—Excerpt from my planned, nonexistent 2013 novel, tentatively titled “The Return of Felton”.
Lion Face: Tony Parker
The Spurs have won ten consecutive games, Tony Parker is having a terrific season, and fans are beginning to notice. The Spurs, much like Parker, are not typically characterized by hyper-athleticism, highlight plays, or compelling story lines, but they’re currently playing terrific basketball. Much of the strength of this resurgence lies with Parker, who can still sprint by any defender in the league while maintaining an impeccable dribble. The Clippers made the questionable decision to switch on screens, as Parker handled the ball late in Saturday night’s game, giving Parker the chance to zoom by Kenyon Martin or draw a foul repeatedly.
Lemon Face: The Clippers’ Regrettable Inbounds Play
No comment is necessary, just confused facial expressions.
Lion Face: Kris Humphries
Kris Humphries made life extremely difficult for an injury-weakened Bulls’ team on Saturday night, providing 24 points and 18 rebounds. Humphries has quietly played very well this season; he’s scoring efficiently, rebounding well, and allowing Nets’ fans some breadth of excitement in regards to their team’s front court. With Brook Lopez’s return imminent, it’ll be interesting to see how the two players impact each other’s production.
Bonus Lion Face: Mike James
Former D-Leaguer Mike James was one of the Bulls’ few bright spots in their loss to the Nets, scoring 16 points and dishing out seven assists (with no turnovers, to boot). The performance of James is yet another example of the viability of the D-League, and its continued underuse by many NBA teams. Capable players like James (who was a part of the 2004 Detroit Pistons’ championship team) often seem to remain in the D-League, while players who simply aren’t “NBA caliber” inexplicably remain on rosters.
Lemon Face: The Golden State Warriors
Despite yet another night of impressive production from both Stephen Curry and Monta Ellis, the Warriors lost a close, high-scoring game because of late-game offensive ineptitude. The Warriors have struggled mightily in final possessions this season, often proving reliant on frantic ball movement or ill-timed pull-up jumpers from Monta Ellis. That unneeded trend of close losses continued with Saturday night’s eminently winnable, one-point loss to the Grizzlies.
Lion Face: Raymond Felton
“Sure, a 14-point, 8 assist performance seems rather uneventful. Good, but uneventful. But that night was anything but uneventful. It was the moment Raymond Felton looked like the Raymond Felton of early 2011. It was a moment Portland, and in a broader sense, the world, would never forget.”
—Second Excerpt from my planned, nonexistent 2013 novel, tentatively titled “The Return of Felton”.
Lemon Face: Jeff Teague
Teague’s 1-10 shooting performance succinctly summarizes the Hawks’ dismal performance against the Blazers.
Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are convinced that I only included Jeremy Lin and LeBron James in the title of this post for pageviews. The nerve of them, really. I would never pander. Matt, Ben: You’re on.
Lion Face: Matt Moore, for his insomnia-laden writing frenzy last night. Good lord. He wrote a lot. You should goreadthem. It’s Friday. What else are you doing?
Lemon Face: Whoever failed to post the 15-Footer last night.
What a lazy, forgetful, and handsome jackass.
Lion Face: Jeremy Lin
He’s such a freaking phenomenon, that they’ve figured out how to fit him into two different events in the All-Star game: the Rising Stars challenge and dishing passes to Shump during the dunk contest. Let’s also not be shocked if he plays in the Shooting Stars competition either. He’s been starting for less than 2 weeks! Good for him, though.
Lemon Face: LeBron James
Oh, you might come back to Cleveland? Or you hate the thought of people not liking you, so you think by pandering to them that they’ll welcome you back? Listen, man. Do whatever you want. Just don’t openly flirt with other fanbases while you’re on another team. Not cool. Maybe the problem is that his posse has convinced him that people in Cleveland don’t hate him because of his Departure, they just miss him and wish he’d come back. So he’s just giving people what they want to hear, right? This is all pure speculation, to be sure. But please just get a better set of responses, OK? You know people are going to ask you these questions whenever Cleveland is on the radar. Just say things like “Yeah it went down weird, but I’m trying to focus on my present season and trying to get a championship and working hard and yeah I may be balding but at least I don’t paint my head like that other Cleveland-traitor Boozer.” Your stats are off the charts this year, Bron. Your talking points are getting better, too. But you’ve still got a ways to go to get those up.
