Photo by 78165188@N00 via Flickr

We’re blessed by the presence of Chaz*, scout for the Los Angeles Lakers, to preview tonight’s slate of basketball action. To the scouting reports!

*Just kidding! We don’t really have access to Chaz. These seem like the types of scouting reports that someone in Chaz’s reported position might offer, though. And, in reality, Chaz is probably much, much smarter than I am, and better at his job.

We can make the playoffs! No, seriously, we play in the Eastern Conference (Pistons at Cavs, 7:00 PM EST)

The prospects for these two teams seem to be in constant flux. The Cavaliers are likely the better team, even without Anderson Varejao, but the Pistons have come on strongly of late, winning seven of their past nine games. Neither team will likely reach the postseason, and they might be damaging their draft stock. Let them have their fun, though – after all, is anyone going to be as bad as the Hornets, Wizards, Raptors and Bobcats this year? I think not.

Chaz’s Scouting Report: Both of these teams have the potential to make you wish you’d skipped the whole thing altogether. I get that; can’t tell you how many of my potential clients have looked for my services after doing something they deeply regretted. If you’re watching this game, I’d recommend a stiff Rob Roy. The scotch will distract you from the play on the court, and the vermouth is sweeter than a Kobe press conference.

Just trying to keep it interesting (Hornets at Pacers, 7:00 PM EST)

The Pacers are a half game behind the Sixers for 4th in the East and a half game ahead of the Hawks for 5th. The Hornets are – well, they’re the Hornets, and they’re in the cellar of the Western Conference by three games. With all of the injuries and all of the Trevor Ariza going on in New Orleans, they should have a top pick in the draft wrapped up. And they should have an Indiana victory wrapped up tonight, as well.

Chaz’s Scouting Report: Brutal, brutal turn of events here. We’re already out of citrus vodka! I wanted to make you my special Screwdriver as you watch the Pacers put the screws to the Hornets, but we’ll have to go with the “McBob” instead. It’s four ounces of cream soda with a touch of Everclear to remind you just how much you want to forget this game.

This should be a blowout, but you never know… (Kings at Heat, 7:30 PM EST, NBA TV)

The team that’s three games ahead of the Hornets? Yeah, that’s the Kings. Isaiah Thomas and DeMarcus Cousins have played well of late, but they’re still the Kings, and the Heat are running on so many cylinders that they had to borrow an additional engine.

Chaz’s Scouting Report: Okay, I totally wanted to make a bunch of Miamis for everyone, because, you know, Miami! But I was going to do it in that cool, pouring-from-multiple-glasses way that I can never get right, and now there’s just liquid everywhere. Can we trade Pau to the Kings for the Jimmer and Michael Beasley to distract everyone, please? …Beasley’s on the Wolves? Since when?!

No two teams are not on fire (Sixers at Grizzlies, 8:00 PM EST)

Philadelphia is on a three game losing streak coming into tonight, but Memphis took a tough loss on the chin against the Rockets last night. A tired Grizzlies team might be just what the Sixers ordered to get back on track.

Chaz’s Scouting Report: I TRIED TO MAKE A FLAMING BACARDI 151 SHOT AND THERE’S FIRE EVERYWHERE! Why are there no fire extinguishers?! WHAT DID ELTON BRAND DO WITH ALL OF THE FIRE EXTINGUISHERS?!?!

Jamal Crawford is going to start at point guard. I have no jokes. (Spurs at Blazers, 10:00 PM EST, NBA TV)

These are two teams headed in opposite directions. The Spurs have quietly crept into the number two spot in the West, and they’ve continued to fly under the radar no matter how many people write that they are, in fact, flying under the radar. The Blazers are a mess, trying to figure out how to initiate an offense; they’ve fallen out of the top eight out after garnering early season attention as a potential darkhorse to reach the Western Conference Finals. Can they fix what’s wrong? Sure; there’s still plenty of time left this season. A win over the Spurs would go a long way toward building some confidence.

Chaz’s Scouting Report: How about a beer? Just a simple, no-frills beer. What kind? It doesn’t really matter; we’ve got whatever you want! It’s like I always say, “Liquor before beer; you’re in the clear. Felton before bed; I need a drink to clear my head.”

Image via theclyde on Flickr

It’s Presidents’ Day! Or is it President’s? Or just Presidents? Or maybe just Washington’s Birthday, with a dash of Lincoln sprinkled on top? According to Google, it is apparently option 3.

