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Grizzly Pandiculation, Week 2: In Which OJ Mayo Is The New Ra

When I decided to formally make the Grizz my pet team for the season, I resolved to watch two games a week and report weekly on what I’ve seen from the team. I figure it’ll be a nice way to watch how the team develops for good or bad. Grizzly Pandiculation chronicles the Grizzlies as they progress. This is the second of those entries.

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Four games on the road. A West Coast road trip which can be brutal. Coming off a big win against Golden State. Tired legs. A Sacramento team that desperately needed a win to stop the bleeding, and a Nuggets team that absolutely must win its home games to keep pace. Golden State, equally desperate to “redeem” themselves for the “embarrassing” loss to the Grizzlies a week ago. Of course the team went 1-3. Wait. The team went 1-3? They won a game? Okay, well obviously they got blown out, right?

Twenty point differential in three losses, against two playoff teams from last season, and the Denver one only got out of hand late. The Grizzlies were in each and every one of these games in the fourth quarter. This team starts three rookies. How is this possible?

But wait, it’s even stranger. Rudy Gay, the best player on the team (overall) is shooting less than 40% from the field. Mike Conley? 36.4%. Kyle Lowry? 38%. Essentially they have three key players in huge slumps that they’re likely to break out of. So wait, they have three players shooting terribly, they’re on a four game road trip, how in the hell are they even hanging in these games?

It’s simple. O.J. Mayo is Ra, the Sun God.

Mayo has been the center of light in the Grizz universe, pouring in back-to-back career highs of 31 and 33, including 26 and 20 in the first and second half of those games respectively. He’s also been the stylistic embodiment of Sun Records, combining the thrill-bomb detonation of Elvis Presley’s hips and country rock hybrid, Ray Orbison’s cool and precise demeanor, and Johnny Cash’s outlaw punk attitude. It’s not just that Mayo has struck with devastating firepower, launching crossover three after crossover three (and shooting 45% from the arc this season), but he’s more and more getting full control of his arsenal.

Against the Suns, in clutch time when the Grizzlies needed him most, he warmed up with perimeter shots, then went to working the mid-range J off the screen, creating turnovers and laying it in after crossing over Barbosa, and getting Dragic up in the air on a pump fake before drifting it in. He even managed the explosiveness that’s been missing on a fadeaway floater. He’s been unstoppable for long stretches. Trying to think about what this could lead to makes basketball fanatics weak in the knees like we’re teenage girls screaming when Elvis did that weird hip thing, only without the terrifying frenzy and acne.

Mayo’s leadership has also been brilliant. There’s no T-Mac hesitation in his decisions (“Do I want the ball? Should I shoot? Maybe I should pass. I don’t know…”), nor is there a Ricky Davis obliviousness to defensive positioning or using his teammates. He wants the ball, he’s going to score, and he’s doing it to win, not for glory. The look on Mayo’s face isn’t one of joy, it’s of drive. When he loses, he’s not heartbroken. He knows this is a long term project, and each game they get closer. I have yet to see Mayo upset with his teammates, only frustrated when he loses his handle late in games (as he did against the Suns), or when fouls break his rhythm. Mayo hasn’t been dynamite, sublime, or mystic. He’s been iconic. And it’s not only possible but likely that this is only the beginning.

It would be easy to pin the Grizzlies’ failures to get in the win column on his teammates, and to be sure, missing open shots is not helping. But this is not a situation of one superstar being held up by his teammates. Gay’s forcing it, because there’s no other option. Gay has to keep shooting. Because every now and then he starts to break out of it, before the slump kicks back in. Gay has been right to keep shooting. He’s their best overall option (simply based on Mayo’s fatigue and inexperience), and 80% of the time he has an advantage on his opponent. When Gay gets out of this slump, it’s entirely possible that Mayo and Gay will be the kind of wing combo that’s often conceptualized but rarely materializes.

Meanwhile, people are quick to rail on Conley, still. They look at the low shooting numbers, and low points, and assume he’s playing terribly. But Conley is responsible for most the team’s unattributed turnovers, he’s leading the team in assists, and he has a lower turnover rate and ratio than Lowry.

The problem is that Conley can’t finish. He’s creating a lot of opportunities in transition, but Conley can’t finish. In the Denver game during a key sequence, Conley assisted on the trap and got the ball to Gay in the open floor. The transition defense moved to double Gay, and Gay sent the ball a second too late to Conley. Conley had to accelerate, meaning he was unable to get the shot off. It’s on Conley to finish that play, but he’s just not in a situation where he’s at his best in that regard. But that’s something that will come.

Conversely, the team’s defense is better when Conley’s on the floor. But the numbers don’t support this. My counter-argument would be that Conley starts and always handles the brunt of the opponent’s best rotation, while Lowry is usually in play when this team seems to collectively get it’s act together: The fourth quarter. But take for example tonight, when desperately needing a stop, Lowry took a step back and gave an already blisteringly hot Barbosa a wide open three. Conley has played with defensive energy that’s often ignited his team. He plays better in the flow of this team’s defense. He’s offensively timid. But with the weapons on this squad would you rather have a player that’s jacking up shot after shot too early in the shot clock (Lowry), or one that’s learning how to best put his teammates in a position to win?

What’s weird is this isn’t bias-based like a lot of my leanings. If anything I have a natural dislike for Conley given his Big 10 background. But when I look at what this team needs, I look to Conley based on how he can develop. Wins and losses aren’t important. And having a more turnover-prone guy that’s willing to pull the trigger early in the shot clock rather than get Mayo or Gay the ball is not. Lowry isn’t any better of a finisher at the basket than Conley, he just knows how to develop the shot before he misses, while Conley just isn’t sure what to do when he gets there. When he learns to drive and kick? That could be good. I wouldn’t blame them if the Grizz went in a different direction, and I think Crittenton deserves a chance to see what could happen. But I’m not prepared to say that Conley sucks or that Lowry is better for the long term chances of this team. Conley’s biggest thing is he needs to develop a chemistry with Mayo immediately.

One last note regarding the guards. I love Three Shades of Blue. I would put its writers up against any team bloggers in the league. But this is madness, and not Sparta. Nevermind the Popcorn Machine’s evidence that the Grizzlies essentially blew their shot at the end when they abandoned a point guard for Mayo. The end of the game illustrates a key point. It’s not that Mayo’s handle is weak. It’s not. But the same problem that Wade has is evident. Taking the ball upcourt, particularly when in a press situation, takes too much out of him. You need someone to set the offense and get him the ball at the key, and if the double comes, be able to redistribute it at the perimeter to Gay or Gasol. Putting him at point is suicide. It’s always been suicide, it will always be suicide. The kid’s a natural scorer and a playmaker. That doesn’t make him a point. Don’t ruin a good thing by forcing him to be something he’s not.

Iavaroni murdered me this week. I’ve been a bigger supporter of the guy than most Grizzlies fans. But you have a kid that drops 20 in a quarter. He picks up his second foul? So what? If you’re going to rest him, rest him when he loses his cool or picks up his third. You’re in a position where you can sacrifice distributing minutes in pursuit of, you know, scoring. That six to seven minute break where Iav sat him broke his rhythm completely, and that, combined with the defensive double adjustment, was enough to make him mortal. But that’s not where the trouble stops. This Darrell Arthur obsession must stop. MUST. STOP. It’s odd that just as Darko has found a niche where he’s being successful. Blocking shots, playing defense, making the occasional hook shot and bringing a sense of physicality, that he’s been shrunken from sight. Arthur showed some poise tonight with his 18 footer, and I love him as an energy guy off the bench. But tonight Iav threw him to the wolves against Amare. When Iav went to Darko, Darko was able to put a body on him and shake him off. But Iav never lets him in in key situations.

I don’t necessarily see the value in Quinton Ross, (if you’re looking for a shooter, why not give J-Critt some burn– you’ve punished him long enough), but at least he’s shooting well. But down the stretch, Iav should have told Ross, particularly, “If you shoot, I will kill you. Give Mayo or Gay the ball. The end.”

