My favorite Irish folk tale goes a little something like this:

Let’s get to some St. Patty’s Day Faces, yes?

Lion Face: LeBron James
It’s kind of sick that we’ve arrived at the point in LeBron’s career in which these 32-point, nine-rebound, nine-assist performances don’t even really phase us. In reality, those are disgusting numbers and the fact that he’s still got at least a decade of greatness left makes me think he’s going to break every record in the book. But this is where we are. LeBron is THAT good to where these nights don’t even really register. LBJ just destroyed the Pacers even though the game was fairly close due to some hot three-point shooting by Indiana. After Brandon Rush blocked James inside, LeBron decided to embarrass Kareem Rush’s brother for the rest of the game. Well, embarrass isn’t really the right word. On a scale of embarrass to the kind of torture and torment you only see in those Saw or Hostel movies, I’d say it was somewhere in the middle. LeBron should apologize and send Brandon a nice fruit basket.

Lemon Face: New Jersey Nets
Okay, we’re getting dangerously close to this all-time worst team debacle. The Nets are now 7-61 on the season, which is a winning percentage of 10.3%. To avoid this dubious record, the Jersey Shore has to produce three wins in the final 14 games of the season. That’s a winning percentage of 21.4%. That means they have to more than double their season long output of the rate they win in order to beat a record and prove they aren’t the worst team of all time. I just don’t see that happening. Seven of those final 14 games are against playoff teams so those are out. That means they have to find three wins out of the lot of games against Sacramento, Detroit, Chicago and New Orleans at home and Chicago, Milwaukee and Indiana on the road. My condolences, Sebastian.

Lion Face: Samuel Dalembert
In giving the Nets their 61^st loss of the season, Samuel Dalembert did a yeoman’s job on shutting Brook Lopez completely down. He used his length and athleticism to change, alter and slap away shots. He helped contain Brook to just 12 points, which marks just the 14^th time he’d been held to 12 points or fewer this season. Other than Lopez beating out Sammy in scoring (12 to 10), Dalembert outplayed him in every other facet of the game. Sammy grabbed nine rebounds and blocked five shots in 37 minutes of basketball. He was a +20 on the night because he helped protect the rim and force the Nets into bad jump shots instead of them challenging at the basket.

Lemon Face: Hawks Defense
The Hawks did a fantastic job of frustrating Chris Bosh all night (6/19 shooting) and keeping him from dominating the game. But they failed to play much defense on anyone else in a confusingly green Raptors uniform. They let Hedo Turkoglu create like he still had Dwight Howard on his team. They let DeMar DeRozan explode for 19 athletic points. They let Andrea Bargnani dominate the game like his name was actually Andre. And when it came down to getting key stops, they allowed the Raptors to score three times in a row to end the game. Bosh got a hook shot in the lane over Josh Smith when no double team came, Hedo went to the free throw line against Crawford and then after a missed defensive rebound, Chris Bosh hit the game-winner with a step-back jumper over Horford. Not a strong finish for this Atlanta defense.

Lion Face: Hedo Turkoglu
Welcome to the 2009-2010 NBA season, Hedo. Nice of you to bring your enormous contract along too. Hedo looked a lot quicker against the Hawks defenders and found a way to get into the lane whenever he needed to. He was fast, concise with his moves and efficient in the way he attacked the defense. He only finished with 16 points, five rebounds and three assists but it was less about impressive numbers and more about him finally showing up. Considering the Raptors could play the Hawks in the first round of the playoffs, Hedo playing like this could actually give Toronto a shot of moving on past the first round. Granted, he has to play better than this and the rest of the Raptors can’t cower. But if we see this Hedo, we might see the Raptors be a more formidable playoff opponent than everyone expects.

Lemon Face: Homerish Fans
Someone in the Daily Dime Live chat on ESPN.com said that Tyson Chandler was an elite center. And he was serious. That’s unacceptable. That is all.

Lion Face: Stephen Graham
I’m as shocked to see this name in this category as you are if not more. Joey Graham’s doppleganger played against one of the hottest teams in the league and nearly played Kevin Durant to a standstill. He scored 19 points on 7/9 shooting in 30 minutes of play. Most of all, he shed his Graham-ness for one game and came out on top against one of the best players in the league. Much like the success of Lady Gaga, it just doesn’t make any sense.

Lemon Face: Kevin Durant
I really am only putting Kevin Durant on here because his team lost, he shot the ball horribly and I’ll probably never be able to justify him being on here ever again. 26 points on 26 shots with 10 rebounds and zero turnovers isn’t exactly Boumtje-Boumtje type of game. But for those of us that are about to suffer at the ruthless hands of Kevin Durant over the next 18 years, it’s a little bit of solace for us.

