“Let the poets write that he had the tools of greatness, but the voices of his better angels were shouted down by his obsessive need to win.”-Toby Ziegler, ‘The West Wing’
Inspired by and blatantly ripped off from EDSBS, with permission.
NBA blog of the day: Free Darko
The star of Canada is from Dallas and the star of Phoenix is from Canada.
Okay.
Your opening preview is by Rob Mahoney.
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The Raptors are tricky. Not because the team is that difficult to understand or because they completely changed their roster in the off-season (although the addition of Jermaine O’Neal is a pretty big splash). No, the reason why the Raptors are so hard to write about is because of bloggers. You may or may not be aware of this, but 99% of NBA bloggers live in Canada. Okay, okay, but there are seriously tons of them. And those maple syrup-loving Mounties are just waiting for an excuse to critique my spelling of Roko Ukic’s name (Ha! Triple checked for safety!). So, I’ve found that the best strategy when writing about the Raptors is either to be incredibly cryptic or to be completely objective. I don’t mean try to be as objective as possible, I’m talking completely undisputable statements. Thus begins a Completely Objective Toronto Raptors Preview:
Projected Reco—ERROR. ERROR: CANNOT COMPUTE SUBJECTIVE PREDICTIONS. ERROR CODE: SUBJ141
(…It’s 48-34 though, good for 6th in the East and 3rd in the Atlantic)
The Toronto Raptors assimilated Jermaine O’Neal in exchange for the excommunication of Terrance Jerod Ford, Radoslav Nesterovic, and a first round draft pick in the National Basketball Association Draft of the year 2008 A.D.
The aforementioned trade changes the composition of the team.
The aforementioned trade adds a player who has averaged 1.9 blocks over the course of his career.
The aforementioned trade…will change everything. ERROR, ERROR, ERROR.
You know what? Screw the machine. I’m ready to talk Raptors.
Let’s talk Jermaine O’Neal: the guy is a defensive standout, a fact that was largely overlooked by solid scoring averages and a nice midrange game. He comes to a team that really struggled on the boards and in defending the low post. How is this not a match made in heaven? Chris Bosh needs a buddy to draw some attention away from him and Jermaine can do just that. The team needs interior defense and better production from the center position, and Jermaine can definitely take care of that. And Jermaine needs a place where he can take his shot at redemption after an injury-plagued, miserable ending in Indiana. Check.
Chris Bosh is awesome. Period. He can score, he hits the boards, he puts in consistent effort, he doesn’t complain but he still seems authentic. This guy is a franchise player, and if you’re not mentioning him whenever you mention LeBron, Carmelo, and Wade, something is wrong with you. The Raptors cashed in big from that #4 spot, and the cashed in big. Keep doing your thing, Chris; not everyone’s going to love you, but I will. Oh, and if you happen to get some fan mail with some umm, different photos of a young looking guy lying in bed shirtless with candles in the background, it’s definitely not me. B-but, a friend of mine t-told me he sent it to you. Hehe…what a loser, right?
The problem is, the Raptors don’t have the depth or the quality at the wing positions to warrant being called a contender. They will certainly make the playoffs and do so in style, but look at this bench: Bargs, Kapono, Kris Humphries, Hassan Adams, Joey Graham, Nathan Jawai (Ed. Note: Jawaibberwocky!), Jamal Sampson, Will Solomon, Roko Ukic. No, this is not a cruel, cruel joke. In terms of minutes per game for last season, the Raps lost Carlos Delfino (6th on the team), T.J. Ford (7th on the team), Nesterovic (8th on the team), Juan Dixon (11th on the team), and others towards the bottom of the list. That’s three solid rotation players and reliable contributors that have suddenly been transformed into just one productive player. It’s going to show. Delfino did a lot for this team last year, and he will be missed. Or at least, he should be. Toronto doesn’t really have a way to replace his production at the moment, so they’ll be relying on internal improvement (particularly from Bargnani and Moon).
This team is certainly good, and I know that most NBA minds have been saying that they were just one piece away from contending for some time now. But they’re still a piece away. Maybe they’ll grab some bench contributors in mid-season free agency or in some sort of trade, but until they do they’re slotted for a low seed and a tough match-up against an Eastern Conference powerhouse.
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VISION BY ROB MAHONEY
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Go Canada’s team! If you are a Canadian like me, you have to love the Raptors. It’s that simple. For all of you out there who don’t happen to live in this fine country, there are still lots of reasons to root for the Raptors. To start of the list we’ve got Chris Bosh, who kind of looks like a dinosaur. Bosh is the franchise player every team gets to be envious of. Or, at least his attitude is. He doesn’t complain, whine, moan or ever get into trouble, he’s an angel in the world of the NBA. And, he’s also pretty funny. Besides Bosh, we’ve got Jose Calderon who is, I’m convinced of it, the nicest guy in the entire league. Check him out at halftime, he’s the guy walking around the locker room handing out Gatorades to his teammates. He’s an assist guy for real. If you like the underdog, then there is Jamario Moon, who had bounced around the world before finding a home in Toronto and if you like foreign action, check Andrea Bargnani (when he’s not making you pull out your hair) and Roko Ukic. International hoops your thing? Check Will Soloman or Nathan Jawaii. If you like snarky quotes and sharp dressers, look no further than Coach Sam Mitchell and if you want excitement, check out a game at the ACC. Canadians love their Raptors and you should, too. Oh yeah, Kris Humphries looks like a preppy hockey boy when he has hair, another reason to love them.