You know who’s playing really well? Hakim Warrick. I mean, yeah, Golden State was a pretty easy spot. Fight the big, long, fast, athletic 4s with a faster, more athletic, more polished, 4. But he’s also embracing the 7th man spot as an opportunity to do what he does best, which is attack the rim. He’s finishing strong and he works tremendously well with Gasol.

The best thing about this team, though, is its defense. Everyone’s active in passing lanes. They’re using their speed and length to recover and rotate, often forcing a third or even fourth pass to find the open shooter. They challenge shots, and most of the time when they foul, it’s not the usual youthful exuberance gone astray. It’s denying an easy bucket. There are no easy buckets against Memphis. If you want to score, you’re going to have to work for it. Meanwhile, they’re creating turnovers and communication is clear. You just don’t see the blown assignments you see on a lot of teams. Everyone knows where they need to be and is trying to execute. And there’s no quit in this team. Down 17 in the third, I told the HP crew that Memphis would close the gap in the fourth. I’ve come to expect it. While closing will be a problem for this team during the learning process, they just seem to surge in the fourth. A lot of teams fall into a hole and then just want to go through the motions to get out of there. If you’re down, you’re out. But Memphis genuinely believes that if it can fix the things it’s doing wrong in this particular game, it can make things tight. And that’s a win.

All in all, the kids are gassed. You can tell. They’re flat out exhausted. But with the Knicks, Bucks, and Martin-less Kings in town for a week and a half home-stand with a four day rest in there, the Grizz have a great shot at getting back over .500. They’re understanding who they are and working out their kinks. And the best part is against solid teams they’ve shown that this team is not a pushover. Like I said at the beginning of the season, they’re dangerous, and they’re going to end up biting a fair share of teams.

And I’m starting to really love them for it.

PS: The refs totally screwed them in that Suns game. When the always-biased home team announcers give the “well, at home, you’re going to get those calls…” line, you know you’ve been screwjobbed. Amare clearly fouled on the lost ball, and then it was compounded on the rebound by missing that it was Grizzlies’ ball. Weak sauce. Good things wins and losses don’t matter for this squad, or I’d be righteously pissed off.

Lion Face/Lemon Face 11.9.08

In which we analyze the good and bad of the NBA. Those that do well get a Lion Face (Rarr!). Those who do poorly get a lemon face (Oo!). Lion Face (Rarr!)! Lemon Face (Oo!)!

For reference:

LION FACE (RARR!)

Lakers: Is it cool if we go ahead and cancel the playoffs? Can we just play the regular season, have the Lakers and Celtics play in the Finals and call it good? I mean, don’t get us wrong, we’re all in favor of the “lotta games to play” logic, anything to avoid this fate, but Jesus. They dismantled the Rockets, who were supposed to be pretty good. As I commented to Rob last night, “I keep waiting for this team to NOT shoot over 50% in a key non-Finals game. And I continue to wait.” They just keep droppin‘ bombs like a war flick.

LEMON FACE (Oo!)

Wizards:Holy hell did this team get Fedexed to Hell in a handcart. An absolute traveshammockery of a team, winless and sad. It’s to the point where Antawn Jamison has felt it necessary to start making noise. The only reason Tuff Juice isn’t making noise is because he’s the Snake Eyes of the NBA. They can’t defend, they can’t rebound, they can’t hit shots, they can’t run the break, they can’t stop the break, do not pass go, do not collect $200, go directly to FAIL.

LION FACE (RARR!)

LEBRON James: 28.1 points. 8.9 rebounds. 7.0 assists. 1.7 steals. 1.0 blocks. That’s kind of a lot of stuff to do in a basketball game on average. It hasn’t just been the numbers, though. LeBron James is somehow doing more with a team that’s better. He’s been, in a word, sublime. So many of the little things. And at least for the moment, he’s added a step back three. Against Chicago, he murdered them down the stretch going around, back over, then back around the screen and launching it, putting a dagger in the Bulls. It’s getting hard to come up with new ways to discuss James’ brilliance, but just note that the newest wrinkle in Cleveland to put him the post adds a new brutal tactic to an already brutal front-court.

LEMON FACE (Oo!!)

Andre Iguodala: You knew this was coming. 3.5 turnovers. Only 11.5 points. shooting 38% from the field, 18.8% from the arc. Tentative. Weak. Lost. The guy has been one of the biggest disappointments of the early season. Oh yeah, and the Sixers committed $80 bajillion dollars to him this summer. But he’s an elite scorer! He may be, but right now he’s a big ol‘ Warhead of suck.

LION FACE (RARR!)

Defense: Gotta say, we usually hate good defense. But defense so far this year hasn’t been “Annoy you till you make a bad shot and rebound.” It’s been active, it’s been exciting, its’ been turnovers, blocked shots, and smart, hard fouls. The top teams in the league are winning with defense, especially in terms of efficiency with the Lakers and C’s at the top of the pack, and young, athletic squads doing a surprisingly good job so far (Grizzlies #4!!!!). I’ve seen more blocks than usual, and the rebounding battles going on have been insane.

LEMON FACE (Oo!)

Transition Offense: Everything just feels more methodical. What with the Suns winning convincingly with 17 Seconds Or More, Denver running the “wait till 10 seconds left, throw the ball at the rim and watch Balkman rebound” and the Warriors not having Monta’s ludicrous speed, it’s been a slower year. Gotta say, though, there’s still a sense of rhythm, so things haven’t gotten boring. We’re not back in ’99 or anything.

LION FACE (RARR!)

Rooks: OJ Mayo scores 26 in a half. Derrick Rose looks sublime. Kevin Love hits big shots and plays with composure. Eric Gordon looks good. The Lopez twins are competent. Jason Thompson is a Seven Nation Army. JaVale McGee is the lone bright spot on the Wiz. Rookies look good.

LEMON FACE (Oo!)

Sophomores: Durant’s on the worst team in the league and so far has regressed in every notable stat except shooting .7 better. Thornton’s on the third worst team in the league, and he still can’t do anything but score. Horford’s playing well but the Hawks are more of a composite now than they were so he doesn’t have to. Conley has been all over the place for the Grizz, though I still see his bright spots. Thaddeus Young has been a bright spot for the Sixers but isn’t murdering it like we thought he might. This could be the year the rookies beat the sophomores at the All-Star Game.

LION FACE (Rarr!)

Power Rankings: Power Rankings were once so overdone that no one wanted to do them. I mean, after all, they’re all subjective and easily susceptible to bias and don’t mean anything anyway. But somehow, they managed to pass over being overdone and into being okay. Like video games, (expletive deleted) sex, or listening to Journey. And to this, we say bravo. Because now we can adequately judge and mock everyone for their selections while still producing no such rankings ourselves. Viva la us!

LEMON FACE (Oo!)

+/- Statistics: Even with the new and improved ones, there are still some problems with putting a lot of stock into them.

LION FACE (RARR!)

Guns N’ Roses: Congratulations. You finally put the album out with no remaining members of the band, Rose. And there’s Rolling Stone. Ready to gobble upon your Democracy like God Hisownself sent it down. This is like rewarding the Hare for finally dragging it’s worn out ass over the finish line while the turtle smokes a victory cigar. But you finished, so you get a lion face.

LEMON FACE (Oo!) Cardinology: I’m really glad Ryan Adams decided to stop making Grateful Dead albums and just does what he wants. Magikon this album is almost as good as “Halloweenhead.” Almost.

LION FACE (RARR!) Passing out of the pick and roll for the Hockey Assist: Lakers, Hornets, and Suns are making an absolute killing off of the extra pass off pick and rolls right now. Defenses are so amped up with the start of the season that everyone’s rotating too early. Which means that if you play center or power forward and just wait for your man to step up on screener after he receives the ball? Eaaaasy money. We seriously need hockey assists to be added as a formal stat.