Lion Face: Vince Carter/Rashard Lewis
Just days after The Basketball Jones discussed their effectiveness, Vince Carter and Rashard Lewis responded by showing just how effective they can be together. They dismantled the Spurs with outside shooting and playmaking. Lewis had 20 points and made four of his six three-point attempts while Vince Carter more or less ran the show in Orlando. He scored 24 points on just 11 shot attempts to go with his eight assists. It didn’t matter what the Spurs threw at them. Actually, most of the time the defense was so bad on the side of the Spurs that Lewis and Vince had free reign to let it fly without much resistance.

Lemon Face: Tim Duncan
Five points, a minus-21 and 1/10 shooting in just 25 minutes on the floor for the greatest power forward of all-time. I don’t know that I really want to discuss this further. It’s kind of depressing me.

Lion Face: Aaron Brooks
You know who could score Wednesday night? Aaron Brooks let it fly and ended up knocking down every long-range shot he took en route to his game-high 31 points. He was seven for seven from three-point range and 11/14 total. The Grizzlies backcourt of O.J. Mayo and Mike Conley simply couldn’t handle him. He was like one of those wild cubs you see on public access talk shows who all of a sudden go nuts on the handler or show host. There was no warning of it. Just quick strikes followed by some yelling, confusion and utter joy for a select group of people.

Lemon Face: Minnesota Timberwolves
You’ve given up 274 points in the last 96 minutes of basketball. You’re pretty much dead to me for now. We’ll see where our relationship is when/if you bring Ricky Rubio over to the states.

Lion Face: Hasheem Thabeet
In a Bizarro NBA world in which Tim Duncan is terrible and other people are not, Hasheem Thabeet was actually pretty good against the Rockets. He started for Marc Gasol who was out with a neck and he played pretty decently. He was on the court for 27 minutes total and tallied eight points, ten rebounds, four blocks, a steal and five fouls. The majority of his effectiveness happened in the first eight minutes of play but the point is that the guy everyone assumes won’t be in the NBA for very long actually looked like he belongs. And that’s because he does. Great showing for him. You can see he benefitted from the D-League.

Lemon Face: Kevin Love
In the 43 minutes of play since Love returned from a strained left foot, he’s scored six points, grabbed 10 rebounds and shot just 1/11 from the floor. He looks terrible out there. I don’t think it’s a matter of him being out of shape from missing time. I don’t think he’s 100% healthy out there and with the pathetic displays of competitive spirit that the team is putting out there right now, I don’t see why Love should play until he is completely healthy. Don’t mess with this man’s feet. Treat him like Frank Costanza. Nobody goes near his feet!

Lion Face: Golden State Warriors
No Steph Curry? That’s not a big deal. The Warriors used a 43-25 fourth quarter domination to turn a potential loss into a homemade win that couldn’t have been a better promotion for the importance of the NBDL. Chris Hunter had 17 points off the bench. Reggie Williams had 22 off the bench. Anthony Tolliver was the team-high scorer with 30 on 11/19 shooting. Some guy named Monta Ellis also had 28 points and 13 assists. This was a fast-paced game that saw both teams shoot over 50% and combine for 58 fast-break points. 131 points later, the Warriors came out on top.

Lemon Face: Darren Collison
Please stop turning the ball over. Please. I beg you. Stop flirting with bad triple-doubles. I just want you to be efficient and you can’t do that when you’re handing the ball over to the other team. Eight turnovers are way too many. Hell, half of that is too many. Please just be careful out there. We’re worried about you.

Lion Face: Brandon Jennings Yahtzee
Brandon Jennings got hot sometime in the second half of this game and made it pretty interesting. He found his stroke by going 9/16 from the field, 3/7 from three for 21 points. He also had a weird Yahtzee like box score with fives all across the board. He had five defensive rebounds, five total rebounds, five assists, five turnovers and five personal fouls. That’s just weird and not exactly the 5X5 fantasy guys beg for. Even though he lost, it was fun to see his shot get back on track after a three-month hiatus.

Lemon Face: Brandon Jennings Twitter Smack
Jennings tweeted this after getting to Sacramento, “Just landed in SAC, smells like cows.” Now, I know he only got that from Phil Jackson because he was living in Los Angeles when Phil made those comments all those years ago. And when he was auditioning for the draft in June, he certainly wasn’t talking that weak, tired, unoriginal trash when he was begging for the Kings to take him with the fourth pick. But most disturbing from all of this is that he currently lives in Wisconsin. Isn’t Wisconsin the Cheese State? Cheese! Cows! You can’t live in a place with a ton of cows and then make fun of a city that doesn’t have cows. It just doesn’t make any sense. I guess they teach you that stuff in college.

