with Golden State, no matter how plucky they are, and the back-to-back roadtrip makes it equaly bleak. The Lakers could very well be undefeated headed into January 1st. And that kind of makes life not worth living.
In The NBA, They’re Not Called ‘Annoying,’ They’re Called ‘High Motor’!:
Denver at Cleveland
Ronaldo Balkman versus Anderson Varejao. Ye Gods.
Forget LeBron V. Melo. We all know that was the rivalry that wasn’t, that LeBron is iconic and Melo is just kind of there. The real matchup is Varejao, who makes aliving off irritating other people with flops, spastic rebounds, and missed jumpers versus Balkman who’s had a coming out party since his arrival in Denver. They both are likely to go diving out of bounds for a looseball, which of course leaves their men open for scores. Both have interesting hair. This is a classic matchup.
Meanwhile, Mo Peterson versus Chauncey Billups is kind of enticing, and you’ve got J.R. Smith versus Delonte West in the “not quite right” bowl. This one’s a lot tighter than you might think. Cleveland’s been impressively succinct so far this season, while Denver’s been all over the place. The Nuggets need to continue their improved defense and usse Nene to neutralize the Cavs big frontcourt. Problem is, you have to keep someone back on James. James has scored 41 in three straight games. I have a feeling he might go over that tonight.
8PM EST, TNT.
Well, They’re Technically Both First-Year Coaches:
Dallas at Chicago.
Vinny Del Negro faces off against Rick Carlisle tonight, only Carlisle has about a million more years experience. But hey, both are first years! Del Negro’s job actually becomes easier and easier. With Rose’s emergence as a superstar and the injuries to the backcourt, he essentially just has to say “Go get ‘em, Derrick!” The frontcourt is a bit more complicated. Tyrus Thomas has been underwhelming for what seems like the sixth straight year, and Joakim Noah just seems lost. Neither are very well suited to their position and they don’t fit in the offense at all.
Conversely, everyone knows where everyone goes on the Mavs, they just don’t have the guns to win all their games. Kidd’s not playing badly, even shooting well, and Josh Howard has been good but injured. Dirk’s been his usual self but not his best-self. This one could be interesting because the Bulls can sneak up on you if you don’t take them seriously, like Phoenix found out. On the other hand, the Mavericks need a series of wins to get back on track. Watch out for Ben Gordan versus Jason Terry, which should be entertaining in a “match-this” sort of way, and Dampier should have a pretty easy time with the young ‘uns. Get off his lawn.
8:30PM EST, CSNC
When Will You Learn?:
Detroit at Golden State.
Detroit’s lost two games. Two. Yet everyone seems to think that this Iverson thing is a debacle. Hey, adding a Hall of Famer without having to commit longterm? There’s nothing bad about that. Period. Meanwhile, moving Tayshaun to point forward I think is genius. It lets the weapons that the Pistons have be weapons, while giving Tayshaun the opportunity to create. This could get real scary. Be warned.
Golden State is lost. They don’t really know what they’re doing at this point. Harrington’s not playing, Maggette’s hurt, Turiaf has been non-existent, Jackson’s good and Buike’s good, and Biedrins is every other game. But this team doesn’t have an identity, or a pattern. The young guys playing is good, but you get the feeling their leash is incredibly short. We’ll see how short against a veteran Detroit club.
This is one of the best nights we’ve seen in a week or so. Absolutely terrific lineup of games.
REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:
I Want My CPTV (by Trey Kerby):
New Orleans Hornets vs. Los Angeles Lakers
You probably shouldn’t even watch this game, unless you like being horribly disappointed. Obviously, the Lakers will win by 22 points on their way to going 82-0. With that in mind, to quench your desires for disappointment, here’s some other great footage you may have missed:
Winner in Wasilla: Sarah Palin’s victory rally – Fox News The Beast and the Bones: Greg Oden visits a podiatrist – Discovery Channel Time Out of Mind: The Story Behind Chinese Democracy – VH1 Classic
Get a Hand Up: The Craig Ehlo Story – ESPN Classic
If you can squeeze this game in somewhere between those heartwarming tales of melancholy and distress, your therapist will be very happy..