LEMON FACE (Oo!)

Going under screens: Here’s a little transcription if you had put a mic on me during the overtime of Parker’s double nickel. “TRAP HIM TRAP HIM TRAP HIM, DO NOT GO UNDER THE SCREEN, DO NOT GO UNDER THE SCREEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, ARE YOU INSANE, DO NOT GO UNDER THE SCREEN, TRAP HIM, TRAP HIM, F$!%K!!!!” There’s a reason that the Jazz can play perimeter guys at center, have AK as a distributor, and run and run and run and still play good defense. Because Jerry Sloan will not stand for your pick and roll slovenliness, mortals. Bow to Zod.

LION FACE: Key Lime Pie: Official pie of the Cleveland Cavaliers. Never amazing, always zesty.

LEMON FACE (Oo!)

Bad American Chinese food: Living in Austin, I’ve enjoyed the food immensely. To anyone who’s never been to Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, or southern California, if you think you understand what a tortilla is, shut your mouth and never speak of Mexican again. But the worst part about Austin cuisine is that while the Vietnamese, Thai, and Sushi are incredible, there’s no good Chinese. None. Even the fancy, overpriced places are nothing spectacular. And when you get home on a Thursday and don’t want to go to the store until Friday and just want a f*cking box of Kung Pao chicken and you can’t order it because it’ll result in your dog licking your feet as you relive your drinking days only without the euphoria and jukebox music? That sucks. Bad pizza’s still pretty good. Bad Italian is unfortunate but still edible. Bad Tex-Mex is regrettable but at least you’ll enjoy it coming in. Bad Chinese is an awful experience from start to finish. As a matter of fact, I am now rechristening the Oklahoma City Thunder the Oklahoma Bad Chinese Food.

15 Footer 11.10.08

Just so you know, we now think this whole NBA season is rather pointless on account of the Lakers.

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

We’re OK, You’re Not OK, But That’s Okay, Because We’re Not Okay (Matt):

OKC at Indiana.

Here’s the problem. It’s not that the Thunder are bad. Not at all. The Wolves are bad. They’re pretty terrible. Hell, the Wizards are miserable. But one of the biggest plays in the second half yesterday for the Thunder came from Joe Smith. This is a bad sign. They’re not just bad. They’re bad and completely nondescript. They’re the CBS comedy of the NBA. Tonight they face what I would probably describe as the ABC pilots of the NBA. Yeah, the Pacers probably won’t be there at the end, and yeah, some of the writing seems forced every now and then, but hey, there are still some laughs in there. Durant needs to have a game where he just blows everyone away to put this team back on the map, even if it is in freaking Oklahoma. I love Westbrook’s game from top to bottom but if he wants to see the floor before the All-Star break, he better Nancy Kerrigan Mr. Watson like it’s elementary.

7PM EST. League Pass

Hey, Wanna See What A Real Big Man Looks Like? (Matt):

Portland at Orlando.

I’m not buying the Blazers, kids. I won’t sell what I’ve got in stock, but I’m not ordering more till they show me that they can do more with less. They’ve gotten some superhuman efforts out of the club in the wins they’ve collected, but they’re still remarkably solvable and Brandon Roy doesn’t look like the unstoppable demon he was billed to be. He looks scary for spurts, but if you rub the lamp he vanishes back into it and you can go about making LaMarcus Aldridge try and kill himself with effort. Conversely, this slow start for Orlando could be a great thing, if they save their best stuff for later, no longer needing to prove things. But if they’re stuck in neutral, this team has no special dynamic, no combustible chemistry, just some arc shooters and a big guy that can only dunk. No need to rush it, they should win tonight, but you have to wonder what effort level they can cruise at and still be .500.

7PM EST, League Pass.

Idling High Since July In The Sky And Other Rhymes (Matt):

New Jersey at Miami.

You know, if it weren’t for the Kings soft opening schedule, the Heat would be ranked 8th in offensive efficiency? It’s true. They’re not playing badly. They’re not playing particularly well, but they’re not playing badly. This team, the fans, and the pundits need to scale back on the expectations for this club, though. They’re idling, but I’m not sure they’re going anywhere. At least until they finally put me out of my misery and pull the trigger on Marion. New Jersey doesn’t have Devin Harris tonight. Which means essentially, this game has a total of zero quality point guards on the floor. Expect about seventeen million turnovers and Yi and Beasley to absolutely fascinate you. It’s going to be like two giraffes battling and getting their necks lodged together.

7:30PM EST: League Pass.

If You Are So Ubiquitous, Why Does No One Know How Good You Are (Via The Corndogg):

Toronoto @ Boston

Blogging superstar, that is what you are. Gold medal winner, you ain’t just chicken dinner. Chris Bosh is, with all due respect to Gil and Boom Tho, THE Internet leader of the league. From his curious commercials to his raucous reporting through the extent of his character repertoire, Bosh has taken over the reigns of the Blogosphere.
However, not many people realize that Bosh thoroughly dominated during the Olympics. Or that he might be the best big in the league who is NOT Amare (yes, Duncan has played well too, but Bosh is on another level right now). And, he is doing it all with a failing perimeter attack and the corpse of Jermaine O’Neal still brushing off dust. He is Legend!
So, what of tonight in Boston. Oh yeah, almost forgot. El Tigre Monstruoso wants to eat your children… and, for that matter, your face. Boston’s D has been even (maybe) better than last year. Their bench is getting deeper, even as body wise it is noticeably thinner. Leon “The Pwn” Powe might be the leader for MIP as of Week 3. Expect Bosh to get rattled tonight, but with an inspired Calderon and a few decent outside looks, the Raps can make it a game. Plus, Skeets and Co. need this. Suck it America!

You Say “Potato,” We Say “Shut the F–k Up, Old Man.” (Via The Corndogg):

Memphis @ Phoenix.

Whether its my agonizingly reluctant acceptance of a good looking Suns team or the daily orgiastic paroxysms of Matt Moore on my Gchat, this game almost makes me want to crawl in a bunker. If the Grizz prevail, it’s a monstrous win for the young’uns and about 10 phone calls from Moore tonight. Suns win, then I get even more indigestion thinking about this old, battered, Porter-esque group actually playing cohesive, smart basketball. The possibilities for an anuerysm are endless.

But Mayo is the odds on fave for ROY, Gay has not even begun to catch his stride and the PG Hydra-Phalanx of Memphis has not completely eaten itself yet – but I still hold out hope. Youth Be Served. The League’s #1 Grizz Fan (somewhere, deep in the heart of 3 Shades, Chip Crain cries a cyber tear) gets his Twilight Zone-esque head explosion watching the dying of one fantasy and the dawn of the next.

On the other hand, Amare is now officially Black Jesus, Dragic looks better being completely lost and stupified by the NBA and Diaw has yet to make me lose 1 single hair yet this year. All in all, IS NIIIIIICE!. If anyone told you this would be prime time viewing 3 weeks ago, you would have thought they were as stupid as me. Suck it America!

15 Footer 11.07.08: No, For Real, Iverson Plays Tonight Edition

YOUTUBE FRIDAY!

We’re Already Bored With AI Talk (Matt):

Detroit at New Jersey:

Finally we get to see Iverson in Detroit. Bad Boys is excited. Need 4 Sheed is skeptical. Everyone else is bonkers. This may be the only player you can immediately put in and expect him to have a difference. Doesn’t know the offense? NBD, it’s Iverson. Doesn’t know his teammates? NBD, it’s Iverson. This one doesn’t need a reason for you to watch, it’s pretty self-explanatory.

Chris Douglas Roberts, of course.

Detroit could win this game without Iverson, but we’ll see pretty quickly how Curry intends to try and fit him in and whether AI goes out and just does his thing.