Less Cursing. Yeah, doesn’t sound like the most sound reason to hate a team. Well, if you think that, then F–k you. Because, the last thing that this Raptors team needs is less muthaf*cking cursing. Sam Mitchell, head potty mouth in charge, stated over this summer that he will leave the cursing out of his coaching this year. Oh hell, Sam, this ain’t separation of church and state. This is coaching…GD it. How are you gonna get your point across in the clearest way possible if you are direct and pointed with your curse words. And now, I don’t mean of that French cursing, sacre blue! I’m talking about good ole’ American, straight shootin‘, root and tootin‘, fresh and fruity MUTHA-FRAPPIN‘ cursing.
I mean, really, how you do expect to get Chris Bosh to stop making all those awesome videos and work on post defense without belittling his manhood in front of the entire crowd? You really think Jason Kapono is going to traipse inside the arch unless you make him cry from constantly calling him things we can’t even write here in the blogosphere. Does Jermaine O’Neal even know English words besides profanity? And we all want you to tell Calderon where to stick it. It? Well, anything. Stick it there and stick it hard, you Spanish (el expletivo)!
If you want to try and coddle your team, to speak eloquently, to gentle urge them towards playing a tighter zone defense, more ball reversals on the perimeter, better defensive rebound positioning and better ball security, you can certainly do that with a fresh, clean (call me when you get to this point, I need to discuss something with you). Just like all the WNBA coaches do (well, except Lambier). But if you want to be a real man, like Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy, then you will f*cking curse. And, if you don’t, you can go to hell. With your team. Right after you get the 5 seed and lose to the Sixers. Damnit!
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It makes sense that the O’Neal-Bosh tandem would gel first of the new twin tower pairs around the league. Both are veterans, both are smart, and both want to succeed very badly. The only problem is that the difference between the two may not be enough to create anything of appreciable difference. For a tandem like that, you need lightning and thunder, boulder and glacier, P-Diddy and Jimmy Page (or not). This is more like Nestle Quick and Ovaltine. Yeah, they’re different, but it’s still the same thing.
You ever think every time management or coaches come by to talk to Kapono about his play he just slides them a paper with Miami’s record from last year circled on it, smiles, and then walks away? Me too.
No pressure, Jose. Seriously. Nooo pressure.
If the Raptors have any soul at all they will send Jawai to the D-League so I can write about him as if he were a folk hero.
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA (AP) — The Los Angeles Lakers have confirmed that they plan to waive and subsequently execute forward Josh Powell. Team sources refused to comment on whether the team’s intentions are related to an injury to Kobe Bryant caused by a collision with Powell during a preseason game.
“It’s unfortunate, man, but this is a business,” said Laker forward Lamar Odom. “You’ve gotta just gotta roll with the punches sometimes. It sucks to see that happen to a teammate, but life goes on…well, for the rest of us, I mean.”
Team captain Kobe Bryant was unavailable for comment after the game, but reportedly responded to Powell during the game by saying “MY KNEE! MY KNEE! YOU RAT [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]-LICKING MOTHER [expletive deleted] SON OF A [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted].”
Powell, as per a contract in his clause, will be able to choose his method of execution. Rumors indicate that he may be leaning towards being drawn and quartered after authorities offered clarification to discourage his initial choice, being “stoned to death.”
League officials could not be reached for comment on how a player’s execution would impact the Laker’s salary cap situation.
Somewhere in our process of dealing with previews, Trey Kerby got a bug up his ass. Apparently he didn’t catch on to the fact that we actually harbor an affection for the Wolves. His “I have too many day job meetings” glass-half-empty preview is up first.
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The best thing that happened to the Minnesota Timberwolves franchise last year was Kevin Garnett winning a title. Seriously. Number two on the list is that they didn’t end the season with the worst record in the NBA. Third; Gerald Green rocked the dunk contest. To say Minnesota is a struggling team would be an understatement.
Things aren’t getting better this year.
The roster is an exercise in redundancy. There’s the Husky Guys (Jefferson, Love, Smith, Madsen, Gomes). There is the Guards Who Don’t Really Have a Position (Foye, McCants, Brewer). There is the Guards Who Shouldn’t See the Court (Telfair, Ollie, Ahearn) (Editor’s Note: Now, you’ve crossed the line, Kerby). There’s the Wastes of Space (Booth, Cardinal, Jason Collins). And there’s Mike Miller. Yes, there is some talent, but there’s definitely not a specific group of players who can be counted on to produce consistently. Furthermore, it’s a little hard to even tell who should stick around for the rebuilding. Outside of Jefferson, Love, and Foye, this roster is expendable. (Miller is, but only due to his age.)
However, at the very least, this team could be enjoyable. Kevin Love’s outlet passes are magnificent. Al Jefferson is really, really good. Mike Miller is criminally underrated. Randy Foye is good. Ideally, this team would play a slightly up-tempo style, but still allow Jefferson and Love to post-up. Not only would this be fun, but it also makes the most sense. Miller’s game will become so much more potent if the Wolves’ inside duo garners the respect they deserve. Conversely, the addition of Miller means more space for those two.
So there you have it Wolves fans: your team will be bad this year, but if you’re lucky, they might be fun. It’s not a promising outlook, but it’s better than another year of watching your franchise’s heart and soul win a title with another team. Unless, of course, your franchise’s heart and soul wins another title. At least you’ve got those new uniforms.
Eesh.
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What’s odd is in a lot of ways this team reminds me of the Indians from Major League. A bunch of players that have been cast off and that no one believes in. A general manager that seems to make decisions that are actually bad for the team. The scary part? Mark Madsen is Tom Berenger in this scenario. Mike Miller is Corben Bernsen. And Rashad McCants as Willie Mays Hays!