Lion Face: Danny Granger, keeping the Pacers alive
Nothing can quite cure a losing streak like playing against the Nets, eh? Granger was injured against the Heat this week. He didn’t play that whole game, and sat out a loss against the Cavs the following game. Well last night, he was back, and put up a hell of a “Whoa Boy!”-worthy performance last night: 32 points on 10-20 shooting (including 4-7 from 3 and 8-9 FTs), 5 boards, 1 assist, 1 steal, 1 block, and only 2 turnovers in 42 minutes of play.
Lemon Face: Ben Franklin
The dude invented electricity! He should’ve known that things go screwy when it is abruptly taken away!
Lion Face: Tom Thibodeau
No Rose? No problem. The Bulls took down a healthy Celtics squad last night in a nice little defensive/Ubuntu matchup that just goes to show you that the Celtics are old. Good performances by Boozer and Deng in the win. Oh, and Rondo put up a 17-7-8. YAWWWWWWN.
Lemon Face: That Clippers-Blazers game, yo
With Aldridge out, the Blazers didn’t really have adequate firepower to fend off the Clippers. Here’s the thing, though. Nothing was really falling for anyone last night. Both teams shot under 39% from the field. Both teams shot under 64% from the stripe. The Clippers couldn’t make a three to save their lives (2-17, 11.8% BARF), yet they still managed to win in a barnburner. Final score: 74-71. Also, 30 turnovers between the two teams last night. Ugh.
It wasn’t the best performance from Kobe, but in the end, he used the last 2 of his 27 points to add yet another game winner to his resume. COUNT TEH GAME WINNERZZZ KOBEZ DA CLUTCHEST DA MVPZZZZ. RINGZZZ
Lemon Face: Rasual Butler
With 4.2 seconds to go in the game, Dwayne Casey called on Butler to be the trigger man for the out-of-bounds play with the Raptors trailing 93-92. Butler held the ball for too long before trying to call timeout and was issued a 5 second violation, turning the ball back over to the Lakers. And what kind of name is Rasual anyway?
Lion Face: Rajon Rondo
Rondo messed around and got a triple double, posting 32 points, 10 rebounds and 15 assists in the Celtics’ win over the Bulls. He was by far the best player on the court. He controlled the entire flow of the game on both ends, got great shots for himself and his teammates and made 10 of his 13 free throws. His was just the tenth 30-10-15 game since the merger.
Lemon Face: The Bulls’ bench
The quartet of Kyle Korver, John Lucas III, Taj Gibson and Omer Asik combined to shoot 6-for-23 and scored just 16 points in 54 minutes combined. Without Derrick Rose, the Bulls needed to get production from their role players, and these guys simply didn’t show up. Meanwhile, with Jermaine O’Neal sitting out, his backups Chris Wilcox and James Johnson combined for 23 points and 13 rebounds in 59 minutes played.
Lemon Face: The Pistons, all of them
They lost to the Wizards. By 21. At home. #FreeGregMonroe
Lion Face: JaVale McGee, Nick Young and John Wall
McGee put up 22 points on 13 shots and snagged 11 rebounds for his ninth double-double of the season. Young shot 8-for-13 and poured in 22 points. Wall was 1 point and 3 rebounds short of a triple-double and tallied 15 assists. He made several highlight reel plays and looked like he had some fun on a basketball court for the first time in a while. He had a few particularly nice dishes to McGee for high-flying dunks that we hadn’t seen in some time. This trio led Washington to just their second road win of the season.
Lion Face: LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh
I don’t have too much to say about this game because it was a truly terrible game to watch, but these guys had some nice round numbers to type up. LeBron had 23 points, 13 rebounds and 6 assists and was +26. Wade had 21 points, 5 rebounds and 3 assists and was +24. Bosh, despite a poor shooting day, still made an impact as he had 14 points and 16 rebounds and was +22.
Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images
Lemon Face: Me
For not watching enough of the Warriors-Rockets fame to properly determine who should get Lion Faces and Lemon Faces.
Lion Face: Al Jefferson
He was dominant inside against a Memphis team that has some strong inside presence as he went 10-17 on his way to 21 points, 15 rebounds and 4 assists. He also blocked 2 shots.
Lemon Face: The Grizzlies
For wearing those stupid Oakland A’s uniforms again. For letting Gordon Hayward drop 23 points. For turning it over 18 times. For not capitalizing on a rebounding and free throw shooting edge. For losing by double digits at home to a team that came in with a 2-7 record on the road.
30 is the sum of the first four squares, which makes it a square pyramidal number.
Everybody who had 30 points gets a Lion Face. Because it’s my post so I get to make the rules.
