The Detroit Pistons beat the Cleveland Cavaliers earlier tonight 116-77 in a game that was not nearly as close as the score makes it seem. In case you missed the highlights, first of all, take a moment to congratulate yourself on a terrific life choice. Second of all, feel free to jump in the Hot Tub Time Machine and view the above video to relive a classic moment in WCW’s history which does an adequate job of summing up the roles these two teams played. Actually that’s not totally correct; in that match, Kevin Nash put up a better fight than the Cavs tonight.
I honestly don’t even know what three letter Internet abbreviation accurately describes this beat down. OMG? LOL? WTF? Let’s start by looking at the boxscore which is as NSFW as raw data can possibly be:
Before we get into breaking down the ridiculous numbers, it’s worth acknowledging that the Cavs played this game without Kyrie Irving, Anderson Varejao, Alonzo Gee, and Daniel Gibson due to various injuries. When healthy, that is 60% of the starting lineup plus the usual first guard off the bench sitting out. Be that as it may, the game was against the Detroit Pistons who entered tonight a scintillating 16 games under .500. Though the Pistons have a number of promising players, by no means is anyone mistaking them for the Thunder, Bulls, or Heat. On to the numbers…
- The Cavs starting five was a combined -213. Minus two hundred thirteen. MINUS TWO HUNDRED THIRTEEN! Look, +/- can be an incredibly misleading stat, particularly in a one game sample size, but the fact remains that this is one of the most incredible things I have ever seen stats wise in a basketball game.
- Conversely, the Pistons starting five countered with an equally staggering combined +/- of +205. Again, PLUS TWO HUNDRED FIVE. Rodney Stuckey only scored eight points, but led everyone in the game, league, and Universe tonight with a +46.
- Antawn Jamison’s first game with the Cavaliers was a deplorable, hideous 0-12 from the floor effort that saw him missing from all over the floor as seen here:
Somehow, this game was worse. In 29 minutes of action, the 6’9” Jamison managed to pull down four rebounds, attempt 10 shots, and made exactly as many field goals as you and I did. The phrase “veteran leadership” has been a running joke among Cavs fans when watching Jamison and Anthony Parker play this year. I’m going to go out on a limb and say nothing that occurred tonight is going to change that perception.
- This is not to just rip on the Cavs; we need to give credit where credit is due. The Pistons were on fire tonight. The starting lineup for Detroit shot a sizzling 67% (29-43) from the field led by an unconscious 11-12 performance by Brandon Knight. As Jamison proved he could miss from anywhere on the floor, Knight was the polar opposite drilling jumpers from all over the Palace of Auburn Hills. Eight of Knight’s 11 field goals came from outside the paint as seen below:
I could continue to harp on this issue, but there are people far more clever than I who voiced their thoughts on the game on Twitter.
If there are any #Cavs players laughing after this game there needs to be a fight in the locker room.
— Michael A. Young (@RealMYoung23) April 18, 2012
There are a number of Cavs fans that don’t mind losing games at this point in the season. At this point, the Cavs have been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, and it’s a race for more ping pong balls in the lottery. The ideal scenario is that the Cavs play hard, compete, and lose by a couple points at the end. It’s efforts and games like this that drive fans nuts, and deservedly so.
My fiancee the other night: “How many of the Cavs playing are from the D-League?” Me: “All of them.” — The Greek (@demeatloaf) April 18, 2012
An astute observation by both parties here. Manny Harris, Lester Hudson, Donald Sloan played a total of 73 game minutes tonight. If you’re reading this and are not from Northeast Ohio, chances are all you know about these players is that the first has the best full name in the NBA (Corperryale L’Adorable “Manny” Harris), the second enjoyed a Linsanity-Lite run as recently as earlier this month, and the third has the same last name as the romantic interest of E on Entourage. Harris actually led the Cavs with 18 points tonight. That’s good. Hudson and Sloan finished 5-18 from the field for a total of 13 points. That’s bad.
The Cavs trailed by 50 after 3 qtrs in tonight’s loss to the Pistons. That has only happened 4 other times in the past 20 years. #Elias
— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) April 18, 2012
Usually, I’m an advocate of the “Go big or go home mentality.” Cleveland took this to a whole new level tonight. After three quarters, the score was 100-50. It’s rare to see a team score 100 points in three quarters. It’s rare to see a team score only 50 points in three quarters. It’s damn near impossible for both of those feats to be achieved during the same game. To quote Anchorman, “How’d you do that? Heck, I’m not even mad; that’s amazing.”
By the way, this wasn’t the worst loss the Cavs have had in the past 16 months. — Hardwood Paroxysm (@HPbasketball) April 18, 2012
Our fearless leader at HP providing some perspective. Of course, “worst” is subjective. Matt is referring to 112-57 shellacking the Lakers put on the Cavs last year when Cleveland was in the midst of their record 26 game losing streak. Points wise, of course the 55 point deficit is greater than tonight’s 39 point catastrophe. However, I’d argue that tonight was worse since last year’s game was against a playoff team and at the time pushed LA to a 28-11 record. Detroit improved to 23-38 tonight.
As bad as this loss was, at the end of the day, whether a team loses by one point, 39 points, or 55 points, it only counts as one loss in the standings. There are no awards for failing spectacularly, no additional ping pong balls for extreme tanking. All the Cavs can do at this point is forget everything that happened tonight and put forth a better effort on Wednesday night against Philadelphia in Cleveland. Although Cavs fans won’t resort to the the Fingerpoke of Doom that Hulk Hogan employed on Kevin Nash, I have a feeling there is another finger fans will be using to convey their feelings if there is a repeat performance of tonight’s effort ever again.
Statistical support for this story from NBA.com.



