No?
Okay, then just imagine Kevin Love with “Wild Thing” shaved into his head and glasses. Go ahead. Do it. You’ll be a better person for it.
This is all without the Harbinger. Oh, Al Jefferson. Where once you were the failed Boston savior, we now see you as the next step in Big Man Evolution. Jefferson’s fascinating in that he can be dormant for large parts of games, slumbering. And then he awakens, and it’s like the Kraken opening its eyes and flexing its tentacles. From there, doom is not far behind.
The moment I really started to take notice and believe in this team was that last second loss to the Celtics. You know, the one where they took them down to the wire, a lottery-slump against the best team in the league. And somehow, they took them to the wire, only to fall and have Garnett rep his jersey in their faces. There’s something in this team, though. Something uppity. Something rambunctious. And something that could turn into something special given time and the right combination.
Kevin “my uncle is a GD Beach Boy” Love. Alright, let’s be honest. Kevin Love is a mascot parading in a power forward’s body. Not only will be prove to be absolutely incapable of playing next to Al Jefferson (and if not on offense all the time, the positively on defense), he will end up being this year’s Jeff Green. Yeah, that’s right – the #1 recent argument about drafting for a team vs. drafting the best available player. I mean, damn, if Presti can’t get it right, why should McFail?
But really, let’s think about Love for a second. I refuse to even consider him the Great White Hope. They say this about every overly ball skilled, sufficiently under-athleticized white guy to come into the league. If they ain’t European, it ain’t happening. Must be something in the outrageously expensive food over there. But I digress. I understand WHY people love Love the way they do, why he is a great face of a franchise, why he is mesmerizing. But I am here to tell you – Shut the F-K Up. If Kevin Love were playing back up to KG on a great Boston squad, like Leon Powe or Glen Davis, he would be messianic. Instead, he will be outright despondent. Minny will be cold, both in weather and fan ferocity, ill managed and accepting of their failures. And Love, with all his ferocity (get it, Timber-wolvian), skills, outlet passing prowess and offensive repertoire will still be a giant vat of suck for most of the year.
And, in the effort of justifying my suck-titude, I give you this scenario. Jefferson at the 5, Love at the 4. I mean, really. If you understand anything about basketball, please send me an email and justify how this will possibly work. No, I don’t mean for 2-3 minute stretches, but to actually help the Wolves win games. In fact, save your time – cause it won’t. If all you need is love, then let me bring the hate. Cause this kid, even though he may try hard, scrap, wear a chin strap and make full court outlet passes, but that doesn’t mean he is the next McHale – even if that moron traded for him.
(FWIW – I love Love and hope he is awesome. And, I wouldn’t mind it if he ate Bassy Telfair. The world would be a more just place. So, if ball doesn’t work out for Love, maybe you can become a judge. I can totally see that happening. Also, Corey Brewer has sex with chickens.)
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AN OVERTURE REGARDING THE MOST OVERHYPED PASS BY A WHITE MAN IN THIRTY YEARS.
Okay, the time has come for me to explain how I became a Kevin Love Outlet Pass Apostle.
Trust me. I started out like you. I got to Summer League and asked someone who’d been there about Love. “Oh, man, you gotta see his outlet pass.” Whatever. I’d heard the same thing before. Who gives a crap about an outlet pass? How often is he going to get to use it? Is he even going to get a chance in the NBA? If that’s all the kid has, he’s ruined.
I settled into my seat to watch Love for the first time and yawned intentionally as he took the floor.
“Okay, here we go. Oh, okay, so he’s got some nice touch around the basket. Allright, so he’s got excellent body size and knowledge of where he’s at on the floor. Wow, okay, so he’s a little tougher than I thought he was. Looks pretty good. Looks very good.”
And then he snatched a rebound on the left block, swiveled, and did it. It’s not that I’ve never seen a better pass. I’ve seen tons of better passes. But it was just the unique nature of this pass. It rocketed so fast and so far I was certain he’d overthrew him. So did his point guard, who accelerated to catch up with it. Except something weird happened on its trajectory. All of a sudden, right where the guard was running, the thing dropped. Plummeted like it had hit an invisible barrier and plunked right down into the guard’s hands. He had to pull up a bit to catch it. If he hadn’t speeded up, it would have landed right in his hand in motion.
It was one of those weird moments where everyone stands and stares. The crowd cheered the dunk, but really, it was the pass.
Love just shifted back to his man and started defending again.
Love’s outlet pass isn’t going to revolutionize the game, or make him an All-Star. He’s going to slump early, as he’s doing now in preseason, trying to learn the speed of the game. Maybe he’ll turn it around, maybe he won’t. But if he gets to use that pass, it’ll become an NBA quirk. Like a weird halftime show or the drumline at Mavs games. That’s how good it is.
Weird, I know.
Your opening preview is by Matt Moore. He does not apologize for the length of this preview.
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(Curtain.)
This world operates within the context of a linear time scale. Nearly everything is linear. Particularly within the concept of ‘value.’
“It gets better with age.”
“Time heals all wounds.”
“Experience is the key to unlock the door of potential.”
“I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger.”
There is a direct relationship with how we view something’s worth in relationship to its age or term of existence. A brilliant show that is on a single season will not be as widely regarded as “Everybody Loves Raymond.” The White Stripes put together five years of the musical equivalent of ballistic missilery but they’ll be forgotten if the Raconteurs manage a longer, more stable term of existence. We have to view everything through the long term.