Lion Face: Dwight Howard
33 points, 14 rebounds. And a heartbreaking double-OT big nothin’ to show for it.
Lemon Face: Hanging onto your superstar til he walks and you have nothin’ to show for it.
Lion Face:John Wall
31 points on 10-19 shooting, 5 rebounds, 7 assists, 2 steals, 2 blocks and an OT W. Yessir, this is who we all hoped John Wall was.
Lion Face: Jerryd Bayless
30 points helped tremendously by 6-10 from the arc, 3 rebounds, 3 assists, and 2 steals. This is who Portland hoped Jerryd Bayless was.
Lion Face: Linas Kleiza
30 points on 11-16 shooting, 4-8 from 3, 5 rebounds, 1 assist, and a steal off of the bench.
Lemon Face: Making up for a 42-point first half and coming back from an 18-point deficit only to lose in overtime.
Linsanity Face Break
Lion Face: DeMarcus Cousins
Cousins came one bucket from the the pyramidal list and one rebound shy of a 20/20, dropping 28 and 19 in a rare Kings victory. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Lion Face: Kevin Durant
A career high field goal attempts proves to be enough of a boost to bury the Blazers in the Rose Garden. KD had 33 points, 7 rebounds, 5 assists, a steal and a block in the win.
Lion Face: LaMarcus Aldridge
Welcome to the All-Star game, LMA. 39 points on 50% from the field, a perfect 11-11 from the fee throw line, 6 rebounds, 3 assists, a steal and a block on national television should be enough to sway the fence sitters that he’s overdue for accolades.
Open scene in an apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Two friends sit on the couch watching the Puppybowl. Matt Damon: Hey Ben, what’s your favorite type of puppy?
Ben Affleck: Definitely a yellow lab.
Matt: You would say that.
Ben: What the hell does that mean?
Matt: Oh you know EXACTLY what it means!
Ben: Oh you’re never going to let this go, are you?
Matt: [silence]
Ben: ALRIGHT! OK! I’m sorry! Is that what you want to hear? I’m sorry! And I still love you! You’re my best friend, and you always will be. THERE. I said it, OK?
Matt: [choked up] That’s all I ever wanted you to say, Ben. Thank you. Ben and Matt hug. FIN
ONTO THE FACES!
Lion Face: Kevin Garnett, because he may actually be part lion Take it away, Celtics Hub:
Garnett had a throwback game tonight. He mixed it up by going hard to the basket, spotting up, and sprinkling in some nice turn-arounds in the post. Today was also his third consecutive game with a three. KG was so close to an A+ but he was one miss-timed jump away from a double-double so I had to keep it an A.
Lemon Face: The Miami Heat Offense I’ll let The Heat Index take this one:
You can go through a laundry list of possible excuses: It was an early tipoff; there’s a big football game later in the day; the short-handed Raptors won’t exactly get the competitive juices flowing. All that considered, it still doesn’t explain settling for perimeter jumpers as much as they did. The Heat got away with one. [Grade: C]
Lion Face: Oscar Robertson, still the holder of awesome records Tom Haberstroh, Heat Index Statistician Extraordinaire:
After 22 straight games, LeBron James’ streak of at least 15 points, 5 assists and 5 rebounds ended Sunday. Oscar Robertson still holds the record with 29 consecutive games.
Lemon Face: People who call KG old, who will now certainly be maimed Kevin?
I can shoot 3s. Everyone’s acting like I’m 50 and out here on one leg. I don’t shoot 3s because we have one of the all-time greatest 3-point shooters in the history of the league, we have Paul Pierce who has won 3-point contests, we have other guys who can shoot 3. That ain’t my role here. My role is to get those guys open and shoot it, dunk it, pass it, whatever to get us going. But, I can shoot 3s.
Lemon Face: Gisele Bundchen, which is ironic since she was being a lioness Her post-Superbowl comments:
My husband cannot [bleeping] throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time. I can’t believe they dropped the ball so many times.
Lion Face: Aberdeen, who should have won MVP Four touchdowns. FOUR! Unprecedented. Who’s a good pup? Who’s a good pup? Yes, you’re a good pup.
Lemon Face: Marc Gasol, who had some bad vibrations Looks like Marc-y Marc had a funky bunch of turnovers (7) and missed FGs (missed 9 out of 14). He did not have a funky bunch of rebounds (only 6). His -26 +/- rating was enough make the last season of Entourage look good.
Damon Affleck. Matthew Benjamin. These men are as excited for the Superbowl today as they were for the enormous slate of games played yesterday. See!!!