Put on Your O Face. (by Trey Kerby):
Orlando Magic vs. Oklahoma City Thunder
This is one of only two games this year that features teams from cities that start with O, so there’s that. Also, you’ll get to see the biggest freak in the NBA playing center.
That’s right; Oklahoma City’s Robert Swift.
I was watching a Thunder game on Monday with my mom when Robert Swift stepped to the free-throw line. Her immediate response: “Oh, sick. Who is that guy? That’s a guy, right? He grosses me out.” GO THUNDER!
Other attractions in tonight’s game include:
- the ongoing, inevitably failing Jameer Nelson experiment
- Rashard Lewis making 4 million dollars more than Dwight Howard while being worth 4 million less
- a guy who is actually named Marcin Gortat
- A LOT of blue
- the strange juxtaposition of Kevin Durant’s off-kilter face compared to his silky jumper
- the continuing confusion caused by Earl Watson’s race (Black, Asian, Hispanic, really tan?)
- PJ Carlesimo looking like a sitcom dad
Lots of fun to be had here.8PM EST, NO TV (!)
They Aren’t Who We Thought They Weren’t (Matt):
Toronto versus Philadelphia in the “Thanks for fooling us into thinking you might be a contender” Bowl.
Okay, so the Sixers can’t defend, can’t consistently score, can’t get Brand involved, Dalembert sucks, Iggy has sucked until last night (15,10, and 5 is pretty good for him so far this season… oh, wait, there’s the complimentary 4 turnovers that come with every Iggy performance), the bench can’t contribute, and Andre Miller, despite statistically looking good, has been bashed by everyone from Liberty Ballers to KD to the kid selling newspapers down the street. The question is becoming less and less about when they’re going to turn it around and more and more if last year’s little sprint to the finish was more a fluke than anything, and if Mo Cheeks is maybe not the genius we all thought he was. So winning tonight would be a nice way of having last night be rock bottom, and tonight starting the turnaround.
The Raps on the other hand, they’re pretty good. When you’ve got Chris Bosh and Jermaine O’Neal playing up to their potential, you’re going to be pretty good. But that Boston game stung. For three quarters, they were out and out better than Boston, and they let ‘em off the hook! Now they’re in a rebound situation. This game could prove to be kind of a barometer for their season in conjunction with the Boston game. Not as good as Detroit or Boston, better than the rest of the seeds outside of Cleveland. They need better perimeter defense, they could use some more wing scoring, and they would be improved by a stat-stuffer. Hmmm… who’s available? TRADE 4 TEH G-FORZ NOWZ!
This game is going to be about Toronto’s speed and agility versus Philly’s braun and accumen. The Sixers need to slow this thing down to a crawl, because they can’t run if they can’t get stops, and they can’t get stops right now in a fast paced game. Young should have a huge game tonight because there’s really no one that matches up well against him. But if Iggy doesn’t come up big on both ends of the floor and from the perimeter, the Raptors can shoot their way into a blowout. Let’s see what you got, fellas.
7PM EST, SCOR
Since Last We Met, We Kind Of Sort Of, Discovered We’re Awesome (by Matt):
You have to ask yourself something, at this exact moment in time, because I don’t think anyone outside of the most insane Hawks fan or Lang Whitaker can envision it. And we know it likely won’t happen. But the question needs to be asked.
What if the Hawks beat the Celtics tonight?
Think about it. You would be looking at an undefeated team that will have beaten Toronto, Philadelphia, Orlando, New Orleans, and Boston, and be on a three game winning streak without Josh Smith. Beating up the Clippers twice and a Mavs team they own it ain’t. That’s a schedule that stands with anyone.
What do we do at that point? Panic? Buy high, sell low? Build altars? Throw keggers? Paint faces? Seriously, if the Hawks without their second best player beat the defending world champions on the road to remain undefeated, don’t we have to have some sort of worldwide day of celebration? Bigger than Obama winning? I think so. Okay. Too far.
Especially considering this Boston team has only one loss and has gone from last year’s “We have to prove it to the world!” to this year’s “We’ve proven it. We know it. You know it. Expect us.” This team strikes without consideration, hesitation, or fear. Down by double digits to Toronto? No biggie. Having an off shooting night? No problem. They’ll just execute you in whatever way they need to, get back into position, and have the Truth rain down fire.