Additionally, we’re a results-oriented society. The Wizards were better than the Hawks last year. Why? They won more games. Likewise the Rays are currently better than all but one team in baseball. These may be true, but think about the phrasing itself. Better. What makes the NBA unique, and I’m not breaking any ground here, is how much the true junkies are able to appreciate flawed, if not outright bad, basketball. You want proof of how far this paradigm has come? Wait about 21 days. (Review is forthcoming, here’s a snippet: It’s good.)
So what do we have when we accept these things? We note that for the most part, a young, inexperienced basketball team with a history of failure will be nothing more than an afterthought, a punchline, widely regarded as the worst team in the league, ridiculed, and overlooked. We also recognize that if you look deeper, it’s possible to find such things within the context of the team that transcend wins and losses, and if your mind leaps to more realistic, pragmatic, and linear perceptions, you’ll find things that speak to a certain element of potential, of possibility, and even may hold, for short bursts of time, the one word with which I keep coming back to when I think of the 2008-2009 Memphis Grizzlies.
Dangerous.
There is a team borne not of passion and pride, but experimentation and wonderment. It was not crafted from established veterans who know the fundamentals and know how to play the game ‘the right way.’ It has not been tempered by experience nor refined by execution. It is raw, it is unheralded, it is oblique, and it is bizarre. This team is the creature that has been put into a new world, and does not understand anything around it. It cannot comprehend the things that seek to harm it nor the rudimentary survival tactics that would shield it from said harm. This team is a fang-toothed pterodactyl left upon the ground, it’s mother slain by the great bluish purple and golden Allosaur that stalks away in search of its next meal. It knows not where or even how to fly, it only knows that it’s cold, it’s wet, and all these big things keep trying to kill it.
Yet, unlike it’s slower, more under-evolved competitor, the Thunder, this animal has fangs. It has wings. It’s claws are short but sharp, and somewhere, deep within its psyche is the complex system of self-defense, and even the capability to evolve into something wholly greater.
This thing can kill.
Why do I say this, when so many simply look at its age and scoff? Because I am an unabashed Grizzlies supporter? Well, yes. But also because I spend enough time obsessing over this roster to contemplate it’s meaningfulness. The same meaningfulness I find lacking in the Oklahoma City Thunder.
It starts with Rudy Gay. The Grizzlies are blessed with a wunderkind who’s actually shown he can actually put the work in, nearly garnering Most Improved Player honors last year. Gay’s got the combination of skills you can build around, particularly with a team that can run like Iavaroni’s can. Gay is disciplined, talented, and capable of shouldering the load. He’s ready to be the franchise player. His ability to diversify his offense and maintain focus will be what will cause fluctuations. In order to win, this team needs Gay to be 100% for 40 minutes a night. That’s just not going to happen with a young player (hardly any player). That’s one of the reasons they’ll lose. But there will also be times in close games when he’ll create that look on his opponents’ faces. The head-shake smirk that says “Damn. Kid can ball.”
I’m a big believer that you can’t win in this league unless you have either exceptional talent or exquisite depth in the backcourt. The Grizzlies have a little bit of both. Mike Conley showed up for camp with more muscle, a better shot, a sophomore’s mindset, and a leadership chip to cash in. Conley seems to instinctively understand his role here. At Ohio State, he was Greg Oden’s sidekick. Here, he’s meant to be the floor general. The guy who puts his team in the position to win. Turnovers are always the death of young point guards. But Conley seems to grasp the key concepts better than others. He knows he doesn’t have to be Chris Paul. He’s just got to play well and execute at key moments. The Grizzlies intend to trap on the pick and roll. Conley is big, fast, and strong enough to make this effective if his help-man can do his part. Creating turnovers leads to fast breaks. Fast breaks leads to a Grizzlies advantage. For every off shooting night Conley will have, he’s just as likely to have an overall night where he pours in more than the boxscore shows.
Then there’s Mayo. Oh, Mayo. I hated this kid coming into college. Brash. Arrogant. Self-entitled. Dismissive. Too much flash with not enough focus. When the Grizzlies traded Kevin Love for him, I immediately thought “DISASTER!” Then I reconsidered. At first it was just a “Well, this made sense from a dollars and cents perspective.” Then it was “They really needed a player like this, regardless of how I felt about him.” Then it was “This actually provides them with another piece for the blueprint for the future, much better than Love would have. This is the suture, not the band-aid.” Then, somehow, someway, OJ Mayo showed up for camp and decided that he’d dicked around enough as a youth. He came to camp focused, ready to lead, defend, do what the coaches need and play with abandon. Mayo’s going to struggle this year, make no mistake. Playing a primary scorer two-guard position is not exactly the breeze job of the NBA, even if you’re not a rookie. He’s going to have nights when his turnover numbers are greater than five. Teams will wince at his lack of fundamentals. And he’ll have nights when those numbers are compounded by shooting percentages of sub-38%. He’ll have a lot of those nights. But just like with Conley, he’ll have nights where the shot is on. His swagger will infect the building. Mayo more than any other Grizzly has the ability to strike fear in the hearts of men when he’s in the zone. Gay is going to systematically take you apart. Mayo is going to blast holes right through you. He’s got a natural scoring instinct, tremendous athletic ability, and a severe case of “Let me show you what you missed out on.” I can easily see him being a problem case in two years over money and attention. But for this year, it’s going to be a fun one to watch.
