I Cannot Think of Anything Clever to Write About this Game (i.e. Not Off to a Good Start)
Cleveland @ Indiana, 7pm EST

For the 11 of you not going to see New Moon tonight, feel free to enjoy this NBA game. I expect a monster game (no pun intended) from James, who is clearly frustrated with this team and his inability to overcome the Cavs’ fits of lethargy. I still think they know HOW to win games, but they don’t always do it. Meanwhile, the Pacers are a nice surprise, playing with more hustle and cohesion than in the past and Granger is, predictably, putting up major numbers. Yet, after the embarrasment in DC Wednesday, Lebron will clamp down on Granger and overcome his sore wrist to put forth a winning effort.

What? Are You Not Entertained? Oh. Yeah, Well Me Neither.
Memphis @ Philly 7pm EST

Wow, I really should have chosen more wisely when I signed up to do the 15 today. So, Memphis… Without Iverson trying to Jonestown they lose about, say, 15% of the craziness (Zach Randolph ain’t leaving!), but watching Iverson come back to Philly, sulking, coming off the bench and bitching at the Memphis brass about how he “deserves” to show his former hometown crowd how he can still hold it down — that would have been some great drama. Instead, we get Iggy vs. Gay, Brand vs. Randolph and Dalembert vs. Not Thabeet. Oh, Not Thabeet, please hurry back. Your massive aura of suck just makes writing these entries ten times easier. BTW, how’s those Ensure shakes?

What’s the Line on this Game? 258? TAKE THE OVER!
Miami @ Toronto 7pm EST

Your eyes will get tired watching this game. Delayed gratification, perhaps, as Miami will try and slow the game down early and Spoelstra may work with some quirky lineups to match the crazy heigth of the Raps. Ultimately, Bosh and Wade will end up just playing for each other (since there is still hope that scenario might be true come Summer 2010) and the rest of the guys will follow suit. I fully expect at least 1 of Jermaine O’Neal’s legs to fall off during this game – which is worth the Canadian price of admission. FUN!

Stat Geek Party!
Houston @ Atlanta 7:30EST

Crazy. German. Numbers. Disco. WOWOWOWOW! Atlanta makes me happy in pants. Crazy lineup combos, super efficient offense, lots of style. Houston: roughly ditto. The Rockets make my brain breakdance. For more insight into the Houston vibe, give a big up (that means “check out this web page”) to Rahat Huq, who is taking over the Rockets area of the TrueHoop Network. He’s already been initiated and he still can’t stand up straight. Give it a week, Rahat!

How Deep is Your Love? By Love I Mean Team.
Orlando @ Boston 8:00pm EST

Expect an Instant Classic. Having Jameer Nelson out means both sides don’t really start on even footing, but that just means SVG will have to find some interesting ways to defend Rondo. I imagine this Magic team switching like crazy (both in defensive sets and with lineups) and doing their best to confuse and tire the Celtics. Boston, though, seems to have lost a significant part of that championship fire that pushed them through the slow times a couple years ago. Perhaps that desire has undergone a quiet transition to Orlando. You could say… it’s MAGIC. Look for Boston to try and crack some skulls. Look for Orlando to shoot the lights out and inch by with a really tough win.

Kevin Durant is Totally a Tween Star. Eat Your Heart Out, New Moon!
Washington @ Oklahoma City 8:00EST

Seriously, KD is so much cuter than Rob Pattison. For serious. Plus, he’s way better at basketball. You know, cause that matters to 14 year old girls. Even with Jamison back, expect a blockbuster (hey-yo!) night from Durantula. See, there’s a new movie monster. I get dibs on action figure revenues.

‘Reke, Dirk. Dirk, ‘Reke. Engage in Competition
Sacramento @ Dallas 8:30EST
Dirk is currently the MVP. ‘Reke is currently in a tie for ROY w/ Brandon “55 in that eye” Jennings, IMO. So, they get to show off on a Friday night. Sounds saucy.

But Moooooooom, I Don’t Wanna Haveta Guard Brandon Jennings
Charlotte @ Milwaukee 8:30EST

I bet Raymond Felton and D.J. Augustin were watching the news yesterday and, when they saw the FAA glitches that shut down all US flights for a while, prayed that it would happen again today. Mammoth night ahead for Jennings as Charlotte is still trying to lobotomize SJax and get this team playing well together.

Hey, Nate, Brind Ole Nellie Some of them Tasty Microbrews, Will Ya?
Portland @ Golden State 10:30EST

Sorry for all the beer references (HP does not condone binge drinking, you little rapscallions), but Nellie is truly on crusie control right now. He is, essentiall, Don Draper - crushing everything in his path, diabolical to a fault and loves his libations! In fact, I think the Warriors should shoot a commerical where they are all Mad Men characters. That would rule. Heck, it would sure beat getting OdenSmashed.