Lion Face: NICOLAS BATUUUUUUM
Career high in points (33). Career high in 3-pointers made (9). Portland wins by 20, putting the breaks on everyone’s obsessive back-patting of the post-Melo Nuggets.
Lemon Face: Former Coach of the Year and Current Kobe Bryant Plaything, Mike Brown
Relax, Mikey. Relax. Though as a Cavs fan, I should let Lakers fans know, Mike Brown tries to get himself ejected on purpose. It’s in his weird coaching bag of tricks. When he sees that his team needs a spark, he flips out. Hopefully the spark worked (in the long run). (Also, if the video didn’t do it already, skip to about 2:50.)
Lion Face: Jeremy Lin, tied for New York’s most favorite person with Victor Cruz
Easy buckets. Not so easy buckets. Hot hand. Big stage. Jeremy Lin gave Knicks fans something they’ve been looking for all season: a functional guard. 25 points on 10-19 shooting, 5 rebounds, 7 assists, and only 1 turnover. +13 on the night for Lin, +1000 in Knicks fans’ hearts for all eternity. (Sidenote/coincidence: Landry Fields was a -13 on the night. Hmm…)
Lemon Face: Weird, it’s the Wizards again. The game started off dunk for dunk in the first quarter, each team trading a basket. The District of CoLOBia had a few shining moments against LOB Angeles, but those pretty much ended with 5 minutes to go in the 1st quarter. The lead expanded to 7 and the Clippers never looked back. They were up over 30 points on the Wizards by the time the 4th quarter got going. The Shooting Guard Formerly Known as How U got the most burn last night he has had since being teased on twitter for being “hacked” this summer. Chris Paul, Chauncey Billups, Blake Griffin, and DeAndre Jordan sat for the entire 4th quarter. Mo Williams and Reggie Evans went ahead and abused the Wizards for the rest of the game. The Wizards are terrible, and they need a massive massive massive shake up. Otherwise, the only way they brush .500 is if they play the Bobcats for the rest of the season. And let’s be honest, that wouldn’t even guarantee it.
La visage du Lion: Tony Parker, qui a devenu l’homme avec le plus de passes aux autres Spurs dans l’histoire.
Bien fait, Tony. Bien fait.
Lemon Face: The NBA Champion Dallas Mavericks As much as I’m OK with the Mavs losing to the Cavs… guys. You JUST won a title. You can’t lose to a team that had the 2nd worse record in the league last year. I don’t care how good Kyrie and Andy are (note: yes, yes I do), you gotta take care of business on your way back to the playoffs. At least Delonte is still awesome.
Talked to Delonte West. He said he considers CLE fans not actually fans, but "his friends". Said it was great to come back & see his friends
Lion Face: Non All-Star All-Stars Kyrie Irving and Anderson Varejao With Andy back this season after being out most of last year with an injury, it’s basically like the Cavs got the two best picks in last year’s draft. This one-two punch has the Cavs sniffing a playoff seed after being the 2nd worst team in the league last year. Most Cavs fans would rather them not make the playoffs so that they could get a good lottery pick. But how can you be disappointed in your team as a fan when they’ve made THIS much progress in a year? And how can you not be excited for a premature playoff run when your #1 pick PG is playing better as a rookie than the previous #1 pick PGs from the past few drafts?
Lemon Face: Kevin Love, for breaking all our hearts by breaking Scola’s face Dude. Not cool. Oh come on, Kevin. How about instead of celebrating like a Generation X Wrestler, you go over and apologize to Luis before getting suspended, OK?
Lion Face: DeMarcus Cousins, with his post game Lamb Face
You’d think that a dude who just put up a monster 20/20 game and helped his team get a well-deserved overtime win would be a little more intense than that in the post-game interview, right? Who cares. Damn good show, Boogie.
Lemon Face: Hornets vs. Pistons and Bobcats vs. Suns Outjostling one another for lottery positioning, or cruel trick the NBA schedulers are playing on fans? You decide.
Lion Face: Michael Redd, for reminding us all that he’s alive 17 points on 6-12 shooting (including 4-7 threes) in 23 minutes. And he started! I, personally, would love if Michael Redd were to be good again. With the era of the PG full in place, I feel as though the league needs a few more solid SGs roaming around, scoring baskets at will.
