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Pist-owned In Detroit

The Detroit Pistons beat the Cleveland Cavaliers earlier tonight 116-77 in a game that was not nearly as close as the score makes it seem. In case you missed the highlights, first of all, take a moment to congratulate yourself on a terrific life choice. Second of all, feel free to jump in the Hot Tub Time Machine and view the above video to relive a classic moment in WCW’s history which does an adequate job of summing up the roles these two teams played. Actually that’s not totally correct; in that match, Kevin Nash put up a better fight than the Cavs tonight.

I honestly don’t even know what three letter Internet abbreviation accurately describes this beat down. OMG? LOL? WTF? Let’s start by looking at the boxscore which is as NSFW as raw data can possibly be:

Before we get into breaking down the ridiculous numbers, it’s worth acknowledging that the Cavs played this game without Kyrie Irving, Anderson Varejao, Alonzo Gee, and Daniel Gibson due to various injuries. When healthy, that is 60% of the starting lineup plus the usual first guard off the bench sitting out. Be that as it may, the game was against the Detroit Pistons who entered tonight a scintillating 16 games under .500. Though the Pistons have a number of promising players, by no means is anyone mistaking them for the Thunder, Bulls, or Heat. On to the numbers…

  • The Cavs starting five was a combined -213. Minus two hundred thirteen. MINUS TWO HUNDRED THIRTEEN! Look, +/- can be an incredibly misleading stat, particularly in a one game sample size, but the fact remains that this is one of the most incredible things I have ever seen stats wise in a basketball game.
  • Conversely, the Pistons starting five countered with an equally staggering combined +/- of +205. Again, PLUS TWO HUNDRED FIVE. Rodney Stuckey only scored eight points, but led everyone in the game, league, and Universe tonight with a +46.
  • Antawn Jamison’s first game with the Cavaliers was a deplorable, hideous 0-12 from the floor effort that saw him missing from all over the floor as seen here:

Somehow, this game was worse. In 29 minutes of action, the 6’9” Jamison managed to pull down four rebounds, attempt 10 shots, and made exactly as many field goals as you and I did. The phrase “veteran leadership” has been a running joke among Cavs fans when watching Jamison and Anthony Parker  play this year. I’m going to go out on a limb and say nothing that occurred tonight is going to change that perception.

  • This is not to just rip on the Cavs; we need to give credit where credit is due. The Pistons were on fire tonight. The starting lineup for Detroit shot a sizzling 67% (29-43) from the field led by an unconscious 11-12 performance by Brandon Knight. As Jamison proved he could miss from anywhere on the floor, Knight was the polar opposite drilling jumpers from all over the Palace of Auburn Hills. Eight of Knight’s 11 field goals came from outside the paint as seen below:

I could continue to harp on this issue, but there are people far more clever than I who voiced their thoughts on the game on Twitter.

There are a number of Cavs fans that don’t mind losing games at this point in the season. At this point, the Cavs have been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, and it’s a race for more ping pong balls in the lottery. The ideal scenario is that the Cavs play hard, compete, and lose by a couple points at the end. It’s efforts and games like this that drive fans nuts, and deservedly so.

An astute observation by both parties here. Manny Harris, Lester Hudson, Donald Sloan played a total of 73 game minutes tonight. If you’re reading this and are not from Northeast Ohio, chances are all you know about these players is that the first has the best full name in the NBA (Corperryale L’Adorable “Manny” Harris), the second enjoyed a Linsanity-Lite run as recently as earlier this month, and the third has the same last name as the romantic interest of E on Entourage. Harris actually led the Cavs with 18 points tonight. That’s good. Hudson and Sloan finished 5-18 from the field for a total of 13 points. That’s bad.

Usually, I’m an advocate of the “Go big or go home mentality.” Cleveland took this to a whole new level tonight. After three quarters, the score was 100-50. It’s rare to see a team score 100 points in three quarters. It’s rare to see a team score only 50 points in three quarters. It’s damn near impossible for both of those feats to be achieved during the same game. To quote Anchorman, “How’d you do that? Heck, I’m not even mad; that’s amazing.”

Our fearless leader at HP providing some perspective. Of course, “worst” is subjective. Matt is referring to 112-57 shellacking the Lakers put on the Cavs last year when Cleveland was in the midst of their record 26 game losing streak. Points wise, of course the 55 point deficit is greater than tonight’s 39 point catastrophe. However, I’d argue that tonight was worse since last year’s game was against a playoff team and at the time pushed LA to a 28-11 record. Detroit improved to 23-38 tonight.

As bad as this loss was, at the end of the day, whether a team loses by one point, 39 points, or 55 points, it only counts as one loss in the standings. There are no awards for failing spectacularly, no additional ping pong balls for extreme tanking. All the Cavs can do at this point is forget everything that happened tonight and put forth a better effort on Wednesday night against Philadelphia in Cleveland. Although  Cavs fans won’t resort to the the Fingerpoke of Doom that Hulk Hogan employed on Kevin Nash, I have a feeling there is another finger fans will be using to convey their feelings if there is a repeat performance of tonight’s effort ever again.

Statistical support for this story from NBA.com.

 

West’s Wet Willy Should Have Been A Wedgie. Or A Purple Nurple.

Photo by @drhadfield, grabbed from the Root Sports broadcast, via @saltcityhoops

As you’ve probably heard/read/seen/mindmelded by now, Delonte West got a little frustrated last night in Dallas’s loss to the Utah Jazz. From ESPNDallas.com’s Jeff Caplan:

West said there’s no hard feelings toward the Utah Jazz forward after West lost his cool late in the second quarter. West aggressively and unnecessarily flung his arm at Hayward well away from the ball to pick up his third foul with 3:40 to go in the first half. After the whistle, West followed Hayward and suddenly poked his index finger in the vicinity of Hayward’s ear.

via Delonte West and his odd ‘West willy’ – Dallas Mavericks Blog – ESPN Dallas.

The general reaction to the schoolyard prank is, “What was West thinking?” And it’s a fair question. He obviously was going to get a technical for it; it was extraordinarily unhygienic; and now I’m not entirely sure that West knows what Q-tips are for.