Atlanta at Chicago (4:00 PM, ESPN)
Did you know President Obama is a huge Chicago Bulls fan? Sure you did. How do I know? Because you watch basketball on TV, which means you don’t live under a rock.

New Jersey at New York (7:30 PM, Local)
New Jersey is the birthplace of only one American president: Grover Cleveland. However, Woodrow Wilson was also from New Jersey, he just wasn’t born there. You may remember him as the President who scored 14 points in a FIBA game against Germany in 1919. New York’s got the Roosevelts, and they were awesome. That’s not even partisan opinion. That’s just a fact.

Boston at Dallas (8:00 PM, TNT)
Speaking of chiefs (as in “Hail to the”), here’s some sweet Robert Parish footage:

Ouch.

Memphis at Houston (8:00 PM, Local)
Houston is home to George Herbert Walker Bush International Airport (IAH, for those in the know/frequenters of Kayak.com). You may remember him as the President you picture as Dana Carvey in costume as opposed to himself. Here is some sweet George HW Bush footage:

Orlando at Milwaukee (8:00 PM, Local)
What does “Florida” have to do with US Presidents? Well this is the only thing I could think of, and I hate it.

New Orleans at Oklahoma City (8:00 PM, Local)
After last night’s performance, I would like to vote for Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook as the next president and vice-president of the United States. Serge Ibaka can be Secretary of Defense.

Minnesota at Denver (9:00 PM, Local)
Here’s the closest Minnesota has come to the presidency since Walter Mondale:

Washington at Phoenix (9:00 PM, Local)
Little know fact: Washington, DC was named after President George Washington. Ya learn something new every day. Also, I want this current Wizards team to win the title this year, just so we can be witness to these men meeting the President in the fall. I can’t properly express how awesome that would be to watch.

San Antonio at Utah (9:00, PM Local)
Fun Election Year fact alert! Texas and Utah both gained seats in the electoral college for this year. You know what that means… well, just basically that the votes from their states weigh more heavily in the electoral vote for the next president. That’s pretty much it.

LA Clippers at Golden State (10:30, PM Local)
Ronald Reagan: California Love.

Portland at LA Lakers (10:30, PM TNT)
Here’s all you need to know about the Oregon Boundary Dispute. And here’s a little bit extra you didn’t need to know, based on the episode of The Brady Bunch entitled “Fifty-Four Forty and Fight!”

Since the boys and girls cannot decide on a mutually satisfactory prize, they hold a contest to determine who gets all of the family’s combined trading stamps.

COMPELLING!

Enjoy the games everyone!

Lion Face: Solidarity in Orlando

The Magic easily handled the Timberwolves last night, but don’t let the margin of victory fool you into thinking Orlando played anything resembling a good offensive game. What they had going for them instead was an across the board contribution to scoring and rebounding. All five starters scored in double figures on either 11 or 12 field goal attempts – J.J. Redick also chipped in 14 points off the bench – and none scored more than Jason Richardson’s 17. Six players secured at least five rebounds for the Magic, led by Dwight Howard’s seven.

Lemon Face: Glen Davis

Then there was Glen Davis, who scored two points in his 23 minutes on the court. That’s not intrinsically a bad thing; a player like Davis can add value by being in the right position defensively, setting screen and grabbing rebounds. The problem is that Davis took 10 shots to score those 2 points.

On a night when the Magic were doing their best Animal Farm impression, Davis did his level best to prove that some are more (or in his case, less) equal than others.

Lion Face: Lou Williams

What do you do when the Bobcats are hanging around, on track for a moral victory at the least and threatening to turn it into an actual one? Unleash the sweetness, of course.

Williams uncorked 23 points off the bench – per ESPN’s research, he’s on track to be the first player to lead his team in scoring without starting a game since Dell Curry did it for the Charlotte Hornets – and saved his best for last. With the Bobcats down seven and under 40 seconds to play, Williams took a handoff from Nikola Vucevic and drained a dagger 3-pointer from four feet behind the arc. Were the Bobcats going to come back to win a game with that little time left? Probably not, but Sweet Lou made sure there was no question about it.

Lemon Face: Byron Mullens

It’s not that Mullens had a bad game, necessarily. I mean, he didn’t shoot very well from the field (4-for-13), but he cleared nine caroms and went 5-for-5 from the free throw line to tally 13 points.

Mullens gets the Lemon Face for one particular shot, though. A few minutes into the second quarter, the Bobcats were in transition after a Philadelphia miss. Kemba Walker brought the ball up and dished to a trailing Mullens, who pump-faked at the top of the key, took a step closer and proceeded to airball a wide open 15-footer. It was the type of shot for which Lemon Faces were made.