The Hawks have to play with a lot of emotion tonight. Mike Bibby has to shoot well. I cannot stress this enough. If this team is going to win tonight, Mike Bibby is going to need to shoot at least 45% from the arc. That’s a pretty tall order. The contributions from Flip Murray and Mo Evans can even things, and if Horford gets it going again that would be huge, and of course, we all know what Joe Johnson can do against the Celtics. But if Bibby is a weakness, the Celtics will capitalize.
The Celtics need to slow it down and prevent the Hawks from jumping into their offense like they do. They’re not especially fast paced, they just throw a lot of movement into their offense. And if the Celtics don’t shut down the offensive glass, they’re going to find themselves behind.
With all the huge games tonight, this one is either the heartbreaking truth come to the Hawks’ door (most-likely), or an indication that we may be in for something special this season.
7:30PM EST CSNE
The Inconsistent Meteor Shower Versus The Defective Missile Launcher (by Matt):
New York at Memphis.
Memphis finally gets a day’s rest after a four-game road trip. The Knicks get brought back to earth by the Spurs. Something’s gotta give. The Grizzlies are two games back of .500, the Knicks one game over. Something’s gotta give. The Grizzlies have the 6th best defense in efficiency, the Knicks have a better offense (if still at 21st in efficiency), and score much more than the Grizzlies. Something’s gotta give. The Knicks have Jamal Crawford. The Grizzlies have OJ Mayo. The Knicks have Zach Randolph playing well. The Grizzlies have Marc Gasol. The Knicks have David Lee. The Grizzlies have Rudy Gay. Gotta give, gotta give, gotta give.
Outside of Portland-Miami, this honestly might be the most entertaining game on the schedule. You’ve got speed, athleticism, and lots of talent to root for. Can Nate Robinson have a stellar game? Can Mike Conley get his act together in time to save the Grizz from the doom that is OJ Mayo at the point? Will Mayo have a career night for the third game in a row? Will Rudy Gay find his hot? Will Starbury play? No? Okay, can’t ask for too much.
8PM EST, MSG
Do Not Poke The Wounded Animal With A Bogut. Repeat, Do Not Poke With Boguts.(by Matt) :
San Antonio at Milwaukee.
The Spurs have had quite enough of this “Dyansty=Over, Window Closed= Very Yes” business. They put the Knicks back in their place last night, and low and behold, George Hill can actually ball. What? Unheard of draft pick comes in to contribute and help win a game? Shocking!
Sigh.
Milwaukee, on the other hand, is mediocre. They’re not terrible. They’re not the Thunder. But Jefferson can only have one great game out of four, Villanueva appears, dominates, and then vanishes for halves at a time, Redd’s on the shelf again, and Bogut looks like crap. But hey, Ramon Sessions is pretty good!
For the Bucks to win tonight, they need to get Bogut involved early and that means going right at Duncan. Which isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Mbah a Moute needs to dunk a lot and Sessions has to score 24, with 11 assists. That’s what’s needed. Or he and Ridnour can split if they score 40 with 18 assists. But anything less than that and the Spurs via the once-evil, always-evil Bruce Bowen will walk with this one. Tim Duncan will have his cake and eat it, too, tonight.
8PM EST, SUN
I Have No Way Of Describing This, So I Will Simply Post This Picture (by Matt):
Sacramento at LA Clippers
There’s A Lot Of Ego In This Game For Two Teams That Aren’t As Good As The Lakers (by Matt):
Houston at Phoenix.
I’ve been really impressed with the new Suns. Really. Shaq’s terrible wrapped in a nice suit and some flashes of competence, but other than that, this team is solid. They’ve taken to the defense like they said they would, and they’re still being incredibly efficient on offense. That’s even more insane considering Steve Nash has taken yet another step back. But they’re doing their thing.
The Rockets meanwhile, apparently decided they had had enough of living up to potential and giving me something to be happy about in this Laker-infested universe. They’ve been wholly underwhelming. The biggest problem is that they’re shooting badly, which could be a slump, or a sign that they’re not in sync.
It’s a weird matchup. Yao, who’s always held his own against The Big Fella. I…guess they’ll try guarding Amare with Artest? Though they’ll probably spell Scola on him too, which means I’d get ready to hear Houston fans complaining about fouls. Amare is unstoppable right now, and that’s just kind of the way it is. I’d expect to see a lot of Aaron Brooks, to try and wear down Nash with his speed, and I’d anticipate Barbosa having another big game. This one could also get very nasty really quick. Both of these teams have a tough defensive attitude and aren’t going to want to back down. Should be a good one.