But the biggest problem with West fingerbanging Hayward’s ear is that it was extremely ineffective. If you’re going to pull an old school prank like that, then get your money’s worth, Delonte! You had so many other options, and you went with the weakest of the bunch. Hell, you’d have been better off putting a “Kick Me!” sign on the basketball and hoping that it would confuse Devin Harris into a dozen kicked ball violations.

As a service to West and all other NBA players, I’ve compiled a list for future reference of the most effective pranks for the basketball court. I don’t encourage using any of these, but if the temptation to turn to tomfoolery overtakes you, at least do yourself the favor of using one of these instead of a non-moistened wet willy.

Prank effectiveness is rated on a scale of 1-5 SUVs filled with popcorn.

Flat tire

Effectiveness: 

 

 

 

 

 

One of the few pranks that might not earn you a technical foul, the flat tire (where one steps on the back of another’s shoe, causing their heel to pop out of the back) can be made to seem like an accident. One would think that NBA players, wearing their shoes fairly tight, would be immune to the flat tire, but players lose their shoes on the court fairly frequently. The flat tire doubles as both a nuisance and an effective measure of defense; after all, a player without their shoe has to be limited in their ability to continue playing the game, right?

Ideal Scenario: Apparently, Thaddeus Young disagrees with the line of thinking that NBA players need shoes, so the ideal scenario for giving someone a flat tire is basically any time you’re not going up against Thad.

Snakebite

Effectiveness:

 

 

 

 

 

More commonly known as an “Indian burn,” we’ll use the less racially insensitive term (because we here at HP are nothing if not culturally sensitive), the snakebite, if used properly, can incapacitate a player’s dominant arm for as many as six seconds. Unfortunately, the capabilities of the snakebite as a weapon on the court are limited by the cumbersome process; a player would need the chance to wrap both hands around a player’s arm and twist in opposite directions, which would absolutely result in at least a personal foul and probably a technical, too.

Ideal Scenario: Convince Steve Nash to give you dap after one of his many made free throws — he’s a nice enough guy to high five his opponents, I’m sure — then quickly deliver the snakebite before he takes his second free throw. It’ll totally throw off his free throw stroke, as long as he’s not smart enough to wait for the “burn” to wear off.

Purple nurple

Effectiveness:

 

 

 

 

 

Now this prank, you could probably get away with. With all of the physical contact, especially in the post, all it would take is quick fingers and a quick wrist. Grab your opponent’s man mammary, twist and wait for the howls of pain and sensitivity that follows. This move is doubly effective if your opponent is suffering from runner’s nip.

Ideal Scenario: Boris Diaw.

Wedgie

Effectiveness:

 

 

 

 

 

Another prank that’s hard to pull off, the wedgie would provide a brief moment where your opponent is rendered less mobile and, if you’re Nikola Pekovic applying a super-atomic wedgie, blinded by the waistband of their own underwear being pulled over their eyes. The wedgie also doubles as a uniform violation, which could result in a technical foul called against the other team.

Ideal Scenario: 

Photo from the esteemed Greg Wissinger (@gwiss) of insideoutgame.com. Follow him on twitter!

Noogie

Effectiveness:

 

 

 

 

 

The go-to option of bullies and older brothers everywhere, the noogie would seem to be an effective prank in an NBA game. However, with the flagrant foul rules the way they are, a referee would likely interpret a noogie attempt as a blow to the head, resulting in two free throws and the ball out of bounds. Is it really worth a possible suspension and the free points for the other team to give someone a noogie?

Ideal Scenario: The answer is unequivocally yes, in one specific scenario. If Chris Paul were to jump onto Pau Gasol’s shoulders and deliver a retaliatory noogie for Gasol patting Paul on the head at the end of the Clippers/Lakers game on January 25th, it’d be the single greatest schoolyard prank in the history of the world.

The NBA’s New Board Game Based Movie: Jenga

Photo by emoflower via Flickr

Hollywood has a long and storied history of turning the board games of our childhood into blockbuster movies (and Clue*). The upcoming Battleship is set to beget a rash of board game-movies, from Ouija to Risk, which in turn will give rise to a dozen iPad apps bought by people wanting to play Candyland on their tablet, while the cardboard version rots in the closet.

*Which is apparently being remade, with a scheduled release date in 2013. This aggression against one of my favorite movies will not stand! How could one possibly improve on a movie with Tim Curry, Michael McKean and Christopher Lloyd?

Trick question; you can’t.

As the regular season winds down, the NBA is getting in on the live action-board game sensation: NBA Studios, in association with Western Conference Productions, presents Jenga.

In the transition month of April, when the hopes of early spring give way to the reality of summer, five professional basketball teams — the Mavericks, Nuggets, Suns, Rockets and Jazz — gather ’round the Table of Truth to determine whose season will end at 66 games and who will go forth into the world championships of woodblock stacking (and of basketball, too, I guess). In the middle, like a glimmering ivory tower made of particle board, stands the one true test of skill, Jenga. Every night, those five teams jostle for position and search for the best angles, taking turns extracting the building blocks of their dreams from a mangled mess of gaps and support and gently placing them atop a structure that they hope will be their scaffold to playoff heaven.

But the sinister forces of gravity and in-fighting threaten to render their hard work and careful planning all for naught. Sooner than later, this tower will collapse. With each move made by their counterparts, the options for any one team become slimmer and slimmer, and the prospect of failure for two of these teams comes into greater focus. As the Thunder, Spurs, Lakers, Clippers and Grizzlies play it safe and move their own pieces among the relative security of the upper echelons of the conference, they put more and more pressure upon the teams below them, particularly the Suns and Nuggets. With their top heavy schedules, Phoenix and Denver run the risk of running out of moves to make at the same time that the center of gravity moves higher up the tower.

No one has more than five games left before it all comes crashing down. We’ll soon know which teams will pull the pieces that push the tower over and push them out of the playoffs. And everyone else will breathe a sigh of relief, until someone insists on a rematch and the tower gets restored for the playoffs.

As a Suns fan, I always though Jenga was a stupid game, anyway.

CJ Watson? CJ Watson. CJ Watson!

With Derrick Rose sidelined by injuries for nearly half the season, the Chicago Bulls have had to get creative with their crunch time offense. Last night against the Washington Wizards, down by five points with under two minutes left in the game, Tom Thibodeau turned to Rose’s backup, C.J. Watson, on three different sideline out of bounds plays.