The backups? Kyle Lowry, against all odds, has cemented himself as the backup. You need guys who can rise above competition from both older guys and more athletic guys and simply say “I’ll get the job done.” That’s what Lowry brings. Lowry has the ability to be a premier point in this league. This could end up as a headache for Iavaroni, trying to figure out when to put what guard in.
Marko Jaric is a shooter, he’s there to shoot. He knows what he’s doing, he’s been around, and he’s a professional. Marko won’t complain, nor will he particularly standout. He’s the plate for the sandwich. You don’t notice it, but without it, who knows what ends up on your sandwich.
Javaris Crittenton boggles my mind. I’m not kidding. Tremendous talent. Coachable. Comes over from LA, makes an immediate impact. Goes to Mark Price over the summer to improve his perimeter shooting. Comes into camp. Left out. Just boggles my mind. Some guys just don’t click with coaches. Maybe he’s not as coachable as he seems. But the kid has fallen off the earth in Memphis. He probably hasn’t even unpacked. We’ll come back to him in a bit.
Quinton Ross …. ? Who knows … ?
Hakim Warrick is another guy who teeters on the edge of relevance. Ask most people about him and the first things you here are that he’s just not big enough. He just can’t play the power forward spot and he can’t pass effectively to play the 3. But I still look at 26 years old, 6-9, great breakaway speed, and wonder why he can’t be more effective in a fast break offense. He worked really hard over the summer to cement a leadership role. He wasn’t out partying (at least not getting busted for anything), he wasn’t just hanging out. He was at the gym. He was doing community events. And he was telling anyone that would listen that he wanted to step up in camp and be a leader. I’m not sure he was expecting all the rest of the young guys to have the same goal. Warrick is another one I can see being dangled as trade bait unless he comes out absolutely killing it at things he’s never killed at. Why, do you ask?
In my mind there’s a deathmatch going on between Hakim Warrick and the more traditional Grizzlies offense and Darko Milicic and some sort of hybrid mutant demon Mark Iavaroni is contemplating at the four spot. Both ideas have their merit.
Pro-Warrick: Fast as all get out for a guy his size. Knows how to score. The only veteran starter on the team. Good touch. Hard worker. Liked by the locker room and the community. Not a psychopath. You can see the possibility of him playing great, he just never does it
Pro-Darko: Big. Really big. Able to make up for whatever physicality Gasol lacks. Can be a terrific rebounder if paired with someone to take away the attention down low. Fierce competitor. You can see the possibility of him playing great, he just never does it.
Anti-Warrick: A stiff breeze and that’s all she wrote. Not a good enough passer to play at the elbow which is what they need.
Anti-Darko: Um. His career. Kind of a psycho. Prone to completely disappearing for long stretches of time.
The ideal scenario would be for Warrick to somehow develop better passing abilities, making him an extremely poor man’s Marion and be able to either work as a bench replacement for Gay giving the offense a spark when it needs it or as a two-wing tandem of slashers for the Grizzlies to just throw at defenses like they’re tie fighters. Then at the same time Darko learns to flourish in the Oberto to Gasol’s Duncan role (woah, that’s a weird series of comparisons) as the guy who just cleans up on the other side with sheer effort and size. You have just maximized the two biggest question marks in your starting rotation. Congratulations, Iav, have yourself a coke.
This will not happen.
What will happen is that Warrick will continue to drift and slam, almost there but never quite, and Darko will continue to make Grizzlies and non-Grizzlies fans alike tear their hair out. They will be areas where you can look and go “If only…” but they didn’t. It’s also very likely that at some point, one will play worse than the other and will get packaged with Crittenton and the expiring contracts they have (Antoine Walker and Greg Buckner) for an upgrade or more space. The sooner this happens the better, simply because it takes away the tension of the team trying to figure out the answer to two very complicated equations.
What will happen is that Marc Gasol will surprise. Think of Gasol as the looking glass version of Pau. Not nearly the soft-touch and footwork that make people go “Ooh” and “Ahhh.” Not nearly the swagger and loveliness that his brother has.
But, what’s that? A Gasol that’s actually (gasp) not afraid to get his hands dirty? That’s a true “grizzlie” in the paint, complete with hair and aggression? A larger Luis Scola with more of a traditional European offensive complement? Effort, hustle, and less regard for himself? Just what the doctor ordered. Every single player has had the same answer for who’s been the best in camp. Marc Gasol. He came in looking to kick ass. Now, this doesn’t mean he’s going to step in and dominate. There are too many quality big men. But he at least gives them some toughness and a fighting chance. And that’s huge.
Antoine Walker will shoot a lot. He will not hit a lot. He is mostly there to be used as cap space next year or trade bait this year. That said, Walker can still hit from time to time and at least can show the guys how to conduct themselves in a professional, if not nutritious, manner.
So what do we have here? Inconsistency. Question marks. Turnovers. Lack of discipline. The tenants of a young team. But mark my words, there will be moments, games, even, where the number of things that don’t happen very often will happen. Gay will swoop in and out. Mayo’s jumper will be on. Conley will focus and distribute. Darko will get some tip backs. Warrick will run and score and use his length. Gasol will battle. And there will be some wins, and some losses that are closer than you’ll think. They’re not better than advertised.
But they are very dangerous.
And they’re getting better.