10:30PM EST, ESPN
Who Cares If He Doesn’t Like It When We Call Him “The Big Chill?” If He Tried To Kick Our Butts, He Would Probably Break His Leg. (Via the Corndogg):
Portland @ Miami
Biggest story of the night: Oden hits the court again. Let’s see if he can do something to up that 0.00ppg average. Might be nice. But really, now that Portland has sort of found a rythmn, will Oden just bust it all up again? I mean, Pryz ain’t the best center in the league, but he ain’t Robert Swift either. Nate McMillan will start earning his paycheck tonight, trying to balance the ominous Oden with a lineup of which he is growing increasingly fond. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. It it ain’t broke, don’t put a broke person behind the wheel either.
And, for the Heat, this is a great game for them to assert their transition capabilities. Portland is slow and laborious. What a better way to stick it to them than to have Wade and Matrix galloping out on the wings, Chalmers handling the rock and Beasley running the delay. That’s money. Get your first glimpse of the omnipresent Chalmers tonight, cause like I have been saying for a while now, he is the future!
8PM EST, ESPN
At The Very Least, Our Crowd Will Be Bigger… And Less Inclined To Buy Soda and Nachos! (Via The Corndogg):
Indiana @ New Jersey
Yep, Vince Carter sucks so much that the Nets brass are giving away free tickets to the unemployed. Might be good for panoramic camera angles in the crowd, but if these folks dont have any money, they ain’t buying concessions. Semi-FAIL. On the other hand, more people get the real live opportunity to be repulsed by Vince and throw pink slips at Josh Boone (it’s metaphorical). Devin Harris may not play, which means great news for…
T. J. Ford. Ever the ardent UT hater, I still like seeing Ford out there. His game is still a bit reckless (which is encouraging) and he gets the ball to Danny Granger with ease. The only downside is that he has left Jamal Tinsley with waaaaaaaay too much time on his hands. Unemployed Jersey-ites multiplied by an idel Jamal Tinsley? Yep, DANGER!
7:30 PM EST, YES
The More Things Change, The More They Give Jazz Fans More Reasons To Believe. (Via The Corndogg):
Utah @ Washington
Yeah, so all that new energy in the District? I’m guessing it didn’t spread to the Verizon Center. In fact, I think it’s allergic. Hell, the Wizz are so bad, they might want to ask Barack to actually come play. I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with this team except poor shooting, no point play, a reliance on suspect bigs and no communication. Oh yeah, and imaginary defense. Other than that, its all good inside the beltway. Perhaps Butler can really shine tonight against the slower Jazz.
Thus Spake Utahans! Deron is back and, though not better than ever, not too discombobulated either. Ronnie Price got some good burn while D-Will was out and now we may even get a KOSTA sighting tonight with Memo out with family and Jason Collins immune to productivity. All this amounts to is more hysteria in Jazz-land and more reasons for Matt Moore to scream into his computer monitor. I, for one, like the solid, structured Jazz attack. They certainly aren’t on LA’s level (who is at this point?), but they are going to be matchup nightmares for a lot of teams the further the season goes along. These are the games to really boost your bench minutes and make Eddie Jordan cry, though not necessarily in that order.
The Hardest Button to Button is not really a button at all. REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NBA TONIGHT:
They Are Everything Inside Of You That You Wish You Could Be (Matt):
Utah at Philadelphia
Okay, Utah fans. go ahead and enjoy this.
The Jazz are amazingly good this year. They’re getting consistent efforts from their bench, playing terrific defense, still lighting up the scoreboard, and working seamlessly as a team. Andre Kirilenko in particular has been proficient, putting in more points and rebounds and working as a catalyst for the offense out of the elbow. But hey, this Sixers team can at least rest easy with Deron Williams out. I mean, if they had him back…
What?
Oh. F*ck.