The first play starts with Watson taking the ball out of bounds. Richard Hamilton above the 3-point line at the top of the key, Joakim Noah at the right elbow, Kyle Korver on the right block and Carlos Boozer on the left block. The initial action has Korver running toward Noah as if he wants to take a pin-down screen and pop out above the top of the key.

But instead of doing that, Korver changes his path midway through and cuts toward the near corner, rubbing his man off a screen from Boozer. Noah then turns around and sets a back-screen on Hamilton’s man as Hamilton heads from the top of the key toward the far side corner. Down by 5, the Bulls send their guards off screens to the corners and if either is open, they can get a quick-hit 3-point opportunity out of it.

While Korver flashes open in the nearside corner, the man guarding the inbounds pass shuffles over to cut off the passing lane. This creates an opening for Watson to easily inbound the ball to Joakim Noah, who has flashed toward the ball after setting a screen on Hamilton’s man.

After receiving the inbounds pass, Noah quickly flips the ball back to Watson, who is on the move toward the middle of the court. At the same time, Noah sets a screen on Watson’s man to create some separation for Watson to get off a quick shot. The end result is that Watson gets off a wide open 18-footer after just two seconds have run off the clock.

The Wizards would hit one of two free throws on their next possession, and the Bulls again set up to inbound the ball from the same spot on the court. Watson is again the inbounder, but this time, Korver and Hamilton have flip-flopped their starting position. Korver is stationed above the 3-point line at the top of the key and Hamilton is started on the right block. Noah still occupies the right elbow and Boozer remains on the left block.

The play begins with the same basic action except that Hamilton does not feign a cut toward the top of the key as if he is going to receive a pin-down screen from Noah. Instead, Hamilton cuts directly across the lane to the near side corner, rubbing his man off a screen from Boozer. Korver runs the same route Hamilton did on the previous play and again gets a back-screen from Noah. Here’s where the twist on this play comes in.

Rather than slipping his screen to receive the inbounds pass from Watson, Noah holds the screen on Korver’s man to create separation so Korver can heads towards the corner for a spot-up opportunity. Boozer pivots and faces Watson, posting up his man on the left block, and this time he’s the man who receives the initial pass.

This is where you realize that the Bulls are running almost exactly the same action as on the previous play. Noah again comes over and sets a screen for Watson, who is on the move toward the middle of the court. Rather than being a dribble hand-off pick-and-roll, this time it’s an off-ball screen designed to get Watson an opening near the top of the key. Boozer, a good passer for a big man, immediately senses Watson will be open after coming off Noah’s screen.

Watson is pretty wide open here, but his man is closing out quickly to contest his shot. So what does he do? He throws up a pump-fake and takes a step inside the 3-point line.

The final result is another wide open jumper for Watson, this time after a mere three seconds have run off the shot clock. The Bulls cut the lead to two points. After the teams traded turnovers on consecutive possessions and John Wall made two free throws, Chicago was again down by four points. This time, they inbounded the ball from the opposite side of the court.

Hamilton is now the trigger man for the Bulls on this play. Noah, Watson, Boozer and Korver are staggered near the right elbow. Korver, again stationed closest to the top of the key, runs off a screen from Noah toward the strong side corner. Watson, stationed between Noah of Boozer, initially heads toward the hoop.

Look at how crowded that area near the right elbow is. The Wizards don’t know who is heading in what direction. As Korver heads toward the corner off of Noah’s screen, Watson stops on a dime and changes direction. Rather than continuing toward the hoop…

Watson quickly turns around and heads toward the top of the key, aided by a screen from Boozer. Watson, who started between Boozer and Noah, essentially made a V-cut and wound up on Boozer’s outside shoulder. This allowed him to run his man into Boozer and create a little separation as he headed out to the 3-point line.

Rather than heading straight out to the top of the key, however, Watson again changes direction. He runs his man off yet another screen, set by Noah, as he cuts toward Hamilton, the inbounder. This creates just enough room for Watson to catch, pivot, square himself up and fire a jumper. This time, only 0.5 seconds run off the clock before Watson puts up the shot.

Three plays. Seven points. 5.5 seconds total. The Bulls designed three different ways to get the ball in bounds and get up a quick shot. Far too often late in games, coaches depend on their players to manufacture looks themselves out of isolations or simple high pick-and-rolls. By getting his players on the move and using both on and off-ball screens, Thibodeau was able to get points out of his sets quickly and extend the game. The Bulls didn’t wind up winning, but the creativity and imagination that Thibodeau put into his late-game sideline out of bounds plays was something to be admired.

The Greatest Game Of Basketball Ever Played

The following is a fake profile about a nonexistent person, regarding an event that never occurred in a town that doesn’t exist. 

Tim Daynor sits at the bench across from me and ties his shoes, slowly but surely. It’s a routine he’s followed thousands of times – the lacing, the tying, the rabbit ears-ing. Daynor knows every groove in those shoes. In this place, on this locker room bench, Daynor feels at home. He’s returned to where it all began, and I’m just along for the journey.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

A passerby will find little remarkable about the exterior of the Gradendary, Pennsylvania YMCA. It’s an old, creaky building, but an unassuming one, measured by strong square walls and a basic entrance. It’s fundamental architecture is reminiscent of the nearby YMCA many of us lived close to in our childhoods. Residents know the two-story, 6,350 square-foot building simply as “The Y”, and most visitors know nothing of the building beyond its vending machines and weight room. But there are some who know “The Y” as something more than a run-of-the-mill recreational facility. To these people, it is known simply as “The Runic”, a place not of exercise but of pure competition and sport. To them, it is a place of basketball, and a testament to the latent greatness that lies somewhere deep within everyone.

In this small Pennsylvania town, basketball history, and perhaps human history, was made. By all appearances, that day was like any other at the Runic. Inside, the weight room and vending machine were as preoccupied as ever, filled to the brim with gym enthusiasts and Kit-Kat reductionists. But beyond the spectacle and hubbub in the gym’s forefront, a monumental game of pickup basketball was beginning, one that would lead many in the Runic that day to reconsider their lives.

“It was a simple idea, really,” Tim Daynor tells me as we walk into the Runic, “4-on-4 game, first to 21, win by 2. Play by two’s and one’s. And none of that elbows’ crap.”