Lion Face: LeBron James

Before last night, there were 84 instances of a player attempting more than 20 field goals, shooting better than 75% on those attempts and grabbing eight boards. Oddly, none of those games belonged to LeBron James – until now.

James feasted on the interior, as evidenced by his shot chart:

The potential for this image to become a regular occurrence should terrify the NBA.

Yeah, he’s good at this game.

Lemon Face: Drew Gooden

Gooden, on the other hand, was a beast defending the paint; unfortunately, it was his own. He missed all five of his shots in and around the lane and went 2-for-14 total.

Oh, and this happened:

Lion Face: The Ayon-Kaman Connection Express

With Emeka Okafor out due to a sore left knee, Chris Kaman decided that it was about time to remind everyone of his capabilities.

No, not with a bow or other hunting equipment. On the basketball court, where he scored a season-high 27 points to go along with an 18.1% Total Rebound Rate in 42 minutes. His efforts were bolstered by the smooth, MyPlayer-esque efficiency of Gustavo Ayon, who’s apparently a real person with the ability to go 6-for-7 from the floor, secure nine rebounds and swat three shots. The Hornets’ startling victory over the Jazz was largely the product of Kaman and Ayon outperforming their Utah counterparts, Al Jefferson and Paul Millsap.

And, really, that’s exactly what everyone was expecting.

Lemon Face: Randy Foye

0-for-7 from the field. 0-for-4 from deep. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that the Clippers miss Chauncey Billups already; he probably could have put up similar numbers from a wheelchair.

Lion Face: Dirk Nowitzki

For 42 minutes, Dirk was bordering on Lemon Face territory. At the very least, he was in the demilitarized zone between Affleck and Damon, but he proceeded to go off for 11 points in the final six minutes of the Mavs’ victory over the Clips. The majority of those scores came at the free throw line – Nowitzki took as many free throws as shots from the field on the night. With Dallas playing suffocating defense in the closing minutes of the game, all they needed was for their superstar to get the ball in the basket, no matter how it happened. He managed, and the Mavs escaped with a win.

Lemon Face: The Phoenix Suns after the 1st quarter

It’s a tried and true pattern for the Suns this year. Step 1: Get off to a quick start spurred by a scoring and passing outburst by Steve Nash. Step 2: Bring in the bench players, watch lead dwindle away. Step 3: Be unable to reignite that first quarter spark. Step 4: Lose game.

Fin.

Lion Face: David Lee

Apparently Channing Frye and Markieff Morris are not the answer for defending Lee. The Warriors went to him time and time again (Lee’s usage rate on the night was 28.2%), and the Suns had no answer. Lee scored 28 points – his second highest point total on the season – to continue his season-long streak of double-digit scoring games.

Heat at Pacers (7:00 PM EST)

Indiana finds themselves in the midst of a three-game skid as Miami, winners of three in row, roll into town. After a grueling four games in five nights, the Pacers have had three blessed days off to recoup while the Heat make their second-to-last stop of a six-game roadie on the back end of their back-to-back-to-back set here. The Pacers are a physical squad, so expect this one to be closer than you’d expect.

Knicks at Raptors (7:00 PM EST)

Jeremy Lin goes from the freshest Spanish sensation in Ricky Rubio to the original one in Jose Calderon, who vocally isn’t ready to relinquish his crown as “best point guard from Spain in the NBA” quite yet. While both of these pistoleros share a common trait in boasting some of the best court vision in The Association, Rubio and Calderon are two entirely different animals — Rubio a lengthy defensive specialist while Calderon will fire at will. Lin posted a career best from the floor mere nights ago as did Calderon in his last game. You can’t spell “O MY!” without Jose and Jeremy.

HP’s own James Herbert will be at this exciting game, so be sure to follow his feed on Twitter for the full effect.

Spurs at Pistons (7:30 PM EST)

Ssssh! Did you hear that? Me neither. Beware, the Spurs are sneaking up the standings as the hottest squad in the NBA, coming away victorious in seven straight. San Antonio rode in the Motor City in the fourth game of their annual Rodeo Road Trip last year too, winning, and Manu Ginobili is back, albeit it gingerly, playing only 17 minutes in his first game back, last. But while the Spurs are historically beasts on this yearly boot from home, the Pistons have been playing almost not-bad basketball, going 4-6 in their last 10. Greg Monroe and his 15 double-doubles would like nothing more than to play spoiler, sending the Spurs off into the sunset with their collective tail between their legs.