Dinosaurs Used To Be Birds, You Know (Matt):

Raptors at Hawks

The Hawks Are Favored! The Hawks are Favored! Great day in the morning! The Raptors got a harsh dose of reality against the Pistons, but this is a much better matchup. You’re looking at a shootout tonight between two very good teams. Bosh and O’Neal have the edge offensively, but Horford and Zaza have been brilliant defensively. Calderon is a genius right now, but none moreso than than Joe Johnson. This game could very well come down to perimeter shooting, with the Hawks running and gunning wings versus Kapono and Calderon sharpshooting. Lordy, Lordy, you ever think you’d see the day where these two are a marquee matchup?

Larry Brown is an Idiot. Yep, That’s All I Got.(Via the Corndogg):


New Orleans at Charlotte

Death is almost to sweat for you, Bobcats fans.
Old, useless, craggy Larry has come to ruin your team.
Not only does he hate Gerald,
The moron “made” Jordan take Augustin.
That leaves you with Okafor and a bag of wind in the middle.
Right now, I would rather be puking blood.
And don’t act like some sudden change will make you better.
Definitely not if Larry makes the decision.
Every time he speaks, Robert Johnson’s stock (and stool) drops.
Course, he is a Carolina guy, so Jordan will do whatever he says.
Regardless, Crash is the only good thing about your team now.
Adam Morrison even agrees… and he hasnt spoken in 3 years.
So if you want your franchise to implode.
Hurry up and get rid of your best player at Larry’s expense. Then move to Kansas City.

Bease with Ease. The Big Fun Gonna Teach You Some Manners, Son. (Via the Corndogg):


Miami at San Antonio

Alright, now this is a Miami team we can get behind. And, while we’re at it, this is a San Antonio team we can get behind too… and kicks it in its wart infested, wrinkled butt. The Heat are blending young talent, with a rebuilt Wade and a “Yo, anybody seen that 18 mil I’ll be asking for yet?” Marion to form a defensively solid, sometimes chaotic team. Such a relief from the EPIC FAIL Riley brewed up last year. Taste that Satan, hope it burns your forked tounge right out of your head.
Meanwhile, down on the River Walk, Spurs fans are attempting more drowning suicides than brokers are jumping out of windows. Without triple overtime against the Wolves, and one of the worst defensive schemes I can reasonably remember, Parker/Duncan/Mason? finally won the game of 3 on 5. The rest of the Spurs look not just old and lifeless, but uncoached and unwilling to focus. Arms and legs aren’t moving in synch and until Manu gets back, this team will continue to suffer. But, you gotta give it to Mason – kid was a nobody in the ACC for four years and is now the third weapon on the Spurs. Even I can appreciate that… and his herpes.

Next Thing Prohibited In Utah – Butt Slaps. That, and Puppies.(Via the Corndogg):


OKC at Utah.

P.J. Carliesimo wins COY if he can somehow convince Robert Swift to make out with Johan Petro before the game. I mean, really, what else are those guys gonna be doing all night? Normally I would have a ringing endorsement of the Jazz (and they have look GOOOOOD, no homo) without Deron-ron-ron early this season. The fact that Booz is still putting up 21/10 in an offense this laconic should signal imminent DOOM to teams when he gets his partner back… no, not like that you Unruly Utahns!
But somewhat subtly, you kind of have to feel that OKC is solidly, quietly building a good core of talent. Westbrook, Durant and Green are all working well together and bringing their team along with them. a;sdifasjafdfasfashflasjdhfasidfahsdfasjdfabsjdfashbdfauyfau
Woah! Sorry about that. What just happened? I think I blacked out. Did I just compliment OKC?

YES, YES, YES. 1,000 x YES! (Via The Corndogg):


Minny @ Sacramento

If only it were on television, I would be so happy :( Really, I would love to see this game. Kevin Love might actually be a legit Pro! K-Mart might be the most exciting player in the league right now (STAT notwithstanding). And Jason Thompson? Hats off to Zilla for sticking with his guns. Kid is balling. Both teams desperately need a win. Well, as desperately as you can need a win this early in the season. But still, should be a slugfest. By “slugfest,” I mean “offensive orgy.” Yum!


Oh, Dear, That Artest Fellow Seems Upset (Matt):

Rockets at Clippers.

Back to back losses for the Rockets, and both have been tight. Brandon Roy’s absurdly not within .8 seconds beautiful shot last night sunk them. Before that they got edged out by an Obama inspired KG and co. So tonight against the Clippers, who are pretty terrible, they’re going to be letting out some frustration. This team is good, there’s no question, but they can’t afford to screw around the way previous Rockets teams have early on. Meanwhile the Clippers are terrible. They can hang for a while, but then the energy goes out and they become starkly human. This team needs a trade, a new owner, and a new coach. But hey! At least Eric Gordon isn’t getting any playing time! Wait. That’s a bad thing. Nevermind.

Rocket Science and Don Nelson. Both Involve Chemistry (Matt):


Memphis at Golden State

The Grizzlies hopped on the Marc Gasol Express and rode that train all the way up Golden State’s ass last game, cramming 27, 16 and 3 down their throats. Since then the Warriors beat the Nuggets and had a little bit of a youth movement as Don Nelson discovered that if you let Brandan Wright off the freaking bench he can actually produce. Congratulations, you rocket scientist.

It’s as if the Entire Bulls Roster Cried Out in Terror and Was Suddenly Silenced (Rob)

Suns at Bulls

One year later, and Chicago still looks about as disoriented as ever. They may not be putting out last year’s particular brand of on-court ineptitude (thank Deng and Rose for that), but watching a Bulls game is still vaguely reminiscent of blasting Animal Collective while watching live feed of an earthquake-induced hysteria. What’s worse is that I’m not sure Vinny is making any more sense of things than the rest of us, which is a frightening thought for a young team.

The team with a glut of guards but little frontcourt substance will run headfirst into the steamroller known as Amare, and that one guy who acts as his sidekick who happens to be a former MDE and future hall of fame-er. Tough luck, guys. But if the early season serves as any precedent, this really is the Year of Amare; he’s going on a nation-wide tour as the dynamic frontman, with Nash as the lead guitarist who still has a few tricks up his sleeve, and Shaq as the past-his-prime drummer who still wants to write songs and sing backup. In this new system, the Suns will only go as far as Amare will take them, which is a strange idea in contrast to the Nash-led outfits we’ve seen in recent years. Expect the VH1 Behind the Music detailing Boris Diaw’s drug abuse within the next few months.

But never fear, Bulls faithful: you still have Tyrus Thomas. Kyrylo Fesenko mentions him among the league’s great big men (and remembers him before Dwight and Bynum…and Amare, oddly enough), and I’m pretty sure that Moore already has him penciled in ahead of Duncan for the greatest all-time power forward. Plus, one of your point guards can actually lob oops to another one of your point guards. And that is awesome.

8:30 EST, League Pass

I Get By With a Little Help From My Suddenly Competent Teammates (Rob):


Pacers at Cavs

It’s frightening how subtleties have helped the Cavs. Adding Mo Williams was a big deal, make no mistake, but it’s not like he’s dropping 30 and 8. The biggest difference between this season’s Cavs and the Cavs of the past is the presence of a playmaker on the court at all times. Over the summer, I described Mo as a “glorified Delonte West” on more than one occasion, but what I didn’t really understand was that the presence of West for a full season and another player who is very similar yet superior can open up this offense in entirely new ways. I’m actually perfectly fine with LeBron acting as the primary playmaker on a team, as long as it doesn’t lull him into taking too many jumpers. But having that safety net of another scorer and another playmaker makes this team pretty formidable. The difference of not forcing LeBron to bring the ball up, allowing him to work off of a real point guard for stretches (sorry, Boobie), and even dabble in a growing back-to-the-basket repertoire (!!!). The Sixers made the big splash and the the Raptors are climbing the ranks, but don’t sleep on this team. You’ll wake up in the morning with a bloodied lip, a black eye, a killer headache, and a giant scar across your stomach where one of your kidneys used to be.