Lion Face: Clippers Coaching
I’m going to keep this brief because I’m a little afraid that the apocalypse might be near because of this occurrence tonight. The Clippers made a coaching adjustment against the Bucks that was brilliant and stopped them from running an effective offense. The Clippers went to a soft zone and took away the majority of the quality shots and good passing lanes the Bucks were enjoying for much of the night. Let’s acknowledge it now and never speak of it again.

With such a face-filled night of basketball, there’s really no need for me to attempt to come up with a clever intro that somehow gets me to seamlessly incorporate the Matt Damon-Ben Affleck clip we always run here.

So let’s get down to business right away.

How bout it, gents?

Lion Face: Do What Toney Douglas Do
What is it that Toney Douglas do, you ask? Whatever the hell he wants, apparently. Toney Douglas was one of those late first round sleepers that I loved before the draft. It all started when I was able to attend his pre-draft workout with the Sacramento Kings. He was matched up against guys like Stephen Curry and Tyreke Evans. Did he dominate? No. But did he get dominated? Not from what I saw. He held his own defensively. He wasn’t afraid offensively. It was just an impressive display of confidence for a guy that should be overmatched. Ever since then, I’ve been a fan and dedicated to the love that Posting and Toasting loves to give him. Against the Sixers, he got the start and made the most of it. He seemingly did more in one game than Chris Duhon has done all year. He picked Willie Greene at halfcourt for a layup and the foul. He finished the night with 20 points, seven assists and three steals. He should be starting for the Knicks the rest of the year. That is unless they want to tank.

Lemon Face: Andre Iguodala’s Shooting
Andre Iguodala was letting it fly against the Knicks. Maybe Tracy McGrady going 4/5 from three-point range inspired him. I’m not quite sure. Or maybe he thought that he should validate Rodney Carney’s comments about it being impossible for players to tank. But one thing is certain of this night: Andre Iguodala couldn’t get his shot to fall. He was 0/7 from three and he was 1/11 from outside of the key overall. I’m no mathematician but that’s a very low percentage of shots made. He was only 4/11 inside the paint and finished 5/22 for 14 points. Valiant effort but he should have realized David Lee was the big man inside and attacked him more.

Lion Face: Andre Iguodala’s Effort
But you can’t completely kill Iggy for the poor shooting. He did make an effort and crash the glass when his shot wasn’t falling. He finished with 17 rebounds overall and grabbed five offensive rebounds. Also, his defense was pretty decent in the game. It wasn’t otherworldly like we expect from him but other than some T-Mac threes he defended well. Just wasn’t enough to overcome his poor shooting.

Lemon Face: Deeeeeetroit Basketbaaaaaaaall?
I don’t even know what to say about the Pistons now. They’re just bad and headed nowhere. You like to hope that Rodney Stuckey is headed somewhere for them but if they get the number one pick, wouldn’t they just take John Wall and punt Rodney Stuckey for another piece to the puzzle? They have Ben Gordon signed to all that money but failed to realize that he won’t make them better unless they’re already in the playoffs. Hoping you get something from their big men is the basketball equivalent of playing Russian roulette. Someone is going to get hurt and everyone is going to feel horrible about it. Two years ago, the Boston-Detroit matchup meant something special. Now it just meant a cure-all for what was ailing Boston. My condolences, Mo-town.

Lion Face: Samuel Dalembert
Was it against the Knicks and the defensive saloon door, David Lee? Absolutely. But Sammy still came up big and did a fine job of controlling the interior. He had 11 points, 18 rebounds and three blocks. He had a nice drop step dunk against David Lee that resulted in a three-point opportunity. He had nine offensive rebounds in the game. It’s not exactly reinventing the wheel or anything like that but it was still a very solid game from a consistently inconsistent interior player.

Lemon Face: Rajon Rondo
I know that Will Bynum is a stick of dynamite on the court but Rajon Rondo didn’t play a good game at all. He should dominate Bynum because he’s just as quick and yet a lot longer and better. Instead, he scored just three points on 1/5 shooting. Yes he had six assists and four steals in 29 minutes of action but he shouldn’t be putting up such mediocre stats against such a mediocre team. A win is a win is a win but Rajon is better than that.

Lion Face: Celtics Bench
61 points on 25/37 shooting for the Boston bench. Everybody scored in the game. Three guys off the bench finished in double figures and two other guys finished with at least eight points. I think the Celtics would take half of that production for the playoffs this year. It would be nice to see the Celtics bench step up like this when it matters because we’ll all benefit from the elevated play in the second season.