Daynor, now 42 years of age and firmly ensconced in his local job as a retro phone salesman, has lived in Gradendary all of his life.  He grew up the son of a baker and the brother of a baker’s son, and established himself as an athletic star early on in life with victories in local tetherball and field hockey tournaments. At age 13, he picked up a basketball, and soon adopted it as his sport of choice.

“I just loved the game: Monopoly, that is. But also basketball.”

Though Daynor’s talents peaked in the final game of his illustrious junior varsity career, he soon became a standout basketball star during pickup games at the Runic.

“All of us could see he had something special, something different,” Rob Toggle, Daynor’s lifting partner, friend, and accountant said, “He just moved with such grace. I hadn’t seen that good of a player in here since the 1978 intramurals. And I think it made a lot of us reconsider what we were doing on the court, and with our lives. Sure, we could move the ball well and make sure to finish our layups, but could we transcend like Tim? I wasn’t so sure, until the Miracle at the Runic. That changed everything.”

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

I’ve arrived here in Gradendary to interview Daynor about that fateful day, now known in obscure, underground circles as the Miracle at the Runic. When I called Daynor to inquire about an interview over the phone, he insisted I meet him here in Gradendary, at the old Runic. I agreed, and soon found myself in a dark locker room inside the building, facing a concentrated man.

“What are we doing here, Tim?” I ask.

“I want you to know exactly how that fateful game began, happened, and ended. And it began here, in a dark locker room. I was in a rush, and didn’t have time to turn the lights on. So I grabbed my shoes, which were New Balances, and sprinted outside.”

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Accounts of what happened on that fateful night in amateur basketball history vary, depending upon who you ask. Everyone in town knows the story, but few know the truth. Some claim Daynor only shot three-pointers and played almost no defense, some claim his opponents were exclusively comprised of middle-aged men with bad knees and busy schedules, and others claim he possessed a versatility of talents, if only for an hour, that could only be likened to a young Wilt Chamberlain. Only one truth hangs true through all of the hearsay and nebulous machinations of time: Something about the game itself changed that night. The shockwaves rippled slowly throughout the United States, spreading from hopeful player to player, always slightly different but always filled with the vague wonder of one of Steven Spielberg’s early films. But what exactly did the stories tell?

“I was there that night. Or afternoon, actually. There was a spark in Tim’s eyes that day that I couldn’t quite place, but I knew our team’s chances of winning had just skyrocketed. When Tim was on, Tim was on, and you could only hope to contain him. From the very beginning, it became clear that Tim had it going. It was a special game, and we all knew it. He made every shot he took. Eventually, he was just toying with chance. He pulled up for half-court shots, hit no-look bank fade aways, and made a finger-roll from the three-point line. At one point, when the game was closing to an end, he bounced the ball off some guy’s head and into the basket. I felt bad for the guy, and I’m not sure it was a “clean play”, but I can’t believe it happened. What we didn’t know was that Tim literally couldn’t miss,” Craigory Lodney’s eyes radiate embers as he speaks.

“But he sure as heck knew it.”

Another teammate, Youkilis Devin, tells me how Daynor managed to shoot every single one of his team’s shots.

“I mean, at the start, of course we tried to shoot. We even managed to get a couple off. But after Tim made a couple, he really decided to go into “hero mode”. I said, “Tim, the score’s only 4-6, can we at least try to move the ball a little bit?”, and he just said, “Nobody puts Tim in a corner!” I was taken aback, honestly. I never touched the ball again that game for more than a second. Nobody did, really. After we’d get a rebound, Tim would grab the ball and run down the court. After a while, we just watched. But hey, it worked. I think. What was the score?”

Local newspapers soon learned of the event, and published the following quotes regarding the game from an anonymous source:

“He played to win the game, but he also played to be the game.”

“Fans applauded his every made shot and move. Others just left to go buy a Gatorade out of the vending machine and maybe to go run on the treadmill for a while.”

“We all learned a lot that day, because the Y was hosting a class on computer programming.”

But Argos Dench, a member of the opposing team, tells a far less glowing account of the historic game.

“First thing, he traveled on almost every play. But what am I gonna say to him? This is pickup basketball, there aren’t any refs or anything here. So Mr. Tim the Legend is over there, moving his feet like 1984 Kevin Bacon and I can’t say a thing to stop him. So yeah, he made a lot of shots. He had it going. We doubled him, we tripled him, but somehow he kept scoring. But that doesn’t mean they beat us handily. Oh no. That’s the big secret of the whole thing, the thing no one will tell you. How did Tim score so many points if we were only playing to 21? It’s because he didn’t play a lick of defense.Sometimes he didn’t even look us while we were playing offense. He just turned the other way and waited for us to finish our possession, like he was conserving energy for something. And so the game went back and forth, back and forth, endlessly. And you know what? That’s how he wanted it. He knew what he was doing. And do you want to know how he hit his game-winning shot? Game is tied at some ridiculous score, we’re all tired (even him), and he just skips up to the basket and scores. And I mean skips. It wasn’t anything close to a legal basketball play, but there he was, skipping up for the game-winner. Someone tried to tell him he traveled, but he had already walked out of the gym.”

Dench has written letters titled as all-caps exposes to the Gradendary newspaper in the hopes of unmasking Daynor’s legend, but to no avail.

“Sure, Tim didn’t play the best defense that day, but we understood it. Tim was our scorer, so he couldn’t focus on defense all the time. We made do. What, is he supposed to make every basket and play the best defense of his life? Tim is a great basketball player, a great businessman, and a great mind, but he’s not perfect.” Lodney responds.

Fredward Flaxson, who was in the three-person crowd that day, tells his own separate version of the Daynor Game.

“Well, you can’t trust anyone who was playing that day to know the truth, can you? Here’s what I know: I was there, and even I got lost in the glory of it all. I mean, have you ever seen someone score hundreds of baskets consecutively, in one game? It’s magical and horrifying and depressing. I just hoped the opposing team could get out of there with their pride intact, and no significant groin injuries. Some of those guys playing out there were really old.”

How many points Tim Daynor actually scored that day is a topic of debate all on its own. Estimates and stories have told the number as anywhere from 150 to 300, depending on the teller and the skepticism of the listener. I asked Craigory Lodney to give me best guess, but he just shrugs.