The Pacers are going to surprise a lot of people this season, if they haven’t already. Keep in mind that everything they’ve done so far (Beating Boston, hanging tough with the Pistons and Suns) has been without Dunleavy, who was probably their best player last season (I still feel weird typing that). In the meantime, Granger is kicking ass and taking names. He’s scoring from everywhere, he’s playing some excellent D, and he finally got his damn contract extension. About time. The sad thing is that even though Marquis Daniels, Troy Murphy (wtf, mate?), Granger and Co. are all clicking right about now, this is going to be a really difficult one for them to win. LeBron is LeBron, the Cavs are better than ever, and for once this team doesn’t look abysmal on offense doesn’t look abysmal on offense all the time.

7:30 EST, League Pass

Me, and Chauncey, and Everyone We Know


Mavs at Nuggets

The Mavs just beat the Spurs. The Nuggets just lost to the Warriors. Yeah. But this night isn’t about the Mavs or the Nuggets, really, it’s about getting over the brutally unnatural feeling of seeing Chauncey Billups wear shiny blue threads. I don’t think my brain is prepared to handle it.

Expect sloppiness from Denver, but not as sloppy as AI and Melo’s first game together which consisted of around 80 failed lobs. But with Chauncey and Iverson both suiting up for their new teams, this is definitely a night to remember. Saying that conjured an image in my brain of Chauncey in a baby blue tux posing arm in arm with Kenyon in a prom dress. A Ringpop and a coupon for a foot massage to the first person who photoshops that.

This game doesn’t have any real implications aside from a number in the W column or the L column. It’s just another opportunity for Billups to form a rapport with his new teammates and for Dallas to build a little bit of momentum.

10:30 EST, ESPN

Expect the Unexpected…Except When It’s Against the Celtics



Bucks at Celtics

This game just has that feel. The Bucks are a surprising 3-2, and the Celtics show flashes of mortality. The point guard rotation in Milwaukee is going strong. Richard Jefferson has been great, the offense is even better than it should be, and Mbah a Moute has been surprisingly productive so far. I mean, if the cards fall in their favor, and if they get the perfect hands at the right times, and the chips go their way, and the subsequent dice rolls all turn up evens, and if the coins all land tails, and if the lucky pony just happens to win the race, and…

Man, the Bucks are screwed. They’ve won games that they should have, and lost games they should have. A light schedule can fluff you up to a winning record early, but you can’t expect the Bucks to go in to Boston and beat the Celtics. That’s just cruel. Viva la Ramon Sessions, Give Me CNuv or Give Me Death, Mbah a Moute for President, and Joe Alexander sucks.

That is all.

7:30 EST, League Pass

Melo To President (Elect) Obama: "Good Job!"

Don’t get us wrong. We thought it was hilarious that Melo wanted to score Obama and got Woodrow Wilson. That’s just funny.

But as pretty big fans of the new man in charge, we have to say there’s something touchingly genuine about the latest message that Melo gave JockLife.com about what Barack’s done for this country already.

Melo may not have Etan Thomas’ way with words (and stanzas), but that doesn’t make the sentiment any less genuine.

Cheers, Melo. And hey, bonus points for appearing in a video that won’t piss off the cops.

15 Footer 11.6.08: Starve on Iggy! Edition

Only two games after the smorgasbord of 13 last night.

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

We’ve Tried the Scalpel and Now It Appears We Are Getting Ready for the Hatchet (Via The Corndogg):

Sixers at Orlando.

Sixers looks gross. Like a giant loogie on the face of Philadelphians. With coffee bean shards in it. Just because the Phillies finally brought a title to your city doesn’t mean you can just sit on your thumbs and sniff ‘em when you stand up. Iggy’s stat line from last night would have even made Eddy Curry cry. There is, at this moment, no bigger wastes of money in the league than the Brand/Iggy signings (Marbury excluded). And that’s even with Brand averaging 16/12. Think about that. This is not what any of us had in mind when we thought they would be a Top 4 team in the East this year. I’m not sure if its coaching, motivation, growing pains or just over-confidence mixed with hellacious under-performance, but there is definitely something rotten in the state of Philly’s offense.
Speaking of giant wasts of money, Rashard Lewis is kinda sorta having a decent start to the season. Not $122 million dollar start to the season, but he’s doing enough to keep us from ripping his tiny head to shreds. (For real, dude’s dome is puny). And, my pick for Most Improved Player this year, J.J. Redick, is averaging 13+ minutes a game and just a shade under 1 point a game. So, I am clearly a great prognosticator. D-Ho is as dominate as ever and we finally get him in prime time.

Tonight should be a bruising, brutal affair, with plenty of bungled transition plays and plenty of dunks. It’s almost as if Matt and I were coaching – except only he could grow a stache as sweet as SVG. Thaddy vs. Threedo Turk should be very entertaining… and physically awkward.

The Basketball Teams of the National Basketball Association from Houston and Portland Play Tonight. Here Is A Preview As If Written By Bad Wes Anderson Imitator. (Matt):

Houston at Portland.

Tonight the basketball teams from Houston and Portland will play a game in which the object is to place a round ball through a metal circle. It is important to note that the ball cannot be touched when it is in what is referred to as the cylinder, which stretches to and from the hoop vertically and extends forever. This is important to note if you’re playing in an aircraft hanger or with Emeka Okafor.

The Houston team, which is known as Rockets, will attempt to control the game using a series of large individuals, including a seven foot Chinese man named Yao Ming. While Portland has its own alternative big man, Greg Oden, also known as The Big Chill, he is currently injured and will be unable to play.

This is not a rare occurrence.

The Portland team, knows as the Trail Blazers, or “Blazers” will attempt to counteract the Houston forces with their start small guard/point guard/combo guard/dynamite maker Brandon Roy, who also once served on the Italian Ballet’s cast of “Vita Dolce.” They also feature several European stars, many of whom have facial hair that have been satirized in the popular magazine, Svelte European.

The victor will no doubt be able to focus on defense, cutting off baseline penetration, and resembling the highly acerbic wild ostriches of Kathmandu.

It is not expected to be Portland.

Also, CRAZY PILLS!