Lemon Face: Defense
In the Houston-Denver shootout, there were 94 made baskets, 16 threes, 44 made free throws and only 18 turnovers (with just 12 points off of turnovers) for the two squads. It resulted in 248 points. The Rockets had a 38-point first quarter. The Nuggets had a 38-point third quarter. And I had a lot of fun watching these two teams exchange haymakers like Balboa-Creed. In fact, it was JUST LIKE Apollo Creed and Rocky going at it. There were a lot of shots to the face without either boxer putting their hands up to block.

Lion Face: Carmelo Anthony
Carmelo Anthony is a very good basketball player. And he’s a transcendent scorer in pretty much every way. He never overwhelms you with his scoring and yet it’s still suffocating at the same time. It’s very sneaky the way the barrage hits you. You realize he’s scoring a lot and yet you’re not overly impressed until you realize a couple minutes later, “Holy crap! Melo is scoring A LOT!” Against the Rockets, he took the theme of the no defense game and ran with it. He peppered the Rockets with jumpers from all over the floor. He also scored inside with 20 seconds left to tie the game. He also got a good look at the end of the game from three that would have won it but he misfired on the shot. Carmelo’s offense seems to be waiting for you to fall asleep. Once you do, it’s standing there over you with a pillow, hoping to take the life from you.

Lemon Face: Jerry Sloan
I don’t know if I should blame Deron Williams for this too but ultimately, it falls on Jerry Sloan to protect his players. At the end of the third quarter, the Jazz were up 30 and they still had Deron Williams in the game. Well, he hurt his leg near the end of the period when he shouldn’t have even been on the court. With two other point guards on the roster and a shooting guard who is capable of handling the dribbling, there’s no excuse for Deron to be out there for no reason. The Jazz are lucky the injury wasn’t serious and he’ll be able to continue fighting off the Thunder for homecourt advantage in the first round.

Lion Face: Brooks and Martin
Yes, it sounds like either a country music duo or some type of bourbon but Brooks and Martin is becoming one of the most fun backcourts in the league. Against the Rockets, they combined for 60 points on just 33 shots. Kevin Martin moved perfectly without the ball and his cutting through the lane seemed to open things up for everybody. And Brooks was just electric all night. Brooks also had nine assists to go with his 31 points and eventual game-winning jumper with 2.9 seconds left. And don’t forget that these guys did this against a damn good defensive backcourt of Billups and Afflalo.

Lemon Face Lion Face: Johan Petro
I’m so confused right now. Johan Petro caught passes. He made jumpers. He made free throws. Rebounds didn’t bounce off of his hands. This is not a world I’m prepared to live in. Let’s just move on.

Lion Face: Darren Collison
Obviously, Collison hasn’t had enough opportunities to challenge for the Rookie of the Year consideration. He just hasn’t been doing more than Evans and Curry and he hasn’t been playing at this high level for nearly as long (not his fault; he had a pretty good player in front of him). In the month of February, he won Rookie of the Month in the West because of his 21-8-3.9 averages. The problem was he also averaged 4.8 turnovers per game. Well this month, I think he’s been even better. He’s averaging 16.1 points, 11.4 assists and he’s cut the turnovers to 3.7 per game. Against the Clippers, he threw up an 18-point, 14-assist performance. Yes he still had four turnovers but he played the entire game and stood toe-to-toe with a motivated Baron Davis. Most importantly, Hornets got the win on the road. Kid is legit and deserves to be on the All-Rookie 1^st team (I’m not sure if they go by position but the All-Rookie 1st team should definitely be all guards this year).

Lemon Face: Al Thornton
Somebody had to represent this Wizards team for their horrendous performance Monday night and he went 1/9 for four points and four rebounds in 25 minutes of play. Seems justifiable if you ask me.

Lion Face: Baron Davis
Baron Davis had 18 points on 14 shots, which is really nice for a guy who has shot so horribly all season long. But even more impressive is the 17:1 assist to turnover performance he put out there against the Hornets. Darren Collison is not a bad defensive point guard. But he couldn’t slow down the strength and creativity of Baron. Fear the Beard when he’s giving a damn.

Lemon Face: Chris Kaman
Emeka Okafor is a really good defensive big man but 3/15 from the field and just three rebounds is inexcusable.

Lion Face: Pau Gasol
Is there anyone in this league that can guard him when he’s making that left-handed half-hook over his right shoulder? Chuck Hayes couldn’t stop it and neither could Dwight Howard. When he has that going, he’s pretty much unguardable so when he’s doing that against the Warriors, you know the Dubs are in trouble. His 26 points on 13 shots were a steadying force against the rag-tag Warriors. The Warriors tried to trick the Lakers into playing their game. They made them run and for the most part, it worked. But every once in a while when the Lakers were losing their way, they’d get wise and dump it into Pau. He’d calmly score and set things right in the basketball universe. In fact, the Lakers were completely stupid for not getting this man 20 shots.