And One to Grow On
Denver @ L.A. Clippers 10:30EST
No one likes getting spanked, even the Clippers. Well, life’s tough.

Hi, my name is DeJuan, but you may call me DESTRUCTIONFACE!
San Antonio @ Chicago 8:00EST

G-Chat conversation with Moore last night (Playing off his remarks that DeJuan Blair cannot possibly be as good as the other HPers imagine – as seen in our G-chat league Preview)

me: oh, btw, dejuan blair cannot be THAT good
i mean, 29 other GMs passed on him and Buford was an  idiot for taking him 52nd, right?
Moore: there’s no way to know he was this good
and hey, look, if he blows out his knee in five minutes, the point still exists
me: IF
Moore: it’s a nice pick for the spurs, but I don’t think you can say the other GMS are idiots
the injury concerns were there
I blame teams for taking obviously bad players, not for not taking injury risks
me: if that reason brings you solace, so be it
Moore: shut up
me: im serious
that wasnt meant as a dig
got the WS score?
Moore: not for you
me: good thing I have internets, you cry baby
wah wah wah, R.C. Buford just boned 29 other GMs
im taking my blog and going home

Judging by that metric (mind you, this happened during the beginning of a 2nd quarter I wasn’t even watching) and by the fact that the Spurs got nearly 100 points from guy NOT name Duncan or Jefferson, it is safe to assume that the Spurs are downright MEAST-LY this season. Sure, who knows what could happen (for all we know, Ty Thomas could slice open Manu’s juggular with a swiftly timed Nike to the neck as he flying from 14ft. out for a monster putback), but last night’s performance was dirty.

The Rose/Parker matchup will be phenomenal, but outside of that, there is little evidence that the collection of mid-level talent and still under-developed potential on the Chicago roster can do more than offer intermittent entertainment and the occasional sick slam for their fans. Wait, cheerleaders on trampolines can do that too. It’s gonna be a long year, Bulls fans.

Legitimately Cool/Interesting Matchup. Zippity!
Denver @ Portland 10:30EST

It’s a shame that the Spurs & Lakers are so dominant in the West, because a team like Denver deserves a lot more rep than it will get this year. Tangentially, Portland’s continued growing pains and poor coaching by Nate MacMillan will reamin overshadowed by the race to #3 in the playoffs.

If a greater power is watching over us, hoop heads tonight will get 15+ minutes of Bayless/Lawson whimsy. It’s early coaches, why not let these two Ferraris burn some rubber all over the court tonight? And poor Oden, having to go up against 2 tall, quick bigs for the second game in a row – the guy just has no chance. It’s far too early to call the Big Chill anything close to a bust, but it is becoming increasingly apparent that Greg may never have the explosiveness he needs to go from real promise to real dominant. Other bigs in the league are getting more agile and athletic, while Oden’s body (and now, his mind) just won’t allow him to unleash the beast we saw in high school and that one year at tOSU.

On the bright side, look for another monster night from Melo and some old school hustlin’ from Chauncey. There’s too much interior D for Denver and not enough firepower from Portland here. But, everytime I doubt Roy, Roy makes me pay. So, tonight, consider my wallet gleefully (hopefully) open for business.

I do not come to scare you.

Rather, I come out a of a sense of duty, honor and justice to deliver this stark, necessary and very real message. Today, just two night’s into the full NBA season, our wold has been irrevocably changed and not for the better. We must stay vigilant, recognize our altered atmosphere and remain more committed than ever to win this war in which we have been forced to engage.

I am talking about a Post-Damien Wilkins world.

I speak out only because I love this league, its fans, its promise, its hope. But today, against all forces working together to prevent this cataclysmic day from dawning (and you tried, you really really tried, Trey), we must accept our fate. Our NBA Cassandra spoke presciently, but we remained mired in fits of glee about the improbable skill set of Anthony Morrow or the Soul-Glowishness of James Harden’s beard.

We shall never know those joys again, for darker forces have descended upon us. Yet, I encourage you all to take solace in this new begining – not of this nightmare fuel I have just described – instead, think of the many months of potential glory and elation we have ahead. Do not let this temporary setback (and Lord, do I pray that it is temporary) keep you from embracing this NBA season with all your heart and all your humor. I hope, in some small way, that these words have helped.

And so, dear friends, this is the season we have before us. Remain uplifted, embolden your resolve and trust me when I say that is, truly, always darkest before the dawn.