Linear Equations: Notes on 11.5.08

  • The Hawks are legit, at least right now. It’s one thing to be dangerous and capable of hurting teams with athleticism and scoring, but the Hawks tonight ran halfcourt offense and defense against a full strength Hornets team and just worked them. There’s terrific ball movement with the core players, Johnson is still able to score in spurts, and lets the offense move. They’re also playing absolutely terrific defense. The lack of focus that infuriated people for so long defensively is gone. They know where they’re going and what they need to do. They’re using their speed and athleticism to get back on gambles. They’re also cutting off the baseline very effectively, often creating clusters on the blocks. This is a much better team than the one we saw in the playoffs.
  • Tonight was a great night to watch Josh Smith, to see the gamut of what he brings. There were some turnovers and bad shots when he forced it. There was also the ridiculous control in transition, the speed attacking on the steal or the block, the strength on the drive, and the amazing all around effort. They worked him in the block and he narrowly missed a series of drop-step hooks. If he can develop that a bit more, yikes.
  • Al Horford ate David West’s lunch several times tonight. I love DWest. But he had a bad night and when he has a bad night, he’s a weakness defensively sometimes for the Hornets.
  • Tyson Chandler was invisible tonight. No alley-oops.
  • Okay, to all the people looking at Tony Parker’s line? Screw off. Amare Stoudemire shot 81%, had 49 points, 11 rebounds, 6 assists and 5 steals. OF COURSE Parker had 55. They went to double overtime (against the freaking Wolves, mind you), and they have no other scorers. Don’t get me wrong, Parker’s brilliant. And the shots he hit you knew were going in, because he’s a killer. But he had the third best line of the night. Maybe.
  • When you have Amare Stoudemire right now, you can beat anyone. That’s how good he is. There are maybe three players better than Amare right now. And I don’t feel good about putting any of them above him.
  • The Spurs are going to lose more until Ginobili gets back. As a team, they are fundamentally flawed, and are having to rely too much on Parker and Duncan, to the point that it’s going to be physically taxing and create further problems.
  • The Wolves on the other hand, are right on track. Kevin Love went right up against Tim Duncan to tie the game and send it to overtime. That’s huge. Love is going to be a great pro
  • Jefferson developing that hook is killer. A refined offensive set for the Harbinger is doom for the rest of the league.
  • This was the Heat team we had dreamed of. Marion out in transition, filling in the pieces. Beasley getting boards and learning his way. And Wade using the extra explosion to create steals. Chalmers is getting there. They just have to be patient. He’s going to be a great pro. They just have to let him get there.
  • Cleveland at 112.6 efficiency. You won’t stop this team when they run at that level. This Cleveland incarnation is decidedly less ugly than previous ones. That’s huge. They didn’t need to improve much, just a bit.
  • I guess we can hold off on the Toronto fellatio. Sorry, without AI, you gotta win that one at home for me to consider you scary.
  • The Jazz should have won by more over the Blazers, but Boozer came up with some huge buckets and this team is simply able to harness such focus when it needs to, they’re going to be really hard to stop. Until the playoffs.
  • Andre Iguodala sucks right now. Not gonna lie, that feels good to say. Won’t last the whole season, but man. Right now he’s terrible.
  • Bad Grizzlies showed up tonight. No focus, tired legs, terrible ballhandling, and too many fouls. I don’t think the Kings are a better team. They just kind of did basketball things and had Kevin Martin. Martin’s brilliant, no doubt, but I have a feeling they’re going to end with fewer wins than the Grizz. Then again, I’m biased. But the Grizz ended with an 18-5 run and they’re comeback was only really stunted by a looseball that happened to roll to John Salmons.
  • Salmons had a good night though. It’ll be interesting to see if he keeps up this efficiency rate.
  • Quinton Ross gets too many minutes for Memphis.
  • 42 points, 19 assists for Ridnour and Sessions. The Bucks are loaded at the most important position on the floor.
  • DJ Augustin is going to be very, very good if Larry Brown doesn’t crush his soul underfoot.
  • The Clippers are awful.

Better Living Through Focus: A Review of Free Darko’s Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac

When my advance copy for review of Free Darko’s book arrived, I just looked at it for a second, like it was a bear cub or a scorpion. I gingerly put it down and only returned when I was sure I had the time to go through it. I expected it to be like the blog, an extrapolation of jungle-density prose and vague constructions of abstract basketball philosophy.

But truth be told, the book isn’t like that.

It’s strange, because the other reviewers I’ve seen are clearly caught off guard by Free Darko’s patented density and weight, by the enigmatic approach to the game that doesn’t rely on fanhood, rationality or pragmatism. For many, it’s a groundbreaking form of sports writing that they’ve never seen before, likely because they haven’t been to FreeDarko much. I can’t really give that review. I’m an avid reader and fan. It’s hard to be an NBA blogger that started after 2006 and not be a little bit in awe of Shoals and Co. And it would be a disservice to my readers to provide a review for people that don’t read Free Darko, as if you’re here, you likely just read whatever latest concoction has been brazenly laid there, often to both derision and celebration.

So to someone that reads Free Darko extensively but not exclusively, how does the book come off?

Fresh.

My biggest concern about the book was that it would be exactly what we were expecting. Some sort of confusing, complicated, overbearing series of essays designed and outlining the same concepts that Shoals, Recluse, DLIC and others lay down daily at the site. That it would provide neither a bridge to reality nor a device by which to decode the rather complicated ideas behind liberated fandom and the exaltation of the individual. I worried that it would simply be a collection of self-masturbation, letting them stew in their own greatness in printed form, without consideration for the reader or motivation to surprise.

That’s not what landed in my mailbox.

Instead, what arrived is like some sort of conceptual basketball Book of the Dead. It’s a gateway between Free Darko’s world and the one everyone else lives in. As Henry touched on, there are often times things that Shoals completely whiffs on. There are ideas that just don’t seem at all grounded in reality, and no matter how interesting they may be, if they’re not conceptually sound at least in foundation, it’s hard to really consider them as important or relevant. In contrast, the book takes the foundation of reality and expounds on the perception and celebration that the blog has come to define. And it does so in an organized fashion, without irritating gaps or dead end paths.

The book opens with Bryant, as I think any book that covers the individual spirit of the NBA has to do. The comparison to Moby Dick, while a bit trite, is an excellent introduction to the frame of thought the reader needs in order to navigate the book. The descriptions of the players are fascinating. The writers have managed to use cohesive fact to build a conceptual ideology around the players without coming off as fanzine biographers or leaving identity totally to fact. In embracing the larger than life models that the players exist as for NBA fans, Free Darko has collectively managed to create legends about them. Not mythology, because that would be without basis, but a true aura of legend for each player is discussed. References are made to both their on-court and off-court lives and personalities, but Free Darko still leaves enough room in the appraisals for the reader’s imagination. They don’t gloss over failures, which instead are celebrated, and nor do they downplay realistic success.

An example of this is the chapter on Tim Duncan, which postulates that the precise lack of identity Duncan expresses is in fact the central point of his identity. Furthermore, the book puts into context Duncan’s greatness without sacrificing itself to glorification or forcd compliments. There’s no “And that’s why Tim Duncan is the greatest power forwared of all time and a true NBA legend. Theeeeee end.” Instead there is a detailed examination of his being, his body, and his game that leaves you altered in your consideration. In fact, almost all of my personal perceptions of players were shifted by FD’s examinations.

No doubt you’ve heard by now about the illustrations. They are as great as you would imagine them to be without being predictable. While the first time you read the book, you’ll likely skip over some of the graphs and style guides as they become tedious, you’ll also return to them later, wanting to know just how something worked or what it meant. They’re rich and diverse, and very well could have been collected as a book or expounded upon as an annex themselves. The depictions of the players will stand in your mind, and your favorite players will likely be forever linked to them conceptually. My personal favorite, barely nudging out Tracy McGrady’s very Mexican Day of the Dead-ish leap, is Joe Johnson, who stands at the bus stop with his bag, unrecognized, uncelebrated, and still incredible.

In fact, that chapter turned out to be my personal favorite, and the reason that I hope the publisher allows the collective to produce more of these books. The most popular players and ideas are covered, yet you’re left wanting more, wanting to devour as much as you can of who these players are as personalities, as game souls, as basketball spirits. Additionally, and surprisingly, the book manages to make these players more real to you, not less. You understand more about where they come from based on the rather extensive research undertaken, and you recognize personality traits in them, even if the book never claims to be an intimate memoir. It serves more as an examination of what the public knows about the player, and how that knowledge is reflected through the fans. You learn things you had forgotten, things you never knew or that had slipped through the cracks.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that the re-readability of this book is off the charts. After all, this book is a sedimentary analysis of current players, and in an evolving world with an internet full of a million season previews, game previews, player analysis and commentary, I expected the thrill to fade rather quickly. Instead I discovered myself going back to it time and time again. Two weeks after finishing it and before I sat down with notes for this review, I randomly grabbed it on my way out the door for a flight. Instead of being bored by descriptions I’d already read and charts I’d already examined, I was captivated by reading another significant section that I had read but not fully digested regarding Artest’s game. Not his personality or antics, but his game itself. It made me reconsider how I thought of Artest, and that may be the biggest takeaway from the book: It has the power to cause you reconsider how you approach professional basketball. And it does so without sacrificing an ounce of the fun that comes with the game.

The Free Darko Macrophenomenal Basketball Almenac is an essential part of any NBA junkie’s library, and a vital component of the ongoing cultural expansion of the NBA.

It also kicks some serious ass.

You can buy the book from Amazon.com here, and check out the book’s official site here.