Lemon Face: Andrew Bynum… hear me out on this
This is going to seem like I’m picking on Andrew Bynum because I always find a way to pick on Andrew Bynum. And yes, ultimately a 19-point, 14-rebound performance is pretty good. But he was kind of terrible against the Warriors. He should be destroying people inside against the Warriors like that creature in Cloverfield. Instead, he turned the ball over eight times (!) and managed to transplant his hands with one from Kwame Brown and the other from Johan Petro of three years ago. You can never truly rely on him catching a quick pass. Although, I do like that he went 7/8 from the line.

Lion Face: Chris Hunter
Not sure who Chris Hunter is? Don’t worry about it; you’ll have plenty of time to learn his name. In a day in age in which guys like the Collins brothers, Jerome James and Steve Hunter get paid to be tall, Chris Hunter has worked his tail off to get from the D-League to a regular spot on an NBA team. Is he taking advantage of the various Warriors’ injuries in the frontcourt in order to get this hard work to pay off? Absolutely. But he’s still putting in the work and getting results. Against the Lakers big front line, he managed to put in 22 points and seven of the Warriors’ 25 rebounds. He made all six of his free throws and kept his bigger opposition honest with scoring inside and outside. I love when guys like this get rewarded for working hard, rather than just being tall.

Lemon Face: Monta Ellis
WOW, this guy killed his team tonight. You might remember me trying to open up the dark side of his impressive stats earlier in the season. Well, against the Lakers Monta just continued to jack up shot after shot despite the fact that Steph Curry, Corey Maggette and basically anyone not named Monta Ellis was having a relatively easy time scoring against the Lakers. Yes, Monta had 11 assists and five steals. But he went to the free throw line just two times and made just five of his 23 shots. It’s not that he was missing shots. It’s that he was MISSING shots! And the final play of the game kind of summed up his night perfectly. After Curry missed the wide-open, game-tying three Monta grabbed the rebound. He looked for Curry to kick it out to but Curry was standing out of bounds. Kobe was retreating to guard CJ Watson in the right corner so Monta high-tailed it out to the top of the three-point arc. He turned, fired and had his desperation attempt bounce around a few times before falling off the side of the rim. It was a valiant effort but considering he had Anthony Morrow all by himself (Celine Dion style), he once again made a horrible decision.

One last thing, too many people are going to make a big deal over Ellis “smiling” after missing the three. It was sort of a smile-grimace in which he knew he had a chance to tie the game and instead he missed the shot. He wasn’t happy with missing the three. He was upset. But with the shot he took and the bounces it had before it fell outside of the cylinder, that face really isn’t the end of competition as some will make it out to be.

Lion Face: Kobe Bryant
The nine turnovers were bad. He was so careless with the ball and just didn’t take care of it. That’s not something you expect from Mamba. Maybe this guy but not Mamba:

However, Kobe did still score an efficient 29 points – 9/18 shooting, 2/4 from three (one of them was a BIG three) and 9/11 from the free throw line (one big miss that nearly cost them the win). Kobe always seems to be in control, even when he’s dribbling and passing the ball all over the place. He got caught up a little too much in the pissing match with Monta and Steph but overall, he always had this game in hand. The Lakers took his confidence and calm and made the plays when they had to. Did they have to rely on a fortunate bounce against a team they should destroy? Yes. But that’s the Lakers team we need to get used. They play to their competition. Lucky for them, their competition will be good in the playoffs.

Lemon Face: Shannon Brown
Remember months ago when Lakers fans were lauding Shannon Brown as one of the top reserve guards in the league? He was a guy that “changed the game” and “played good defense” against better guards. He deserved to be in the dunk contest too. Well, he’s actually not very good. He certainly can’t shoot. And his defense is pretty bad. He’s the exact body type and level of athleticism you’d want guarding Curry or Monta or Watson. And yet they all scored quite easily against him.

Lion Face: Stephen Curry
There’s no denying this kid’s talent. I still don’t think he can be the Rookie of the Year because he’s been good since the beginning of January and Tyreke Evans has been doing it consistently since the fifth game of the year. But there’s no shame in being the runner-up to only the fourth rookie in NBA history to put up 20-5-5. Curry plays perfectly into the style of the Warriors. Get up the court, get to the basket and when given daylight you should throw up a shot from beyond that little arc on the court. Curry’s not just a shooter, either. He can get to the rim, get crafty around the basket and also find his teammates in the position most advantageous for them to score. Can Curry steal the Rookie of the Year award? I’ve been saying no for months but at this point, he’s getting a lot more national exposure than Tyreke can get. He’s playing big on national TV, which is an opportunity Tyreke isn’t afforded. Maybe with a strong final month, he can trick enough voters to remember his name come ballot time.