/bows
(Curtain)
VISIONS BY TREY KERBY
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THE ONLY GOOD THINGS IN MEMPHIS ARE THE BARBECUE AND THE STRIP CLUBS. AND THE STRIP CLUB’S BEEN SHUT DOWN. (OR, REASONS TO HATE THE GRIZZLIES) By The Corndogg
Marc Gasol, who’s brother left him a list of all the good barbecue spots in Memphis as he hightailed it out of there a few months back, actually looked pretty good in international play. But this is America, you Spanish paella, so get in shape and get ready to get beat up constantly by the likes of the Harbinger, Booz and the Yeti. But if Pau couldn’t turn these guys into contenders, don’t put all your Euros in Marc’s basket. Darko… Ok, let’s move on. Darrell Arthur (my favorite player on draft night and the bane of Matt’s existence) was the biggest loser on draft night. Not only did he fall all the way to 28, he could have ended up in Houston, but instead found his way to the end of the Grizz bench. Why would someone with such a precocious offensive game and relentless motor (for weed) not get his due in this Anthony Randolph-thin frontcourt? Because he has little work ethic and too many vices. Sure, he could be the only player in the Grizz frontcourt (I count Rudy on the wing, not in deep) to put up 20 on a given night, but I doubt he can get his head out of the Doritos bag long enough to learn Iavaroni’s defense. Then, there is the curious case of Hamed Hamidi. Who is this guy? How good can he be? Is he ready now? Did the Grizz just get him for insurance? Does he brush his teeth? Does he drink blood? These are very poignant questions that will have to be addressed by the Grizz brass as the season goes along. And, by “brass” I mean Chris Wallace, the man who could screw up a BLT.
So, if you hate the Grizz, you are in luck. The season is almost here. Plus, once O.J. Mayo get Dreamworks to start filming his rookie year biopic and the production crew has to live at the FedEx forum, expect a typical first week blowup from the Grizz. But hey, at least they aren’t the Thunder.
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An Evening With My Magic Eight Ball Regarding the Grizzlies:
“Will the Grizzlies be fun to watch?”
“As I see it, yes.”
“Will the Grizzlies win some games?”
“Without a doubt.”
“Will the Grizzlies make the playoffs?!”
“Very doubtful.”
“Oh, well, will they win more than 35 games?”
“Outlook not so good.”
“Huh. Okay. Will OJ Mayo win Rookie of the Year?”
“Reply hazy, try again.”
“Will Mike Conley have better than a 2-1 AST:TO ratio?”
“Cannot predict now.”
“You don’t have any answers. What good are you?”
“Try asking about other than the Grizzlies, jackass.”
“That’s weird, didn’t know that was an answer… um… is Memphis Barbecue tasty?”
“As I see it, yes.”
“Oh, you do work. Okay, will Memphis have more games within 5 points than any other sub-.500 team in the league?”
“You may rely on it.”
“Awesome, so will I still have my job?”
“Sorry, Coach. That’s up to you.”
“Gah!”
You know, I dealt with it when you decided to suddenly be good and actually play for two seasons. I even rooted for you. I stuck with you despite the fact that you helped the Utah Jazz to become the most overrated NBA team since… well… the last really good Jazz team. I defended your decision to go to LA and break up the UNSTOPPABLE. I even tolerated your on-again, off-again fictional relationship with my wife. But this is too far.
“Potential Los Angeles Clippers savior Baron Davis was spotted leaving an event with Kate Hudson on Monday night. Before hoping into his SUV, Hudson jokingly told the baller that if he had signed with the Lakers he could have probably partied with even bigger celebrities like Cloris Leachman or Angelina Jolie. David politely told Hudson that there was nobody bigger than her, then bit his thumb and thought about all the fun he could be having if he wore purple and gold.”
Baron, you step in on Kate, we’re gonna have to throw down. No, I don’t care about any of the myriad chick flicks, she will always be Penny Lane to me and therefore be unimaginably hot.
Damn you, Davis. Damn you.
Nels is a contributing author to Give Me The Rock and a true fantasy lord’s Fantasy Lord (not in the creepy Gandalf-suit-wearing way). He’ll be dropping Fantasy Knowledge on you from time to time. Here’s his article on fantasy basketball basics. Enjoy.
Sometimes I worry that the strategy and tactics we talk about on Give Me The Rock are too far over the heads of fantasy basketball novices. So, it makes me happy to present this article on fantasy basketball basics for Hardwood Paroxysm.
So, where do the basics of fantasy basketball start? I’d say you need to look at your league rules and settings.
League Formats
What are the scoring categories in your league? Most fantasy leagues use either 8 or 9 categories which are: Field Goal Percentage, Free Throw Percentage, Three-pointers Made, Rebounds, Assists, Steals, Blocks, Points, and the optional 9th category is Turnovers. Hopefully the decision between 8 and 9 categories has already been decided for you, because I’m not going to touch that controversy with a 10-foot pole. There is also the less popular Points format, but there is much less standardization in that area than in other fantasy sports (I’m looking at you, football). I tried doing a Points league once and it just wasn’t as fun as the categories.
Is your league Head-to-Head or Rotisserie? You’ll know you’re H2H if there is a schedule of matchups somewhere on your league page. You can also check the settings page, and it’ll usually tell you. The uninitiated probably don’t care too much, except they think that H2H is going to be “more fun” or “more competitive.” But the difference between the two will dramatically change the way you should be picking your players in the draft. How’s that?
Weeeeeeeeeellll… In Rotisserie, you compete against every other team in the league, for every category. The way I state that is important, because in Rotisserie, you cannot afford to “punt” any category. Okay, yeah, if you put together a team that does really well in just about every other category, then you can probably end up last in one category and still win. But it’s a lot harder to put together a team that can do that, especially when you’re in the middle of drafting a team.
If you’re in an H2H league, you really only need to win a majority of the categories, which is 5 in either the 8 or 9 category leagus. That means, unlike in Rotisserie, you can focus on winning 5 categories and not have to worry so much about the other 3 or 4 categories. Why is that so important?