15 Footer 11.5.08: In Which The League Makes You Pay For That Election Night Hangover

Well, then.

Things are certainly different today than they were yesterday.

But that’s neither here nor there.

Before we get started, say hello to the biggest reason ESPN needs more flexibility in its game selections. The Denver-Detroit trade went down Monday. That gives them two days to get a crew to Detroit. The game starts early? So what? Cut off Sportcenter by an half-hour and ditch Around the Horn or PTI for a day. What are you showing right now? You can’t get NFL injuries, NFL features, NFL previews, NFL tattoos, NFL Yahtzee and a BCS breakdown done in an hour and a half? Or talk to Detroit and get them to push the game back just a half hour, and run your usual lineup for Thursdays. I know teams hate moving start times, but a half hour later for the TV coverage is probably worth it. Even if this is remarkably complicated, it shouldn’t be.

Anyway, great slate tonight. Enjoy.

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

People Are Strange, When You’re A Granger, Faces Are Ugly, When You’re Alone

Phoenix at Indiana.

Phoenix will stomp this team. Badly. Let’s say the Suns have a bad shooting night. Their defense has improved enough to hold this surprisingly tough Indiana team to under 80 points. Additionally, the Pacers are suffering down low. The good news? Danny Granger is superfreakinghuman. Averaging close to 27 with 4 boards, 1.5 steals, and 2.5 blocks (!), Granger has done it all so far this season, including knocking off the defending champs. But the question becomes if they have enough depth to hang with the Suns. The Pacers have only played 9 players total all season, while the Suns are bludgeoning people with their depth this season. I also look forward to the remarkably awkward matchup of Rasho Nesterovic against Robin Lopez.

Gametime: 7PM EST, League Pass

Answer Unclear, Check Back Later

Detroit at Toronto.

Iverson may or may not play, depending on Chiekh Samb’s physical, which will greatly affect the hype of this game. Normally I’d say that’s all it would affect because it’s the Pistons, and as the Bobcats found out, the Pistons can beat anyone without two of their players. But this Raptors team seems, at least for the moment, different. Skeets is already rallying the Bosh 4 MVP campaign, Jermaine O’Neal seems to be fitting in, and Calderon is as good as expected. Additionally they’re getting a consistent team effort, which has been missing for years. So maybe this Raptors team is different. If AI is out, this is a must win for them. If they want to prove they’re a legit 3 Seed, they have to blister a team missing an All-Star. Conversely, if Iverson’s in, the pressure shifts to Detroit. First night, first game, whatever. This is the NBA. Such is the price of glory. The Pistons may best be suited to match the Raptors regardless, with Wallace and Johnson able to battle the bigs’ versatility step for step, and solid perimeter defense. But without Iverson, the problem will be producing enough buckets to keep in line with a Raptors squad averaging 99.3 points per game.

The Battle Of Who Hates Their Team More?:

Bobcats at Knicks.

I keep trying to figure out why everyone cares about Marbury so much. In the past two days, I’ve had Nate Jones of FanHouse and Rob Mahoney of Upside and Motor and HP trying to convince me that D’Antoni is mismanaging this team by not playing Marbury. This is like saying, “Well, sure, it’s cancer. But hey, it’s very POWERFUL cancer! Why not give it a chance!”
Perhaps a more apt comparison is saying, “Look, the music at this party is awful. No likes Enya. Okay? No one. But it’s okay. I’ve got a CD of the sound of cats being ground in a blender with Chumbawumba overdubbed on it. This could work!”

That said, there’s a lot about this squad that Mike D’Antoni has to absolutely hate. But not as much as Larry Brown hates the Bobcats. They shoot jumpers. They can’t defend. They’re not in shape. They’re not disciplined. And what’s worse is that the constant beratement from Brown is likely only serving to exacerbate the issue.

So tonight should be a fun example of what happens when two coaches are both yelling at their own players so loud they can’t hear anything. It’ll be just like a political show!

7:30PM EST, MSG

Iggy… Can We Call You Iggy? No? Oh, Well, We Don’t Care… Iggy… You’re Sucking It Up:

Philadelphia at Miami.

Consider this the “Someone Has To Stop Underperforming Bowl.” Philly’s starting to get it together, with their perimeter shooters knocking down big shots and Cannonball Young doing a little bit of everything as he starts to thrive at the 3. But then there’s Andre Iguodala. 12 points, 5 assists, 3 turnovers. For a guy who was supposed to make us look like a fool (like a fool!) for our skepticism over paying him a bajillion dollars, he’s not off to a hot start. Never fear, though, tonight he’s got Dwayne “I’m trying to do everything and in the end doing nothing” Wade, which means he should get more opportunities.

Wade’s in a bad spot right now, and seriously contemplating his long term future in Miami. It’s made worse by the fact that in order for them to score, he needs the ball in his hands, but if he’s got the ball in his hands, he’s turning it over because defenses are adjusting to him. There’s just not a whole lot of upside on the roster right now as Beasley is going through growing pains and Marion looks like he just doesn’t belong anywhere on this team. I don’t know what Riley is waiting for to trade Marion for the assets he needs, but he’s waiting too long and every second increases the chances of Wade not resigning in 2010.

Tonight the Sixers should be able to use their inside-outside game, and Andre Miller should give the Heat point guards fits. If they can just put some buckets down, this one should be easy and fun to watch. Also, tune in to check out Marion’s new mask.

7:30PM EST League Pass

Big Ugly White Guys And You, A Primer:

Memphis at Sacramento.

The Kings are reeling a bit right now. Even with losing Crazy Pills, they were supposed to be at least close to cohesion and instead they’ve fallen apart to start the season, and don’t have many ways of improving. Kevin Martin is underperforming, Spencer Hawes is randomly inserted and yanked, Theus is on the hot seat, and Brad Miller is still out. The fanbase can’t figure out what exactly is supposed to be happening, if there is even a plan in place. Essentially, it’s Jason Thompson and a lot of crying.

Conversely, the Grizzlies feel pretty damn good about themselves. They’re somehow meshing committed defensive effort and aggressive offensive speed. Marc Gasol is playing well. Rudy Gay is showing more than raw potential and scoring, he’s exhibiting leadership and taking the team on. If OJ Mayo is running hot, they can score with anyone. And Mike Conley is coming along, one step at a time. Hell, Darko played well the other night!

Which of course means the Kings will win by 4.

I actually think the Grizz hang on to this. I think these are the types of games that the Grizzlies will split on. They’ll win half the games they should be competitive in, and lose half the games they’ll be competitive in. But right now they’re healthy and they’re playing with a lot of fire. This one could be a lot of fun to watch.

10PM EST, League Pass

This is What Happens When an Unstoppable Force Meets Another Semi-Unstoppable Force That Doesn’t Play Very Good Defense (Rob):

San Antonio at Minnesota

The Spurs are in trouble right now. And they will be as long as Ginobili as out. Parker and Duncan have been spot on, but the rest of the team this side of Roger Mason hasn’t been able to shoot for sh*t. They’re sure to struggle as long as they lack that third dependable scorer who not only puts points on the board, but appropriately spreads the offense to allow for the role players to have more success.

But, this is Minnesota. So disregard everything I just said. Luckily for the Spurs, they’ll be running into the defenseless baby Wolves a night after being sobered up by a Mavericks beating. They’ll be looking to regain some dignity. TP will take advantage of a lack of both perimeter D and reliable help defense inside, and Duncan should use and abuse The Harbinger all night long while holding him down on the other end. Mark your calendars, folks, tonight is a historic night. Four games into the season, the Spurs will register their first win of ’08-’09! Sorry Wolves fans, I know your lot in life is a difficult one. But until Kevin Love manages to establish and maintain some sort of NBA-level conditioning, Randy Foye establishes himself as an actual point guard or even a consistent scorer, and either Jefferson or Love becomes a reliable post defender, this is going to be the story.