The Sixers were in trouble before. Iggy’s nowhere to be found. Andre Miller’s not playing above the fold like he has. Brand’s been good not great. The bench has sucked. You don’t get into must-win territory for another, oh, three months, but it would do a body good to get this one at home. Boozer versus Brand feels like it should symbolize something, but both are so nebulous I’m not sure it does. Watching Paul Millsap and Reggie Evans try and kill one another should be fun, though.
Philly, you can just watch this team and dream it was you. Or win. You know, either one.
7PM League Pass
One Not Having Kirk Hinrich And One Not Having Josh Smith Is Not Really An Equal Handicap (Matt):
Hawks at Bulls.
The story in this one is going to be whether the Hawks have that undefinable “find a way to win” thing going on or if the fact that they struggled with the Thunder over the weekend is a sign of things to come. You have to figure missing Josh Smith is going to catch up with them. Then again, they’re playing defense and Joe Johnson has been incredibly consistent.
The Bulls, on the other hand, have not been consistent. They waver from dominating a Suns team (albeit one that was obviously mailing it in for the night), to losing rather easily to the Cavs. If Derrick Rose goes all pretty horsey tonight, the Bulls could smoke the Hawks, considering that Mike Bibby, despite his 19 points against the Thunder, kind of sucks. He disrupts the offense, shoots too soon in the clock, and doesn’t do much in the flow of the offense. Of course, on the other side, Tyrus Thomas is fading into obscurity for the millionth time and Vinny Del Negro loves to play Nocioni for extended minutes. This is a tell-tale game for both squads.
8:30PM EST, League Pass
Is a Tripod with One Leg Called a Unipod? And, If So, Why Even Make Believe That is a Real Thing?
NYK @ SA
Every single reader out there knows that the minute Tony Parker went down for the month that Mike D’Antoni put in a call to much maligned “center” Eddy Curry. Here is how it probably went?
D: Ed, you there?
EC: Yeah, who’s this?
D: Coach.
EC: Coach who?
D: D’Antoni. Your coach. From the Knicks.
EC: The Knicks?
D: GD it, Eddy. Do you want to get on the court tonight or not?
EC: Nah, I’m chillin’.
D: Ed, I need you. Listen up.
EC: Who is this again?
D: Ugh. Do you hate Gyroballs?
EC: Duh.
D: Well, Tim Duncan’s ankle is made of the same space age polymer.
EC: Sh*t is broke, dude. I’m gonna blow that ankle to smithereens. Might as well strap some dynamite to that ankle, cause its gonna get popped like a pimple…whoever this is.
D: Great. See you tonight.
EC: See me where?
D: WAAAAAAAAAAALSH!
8:30PM EST League Pass
Balls in Your Court, Jason Thompson. Whatcha Got?
Detroit @ Sacramento
If someone were to tell you that Jason Thompson might be the legitamite test tube babe of Antonio McDyess and Shareef Abdur-Rahim, but with better knees and less abandon, what would you say? If you were Tom Ziller, you would probably say “If love you is wrong, I don’t want to be right.” Well, welcome to planet NBA Thomps, cause you got some big shoes (and holes drilled into knees) to fill. Good thing you get your chance tonight against the Pistons. We are starting to believe.
On the other side, Iverson gets to run roughshod over a depleted wing attack for the Kings. That should be pretty for the fantasy owners. Also, if there is ANY PERSON out there who doesn’t think Joe Dumars is the shrewdest GM in the league, then immediately die. Maybe Mark Cuban should take some tips on how to rip off a team in a gut busting trade and yet still retain one of the players you let go so that the trade would monetarily work. Case in point: Have you seen McDyess popping his mouth off like Stackhouse and George did last year concerning the Kidd to Dallas trade? Hell no. Cause Dumars got him on lock. Before you know it (and if Wyc Grousbeck can’t fork over enough money) McDyess gets a vacation in Devner – before winter hits – and heads right back the Palace to help this new look Pistons team get even better. Dumars, FTW.
10:00PM EST, League Pass
Can You Smeeeeeeelllllll What Danny Ferry Is Cooking?