With games like 29 points and nine assists against the best team in the league coming through the ESPN broadcast truck, it’s not so far-fetched anymore to think he can rob Evans of the award.

There are old faces leaving, old faces doing what they do and a new era of basketball in a place where you’ve needed a new era just about every season.

We’ve got huge dunks and game-winners from the eight-game schedule. There are plenty of faces to go around for everybody, whether they’re good lion-type of faces or squinty, little bitter putrid faces because of horrible, horrible failure.

Either way, I’d like you to see the PSA from Ben Affleck and Matt Damon right now:

In case you didn’t catch what that PSA was about, it basically gave the message that NBA fans, especially those sitting courtside, should never feel compelled to interfere with a live ball. Joe Calderon was clearly going to save the ball late in the fourth quarter when a fan jumped up and knocked it away. I don’t really know what the motivation was behind it. Maybe he was just being like David Puddy and “supporting the team.” I don’t know.

Maybe he thought it was a bumble bee that painted itself to look like Snooki. I’m not quite sure there either. All I know is he knocked the ball away from Joe and the result was Lakers ball. There has to be some sort of rule or violation there that the league hasn’t made available to us. There just has to be.

Lion Face: The Los Angeles Clippers
Did they get their teeth kicked in by the Magic? Absolutely. Did they fight and show some pride in themselves as men or professionals? Not at all. So how do they get a lion face for last night? They’re no longer under the control, guidance or construction of Mike Dunleavy. Mike D will no longer be in the front office a month after deciding to step down from his post as the head coach of the team. So next season, with a good amount of cap room, the odds-on favorite for the Rookie of the Year in Blake Griffin and plenty of roster flexibility, they’ll be able to have their pick of available GMs and coaches to help shape and lead this team to challenge the Lakers for the King of Los Angeles. Will they be able to pull it off? History says they won’t – not with Donald Sterling still owning the team. But the dark cloud of Dunleavy is no longer hanging over this franchise. That’s a start.

Lemon Face: Andre Iguodala
Iggy must have needed a night off. It’s the only way to explain how Brandon Rush completely outplays him for an entire game. Iguodala should be able to at worst shut down his man even if his offense is way off. When Andre plays 30 minutes, five points and eight shots should be more of a one-quarter output. It shouldn’t be an entire game. And if that does happen, five rebounds and four assists should be much higher because then at least you’ll know he was going all out. Instead, Kareem Rush’s next of kin has a field day at the expense of the Philly defense on the perimeter. Then again if Andre Iguodala is the best player on your team, there’s probably a reason you’re 23-40.

Lion Face: Dwight Howard
I don’t care about the scoring or the blocked shots or the rebounding tonight. We know he’s pretty much always going to be well above average in those aspects of the game on any given night. Did you see Dwight Howard on the break? Check that. Did you see Dwight Howard LEADING the break? After a Brandon Bass blocked shot, Dwight got the ball, motored up the floor past the defense, sucked the defender in at the basket and casually whipped a left-handed pass across his body, past the defender and into Brandon Bass’ hands for a dunk. Take a look:

You know what it reminded me of? No, not Rony Seikaly. The Diesel. Young Diesel. I don’t like comparing the two because they’re completely different players. Shaq was a power figure when he was finding his way in the league. Dwight Howard is all about soaring above the opposition. But regardless, it reminded me of plays like this early on in the Orlando days when Shaq was running the whole show.

By the way, where did that fadeaway jumper go? That was promising. Would have loved to see more of that in his career. Imagine his career with that weapon in the full-time arsenal? We’re talking 35,000 points. Easy.

Lemon Face: Miami Heat bench
Do you know how many points the Miami Heat bench scored in 82 minutes of play? 12. That’s it. It was a dozen points in 82 minutes of bench play for the Heat. That’s freaking anemic. Udonis Haslem had eight points and 11 rebounds and Mario Chalmers found a way to drop a couple of baskets. That’s it. Maybe when Spoelstra is watching film with his team and trying to figure out how they scored just 78 points, he can look to the bench and tell them to facepalm themselves for the next three hours.

Lion Face: Raymond Felton
Raymond Felton occasionally shows up out of nowhere and simply leads his team to a victory. It happened Tuesday against the Heat. He finished with 15 points and 11 assists. He made a couple of threes. But most of all, he showed a complete control to the pace and structure of the game. He helped ugly it up a little bit because against a team like the Heat, that’s what you should do. They don’t have bangers. They don’t have guys that really deal with sloppy play. Felton on the other hand probably prefers that type of game. It suits him well. He can pick and choose when to drive and when to pull up. The result is usually a good scoring opportunity. He made smart decisions down the stretch and scored some big points.