Kings at Bulls (8:00 PM EST)

Also playing almost not-bad basketball of late are the Sacramento Kings, knocking off the league-best Oklahoma City Thunder a few nights ago, leaving Chicago alone atop the NBA mountaintop until the Celtics popped ‘em in the mouth as they were sans Derrick Rose. Don’t expect any heroics from royalty in this one, however. It should be a spanking. If spray-on hair is (or isn’t) your thing you can always tune in to see DeMarcus Cousins abuse Carlos Boozer and Luol Deng do his All-Star thang.

Jazz at Thunder (8:00 PM EST)

Utah wraps their back-to-back-to-back in OKC versus a Thunder team that’s had their number for some time now. Opposing point guards are making minced meat of the Jazz’s defenses, Greivis Vasquez being the latest in a long line to torch their Jekyll and Hyde heads. Devin Harris and Earl Watson actually did a pretty decent job keeping Russell Westbrook away from the painted area in last Friday’s tilt, but RussWest simply pulled up and popped often coming off of well-set screens, rarely missing. This will likely be a slaughterhouse causing much cursing and gnashing of teeth in Jazzland.

Rockets at Grizzlies (8:00 PM EST)

Houston has quietly been playing “snub” basketball, as one of only two Western Conference teams in current playoff position sans an All-Star. The Rockets have no statistical standouts and a backup center leading the team in PER, they just play fundamentally sound basketball under Kevin McHale, rebounding and passing well, i f not spectacularly, while keeping turnovers under control. Perennial MIP candidate Kyle Lowry is day-to-day, but not playing well on an elbow tweak.  They pit their 6-9 road record against All-Star-led Memphis’ Marc Gasol’s 9-5 home record in a grinder.

Suns at Nuggets (9:00 PM EST)

FREE STEVE NASH

That is all.

Wizards at Trail Blazers (10:00 PM EST)

The recent history of this series isn’t as lopsided as you might imagine, with the home team taking each of the last four meetings, and the Wizards managing four wins in the last six years versus the Blazers in their yearly home-and-home inter-conference clashes. But Washington hasn’t pulled off a coup in the Rose Garden since a lineup of Jared Jeffries, Kwame Brown, Etan Thomas, Larry Hughes, Gilbert Arenas, Juan Dixon, and Laron Profit nipped ‘em 114-106 on March 28, 2005.

Hawks at Lakers (10:30 PM EST)

Is anyone still awake? Great! You can watch Kobe and Joe Johnson trade jumpers from way too far away with me. Because it’s too much to hope for Troy Murphy to fly in from nowhere and swing wildly from the rim, right?

Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends. Come inside, come inside, for everyone’s (read: no one’s) favorite made up game: Compare, Contrast, Conjecture. As with last time I did this, if you can’t figure out the rules on your own, you probably shouldn’t be playing at all. Without further ado…

Minnesota Timberwolves at Orlando Magic (7:00 PM EST)

Compare: Each squad boasts a former rebounding champion at the heart of it’s roster. For the Magic, it’s Dwight Howard. For the Wolves, Kevin Love. Love and Magic power forward Ryan Anderson are probably the two best outside shooting big men in the game today, and their ability to stretch the floor will challenge the other on defense. That shooting ability will pull one of the best rebounders on either team away from the basket, and it will be up to Howard and the upstart Nikola Pekovic to battle it out on the inside.

Contrast: The Wolves have Love locked up for at least three more seasons past this one, while Howard is seemingly flirting with every team in the league that will be vying for his services in free agency. Also, the Magic don’t have Ricky Rubio.

Conjecture: Minnesota snaps its losing streak and wins by 6

Philadelphia 76ers at Charlotte Bobcats (7:00 PM EST)

Compare: Both teams are members of the National Basketball Association and play in the Eastern Conference.

Contrast: Bobcats bad. 76ers good.

Conjecture: 76ers by double-digits

Utah Jazz at New Orleans Hornets (8:00 PM EST)

Compare: This time last year, each of these teams had a top 5 point guard (Deron Williams in Utah, Chris Paul in New Orleans) in the league on their squad. Each team traded that player for young players and draft picks to kick start the rebuilding process.

Contrast: The Jazz have gotten off to a surprisingly successful start to the year on the strength of their front line, Al Jefferson and Paul Millsap. The Hornets have struggled due to lack of quality talent and depth, and the injury to the prize of the Paul trade, Eric Gordon.