“Somewhere along the way, we just lost count. We were watching, mere pawns in Tim’s revelation of genius. It might have been 150 — it very well might have been 250. No one can say for certain, except maybe Tim. I don’t think anyone needs to know, or should.”

But Argos Dench feels he remembers concretely.

“It was 160, and not a single point more,” Dench stares forward, “and don’t let the embellishments and Gradendary tabloid media fool you.”

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Tim and I stand in the Runic gym with the lights dimmed and the sunset fading behind us. He’s dribbling and staring forward, and I’m forced to wait until he makes a move.

“You know, I haven’t back here since it happened.” Tim finally speaks.

“Since the Miracle?”

“Don’t call it that. But yeah, since then.”

“Why the wait?”

As I ask, Tim turns his gaze to the basket.

He jolts back towards me, as if removing himself from a trance, and answers.

“That day, I reached my peak. Not my basketball peak; my life peak. It wasn’t going to get any better than that for me. I finally tasted real basketball stardom, and I knew I wouldn’t taste it again. The whole town knew it. So I left the gym that day, and never looked back. How could I? Any return would be a disappointment. I would finally miss again in these shadowed halls, and the whispers of the legend’s death would ring through these roofs and through the forests of Pennsylvania.”

“So why now?”

At this, Tim is less quick to answer. He draws his breath, and his eyes gaze into the distance. He does not appear to be searching for some last time; rather, his stare searches for something tangible he can’t find. A basketball net, perhaps.

“Because I had to. I knew I always would. A man can not turn his back on his craft forever, and this gym is my forge. When you called, I almost hung up the phone, but I just…couldn’t. It was as if every layup, every slow jog back on defense, every memory of that day was calling back to me. I couldn’t resist, and so here we are.”

I nod and shoot a mid-range jumper. The rebound bounces back, directly into Tim’s arms. He smiles wryly.

“Well, I can’t hide forever, can I?” He smiles as he releases the ball, for the first time since the Miracle at the Runic.

Swish.

Tim turns to leave, pacing quickly towards the door. As he opens the door, I call out to him:

“Hey Tim, tell me one last thing: Exactly how many points did you score in that game?”

“That’s my little secret,” He shouts, saluting me as he goes.

And he hasn’t looked back since.

(Except he forgot to shut the door.)

Who Says The Playoffs Start Late? Not For The Utah Jazz

Via Flickr - TheArtGuy

You ever had your back against the wall? That was where the Utah Jazz were last night against a Dallas Mavericks team coming in that had flummoxed them all season long. The Mavs came to drive home the dagger on a Jazz team that had fought hard to remain relevant, triumphing over the Rockets in Houston three games before, only to drop a second straight meeting with the lowly New Orleans Hornets followed the very next night by a thrust to the heart by a playoff-seasoned Memphis Grizzlies squad that weren’t about to let an outsider-looking-in take a season sweep from them on their home floor.

That was it. It was over, for all intents and purposes. All for naught. The extreme emotional roller coaster was finally grinding to a halt. Jazz fans resigned themselves to the inevitable, by and large.

But then there was an ever so faint glimmer on the horizon. If the Jazz could win out while either the Denver Nuggets or Houston Rockets went 2-3 to finish Utah would still be kicking, provided they had any fight left in ‘em. But that meant beating a Dallas team that they hadn’t gotten the best of in more than two years, two months, and two weeks.

I didn’t even intend to go to this game. Can you imagine?

Can you imagine missing out on a Utah franchise record rebounds by Huge Al Jefferson, a gutty, gritty career high six assists by cast-off DeMarre Carroll, or Devin Harris tying a career best five 3-makes in a bid to open up the paint for the Jazz’s Fearsome Foursome with a new career mark 12 3-point attempts, or even 10-day signee Blake Ahearn’s first points in a Jazz uni?

It was almost an accident, one facilitated by an alternate plan all for the sake of saying hello to Devin Harris’s brother Bruce who was in town for the tilt to pull for the home team to pull off the impossible. When our plan to hook up for a pregame BS session blew all to hell he told me to meet him at EnergySolution Arena instead. How was I to know it would be the most intense Jazz game I’d ever attended?

I’ve been to many Jazz games — many this season, several of which have been candidates for the Game of the Year for the Jazz — but all I could think of as the Mavericks closed in on the undermanned Jazz late was “This is INTENSE!”

I was at that historic MJ’s Bulls at the Delta Center Jazz triple overtime game back in ’92, and that has always been the crowning jewel of intensity for attended Jazz games for me. Until now.

As intense and great as that game was — Michael Jordan, Karl Malone, John Stockton and all — there just wasn’t anything on the line aside from pride. There was oh-so much more than simple, vain pride on the line last night. The Jazz were fighting for their very playoff lives and they knew it.

The first domino fell the evening before when the Denver Nuggets beat the Houston Rockets — two of the teams immediately in front of Utah in the West playoff race. Now, while Utah prepared to tip off in a CPR-ready battle, the Nuggets were on the second night of a back-to-back with Houston, and Houston was up four. The worst case scenario here was that the Rockets would split the home-and-home series leaving Utah for dead on the spring desert floor.

The next domino fell when Devin Harris took the first Jazz offensive possession slicing to the rim, showing the Mavs that the Jazz meant business. As the game wound on and they ran the lead up to as large as 11, I was as glued to the in-arena scoreboard across from me as I was to the focused players on the Larry H. Miller court before me. I would get the news I so craved in a beer line at halftime, offering ESA an emphatic fist pump that felt to me as if it went from rafter to floor. The third domino had fallen, along with the Rockets, whom the Jazz hold the tie-breaker with.

But they had to finish their business first, or it was all so much trash in the can that Jerry Sloan used to lean on to do his media duties in the bowels of the arena.

Dirk was feeling… talkative, and intense, as he always is. He hates to lose. Especially to the pesky Jazz who have tortured him years yore (think Andrei Kirilenko and Right Guard). Ty Corbin threw everything he had at Nowitzki while Jason Terry spun in unreal shot after shot, leaving the twine snapping relentlessly as Utah’s confidence and lead dwindled simultaneously. This is what champions do. This is what Mavericks do to Jazz.

Only the Mavericks don’t have one of these.

