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Tag Archive - corndogg

It’s Gonna Be All Good (Except Exactly the Opposite)

October 3, 2008 in by with 1 Comment

A breaking news update from the Corndogg.

As surely as the sun rises in the West, sets in the East, rotates around the Earth and is made of a combination of crushed up Cheetos and love, Jamal Tinsley will be a terrific addition for the Nuggets. Give the Police force an extended break, leave the strip clubs open 24/7 and go easy on gun permits. It’s perfectly safe in Denver. Really, it is.

But seriously, Tinsley could actually be a good addition to this team (not joking). At the very least, he can get the ball up the floor and give to Melo or AI. He could conceivably get some lobs into the hands of Nene and K-Mart. And, the Nuggets didn’t have to give up any consequential pieces to get him. But boy, that altitude is gonna kill that juicy rumproast of his. He might want to hire a strict personal trainer… or twelve. If we see any defense out of Tinsley this year, it will be because the Nuggs brass duct tapes yardsticks to the end of his fingers.

So, Denver got just a little, um, better at the point. But at what cost? Only time will tell. Well, if time doesn’t stop because the sun quits spinning.


No, seriously folks. Just look the other way. Nothing to see here. We’re just busy making the Nuggets a better team is all.

HT: Thrilla Ziller @ Fanhouse

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MAN, THESE DUKE GUYS ARE A$$H*LES

July 9, 2008 in by with 13 Comments

The following is a special public service announcement from the Corndogg. -Matt

If there were ever a post that would represent the commitment we have to our tagline (see above), this is it. Follow along.

First off, let me say this. I am a bigger, more passionate fan of Duke basketball than any of you are for any team you pull for. Period. This hurts almost as much as hearing the words “And with the 3rd pick in the NBA Draft, the Minnesota Timberwolves select (insert name here).” But, I am going to write it anyway, because the coincidences are not just coincidences anymore. They are facts.

Coach K has spent the better part of 30 years attempting to turn Duke University into a haven for the most thoughtful, intelligent, sincere and respectful student athletes around the country. He believes in teamwork, commitment, selflessness and passion. He believes in the power of a handshake and in ethical conduct (he even has his own monument attesting to that fact). But really, no matter how much you hate Duke or the players or how they play, at least K has tried to recruit honest, loyal guys.

(Ed note. I know most of the people reading this hate Duke and are probably choking down vomit after reading that paragraph. But really, in comparison to all the garbage and cheating going on in college athletics, Duke is a premier college basketball program, in talent and integrity. )

But man, I have never really noticed how so many Duke guys are A$$holes once they get to the NBA. I never thought I could say that. But really, after the whole Brand fiasco, I kind of needed to say it. If I am truly the fan I say I am, and as discerning and objective as I claim to be, then I have to speak the truth (well, at least my version of the truth). Let’s do a rundown of some of the most infamous bad boy Dukie behavior in the league. For the sake of brevity, I will keep it only to the modern era Duke players that have truly devastated teams in the league. J.J. Redick does not count just yet, Duke haters.

1) Danny Ferry – Selected 2nd overall by the Clippers (remember that name, they will be coming up again later) in the 1989 NBA Draft. Ferry famously decided that he would rather spend a year in Italy than play for the woeful Clippers, thus forcing a trade the next season. Luckily for the Clips, they got Ron Harper out of that deal. Ferry sucked his way through the league for over a decade, eventually becoming a champion on the coattails of Tim Duncan and the Spurs. Now he is actively trying to make Lebron James detest Cleveland and leave as fast as possible.

2) Christian Laettner – Not coincidentally, my favorite Dukie of all time. Famous for chest stomping, preening and generally being the best college basketball player of the last 20 years. However, he pouted his way through Minnesota, Atlanta, Detroit, Dallas, Washington, Golden State and Miami. For what its worth, nearly all of those teams were terrible during the time he was with them, but that’s no excuse for being upset that people though Shaq and Zo would be better NBA players than you. They were right. Never, ever looked happy playing basketball again after he left Duke.

3) Bobby Hurley – Convinced Sacramento he was worth a lottery pick. Got into an awful car wreck (not his fault). However, he wasn’t wearing a seat belt, something he should have learned with a stellar Duke education. Infamous for being a traitor and wearing an Indiana jersey in the movie, Blue Chips.

4) Grant Hill – Not really an A$$hole. But still, he swindled more money out of Orlando than Rashard Lewis, relatively speaking. At least Lewis knows what it is like to play more than 20 games a season in Orlando. Those ankles of Hill’s are a crying shame.

5) William Avery – An A$$hole to the Duke staff (which he foolishly ditched after the 1999 National Championship game) and to the NBA (where he floundered hopelessly). One of the few Dukies about whom I don’t mind writing this.

6) Jason Williams – Could be the best point guard in the league right now. Instead, he wrapped his motorcycle around a tree and cost the Bulls millions (both in ticket sales, salary and hope). Was never the same again. Why does God hate Jason Williams, yet love Kellen Winslow? It’s a cruel, cruel world.

7) Carlos Boozer – One of the NBA’s most notable hustlers. Gave the old “Duke handshake” to the Cavs by opting out of his minimal contract, stating he would re-sign with them (keep this in mind, as it will come up again later). Instead, took a pile of cash to go to Utah. Dukie crossing Dukie. An all-time crime. Now, everyone insists he is eyeing Miami next year when he becomes a free agent, leaving the Duke-esque Jazz with nothing but dust in the wind. We will see how this plays out.

8) Corey Maggette – “All I want to do is win.” Not true. All Corey wants to do is get paid (not that different from most other NBA players). But that is the thing, Dukies should set themselves apart. So, instead of trying to get a ring with the Spurs or the Celtics, Maggette took the bundle of cash that fellow alum Elton Brand dissed in Oakland and is signing with the soon to be miserable Warriors. Yuck.