Conjecture: Jazz by 8

Miami Heat at Milwaukee Bucks (8:00 PM EST)

Compare: The last time these two teams met, this happened:

Contrast: Miami already has their Big Three in place, while Milwaukee’s Brandon Jennings is supposedly scouting big markets to see where he wants to form his own when he’s a free agent in a couple of years. Of course, Jennings will have to find three players who all want to play with him in a big market. ZING!! Miami has won 13 of their last 16 games, including 5 of 6 since losing to the Bucks. Milwaukee has lost 4 of their 6 games since beating the Heat.

Conjecture: Heat by at least 15

Los Angeles Clippers at Dallas Mavericks (8:30 PM EST)

Compare: Both teams have 17 wins and sport one of the best power forwards in the game today on their roster. The Mavericks were last year’s champs, and the Clippers have staked an early claim to being one of the favorites in the West this year by beating the Thunder, Nuggets and Mavericks inside of a week recently.

Contrast: Last time these two teams met, Chauncey Billups played a prominent role and hit the game winner. He’s not out for the season. Last time these two teams met, Dirk Nowitzki had an uncharacteristically poor performance, and he’s come back stronger since taking some time off to rest his body and get back into playing shape.

Conjecture: Clippers by 4

Phoenix Suns at Golden State Warriors (10:30 PM EST)

Compare: Both teams are coached by former NBA players. Both teams have excellent point guard play. Neither team plays very much in the way of defense. Both teams have a foreigner starting at center. The Suns’ 7-8 road record is identical to the Warriors’ 7-8 home record.

Contrast: The Suns’ foreigner who is starting at center, Marcin Gortat, is having the best season of his career with expanded playing time. The Warriors’ foreigner who is starting at center, Andris Biedrins, looks lost.

Conjecture: Suns by 7

Yes, I did just pick all 6 road teams to win on the same night. IT’S GONNA HAPPEN, OKAY!! And did you notice how I made it through this whole post without mentioning Jeremy Lin? Whoops.

As this is the chosen week to futilely complain about All-Star “snubs”, I’ll be giving my choices throughout today’s 15-Footer, in addition to some nifty and unnecessary words.

Denver Nuggets at Indiana Pacers (7:00 PM EST)

Nuggets: The obvious choice here is Danilo Gallinari, but I call foul at Kenneth Faried’s likely wholesale exclusion from All-Star Weekend. If anyone belongs in the dunk contest, it’s Faried (and Jeremy Evans).

Pacers: It’s time savvy investor and offensive-rebounding backup center Jeff Foster gets his moment in the All-Star Game spotlight. Let’s not bring basketball logic into this.

Los Angeles Clippers at Charlotte Bobcats (7:00 PM EST)

Clippers: I’d make sure Chris Paul played in this game. Twice.

Bobcats: N/A.

Philadelphia 76ers at Cleveland Cavaliers (7:30 PM EST)

76ers: I never thought I’d write this, but Lou Williams may have a legitimate case for an All-Star bid this year. I’d also love to watch Willims and Kobe face-off for stretches in an ill-advised pull-up three contest.

Cavaliers: The obvious choice here is Ryan Hollins Luke Harangody Kyrie Irving.

New York Knicks at Minnesota Timberwolves (8:00 PM EST)

Knicks and Timberwolves: I can’t imagine anything more important to the NBA world at the moment than seeing Jeremy Lin and Ricky Rubio vault into this game.

San Antonio Spurs at New Jersey Nets (8:00 PM EST)

I tried to think of any player from either team that deserved a twenty-word explanation, but this is the only thing that came to mind.

Portland Trail Blazers at Dallas Mavericks (8:00 PM EST)

Blazers: All-Star games that have no effect on the postseason, or anything else, might as well be fun. On that note, Gerald Wallace belongs in this game every year. Oh, and if you think Luke Babbitt doesn’t belong in the three-point contest, I have evidence to the contrary.

Mavericks: The production of Shawn Marion has declined slightly from last season, but his play was instrumental in keeping the Mavericks from sinking into the 2006-2007 Heat oblilvion with Dirk Nowitzki out of the lineup. He may not deserve to play in the All-Star Game solely on merit, but since I’m convinced “snub” is not actually a real word, I feel comfortable interpreting its definition loosely.