Riding a season-high six-game win streak three weeks ago the Jazz rolled into Atlanta and lost an epic battle with the Hawks in four overtimes. Head coach Ty Corbin road his starting five into the ground that night, and I, manning the multiple Dime Twitter accounts and being responsible for a short recap afterward that would be posted on the Daily Dime Live page on ESPN, criticized Corbin for failing to make a move in any of the OTs.

Once again he rode the starters all the way. All the way to victory, playing the odds and the best five cards dealt him. And they responded by taking a big step forward, growing as a team that has each other’s backs, a team not willing to just lay down and die at anyone’s feet.

This was intensity. Playoff intensity. For the playoffs have begun in earnest for the Utah Jazz. And I’m damn proud to say I was there for it.

You Can Win Games With Danny Green

Danny Green isn’t the focus of this picture, but he’s there. And really, that was the essence of what Danny Green brought to the North Carolina Tar Heels from 2005-2009. Green was never the best, nor the most important player on Roy Williams’ powerhouse teams, but he was always there. While teams were concentrated on shutting down Tyler Hansbrough’s access to the lane, there was Danny Green; stationed in the corner waiting for a wide open three. While teams were fixated on containing Ty Lawson on the fast break, there was Danny Green; filling his lane, ready to receive and finish. And when teams rotated too quickly to stop a Wayne Ellington jumper, there was Danny Green; preparing for a swing pass and gearing up to attack the hoop. And if you thought you could score on the Tar Heels, there was Danny Green; an ACC All-Defensive Team member.

Green had a very good career at North Carolina. He was the only player in ACC history to record at least 1,000 points, 500 rebounds, 250 assists, 150 blocks and 150 steals in his college career. His 123 victories (in 145 games played) at UNC set a school record, breaking Sam Perkins’ previous high of 115. He joined Rusty LaRue, Tyler Hansbrough and Tim Duncan as the only players to ever win four games AT Duke against a Mike Krzyzewski-coached team.

In his senior season at Chapel Hill, Green averaged 13.1 points, 4.7 rebounds, 2.7 assists, 1.8 steals and 1.3 blocks in just 27.4 minutes per game. He shot 47.1% from the field, 41.8% from three – raising his percentage in both areas for the second consecutive season – and 85.2% from the free throw line. At 6’6″ and 210 pounds, Green had prototypical size for an NBA shooting guard and his tenacity on defense and his rebounding ability meant he could occasionally slide to small forward as well.

But when you’re a senior and you’ve never been the best player on your college team, you usually don’t get selected very early in the NBA Draft – even if you’re coming off a National Championship. On Draft day, Green watched as teammates Hansbrough (13th), Lawson (18th) and Ellington (28th) were selected before him. He lasted until the 46th pick, when the Cleveland Cavaliers took him off the board.

Fast forward three years. After being waived by the Cavs in 2010, Danny Green is now on the San Antonio Spurs.

Danny Green isn’t the focus of this picture, but he’s there. And that’s really the essence of what Danny Green has brought to the Spurs this season. Green is not nearly the best, nor the most important player on Gregg Popovich’s latest powerhouse team, but he’s always there. When Manu Ginobili got hurt, there was Danny Green; ready to step up and be an important cog in the machine. In his 30 starts this season, Green has averaged 10.4 points, 3.5 rebounds, 1.2 assists, 1.0 steals and 0.5 blocks in 24.5 minutes per game. He has shot 45.1% from the field, 44.8% from three and 78.9% from the free throw line in those 30 games.

And now, when defenses are concentrated on getting the ball out of Tim Duncan’s hands in the post, there is Danny Green; stationed on the perimeter, waiting for a spot-up 3. Green has made 83 3-pointers this season, second on the team to only Matt Bonner. He’s become an expert at the shot the Spurs value most from their perimeter players, the corner 3. He’s made 34 of his 3′s from the corner and has connected at a 42.5% rate on the shot this season.

And now, when defenses are fixated on keeping Tony Parker out of the lane, there is Danny Green; cutting from the weak side and finding an opening near the hoop. Green tends to take only the most efficient shots available. He’s almost entirely eschewed the mid-range game; more than 75% of his shots come from downtown or in the restricted area. According to NBA.com‘s stats tool, he’s taken just 70 shots from locations on the court between eight and 24 feet from the basket compared to 204 shots from outside 24 feet and 148 shots from inside eight feet. His 55.3 TS% ranks 7th among shooting guards who have averaged at least 20 minutes per game and appeared in at least 40 games, according to HoopData.

And now, when the San Antonio Spurs need a defensive stop; there is Danny Green, taking the court with Duncan and Parker and the rest. Out of the Spurs’ top 13 two-man lineup combinations in minutes played, Green is part of the 1st and 2nd ranked combinations in defensive efficiency (Green-Parker and Green-Duncan). San Antonio’s defense is 3.2 points per 100 possessions better with Green on the court than when he’s off it.

Some nights he’s a big factor, others he’s more in the background. On any given night, Green might do any given thing. Maybe he starts (30 games), maybe he comes off the bench (28). Maybe he needs to score 24 points on 13 shots one night (January 7th against Denver), and maybe he won’t mind getting his minutes and shots cut and will find a way to chip in with six points, five rebounds and four assists the next (January 8th against the Thunder). Maybe he’ll get four steals and block three shots (January 30th against Memphis). Maybe he’ll hit four 3′s (March 9th against the Clippers). Maybe he’ll play 36 minutes and be a big part of the game plan (April 4th against the Celtics). And maybe the next time out he’ll only play 15 and not factor into things quite as much (April 6th against the Hornets). But he’ll definitely be ready if called upon a few nights later (14 points, five rebounds, two assists, two steals and two blocks against the Jazz on April 8th).

You can do a lot of things with Danny Green. You can ask him to shoot, you can ask him to pass, you can ask him to rebound and you can ask him to defend. You can start Danny Green and you can bring him off the bench. You can yank his minutes around. You can run plays for Danny Green, but you don’t have to. You can ask him to fill in the blanks and you can count on him to make the right play. You can win games with Danny Green. That’s for sure.

Charles Jenkins Records A Quintuple-Single

the_moment (flickr)

Yesterday against the Los Angeles Clippers, Golden State Warriors point guard Charles Jenkins recorded a most rare of feats.