Milwaukee @ Cleveland
If so, your nose hairs are burnt. Stuff looks like dog food. I am not a Cleveland believer. A Witness? Yes. A Cav canvasser? Not by a long shot. If Lebron continues to average 56+ a game and they continue to use magnet counterforces inside both the ball and Ben Wallace to use their polarity to keep him from coming into contact with it, these guys are contenders. Also, if Wally doesn’t cry and Delonte maintains some sanity, those are big pluses. And, if they maintain the toughness. I was dishing this morning about the only way the Cavs have a chance to beat a team like Boston in the playoffs. You gotta punch first! Smack Garnett in the mouth. Sure, it might awaken El Tigre, but at least it send the message to everyone else that you aint scurred. I still see one potential trade down the line to dish off Wally’s contract for a Kapono like marksmen and one more big wing defender. With Ferry, everything is within the realm of reason.
As for tonight, at least its a short plane ride along the edges of Lake Erie for the Bucks. They might want to strap Skiles down before they take off. I hear he’s a jumper.
7PM EST, League Pass
Off With His Head.
Denver @ Charlotte
News around Bobcat land is that if Melo puts up 50 tonight, Larry Brown will go to the guillotine. How exciting. Can I nominate Jeff McInnis for the next head coach?
But really, we all though Jordan was done with gambling. So why buy the Bobcats? Oh yeah, I forgot. That ain’t gambling, that is a sure fire FAIL. I’ve already gone to GoDaddy and bought www.jordansepicfail.com. This is just getting ugly. Oh, but that fluke win over the Hornets. WE CAN BUILD ON THAT!
I’m excited to see Chauncey get his legs under him tonight. If only Brown had a point like Billups:(. Mr. Big Shot should be able to make Carmelo, gasp, even more efficient. If God truly wasn’t taking a nap when he attached the lower bodies of Nene and KMart to their torsos, this team could not only blow out the Bobcats, but lay a solid foundation for the next few games. They are, at least, intriguing.
7PM EST, Altitude.
It’s Like A Giant Retail Store For Big Men That Can’t Defend:
Minnesota at Golden State.
This matchup is like a high frequency alarm. It just makes me wince and it’s hard to concentrate on anything while I think about it. It’s not bad, per say, it’s just awkward. Al Jefferson versus Biedrins? Strange. Ryan Gomes versus Brandan Wright? Strange. Randy Foye versus Stephen Jackson? Awkward. Kevin Love versus Ronnie Turiaf? Nonsensical.
This is probably going to be entertaining though, as most Warriors games are. The Roaracle should be enough to get this team the W tonight, but that all goes out the door if The Harbinger decides to have another “Hey, look, I learned the drop step hook” games. Then the Warriors have no answer and lose.
You should check this one out if you like freakshows and car wrecks.
10:30PM EST, League Pass
A Dobermamba and Ze German Passing Quietly in the Night (Rob):
Lakers at Dallas
The Mavs don’t like the Lakers. That’s usually what happens when a guy drops 40 on you consistently. But just as the Mavs’ perimeter defenders seem incapable of defending Kobe (although Kidd guarded Kobes for a good chunk of their last regular season match-up of last season), Pau Gasol is equally unable to defend Dirk. Evidence: run the tape of Dirk torching Pau play after play as Pau nobly…well he didn’t nobly do anything. He rolled over, curled up in a ball, and died. On defense, at least.
…this is where the tape should be. But no one posts youtube clips of Mavs’ sweeps. Bummer. Despite the fact that Pau would seem to be in a position to guard Dirk (tall, good reach, relatively fleet of foot), the Grizz often turned to Battier to stop Dirk from launching ze jumpers. Of course this Lakers team is different: so far they’ve played absolutely smothering defense, forcing turnovers and pressuring defenders at angles that I didn’t even know existed. Trevor Ariza is digging tunnels under the hardwood during timeouts, just waiting to pop up through the floor and swipe one (no video evidence of that yet, either, but I’m working on it). I love the Mavs and I love Dirk, but I’d be nutso to pick against the Lakers right now. They’re tearing up the league, and as good as Gerald Green is playing, he’s not Josh Howard. He’s better on defense, but he’s still not good. He’s showing improvement, but he’s not ready for this job. So Kidd will try his hand guarding Kobe again, Pau and Odom will do their best on Dirk, and both will go for 30+. Meanwhile, Rick Carlisle will keep preaching his “new offense” to the papers while running the same iso plays at the free throw line extended that Avery loved so much, and run the two man game with Dirk and Kidd until the Lakers inevitably pick it apart and tear it up on the break. Sigh.