Orlando Magic at Milwaukee Bucks (9:00 PM EST)

Magic: In contrast to most of these other entries, I feel strongly that Ryan Anderson deserved a spot on the Eastern Conference roster. Anderson is producing at an incredible rate, turning the ball over at an incomparably low rate (the lowest in the entire league), and scoring in droves. Consider the following (per-36 minutes) stat lines:

Anderson: 19.2 PPG, 8.6 RPG, 1.0 APG, 44% FG, 43.2% 3PT (on almost eight attempts per game), 23.3 PER, 0.260 WS/48

Luol Deng: 15.1 PPG, 6.8 RPG, 2.5 APG, 43.7% FG, 37.9% 3PT (three attempts per game), 16.3 PER, 0.154 WS/48

Though he is less capable defensively, Anderson has produced offensively at a level so much higher than Deng that Anderson easily outpaces him in almost every advanced (and basic) statistical measure. Anderson is the second-best player on a good team, as is Deng, so the oft-used “essentialness” argue holds little weight in this particular case. No clear criteria exists for All-Star selection, but on the basis of merit, Ryan Anderson deserved to be an All-Star before Deng, Paul Pierce, and others.

Bucks: I’d say Brandon Jennings, but his on-court reluctance to do much of anything during the last two games removes him from contention.

Phoenix Suns at Sacramento Kings (10:oo PM EST)

Suns: It’s undeniable that Marcin Gortat is having a good season, but as it’s been less impressive than the seasons of Andrew Bynum and Marc Gasol, you’ll find little complaint here. Gortat was likely more deserving of an All-Star spot than Dirk Nowitkzi, but Dirk’s recent stellar play and reigning NBA Finals MVP credence were likely too much for Gortat to overcome in the eyes of those who selected All-Star reserves. The same can be said for Paul Millsap, so complaints about the selection process and lack of clear criteria must abound.

Kings: This is another team in which the word “All-Star snub” is likely not applicable, though DeMarcus Cousins is quietly putting together an impressive second season.

Photo by creationsanew via Flickr

Pretty much everything NBA-related until Thursday (when All-Star reserves are named) will truly be All-Star-related, instead, so why not jump on the bus? With six games tonight, I’m highlighting the players in each game that stand at least some chance of being selected for the festivities.

Jazz at Pacers, 7 PM EST, NBA TV

Roy Hibbert, seen here firing massive artillery into the water, has an affinity for blowing up expectations and previously established career averages.

Possible All-Stars: Paul Millsap, Roy Hibbert

Both of these teams have big men who are likely longshots for selection, yet both players would be worthy choices. Millsap has the longer odds, in my estimation, which is a shame. He’s playing at an absolutely elite level on the offensive end, rebounding almost 18% of total misses when he’s on the court and is a neutral defender at worst most nights. Due to a glut of power forwards, especially in the Western Conference, Millsap might not make the game.

Hibbert, as a center in the Eastern Conference, is a safer bet to make the team – Dwight Howard will need a backup, after all – but he’s by no means a shoo-in. Hibbert is having the best season on offense of his career, like Millsap. He’s more accurate from the field than ever, and he’s blowing his previous rebounding rates out of the water. It’d be nice to seem him play more minutes (just under 30 per game), but he’s had a solid season.

Bobcats at Celtics, 7:30 EST

Possible All-Stars: Boston’s Big 4

All four of Boston’s core players have faced limitations of some sort this season. Kevin Garnett got off to one of the slowest starts in the league, generating speculation that he had in fact retired during the offseason and was allowing various small children to control his NBA-playing hologram/avatar as part of a community outreach. Garnett has come on stronger of late, though, and he might receive a Lifetime Achievement selection to the team, nominally predicated on Boston’s improved defense of late.

Rajon Rondo has missed eight games due to injury, but his rate statistics are at their usual level – excepting his usage rate, which is up a tick or two after taking on more of the scoring load compared to last season; his FGAs/36 minutes are up by one attempt per “game.” Given his status as one of the East’s best point guards, he seems the likeliest Celtic to make the team.

Paul Pierce and Ray Allen have had fine seasons of their own, though injury and a need to handle the ball more and shoot less, respectively, got them off to slow starts as well. They’re among a handful of potential wing players whose selection would not at all surprise me.

Cavs at Heat, 7:30 EST

Possible All-Stars: Chris Bosh, Kyrie Irving

When I initially typed the heading for this game, my fingers decided to take it upon themselves to type “Heart” instead of “Heat.” That’s fitting for both teams and both players; Bosh and Irving are at the core of what both teams do. Irving has a slightly larger responsibility on the offensive end than Bosh, what with running the entire Cavaliers offense, being their best scoring threat, trying to make Antawn Jamison look like someone for whom teams would actually want and generally making defenses look silly. He probably won’t make the team, with veterans Rondo and Deron Williams likely ahead of him on the coaches’ hierarchy, however.