He recorded 1 point,1 rebound, 1 assist, 1 steal and 1 block. That’s right, he achieved the elusive quintuple-single. Using basketball-reference’s game index, which only goes back to the 1985-86 season, only 6 other players have accomplished this mammoth undertaking.

The list of players Jenkins is joining is an illustrious “who’s who” of kind of serviceable but not really big men from the last 25 years.

You have  Adam Keefe, best known for his non-exploits as a Utah Jazz, giving the 1993 Atlanta Hawks a whole lot of barely anything in a victory over the New Jersey Nets. In addition to the quintuple-single, Keefe also gave quintuple fouls in just 10 minutes of action. Apparently, he couldn’t handle Derrick Coleman.

There’s Pervis Ellison, who shockingly was still in the league in the 1999-2000 season. His 5×1 came in a mere 7 minutes of action in a 7-point loss to the Indiana Pacers. “Nervous Pervis” would only appear in 30 games for the Celtics that year.

William Bedford also makes an appearance. And I had never heard of him before in my life. With a career average of 4.1 points and little else, there may be a reason for that. But on one cold February night in Milwaukee in 1988, he etched his name into history with a 1-1-1-1-1 as his Pistons lost to the Bucks. 

Delightfully amongst this cavalcade of spectacular play is Clemon Johnson. Perhaps best known as the stationary post which Hakeem Olajuwon abused for 49 points and 25 rebounds in the 1987 playoffs, Johnson should also be remembered for his sterling quintuple-single which propelled the Sonics to victory over the Suns earlier that regular season.

And now it’s time to get serious. These next two players are favorites of nearly every NBA fan: Jason Collins and Shawn Bradley.

The husky Collins gave New Jersey his last full measure to the Nets in a riveting 96-82 victory over Minnesota in 2002. Meanwhile, string bean Bradley laid it all out on the line as the Mavericks upended the Utah Jazz 88-81 toward the end of the 2005 regular season.

A few weeks later, Bradley was demolished by Tracy McGrady… 

A New Hope

While it was overshadowed by the laughably disastrous Board of Governors meeting involving the Maloof family’s pitch to nix the arena deal they described as “fair” just over a month ago, the sale of the New Orleans Hornets to New Orleans Saints owner Tom Benson is potentially just as big of news for the NBA. After all this time, the NBA sold the team to Benson at cost – they purchased the team from previous owner George Shinn in December 2010 for approximately $310 million, spent another $20 million in the ensuing year and a half and sold to Benson for $330 million today – so the other 29 owners did not lose any money on the deal. The period of time during which the NBA owned and operated the Hornets will likely mostly be remembered for the “basketball reasons” controversy surrounding the vetoed Chris Paul to the Lakers trade, but it’s time to move on. The world has moved on, the league has moved on and now the team has moved on as well. Though this season has been extremely trying for the Hornets organization and their fans, views of the future bring reason for optimism.

Let’s begin with Benson. For starters, it’s obvious that he plans to keep the team in New Orleans long-term. NFL rules prohibit their team owners from owning a non-NFL team in another NFL city or territory than the one their NFL team is located in, so if Benson were to move the Hornets out of New Orleans to, say, Kansas City or Anaheim, he would be forced to either sell or transfer ownership of the Saints to someone else. Benson has owned the Saints since 1985 and they make him a boatload of money every year, so this is something that is highly unlikely to happen. Benson, also owner of several auto dealerships in the New Orleans area and former owner of Benson Financial, which he sold to Wells Fargo in 1996, has extremely deep pockets. Forbes estimated Benson’s net worth at $1.1 billion as of March 2012, making him the 390th richest man in America.

There is no guarantee that he’ll be an eager luxury-tax spender in what is still one of the smallest markets in the league, but at the very least he should be less frugal than the previous ownership regime. This is not a man who will be hurting for money (Any time you can spare $8 million without blinking, as Benson did when he donated that amount to Loyola University New Orleans in 2010, it’s safe to say you’re not cash-strapped). Between the incoming cash flow from owning the Saints and his auto dealerships, Benson should even have enough money to sustain losses for a few years while the Hornets regain the trust and loyalty of their fan base.

While the team this season has been one of the worst in the league, next year’s team is pretty much guaranteed to look drastically different. Shooting guard Eric Gordon, the big prize New Orleans received from the Clippers in the Chris Paul trade who has missed most of this season with an injury, is a restricted free agent this summer, but the Hornets are expected to bring him back into the fold. The expiration of the contracts of Chris Kaman and Carl Landry should leave the team about $19 million under the salary cap after factoring in Gordon’s cap hold (though that number will probably go down to somewhere around $10-13 million depending how large a deal Gordon signs), which leaves ample space to sign a free agent or two.

Additionally, the Hornets should have two high lottery picks in a draft that, although it doesn’t look to be quite as good as some predicted in the preseason, is still one of the best and deepest in years. The Hornets will have their own draft pick, which should be a guarantee to land in the top 5 (with the league’s 2nd-worst record, the Hornets could drop no lower than 5th in the lottery), as well as that of the Minnesota Timberwolves. Halfway through the season, that Wolves pick didn’t look like it would turn in great value as the Kevin Love and Ricky Rubi0-led squad was competing for a playoff spot. But Rubio’s season-ending ACL tear started the team on a downward spiral and Love’s recent concussion could possibly sideline him for the rest of the year as well. The Wolves’ pick would be 10th in the lottery right now, but without Rubio and Love for the rest of the season, it could wind up being even higher.

A full season – and hopefully a few more – of Gordon, two probable top-10 picks in a loaded draft, ample cap space and a brand new, deep-pocketed owner? Things are already looking up. And that’s even before we get to Monty Williams, considered by many to be one of the best young coaches in the NBA. Williams has somehow coaxed 16 wins so far out of a team that was missing Gordon for nearly the entirety of the season (he’s appeared in just 5 games), Landry, Jason Smith and Emeka Okafor for about half the season (33, 33 and 27 games, respectively), and Kaman, Jarrett Jack and Trevor Ariza for a few weeks each (45, 45, 41 games played, in that order). Williams, who played for the Knicks, Spurs, Nuggets, Magic and 76ers in his 10-year NBA career, began his coaching career as an assistant to Nate McMillan in Portland and also considers himself a disciple of Spurs coach Gregg Popovich, who many consider the best in the league. In an interview with Sports Illustrated’s Zach Lowe, Williams stated that he has taken plays out of both McMillan and Popovich’s playbooks and added them to his own. He’s also come up with a few innovative sets of his own, some that no one else in the league runs.