In a game where the Nuggets thoroughly destroyed the Clippers in the second half, Gallo showcased the kind of all around game that earned him a 4-year, $42 million contract extension. He scored 21 points on just 10 shots (he made 7), knocked down 5 three-pointers, grabbed 6 rebounds and dished out 4 assists. He was also a game-high +24 in 29 minutes of play.
Lemon Face: Chauncey Billups and Caron Butler
On the other side of the court, another former Knick in Chauncey Billups did not fare as well. Mr. Pull-up-Jump-Shot went 2-for-9 from the field, 2-for-7 from three and had just 3 assists. He struggled defensively and Randy Foye stole a bunch of his minutes. Butler didn’t fare much better. He was 5-for-14 from the field and scored just 11 points. He was one of the primary defenders on Gallinari, who had a terrific game.
Lion Face: Rudy Gay, Marc Gasol, Tony Allen, Mike Conley, Dante Cunningham, O.J. Mayo
These 6 guys combined for 83 of the Grizzlies’ 96 points. Cunningham was last among the group with a +17 plus/minus on the evening. Cunningham managed to score 8 points, grab 12 boards and dish out 3 assists. Gasol had a double-double. Conley had 15 points, 3 rebounds, 6 assists and 4 steals. Gay added 6 rebounds, 3 assists and 3 steals to his 21 points. Allen had 18, 6 and 4 and Mayo chipped in 18, 4, 4, and 2 steals off the bench. The other 6 Grizzlies who played were led by Quincy Pondexter’s -5 plus/minus.
Lemon Face: Joe Johnson
Johnson really struggled against the Grizzlies’ tough perimeter defense. He just couldn’t get anything going. He finished the game with just 10 points on 4-for-10 shooting and had just 4 rebounds and 1 assist. He continued his recent hot and cold streak and his scoring totals in the previous 5 games were 30, 9, 30, 10 and 26.
Lion Face: Derrick Rose
Rose was simply unstoppable in Chicago’s 3 point win over the Knicks. Neither Iman Shumpert or Toney Douglas could do much to contain him, as Rose got into the lane pretty much at will for his patented array of runners and floaters. His forays into the paint opened up easy opportunities for Joakim Noah, Carlos Boozer and Kyle Korver all night. He dished 13 assists, most of them off dribble penetration or setting up Korver coming off a screen. Rose also freed himself up for some mid-range jumpers and hit a couple of threes on his way to 32 points. He had a few highlight reel plays, including a nifty spinning lefty layup around Amar’e Stoudemire.
I gave STAT the full CAPS LOCK treatment there because that was the first time all season we’ve seen the real AMAR’E STOUDEMIRE. The guy who deserves his Standing Tall And Talented moniker. He was dunking everywhere, hitting his mid-range jumper and even beating guys off the dribble. He even kept his turnovers to a minimum tonight, giving the rock away just one time. He finished the evening with a season-high 34 points, marking the first time all year he topped 25. What was extremely encouraging was the amount of times he got the ball of the pick-and-roll. Much has been made in the first third of the season about the lack of roll man opportunities for one of the best finishers in the game, and the Knicks made a concerted effort to get him the ball that way today. They had to be practically forced into it by two early Tyson Chandler fouls, but it happened, and it worked. Hopefully they realize this and it will happen more often in the future. The Knicks also added a new wrinkle I haven’t seen much of this year; the main action was a Carmelo Anthony-Tyson Chandler pick-and-roll, only instead of Amar’e coming in behind the play for a jumper, he made a V-cut back toward the middle of the lane and got an easy lay-up.
Lemon Face: Toney Douglas
New rule: If you are Toney Douglas, you are never allowed to try a one-handed pass again.
Toney Douglas threw the single worst pass in the history of basketball. I’ve honestly never seen anything like it. And that was just the beginning of his horrid night. He was torched by – I swear – C.J. Watson when he was in the game, threw a couple more absolutely atrocious passes that resulted in turnovers and missed just about every conceivable kind of shot. The offense came to a complete halt when he came in to run the show, and D’Antoni had to resort to playing starter Iman Shumpert 39 minutes on the first night of a back-to-back-to-back. Douglas is just lost; his confidence is totally shot and he has no idea what he’s doing right now. Just two years ago he looked like he’d be a quality rotation player, but a regression into a shell in the offensive end and a shoulder surgery that sapped him of his effectiveness on defense have rendered him utterly useless.