Big Ball vs. Small Ball
The Small Ball strategy consists of loading up on Points Guard types who will dominate categories like Points, Assists, Steals, Three-pointers Made, and FT%. That right there is enough to get your 5 of 9 categories. And that’s the idea. Small guys are good at those things, so it’s called “small-ball.”
If you like the big guys, you’ll want to go with the opposite of small-ball and load up your roster with guys who will win Points, Rebounds, Blocks, FG%, and TOs (because they don’t really handle the ball). Clearly, if you’re playing in an 8 category league, then you need to figure out a 5th category for the Big Ball strategy to work. I would recommend trying to finesse steals, or picking up a upper-mid-level Point Guard who can get enough assists to make winning that category viable.
Should you decide on your strategy before you start the draft? I would argue: most certainly not. If you only look at the first two picks this year (Chris Paul and Amare Stoudemire), then you can probably pick a strategy beforehand. If you have the first pick, then it’s Paul and Small Ball, but if you’re second, you take Amare and go Big. But what if you have the 6th or 7th pick in a 12-team league. You don’t know who’s going to be the best player left at that point. Even more so if you’re at the end of the first round, anywhere from 10th pick up. You’re thinking maybe Allen Iverson or Baron Davis, but then, somehow Elton Brand or Dirk Nowitzki slips, and suddenly it seems like a better idea to take one of those guys to start a Big Ball team. Of course, if you get someone like Shawn Marion or Caron Butler, you can keep your options open and once again take the best available player in the 2nd round.
One final thing to know about your league rules and settings is the required starting positions. Most leagues go with 13 players arrayed over PG, SG, G, SF, PF, F, C, C, Util, Util, and 3 Bench spots. Most draft applications make it easy to tell if you’ve got the required positions filled in, but it’s always good to do a quick review just to make sure you know what you need.
So, now that you know your league, what do you do to prepare? Well, if your draft start in an hour, you can print off Give Me The Rock’s Big Board which ranks 200+ players. If you’ve got a little more time, you can build your own player rankings.
Building Your Rankings
mookie at a stern warning… has a great piece on how to build rankings to prepare for a fantasy draft. Something to keep in mind about spreadsheets for when you finally get to the draft: don’t try to use it to track the draft unless you actually practice finding a random player and removing him from it every 10-90 seconds. The best uses of the spreadsheet are: a) Pre-rankings players so that when they’re drafted, they’re automatically removed the list in the draft application, and b) checking on a player’s rank during the draft to make sure you’re not reaching too much for any particular player.
If you’re ready now for more advanced fantasy basketball strategy, check out Give Me The Rock’s fantasy basketball strategy category.
“The eyes are the groin of the head.” -Dwight K. Schrute
Inspired by and blatantly ripped off from EDSBS, with permission.
NBA blog of the day: The Blowtorch
Oh, hey, did you guys hear the Blazers are going to be pretty good this year?
Oh, you did?
That’s all then.
….
Okay, I guess we’ll do the preview. Your opening preview is by Rob Mahoney.
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I’m going to take you to a magical, mystical world of fantasy and wonder. It’s a world where every team gets their dream big man in the draft. A world in which the stars, no matter how good they get, seem to only be getting better. A world where despite the fact that you overachieved last season, you still get one of the most dynamic players in the draft. A world where your biggest problem is that you might have too many good players and not enough spots in the rotation. A world in which every team has a damn Kevin Pritchard clone.
Ah, what a world that would be.
I kinda want the Blazers to be bad. Mostly because I’m bitter. I know they’ve had a bad run, some bad luck, and some general misfortune, but it’s like every person in that front office is collecting their karma checks all at once. The surprise team of the league last year wasn’t good enough, so you give them Oden and Bayless. THAT makes sense.
I’ve been trying to brainstorm ways in which the Blazers won’t make the playoffs this year. I expect this to be a yearly tradition from now on, only next year it’ll be why they won’t win the Northwest, and the year after that it’ll be why they won’t win the damn championship. Screw you, Pritchard. You too, McMillan. And that goes DOUBLE for you, Roy, Aldridge, Oden, Outlaw, Webster, Fernandez, Bayless…DAMMIT.
But anyways, here’s what I’ve got:
Andddddd that’s about it. The Blazers are that good, and they’ve gotten that good that fast. Envy ensues.
Watching Oden in pre-season is a treat, although it is a bit worrying that the season hasn’t even started yet and he’s already had two ankle sprains. But I’ve shaken up the eight ball, and all signs point to him being a shot-blocking awe-inspiring big man throwing it down constantly. What we saw was the pre-season, and only a taste. He was just whetting our pallates. I can’t wait.
Roy and Aldridge are the tandem that really drove this team a year ago, and they will only get better. Brandon’s elusiveness and ability to create for…well, pretty much anyone wearing a Blazers jersey (I think he might have set up Drexler for an easy bucket last season), including himself. This guy seriously needs a nickname. Broy Wonder? Greased Up Snake? I don’t even know where to begin, but we’ve gotta think up something.
Aldridge is absolute money on the midrange game, but can still bang down low with the best of them. I’m glad this team has Oden because otherwise I’d fear for him being forced into the center position, which just wouldn’t be right. The guy is a beast, and I look forward to him and Oden making me annoyingly giddy for years to come. Plus, he just happened to play his college ball at the best university in our fine country.