So, here we have a new owner with deep pockets, one of the best young coaches in the NBA, the return of Gordon, two high-lottery draft picks and a fairly significant amount of cap space to work with this summer (and after Gordon is signed, he’ll be the only player on the team under contract past 2014). Those are all the ingredients thought to be necessary for a successful rebuilding project, but the Hornets have one more thing going for them: the city of New Orleans. Though it’s not exactly a giant media market (according to a US Census Bureau survey in 2007, it is the 35th largest market in the United States and 23rd largest in the NBA), there’s no denying the New Orleans is one of the most attractive “destination” cities in the NBA. Considering the vibrant nightlife, excellent and exotic cuisine and laid back lifestyle prevalent throughout the city, it should be a hot location for free agents, but things haven’t exactly worked out that way in the decade the team has been in New Orleans. Though it likely won’t happen overnight – I don’t imagine Deron Williams or Dwight Howard will be clamoring to play for the Hornets in the next two summers – it’s possible that a culture change combined with the deep pockets of the new owner, a rising star of a young coach and an improving roster could lead to the team landing some higher tier free agents a few years down the line.

Even if they never get to that point of being a big free agent destination (and it’s more than likely that they won’t ever be an option for the biggest of the big fish), things are still looking much brighter for the future of the Hornets than their record this season indicates. A new era of Hornets basketball is on the horizon, and the sale of the team to Tom Benson is just the beginning.

All Your Kevins Are Belong To Us

Photo by maybeemily on Flickr

Before we embark on this, let me preemptively state that this post is a work of soft farce, a thought experiment, a bit of fluff. I put this all together mostly with Slam’s Top 500 players and my own knowledge of the game from the last decade and a half. I have missed players and ignored them. I suggest you point this out in the comments. I am not an actual All-Anything Team judge—I just play one on the Internet. We good? Good.

Just what is in a name? With Kevin Love’s ascension into the rarified air of the MVP conversation and the undeniably historic slant of his numbers, the debate began this season with Kevin Garnett’s return to the Target Center over the possibility that Love was a better Kevin than Garnett. But what about Kevin McHale? He didn’t play for the Timberwolves, but he was certainly all up in there with both successes and failures. And why should we have to choose? With all these discussions going on about how to fix the draft lottery and people floating (presumably) tongue-in-cheek suggestions about returning to the territorial drafts that tied players to their home regions, why not just organize players by their first name into teams?

This creates some obvious problems, but also some semi-interesting complications. First of all, Team Hakeem and Team Dikembe are pretty lonely teams. Of course, so is Team Kobe, but that’s probably the way he wants it.

More common names work out better, but looking at current NBA players and some of the greats (and not-so-greats) of the past, it’s odd to see how some names clump around certain positions. Team Steve is rather guard heavy, fielding Steve Nash, Steve Francis, and Stephon Marbury at the point guard position and Stephen Curry and Steve Smith at the two. Stephen Jackson shores up the small forward spot, but there’s a real lack of Steves who played the four or five to any acclaim.

Team Michael is similarly screwed: they can boast Michael Jordan, Michael Cooper, and Michael Redd at shooting guard, settle for Mike Bibby or Mike Conley at the one, and Michael Finley can capably handle the small forward position. Expanding the spelling a bit, Micheal Ray Richardson can help at the guard positions. But at power forward and center? Michael Beasley (who’s a stretch at the four now), Michael Doleac, and Michael Olowokandi. But of course, Jordan won a championship with Bill Wennington, so maybe it’s not impossible.

And just forget about Team Bob. They get Bob Cousy but otherwise it’s almost all big men: Bob Lanier, Bob McAdoo, and Robert Parish. Maybe you plug in Bobby Jackson at the two and put Robert Horry out of position at the three and hope you can just out-rebound the other team.

And so it goes with Team Richard (four SFs including Ricky Barry and Rick Fox plus two PGs in Ricky Rubio and Richie Guerin) and Team Jason (Jason Kidd, Jason Terry, Jason Richardson, Jason Williams). Most names seem kind of weirdly imbalanced in distribution.

There are genuinely only two names that can field top to bottom decent teams and we have to make a pretty big allowance for the first, Team Mark. For the sake of argument (is there any other sake in this fantasy world?), I’m allowing a wide variation in name here, which gives us:

PG: Mark Price
SG: Marcus Thornton
SF: Mark Aguirre
PF: LaMarcus Aldridge
C: Marc Gasol
Bench: Mark Jackson, Marques Johnson, DeMarcus Cousins, Marcus Camby

Aldridge and Gasol form a potent frontcourt with Cousins and Camby providing great punch off the bench rotating into the four and five spots. Moreover, you’ve got Price’s and Aguirre’s shooting and Jackson and Johnson (who coined the term “point forward”) to get them the ball, plus Thornton is a fine piece to plug in for scoring. You could even go deep and throw in Marc Jackson and Marco Bellinelli to shore up the rotation.

But man, all other names must quake in fear of Kevin when it comes to basketball. I mean, look at this:

PG: Kevin Johnson
SG: Kevin Martin
SF: Kevin Durant
PF: Kevin Garnett
C: Kevin Willis
Bench: Kevin Love, Kevin McHale, Kevin Duckworth, Kevin Porter

First of all, don’t sneeze at Kevin Willis. The man is ninth on the all-time double-double list ahead of Dikembe Mutombo with 480. And you know who’s fifth on that list? Kevin Garnett. There are THIRTY-TWO All-Star selections spread across this team, plus five NBA championships. You’ve got shooting from Johnson, Durant, and Love, post scoring from McHale and Garnett, defense from Garnett, rebounding from Love, Willis, and Garnett. Even the deep bench is solid with Duckworth and Porter. And while Kevin Martin isn’t a franchise player, he’d be a very good fifth-best player in a starting five. Plus you could add Kevin Ollie and Kevin Seraphin (who’s looked pretty good of late).

This basically clinches it. If you want your kid to be good at basketball, there’s only one name you can choose for him (or her?): Kevin.

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