Lion Face: Tim Duncan and Tony Parker
Just a few days ago I gave a Lion Face to the Spurs’ bench and mentioned how weird it was to see Duncan and Parker on the bench for the entire fourth quarter and overtime. I, like others, felt that Gregg Popovich made the right call because the bench guys earned the right to be out there and Duncan and Parker were the kind of stars that wouldn’t be affected by Pop’s decision. The Spurs have won 3 in a row since. Duncan and Parker combined for 37 points on 14-for-23 shooting. Duncan slapped up a 19 and 9 in just 22 minutes of play. He also had 2 steals and a block. Parker chipped in with 18 points, 5 rebounds and 7 assists.
Lion Face: Stephen Curry, Monta Ellis and Davis Lee
The Warriors’ blowout win over the Jazz was powered by their 3 best players, who all had monster games. Curry went for 29 points on 10-for-14 from the field, grabbed 5 rebounds and dished 12 assists. Ellis had 33 points on 13-for-21 from the field, 4 rebounds, 2 assists and 3 steals. Lee had 23 points and 14 rebounds, including 8 offensive. All told, they combined for 85 points on 32-for-56 from the field, 23 rebounds and 16 assists. They were a combined +52 on the night.
Lemon Face: The Blazers
Why can’t these guys win a road game? They dropped to 3-9 away from the Rose Garden and blew another 4th quarter lead.
Sorry. I wanted to talk about how a certain shooting guard went off for 21 points last night, but the website literally forced me to post this video before I could do anything else:
Good on you, KenPerk, for attempting to stop that. But you are not Perkley, the Shammgodly combination of Charles Oakley and Ken Perkins that exists in my imagination. You are mortal, and Blake Griffin can do that to you.
Lion Face: Derrick Rose
No big deal. 35 points on 20 field goal attempts, eight assists, three blocks. Apparently Rose thinks obliterating entire teams is more fun than obliterating one scowling player.
Kendrick Perkins Face: the Orlando Magic
Two things here, Orlando. First, the league was a lot more fun when it seemed like you were a good team capable of challenging the Heat and Bulls in the playoffs if everything went your way. I don’t want to overreact to a handful of games, so I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt for now, but knock it off. Immediately.
Second, your little quarter-season swoon made it a lot harder to defend the Sixers as a legitimate team (whatever that phrase means; it’s the question people ask all the time). Getting a win against the Magic meant something two weeks ago. Now? Not so much.
Lion Face: Chris Paul
Blake Griffin played well, too; let the video above stand as testament to everything he did last night. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t recognize the game that CP3 had as well. 26 points and 14 assists? Yeah, you’re getting a Lion Face.
Kendrick Perkins Face: James Harden
Part of the reason Paul went off the way he did was the absence of Thabo Sefolosha, due to a foot injury. Harden started in Thabo’s place and provided little of his signature offensive creativity and playmaking. Without Sefolosha’s perimeter defense, the Thunder were depending on ThunderBeard coming through on the offensive end, at least. Failure to do so resulted in the following:
The Hornets put up a good fight, but the Heat can take a lot of damage before coming back and putting an opponent out of their misery. It helps when your nominal small forward can tie for the game-high in points scored, assists dished and rebounds grabbed – and have it come away as a disappointment, because he fell two assists shy of a triple-double.
The poor, poor Heat.
Kendrick Perkins Face: Blazers guards
Jamal Crawford had the best performance of anyone in Portland’s backcourt against the Jazz. Yeah, that Jamal Crawford.
Or maybe it was Raymond Felton; after all, Crawford outscored Felton, but he also had way more turnovers and fewer assists.
Felton might have performed better than Crawford last night, so at least the Blazers have that going for them. Oh, and they have LaMarcus Aldridge, which is definitely nice. Focus on that, Blazers fans. Ignore the trainwreck in the backcourt. It’ll get better, I promise. I hope.
Lion Face: Michael Beasley
34 points for Michael Beasley last night, and he only missed four total shots – because apparently we live in a universe where that’s a thing that happens.
The Memphis starters were 14-for-46 from the field as a group and couldn’t keep Kawhi Leonard off of the offensive glass. The scoring woes for the Grizzlies continued, to the point that the Spurs shot just 40% from the field themselves and still managed a double-digit victory.
What a great slate of games they gave us yesterday.
Lion Face: LeBron James
For most of the day, LeBron had “one of those games” where he just had everything working for him. He was ferociously throwing down dunks all over the place, getting to the line and generally controlling the flow of the game. He made several highlight reel plays, as you can see above, and he was pretty much rolling. Then came the disastrous last few minutes where he had one of the weirdest turnovers I’ve ever seen, bricked a colossally forced fade-away 20-footer and missed a pair of what should have been game icing free throws. When it was all over though, he still had 31 points, 11 rebounds, 5 assists and a win over the team with the best record in the Eastern Conference. And he rode his bike to the game, too.