Where this team gets truly ridiculous though, is what lies beyond those three. Travis Outlaw may or may not have already put himself on the trading block, but he’s as athletic as they come, has a nice midrange touch, and a pretty decent defender. Can’t ask for much more than that out of your role players. Martell Webster is a classy guy and a nice complimentary player, even if Outlaw does have strange visions of strangling him in his sleep. Rudy is Rudy, and while he’s yet to play a real NBA minute, how could you not have high hopes? Combine that threesome with Steve Blake, Channing Frye, Ike Diogu, Joel “The Vanilla Gorilla†Pryzbilla…this is a Dream Team of role players. Seriously.
The Blazers really are the bell of the ball; the may not leave with the prize, but everyone will have their eye on them. Damn them for being so good and so likeable. DAMN THEMMMMM!
VISIONS BY TREY KERBY
From Jailblazers to Trailblazers, the youth movement is here. Greg Oden. LaMarcus Aldridge. Brandon Roy. Rudy Fernandez. Shall I go on? This team is the one to pick if you’re looking for young guys playing with energy, passion and heart (of course, I will also be watching my boy OJ in Memphis for a double dose of this, as well). We’ve currently got five, count them (Bayless, Oden, Hill, Fernandez and Batum), five rookies on the roster and all eyes are set to be fixated on Oden when the Big Chill finally takes it to the court and plays out his rookie season. After a year of emerging into excellence, Brandon Roy is going to be beautiful to watch as he only continues to progress and have Oden to pass the ball to.
Aldridge was a pleasant surprise last season and he will continue to make me smile. Travis Outlaw is like that guy who is just hanging out in the background, waiting for the opportunity to pounce with a game winner and rookie Jerryd Bayless is looking to make waves in the rookie pool. Ike Diogu is looking to get on track with his new team and Channing Frye has put in work this summer, hitting the gym hard and watching that diet like a hawk. With Fernandez dropping buckets all over the place in the gold medal game against Team USA, you know Portland fans are salivating at the very thought of him going up against Kobe, Dwyane and Bronny again.
While part of me will always miss the beautiful disaster that was the Jailblazers of old, I’m so very excited at the chance to watch this team come together and figure it all out.
Add Joel “Ghostface” Przybilla, Martell Webster and rookie Nicholas “Is this dream or reality” Batum and this team will be the dream, to watch. With Coach McMillan keeping a watchful eye, defensive mind and close rein on his boys, the team is sure to inspire and yes, surprise, even with high expectations and all eyes on them.
If you can find any reason to hate the Blazers, then you are an unrepentant terrorist and hate America. That is all.
I’ll see your challenge, Corn. You want reasons to hate this team? How about the fact that they haven’t actually done anything yet? Meanwhile, Greg Oden thinks you are being a meany weany to him. Please. Step up, big boy. All you’ve done so far in the league is brush off our nickname (which we’re still using), and walk around hurt. Not impressed, kiddo. You want the expectations to ease off? Go play D-League. Otherwise man up and keep that goofy smile you always have on your face.
Oh, what’s that, Brandon Roy? You don’t think you get the credit you deserve? Really? Well then quit forcing the entire team to cater to your exact game and maybe we won’t have that problem. Jerryd Bayless is being shoved into the point guard position like he’s playdough.
Nic Batum may start for this team. Come now. Have we not had enough of the French oppression?
If you want to hate these guys, hate them because as Rob mentioned earlier, they get everything to go their way. Do you get the first doughnut every time at the office? Does everyone remember your birthday and send you a present? Do you accidentally, slip, fall and land in bed with supermodels? Envy is a totally reasonable reason to hate a sports team. That’s why you should hate the Blazers.
A MUSICAL INTERLUDE:
EXTRAPOLATIONS ON ENERGETIC EXCELLENCE
I fear for Jerryd Bayless. The complex relationship of brilliance to regrettable in the Blazers’ acquisition of Bayless pecks at the corners of my mind when I’m contemplating the league. The Blazers managed yet another in a long line of steals. They grabbed an all-world talent with a mean streak to add to their already loaded roster.
The issue is that they need none of what comes naturally from Bayless. At Summer League, Blazers Edge asked McMillan about Bayless after his detonation against the Suns which had the entire building on its feet. After showcasing an explosiveness and versatility that was simply stunning, McMillan said, essentially, that they already have a two-guard, his name is Brandon Roy. He said that if Bayless wanted to play, he’d have to play point.
One slight problem. Bayless is to point guard as Lamar Odom is to center. Oh, sure, he can play it, but it’s not a good idea and you’re removing him from all the things he’s good at. Bayless is Tommy Gun, not a samurai sword. He’s best with the ball in his hands, and he has the usual rookie problem of not giving the ball to the other team, or “turning it over.”
The Blazers can gamble on Bayless’ transformation, though, because they’re so obscenely loaded. But to waste Bayless as a project, to try and put him through the playdough grinder and make him into something else is almost obscene. It’s experimentation and development to the point of hubris. The basketball equivalent of playing God. It’s possible Bayless could manage his turnovers, learn to distribute better, and end up as a complement to Roy that is simply devastating before you even reach the Aldridge-Oden battering ram. But to me a more likely scenario is Bayless getting limited minutes and eventually being shipped out as fodder, only to return and repeatedly take out his frustrations on the Blazers at every opportune moment. Bear in mind, this is a kid that said in a ‘Dime’ interview that when he’s on the floor, he wants to “destroy” his opponent. There’s a genuine malice in Bayless’ approach that’s tempered by his kind offcourt demeanor. The usual result of this is the kind of player you don’t want to run into in a dark game in March.