Et tu, Mike Miller? Money Mike has managed an abysmal 12.5% on his threes in the Wolves’ three games this season on a career low 3PA. What’s the deal? Are the Wolves cramping his style in a way the Grizz and Magic never did? Miller’s sure to bounce back, so why not make a statement against a historically excellent defense? I’m sure Bowen will have something to say about that.

8:00 EST, FSNO

I Imagine This Is What a Grown Man Stomping on a Puppy Looks Like (Rob):

Boston at OKC

There’s a reason the Lakers and the Celtics went to the Finals last season. But while the Lakers inspire amazement with their fluidity, the Celtics open up the mind with the limitless potential of their defense. They wear the bling, and it’s because they can stop anybody. Of course in this one, they won’t have to. I mean, you kind of have to stop Kevin Durant, but I have a feeling this team could do that with their eyes closed. No offense to Durant of course, he’s a very good offensive player. But there’s only so much you can do when you’re one of two guys who can score on your team, and guy #2 is a rookie who is likely to get flustered by a suffocating Celtics D.

But boy, has that rookie been impressive. OKC shocked a lot of people when they took Westbrook at 3, but so far he’s been right on the money. He may not have Bayless’ uncanny ability to finish around the rim, but his ability to take the ball to the basket is certainly comparable and his defense is worlds ahead of where it should be as a rookie point. Jeff Green may be an ill-fit alongside Durant, but Westbrook fits in perfectly.

So the Celtics strut in, lock down on everybody, and give the Durantula nightmares of their grandeur. Any questions?

8:00 EST, CSNE

The Whole Can’t Even Compare to the Sum of Its Parts (Rob):

Washington at Milwaukee

Both of these teams have extraordinary players. Not all of them are extraordinarily talented per se, but many are flat out extraordinary.

For Milwaukee:

  • The hairless wonder, CNuv
  • The Renaissance Man, Richard Jefferson
  • Humble star/hitch-shot extraordinaire Michael Redd
  • Perennial typical white point guard, Luke Ridnour
  • The enigmatic Ramon Sessions
  • Zany Aussie Andrew Bogut.

Tell me that isn’t a reality show waiting to happen. Lining up across the hardwood is:

  • The straw-chewing Caron Butler
  • Bad hair day Nick Young
  • “Remember that one time I got busted for propositioning an undercover cop?” Andray Blatche
  • Walking 20-10 Antawn Jamison
  • The greatest thinker of the modern era, EtanThomas
  • DeShawn “THE WIND BLOW!!! MY FLAT TOP SWANG!!!” Stevenson

Absolutely ridiculous. But somewhere between player to team, that special ingredient is lost in translation. Both teams look very pedestrian on the court, and both will be living in the tar pit of mediocrity in the East. Expect more of the same from this contest. For the Bucks, it’ll be about posting what could be their first and last winning record all season. For the Wizards, it’s about developing some kind of consistency and success without Gilbert and their apparent linchpin, Brendan Haywood. With Haywood, the Wiz were plucky underdogs, winning their fair share of games and sticking it to teams like the Celtics over and over. Without him, they look pitiful on defense. Thomas and Blatche haven’t shown they can match Haywood’s production, impact, and relevance, and until they find a way to, this team is going to flounder.

8:00 EST, SUN

We’ve Been Through Some Crappy Times Before (So We Are Very Good At Just Dealing With It And Sorta Moving On) (Via The Corndogg):

Clippers “at” Lakers

At the very least, and it seems as of right now “the least” might also be the best thing about the Clips, they are entertaining. Its great to see Thornton playing well. But when you base your forward looking approach on Weightwatcher Davis and the corpse of Marcus Camby, you have essential been self PWNed. Eric Gordon gets no burn and you’re being outscored by nearly 18 a game. On the bright side, you get to share the court with Andrew Bynum tonight, who’s future is so bright, he’s gotta wear shade. For a better look at the Clips future, I suggest these.


OMG. Can You Believe Our Seats Are This Good? This Rulez:

Its really too bad that Prop 8 passed in California. Can you imagine the extreme length, upside and motor that Brandanthony Dolphwright’s kids would have if they could mate? (BTW, until you have actively searched for photos of these 2 online, you have no idea how time consuming that can be!). The Re-Re-Rebirth of Mr. Big Shot gets cracking tonight and he and the freshly shorn Melo will have to fight it out over who takes control of the offense. On the whole, this addition could make things significantly easier for Anthony, as he can now just focus on scoring, scoring and scoring. Oh wait, that’s all he did before, right? Well… Stephen Jackson hasn’t gone crazy yet, so there’s always that possibility.

And A Child Shall Lead Us (Via The Corndogg):

Bulls at Cavs.

And a child shall lead us. Rose has been blindingly good for the Bulls, racking up lines like a Colombian drug lord. And with all these early games against the Cavs, Rose has a courtside seat to watch exactly how NOT to play point. HT: Delonte West. Bron Bron has started hitting on all cylinders yet, which could very well happen with the well intentiond, but infinitely underprepared Deng/Sefolosha defensive juggernaut going all matador on him. And please, keep an eye on Del Negro’s coaching style. This guy could mix together the ingredients for a poundcake and turn it into a hand grenade. That whole coaching thing must be really hard when all your components are practically missing limbs, or basketball ability. Plus, no Ben Gordon news in the past two weeks! Keep this up and I may actually say something positive about the kid (actually, that was a lie. May he rot in D-League hell).

8PM ESPN

Don’t Bring Your Guns To Town:

Hawks at Hornets.

The Hawks have kind of surprised everyone by showing up ready for the season as opposed to languishing in mediocrity for the first three months before showing signs of life. Of course, we’re a whole two games in, which means there’s plenty of time for the Hawks to look pathetic. Like tonight against the Hornets, for example. It does seem, at least preliminarily, like Joe Johnson has taken some sort of step that he started with the Celtics series. He’s leading the league in scoring. Yeah, Joe Johnson. Who’da thunk it. Josh Smith is doing his thing, and Horford is a lock in the middle.

But the Hornets provide an entirely different challenge. This is a team that has won, and won convincingly, without Tyson Chandler, who they get back tonight from an ankle tweak. They are playing focused, they are playing tight, and they are playing with absolutely no mercy. This one could be an amazing matchup or a Hornets beat down. You want to talk measuring sticks? This one comes with a hard price.

8PM, League Pass

No Country For Young Men:

Portland at Utah.

The Jazz are, as usual for the regular season, terrifying. The thing you can’t count on is Paul Millsap. If this guy keeps up how he’s playing, that changes the whole landscape of Utah. Deron’s been out, and it hasn’t mattered. They’ve slaughtered everyone. With their supporting players playing like starters and their starters playing like starters, they’re damn near invincible. Portland, conversely, has been wholly disappointing. Roy hasn’t had any huge games, Oden’s on the shelf, the youngsters look confused. The only guy who’s really looking great right now is LaMarcus Aldridge, who’s a poor man’s Matrix, or maybe a rich man’s Al Harrington. If Portland wants to shake off the hypewebs and get back into this thing, they better figure out how to get some stops. Because otherwise, they’re going to be in a hole before they can even say “poster boys.”

9PM, League Pass

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Site News: In Which I Bore You With More Information About My Wife

I’ve gotten flak for all the comments I make about Paroxi-Wife, so I’ll just make this quick.

I used to be good at grammar. I really did. And I’m pretty good at spelling. But when you churn out the sheer volume of stuff I produce on a weekly basis, stuff slips through the cracks.

Okay, a lot of stuff slips through the cracks.

I just wanted to take a second and thank Paroxi-Wife for copy editing this blog. It’s a thankless job, and she often does it without even telling me. She’s patient while I explain why I used a word completely incorrectly and helps to make me understand why that sentence was not a sentence at all but an abomination to language itself.

So, thanks. Now quit bugging me to change it back to Chris Paul’s “dreamy eyes.” And no, we will not watch hockey.

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