Lemon Face: Dwyane Wade
Wade struggled from the field all day and finished 4-for-16 for 15 points. He seemed to be forcing the issue entirely too much, and looking for contact that never came on many of his drives. He made up for that in the first half with 7 assists, but didn’t have any after half-time. It was not Wade’s best day, to say the least.
Lion Face: Derrick Rose
Though he went just 11-for-28 from the field, Rose put on an extremely impressive offensive display. He was the first player this season to crack the 30-point barrier against the Heat and even though they were crowding the lane in order to better challenge Rose’s floaters and runners, he still managed to make a few “HOW IN THE WORLD DID THAT GO IN????” type shots. He, too, bricked a couple of free throws down the stretch, but he didn’t really deserve to be at the line in the first place because he didn’t get fouled. Ball don’t lie. Rose also kicked in 6 rebounds and 6 assists and took 14 trips to the line.
Lemon Face: The officiating at the end of the Bulls/Heat Game
Good lord that was some terrible refereeing. They botched the Rose call, called Wade out of bounds when he wasn’t and subsequently couldn’t figure out how to proceed the play from there and let Rose get away with a charge on his game-tying attempt. And this was all just in the last 30 or 40 seconds. It was not pretty.
Lemon Face: Carlos Boozer
When your son is at the game chanting, “Let’s Go Heat!” and you’re not on the Heat, you get a Lemon Face. Every time.
Lion Face: Pacers’ bench
Indiana got 42 of their 106 points from non-starters, let by George Hill’s 16 points on 9 shots. Hill also chipped in with 6 rebounds, 4 assists and a steal, and he was a +16 in 25 minutes. Every one of their bench guys scored except for Lance Stephenson. Lou Amundson made all 4 of his shots and grabbed 5 rebounds. Tyler Hansbrough had 7 points and 5 boards and was a +17 in 21 minutes. Meanwhile, the Magic bench scored just 16 total points and every player had a negative plus/minus except for Von Wafer, who was even in 3 minutes.
Lemon Face: Orlando Magic
This team is pretty much self-destructing. They’ve now lost 4 out of their last 5 including two at home. Dwight Howard is talking about how changes need to be made. Stan Van Gundy is dropping truth bombs. And all of a sudden, the Magic can’t score. They’ve failed to crack 95 points in each of their 4 losses in the last 5 after doing so in 6 of their previous 8 games. They have a rough patch of schedule coming up as well, as they travel to Philly before hosting Washington and Cleveland, head to Indiana for a night and then the Clippers, Heat and Hawks at home. This is all in the next 12 days. Yikes.
Lion Face: Kyrie Irving and the Cavaliers
The Cavs scored the last 12 points over the final 4:24 of the game and secured a 1 point win over the Celtics. Irving had 8 fourth-quarter points and the game-winner. The kid is legit, and the only reason he’s not a runaway Rookie of the Year favorite is the Ricky Rubio hype machine. Irving’s not just a future star, he’s a present one. Recognize.
Lemon Face: Overtime in the Spurs-Mavs game
That was super-ugly.
Lion Face: Tiago Splitter, Danny Green, Gary Neal, James Anderson and Matt Bonner
This lineup entered the game with 2:44 to go in the third quarter and played together for all but 11 seconds for the remainder of the game. They were +15 in that stretch, 16-point deficit into a miraculous near-win. If Green had let go of a shot about 0.0001 earlier at the end of regulation, the “near” wouldn’t be necessary. It was so bizarre to see Tim Duncan and Tony Parker sitting on the bench for the entire fourth quarter and overtime, but these guys earned the right to be out there with their play.
Lion Face: Vince Carter and Jason Terry
That was Vince Carter’s best game in so long that I can’t even pick out a specific game to reference as his last really good game. He had 21 points on 8-for-15 from the field in 31 minutes, and also added 3 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 steal and 1 block in his 31 minutes of play. He played good defense (!) down the stretch and smothered the ball on the game’s last possession. Bravo. As for Terry, he was a cold-blooded killer. Included in his 34 points were the game-tying jumper in regulation and the game-winner in overtime. He was 14-for-23 from the floor and carried the primary scoring load as Dirk Nowitzki struggled in his return from injury.