Lemon Face: Miami Heat ball movement
By the way, Raymond Felton had 11 assists, in case you missed it a couple of sentences ago. What’s significant about that in relation to the Heat’s ball movement? Felton nearly matched the Heat’s ENTIRE team assist total just by himself. The Heat had 12 team assists. 12! That’s it! Derrick Rose and Deron Williams both had more than that on their own. How about setting up your teammates and not trying to suck so much at sharing the ball?

Lion Face: Gerald Wallace
When you’re offense is in the toilet and you can’t get any kind of flow or momentum going, what are you going to do to respond? If you are Gerald Wallace, you’re going to bust your knots trying to grab every single loose ball there is. Struggling with eight points on 3/11 shooting? Not a big deal. He went out and grabbed 17 rebounds to make sure he was contributing to this team as much as humanly possible. It’s like Vince Vaughn’s character says in The Break Up when he’s explaining how his Madden team was so much better than the other guy’s: work ethic. It’s all about work ethic.

Lemon Face: 60% of the Wizards Starting Lineup Lion Face: The Utah Jazz
Al Thornton and Andray Blatche weren’t great but they were definitely active and tried to do whatever they could to keep this game within striking distance. The other three guys in the Wizards’ starting lineup? Ya, not so much. In a game the Wiz lost by eight, Randy Foye (two points), Mike Miller (seven points) and JaVale McGee (four points) combined for 13 points on 6/20 shooting. Foye was bad once again. Mike Miller tried to be an all-around player but forgot about putting the ball in the actual basket. And JaVale McGee? Well, nobody really knows what he does from a game-to-game basis. They’re just glad he hasn’t figured out a way to not be so tall.

Lemon Face: The Bulls Defense
You just can’t give up 40 points in the fourth quarter and expect to be respected. You can’t give up 132 points on your home floor and be respected. I really want this Chicago Bulls team to make the playoffs because what we saw from Derrick Rose in the first round last year was so special, I would like to arrange for that to happen again this year. I think it would be a great treat for us. When Derrick Rose is a saloon door at the top of the defense and Brad Miller is your last line of defense, I guess you can’t expect much. The Jazz had an offensive rating of 134.7. That’s a lot of hooch.

Lion Face: Andrew Bogut
Forget about the fact that his team beat a healthy Boston team at home and legitimized themselves as real a playoff team as Pinocchio is a boy. Andrew Bogut took one of the best defensive centers in the league and destroyed him. He’s the perfect counter offensively to what Perkins likes to do. Perkins capitalizes on his opponents trying to do too much. He gets the uncomfortable and causes them to miss shots. But with Bogut he’s far too patient to fall into that trap. Instead, he takes his time, absorbs the contact and uses his wide array of skills to convert. Should he be on the second All-Defensive team? Definitely. Should he be All-NBA Second Team this year? He’s in the conversation for sure. And when he leads his team to the playoffs, I can’t imagine that the current second best center in the NBA won’t be recognized for it.

By the way, I love the fact that Big Baby just rolled away in shame after Bogut lowered the Boomshakalaka.

Lemon Face: Celtics Offensive Execution
Kendrick Perkins was one of the featured offense weapons for the Celtics in the first half. Here’s the problem with that: he’s not very good offensively. Oh sure, he can occasionally pull a half-hook out of an orifice but overall, he shouldn’t be attempting much more than dunk attempts. He certainly shouldn’t be attempting nine shots in a game against one of the best defensive centers in the league when Ray Allen attempts only three shots TOTAL for the game and finishes three points. It seems like you’re doing the whole coaching thing wrong if that ends up being your way to beat a very good defensive squad.

Lion Face: Rajon Rondo Tip-Dunk
In a night of failure for the Celtics nearly all the way around, they did have this nice athletic follow by Rajon Rondo:

Lemon Face: Glen Davis-Brandon Jennings
Do I think Glen Davis made a play on the ball when he was whistled for a flagrant foul? Not really. I think he started to and then when he realized he couldn’t do it, he decided to attempt to absorb Brandon Jennings. Do I think Jennings acted like a moron and tried to instigate the moment even more by standing over him like he was trying to provide some shade under the bright lights? Completely. Did it make any sense for Big Baby to then attempt to put his head through Jennings’ belly button before everyone realized this was turning into one of the most awkward altercations in NBA history? I don’t think so. Perhaps, they should both take a cold shower.