The Heat depend on Bosh to a great extent on the defensive end – letting along his offensive versatility. Much of Miami’s ability to fly around the court, rotate like madmen and trap multiple ballhandlers in a single possession stems from Bosh’s skill at covering large swaths of the floor and various positions. He’s a lock for the All-Star Game.

Suns at Bucks, 8:00 EST

Possible All-Stars: Steve Nash

I would have loved to include Andrew Bogut on this list, but whatever universal force doles out injuries is a bastard.

Nash turned 38 today (happy birthday!), yet he’s still leading an NBA offense at an elite level.* Basketball-Reference’s AST% estimates that Nash assists on 57.7% of Phoenix’s field goals this year. Given that the Suns score fewer points per possession and, by my eyes, play at a slower rate when Nash is on the bench, that surely underestimates Nash’s impact on the Suns’ scoring. Oh, and he’s having one of his best shooting seasons ever – career-best in eFG%, career-silver medal in TS%.

*Individually, that is. The Suns are elite at playing Shannon Brown way too many minutes. That’s about it.

Kings at Wolves, 8:00 EST

Possible All-Stars: Kevin Love, Ricky Rubio

Love is a lock; I’d have taken him over Griffin, but whatever. He’ll be there.

Rubio’s a stretch, but I’d beseech the coaches to give him some consideration. All-Star Games are more fun with players adept at passing the ball, and – even in his first year in the league – few are better than Rubio. And let’s be honest – the defense in the All-Star Game is going to be Wizards-esque. Rubio would be perfect for that setting.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8uZHq2Fjz4

Thunder at Warriors, 10:30 EST, NBA TV

Possible All-Stars: Russell Westbrook, James Harden

Westbrook is another player sure to be in Orlando. Harden, on the other hand, will likely be jostling for a spot with the other elite guards in the Western Conference – Nash, Tony Parker, Kyle Lowry – while also having to contend with the fact that coaches will likely make room for LaMarcus Aldridge and Kevin Love, at the very least, from the assembly line of power forwards in the West. Harden is one of the players with both the most realistic chance of making the game and the highest potential for missing out, and it’s through no fault of his own. Here’s hoping the coaches find room.

LA Clippers at Orlando 7:00 PM
Is Orlando’s 3-game winning streak a fluke? Will a team with really good guards and a pogostick-like frontcourt bring them back to their fragile-OMG-we-are-doomed-and-he’s-leaving state of mind? Tune in for the next installment of “As the Dwight Turns.”

LA Lakers at Philadelphia 7:00 PM
Just what the Lakers need: a difficult opponent. If LA can beat Philly handily, I will officially reevaluate every assumption I have about post-season standings. Seriously. I’ll do it. You don’t think I will? Oh, I totally will. Watch me.

Also, Kobe needs 24 points to pass Shaq on the All-Time Lakers scoring list. In his hometown. Yeah. Let’s just pre-congratulate Kobe now.

Toronto at Washington 7:00 PM
Again? Doesn’t it seem like these guys play each other like 3 times a week? I’ll tell you how this one goes: Calderon passes way better than Wall for some early buckets. Jordan Crawford hits a bunch of ill-advised jumpers. Amir Johnson outrebounds everyone, except somehow Vesely gets the best of him on a crucial possession. Calderon starts forgetting to cover Wall and Mack, Wall’s jumper begins to fall. Then Wall gets to the line a few times and nails his FTs. Throw in a couple of moving screens for the Euro bigs, and that’s the game. Wiz win by 5, and Randy Wittman lives to fight another day. But can you really call this living?

Phoenix at Atlanta 7:30 PM
Joe Johnson’s revenge game! Actually, it’s really not. Though it’ll be interesting to see what a star PG in Nash and a good center in Lopez can do against Jeff Teague and a Horford-less frontline. Probably still lose, but we’ll see.

Chicago at New Jersey 7:30 PM
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lqi4rd6y38

Mmmm… Classics….

Utah at New York 7:30 PM
Lin is starting after having a career game this weekend. Stoudemire is out due to a family tragedy. Utah’s brains are a-buzzing with the unnecessary drama of Malone vs. Miller. Not much of this description has to do with actual basketball, but sometimes neither does the outcome of a game.