Lemon Face: Timberwolves other than Kevin Love, Nikola Pekovic and Michael Beasley
Love, Pekovic and Beasley were a combined 25-for-45, or 55.5%, from the field and they also collectively grabbed 34 of the Wolves’ 52 rebounds. On the other hand, Wesley Johnson, Luke Ridnour, Ricky Rubio, Brad Miller, Martell Webster, Wayne Ellington, Anthony Randolph and Derrick Williams combined to shoot 15-for-59, or 25.4%.
Lion Face: Kobe Bryant
Passed Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as the Lakers’ all-time leader in field goals made, scoring on 14 of his 29 field goals en route 35 points in a 5 point win over the Timberwolves. He also snatched more rebounds – 14 – than Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum combined. He hit 5 threes and several preposterously difficult runners in the lane, including one late in the game to seal the victory.
Lion Face: Chauncey Billups
In his first game back in Denver after being sent to the Knicks last February, Chauncey poured in 32 points on just 20 shots. He hit 6 threes and had a pretty awesome and-one in the fourth.
MATT DAMON. BEN AFFLECK. LIONS. LEMONS. BAR FIGHTS.
Lion Face: Boston Celtics
The Celtics somehow came back from the dead without both Rajon Rondo and Ray Allen and overcame a 27-point deficit to beat the Magic by double digits. The went on a 44-16 run to end the game, and only one lineup they used in the second half had a negative plus/minus rating. Boston held the Magic to 83 points on 38.0% shooting for the game, with just 25 of those points coming in the second half. THEY GAVE UP SEVEN POINTS IN THE FOURTH QUARTER! This was a galvanizing win for a team that needed one in the worst way.
Lemon Face: Orlando Magic
Shot Chart via ESPN
The Magic wilted under the pressure of a stingy Celtics defense in the second half. They shot 6-for-17 in the third quarter and followed that up by going an embarrassing 2-for-17 in the fourth. They let a 27-point lead disappear and came away with nothing to show for it. They had no answers once they Celtics started getting up inside them and they let it get under their skin. It really looked like this team self-destructed in the second half, and it could wind up being a sign of things to come. Worst of all, they gave the Celtics life when they could have put them in the ground. Nope, wait. The worst part is Dwight Howard says they have to “change.” Read that however you like, friends.
Lion Face: E’Twaun Moore
The rookie from Purdue had the best game of his young career, pouring in 16 points on in 18 minutes on just 6 shots. He went 4-for-4 from three and the Celtics were plus-27 while we was on the court. He and Avery Bradley spent a lot of time pressuring ball-handlers in the second half and they were able to throw Orlando off their rhythm.
Lemon Face: Dwight Howard
The Magic built their big lead with their big man on the bench with foul trouble. Once he came back in, everything started to fall apart. He was a game-low minus-25, and the next lowest man on the team had a minus-9 rating. Dwight blocked zero shots for just the second time all season. And in the fourth quarter he was physically dominated by…
Lion Face: Kevin Garnett
Garnett, for the second time this week, looked quite good against the Magic. He bodied up Dwight Howard in one of the most physical match-ups of the season so far. He repeatedly moved Dwight off his spot, wouldn’t let him catch the ball and frustrated him to the point that you could tell Howard was going to mentally check out. He slapped up 12 points, 10 rebounds, 4 assists, 3 steals and 4 blocks. He blocked 3 shots and recorded 2 steals in the third quarter alone. The Celtics were plus-23 while he was on the court and minus-12 in the 13 minutes he was off. And then after the game he caught up with TNT’s Craig Sager…
That one is going in the pantheon of KG post game interviews. He drops “bar fight” 8 times in the first 18 seconds, forgets Craig is doing an interview, claims Doc Rivers has never told him anything untrue, congratulates Ray Allen on the birth of his child and says the phrase “we was down whatever we was down.” This is the stuff of legends.
The Grizzlies, in their yellow jerseys and green shorts, really did look like the old-timey Oakland Athletics out there. Those things were just straight up unruly.
Lion Face: The Clippers Buffalo Braves Los Angeles Stars (h/t to our own Curtis Harris) Throwbacks
These Clippers jerseys are way better than their usual uniforms.
The Clips throwbacks, on the other hand, looked great. I’m a sucker for the powder blues.
Lemon Face: O.J. Mayo
OJAM was looking for his own shot wayyyy too much, especially in the second half. I’m not sure he passed the ball once after halftime. He finished the game 5-for-17 from the field and 3-for-8 from three and scored just 14 points on those shots. He had but one assist on the game and the two guys he spent most of the game guarding combined for 35 points on 26 shots.