Lion Face: Marcus Camby/Nicolas Batum
They’re long. They’re athletic. They’re a great defensive duo. Batum did a great job of slowing down the perimeter scoring of the Kings. He bottled up Tyreke Evans as much as you can bottle up Tyreke Evans without being Shane Battier. He helped turn Evans into a jump shooter for stretches, which eliminates 98% of the threat ‘Reke poses for the basketball world. He was able to do that because Marcus Camby always had his back. Camby was turning away shots like a hot girl at a bar not trying to go home with anybody. He totaled five blocks in the game and probably changed half a dozen more shots in the process. If the Blazers can do anything in the playoffs, it’s because these two are the defensive Sonny and Cher. You decide which one is which.

Lemon Face: Kings Frontcourt (Carl Landry Excluded)
This following paragraph does not include Carl Landry in its criticism of the Kings frontcourt. Spencer, Donté and JT, I love the effort you guys have put forth in the last couple of weeks. You clearly get that the Kings need defense, rebounding and a constant stream of effort flooding the interior of this defense. Here’s the problem: you’ve got to figure out how to score. Don’t just dump that responsibility on the new guy. Portland has a good frontcourt but it’s not so good that you should be getting dominated like that. At some point, effort won’t be enough and you’ve got to produce some tangible results with that effort. Please take this under advisement and act on it so I don’t have to make a funny video at your expense. Am I right, Spenny?

Lion Face: Tyreke Evans
Tyreke had a nice night of 18 points, six rebounds and six assists. It wasn’t overly special and he actually needed 19 shots against the defensive duo of Martell Webster and Nicolas Batum to produce that scoring. But that’s not really important. The numbers are just adding to a total that Sactown Royalty is keeping track of with their “’Reke-o-Meter.” What is the Reke-o-Meter? It’s a running countdown of the amount of points, rebounds and assists Evans needs the rest of the season in order to average the hallowed 20-5-5 for his rookie season. After tonight’s game, the Reke-o-Meter shows Tyreke needs 342 points, 98 rebounds and 64 assists the rest of the season. Not bad for the third youngest player in the NBA.

Lion Face: Hakim Warrick
Ronnie Price, I can appreciate the fact that you are in the upper one-percent of athletic ability in the world. But don’t jump with Hakim Warrick. It just gets you in the highlight as Hak activates his go-go gadget arms.

Lemon Face: Toronto’s Late Game Shot Selection
In a close game, you probably want to maximize your scoring opportunities by being aggressive and trying to get as close to the basket as you can in order to get a good shot off. But not if you’re the Raptors. No, the Raptors decided to try to homerun after homerun as seven of their final 12 possessions ended in a three-point attempt. They could have easily run a pick-and-roll or pick-and-pop with Chris Bosh. Instead, they set their feet 23 steps away from the basket and let it rain.

That’s probably how you end up scoring just nine points on those final 12 possessions of the game and get your heart ripped out by Kobe Bryant. At least this won’t affect your playoff seeding… never mind.

Lion Face: Deron Williams
Dear Mr. Rose, Deron Williams cordially invites you to come get some.

Please accept this invitation on behalf of ALL of the Utah Jazz team members. Thank you.

Okay, I know Williams probably got away with an offensive foul but it’s still fun to see plays like this.

Lemon Face: Hedo Turkoglu
Hedo, welcome back to the lineup after recovering from your injury. You had a terrible night and had a very key turnover late in the game. Maybe you should sit out a couple more games until you’re ready to contribute to this team like someone who can play.

Ball.

Lemon Face: Pau Gasol
It’s not that Pau Gasol played poorly by any means. 17 points and nine rebounds can make a lovely evening for any power forward. It’s just that latelty, he’s been showing up soft in big moments. Perhaps he was supposed to shed that soft label during the NBA Finals when he put up nice numbers, gave great tough effort and won an NBA title. But I can’t shake that feeling that he’s still not comfortable doing the little things in crunch time that you need him to do. Be confident with the ball. Secure the rebound. Box the F out. Challenge the shot in a way that doesn’t allow a sea of opponents to wash in behind you and flood the offensive boards. Pau has shown to be much better. Maybe we can just chalk this up to him being in the same funk the Lakers were in.

Lion Face: Kobe Bryant or Something
He did what he does.

What are you doing on that play, Andrea Bargnani? You need to go set a trap in an area that… well… you know… TRAPS Kobe from going anywhere. Instead, you meander over from Pau Gasol with a hesitant gait like you’re still trying to get acclimated to your surroundings. Kobe claimed that he was expecting the double team early and if it came when he thought it was going to come, he would have had cutters to pass to. He wasn’t passing that damn ball. Not even close. You should have sprinted from Pau Gasol at the top of the key to Kobe, cut off his move back to the middle and allowed Antoine Wright to cut off his move baseline. Instead, you left Antoine Wright on an island like the pilot of Lost and Kobe made you pay. Even if he passes to Pau Gasol there, SO WHAT?!?