Sacramento at New Orleans 8:00 PM
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GpPGD7_yRY
A lot of purple in this game, which has nothing to do with this song.

San Antonio at Memphis 8:00 PM
If you can watch two games tonight, let this be one. I usually love to watch Spurs/Blazers games, and I think this game will have a similar air to it.

Houston at Denver 9:00 PM
What do both of these teams have in common? They’ve completely depleted the Knicks of depth and ability to draft depth for the foreseen future.

Oklahoma City at Portland 10:00 PM
This is the other game you should watch tonight. The I-5 rivalry is gone, but not forgotten. And it’ll be fun to watch arguably the best PF playing right now (LMA) versus an absurdly strong frontline (Ibaka & Perkins).

Now go grab a bowl, put on your favorite sweatpants, plop down in front of the TV, and enjoy a long night of basketball.

Image via abakedcreation on Flickr

Two games today, folks. Just enough competition to whet your appetite before everyone becomes a football or advertisement fan for the evening.

Memphis Grizzlies @ Boston Celtics (12pm, NBATV)
Boston’s window is closing; Memphis only realized it had a window last season when there was a draft sneaking in. Both of these teams have something to prove, and both of these teams want to get the game over with as soon as possible so they can get to their Superbowl parties. Will there be a warm reception for Leon Powe and Tony Allen in Boston? Probably not. But to be fair, those guys are probably Giants fans anyway.

Toronto Raptors @ Miami Heat (1pm)
CHRIS BOSH REVENGE GAME SORT OF. Toronto had a completely different healing process than Cleveland did after their respective franchise players left for a beachier locale.  Both carried hard feelings, but Toronto strove to move on faster. Cleveland didn’t, and though the team and city suffered lots of embarrassment last year, their descent into the crevasse (Irving’s All-Star-level playing and Varejao’s frontcourt domination) seems to be paying off better than Toronto’s gradual uphill approach. And let’s hope that the refs don’t slow down the game in the 4th quarter like they did last year. Places to be, folks. Things to do.

New York Giants @ New England Patriots (6:29pm, NBC)
If you want to relate this game to the NBA somehow, check out some of these prop bets associated with the NBA and the Superbowl. I’m not encouraging anyone to bet; however, I am encouraging you to check out this link and see how ridiculous this is.

Taking a page from Sean Highkin’s book, I’ll be describing each game today using song lyrics. Please enjoy the musings of songs I like transcribed over the growing pains of the Charlotte Bobcats.

Philadelphia 76ers at Atlanta Hawks (7:00 PM EST)

“And you feel like an ocean/Made warm by the sun.” – from “Simple Song” by The Shins

Orlando Magic at Indiana Pacers (7:00 PM EST)

“Girlfriend in a coma/I know, I know, it’s serious.” – from “Girlfriend In A Coma” by The Smiths

Los Angeles Clippers at Washington Wizards (7:00 PM EST)

“They told me that the end..it will justify the dreams.” from “Make My” by The Roots

Dallas Mavericks at Cleveland Cavaliers (7:30 PM EST)

“You have proved to be a real human being/And a real hero.” – from “A Real Hero” by College feat. Electric Youth

New Orleans Hornets at Detroit Pistons (7:30 PM EST)

New Jersey Nets at New York Knicks (7:30 PM EST)

“I’m lost in the world.” – from “Lost In The World” by Kanye West feat. Bon Iver

Houston Rockets at Minnesota Timberwolves (8:00 PM EST)

“I want so badly to believe that there is truth/That love is real.” – from “Clark Gable” by The Postal Service

Chicago Bulls at Milwaukee Bucks (8:30 PM EST)

Oklahoma City Thunder at San Antonio Spurs (8:30 PM EST)

“With all your power/What would you do?” from “The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song” by The Flaming Lips

Los Angeles Lakers at Utah Jazz (9:00 PM EST)

“Never change, never change, never change, never change/Never change, never change, never change, that’s just who I fell in love with.” – from “I Can Change” by LCD Soundsystem

Charlotte Bobcats at Phoenix Suns (9:00 PM EST)

“Everybody knows, it hurts to grow up/And everybody does…” – from “Still Fighting It” by Ben Folds

Denver Nuggets at Portland Trail Blazers (10:00 PM EST)

The entirety of Midnight City by M83.

Golden State Warriors at Sacramento Kings (10:00 PM EST)

“Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.” – from “Somebody I Used To Know” by Gotye feat. Kimbra