9) Elton Brand – The moral compass of Duke. Elton has always been stoic, revered and loved by everyone he has been around. He has been loyal, forgiving and hard working, despite any awful circumstances surrounding him. Just a few days ago, we thought he opted out of his contract with the Clippers (a team that has loved him like a mother) so they could upgrade their talent and then resign him. They went and got Baron Davis. Elton decided it was better to skip town and take more money from Philly. I guess it isn’t as bad as taking the pile of cash from Golden State and going somewhere you can’t win. But geez, Elton, you are gonna make Bill Plaschke cry. Wait, that’s not such a bad thing. But still, you are now the newest and biggest curse on the other L.A. franchise. I would wear a Rip Hamilton-esque facemask when you go back. They throw batteries. No wait, you are already in that city. I guess they throw giant belt buckles in L.A. Either way, I bet they hurt.

So, there you have it. The modern run down of Dukies and their disreputable, disrespectful and conniving indiscretions whilst in the NBA. But you know what, I still love them. Like a drug addict loves heroin, the day he gets out of rehab. And now that I said it, I feel like a more insightful, better fan than ever before.

And, believe me, Brand is gonna kick some A$$ in Philly. They’re my new favorite team! And, I am still a little biased. GO DUKE.

Corn’s Game 4Thoughts

June 13, 2008 in by with 4 Comments

From the Corndogg….

  • After watching the end of the first quarter (i missed the first few minutes), I told Matt that if the Lakers keep this up, the photoshop should be Kobe as John Travolta from Pulp Fiction jamming the adrenaline needle into Uma Thurman (aka Lamar Odom’s) heart. Instead, I will just take Gasol’s head on the Gimp. But then again, Kobe as John Travolta is still exciting. Look Who’s Talking Now, anyone?
  • Regardless if the Celts take it down on Sunday, Happy Father’s Day wishes go out to Bill Simmon’s Dad. Finally, we might not have to hear about his heartaches anymore. Oh no, wait, the Patriots and the quest for the undefeated season starts up soon. Yippee!
  • So what if Paul Pierce’s celebration on the court looked more like a Pakistani cricketer than MJ. We all knew what it meant — Pure, unadulterated happiness.
  • Lakers: “So you see, what had happened was, uh, yeah, ummm you know, we just uh, kind of, almost, but but BUT, yeah, well, that was that.”
  • Although, as a basketball blogger, I should have known the game was over far before it happened, but that Posey 3 was just un-freakin-believable. Wait, I think I wrote the same thing about Game 2. Weird. James Posey Rules?
  • Yeah, so I picked the Lakers in 5. And you know what, I still think it will happen. :(
  • Van Gundy called it “a done deal” when the Lakers were up 17 in the first half (somebody please send that clip). You think he would have learned by now. Oh wait, no he wouldn’t, or he would be a head coach and not a commentator. Please quit fellating Kobe for about 10 seconds and get your head out of your but – wait, can you have you head in your butt and fellate someone at the same time? I digress. Same goes for you Mark Jackson. Kobe’s been good, but the Celtics have been “GREAT!” (Ed. Note- Van Gundy actually turned down two high profile gigs this summer, and Van Gundy actually criticizes Kobe more often than any other commentator. Mark Jackson, though? Yeah. Mark Jackson done lost it. -Matt)
  • Matt brought this up earlier, but seriously, think about this. Have you ever seen someone throw up so many shots that go directly off the backboard and nowhere near the basket the way Lamar Odom does? It’s weird. He acts like he’s at the county fair, throwing a dull dart at a balloon. Geez.
  • A little point that no one seems to focus on, especially the MSMers – The Celtics are doing this with only their 3 starters! Perkins has been a waste this series because of his ankle, Rondo was last night because of his. It’s the Big 3 and all the guys Doc refused to play earlier in the year. Truly magnificent. If anyone would have said that Pierce would have torn up his knee and that Rondo and Perkins would both be dealing with ankle injuries at times during the series, the Laker bandwagon would have burst a tire because it would have been so full. Not the case. We all forgot about Brown, Powe, House and Posey. And yes, kind of Cassell.
  • Ray Allen, the “elder statesman” of the Big Three played the whole game, never let up on defense and hit the game clinching layup by blowing past a kid a decade younger than him. He won’t be getting any MVP votes (those are reserved for you, Mr. Pierce), but he would damn sure get mine. KG has given the Celtics great defense, Pierce has trumped everyone in momentum plays. But the Most Valuable Player for the Celtics this series has been Allen. Period.

Corn’s Game 2 Thoughts

June 9, 2008 in by with 4 Comments

  • Rajon Rondo. To quote the cinematic classic Coming to America:
  • Guy 1 “That boy good.”
    Guy 2 (probably an Arsenio Hall character) “Uh-huh. He good. Good and terrible!”
    Such is the case with Rondo. There were plenty of great marks to his game – 16 assists, only 2 turnovers, consistently getting past Derek Fisher. However, he did seem to rush shots and stall the offense at times. This could be a much bigger problem in LA. I still expect him to play well, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see the ball in Allen and Pierce’s hands on offense even more.
  • Free throws. Man, we talking ’bout free throws? Man, free throws. Free throws? Leon Powe and free throws. Man, powe throws. I’m talkin’ bout free throws. (also, let it be know that there were many more problems than the free throw discrepancy for LA, but it was kind of embarrassing).
  • Something tells me that P.J. Brown wants a ring juuuuust a little bit more than Sasha Vujacic. I’m just saying. Brown is really busting his rump for the Celtics. We all thought he wouldn’t come back. But, you would figure a guy that old and that in demand late in the season would choose a team wisely. And he did. He is playing hard and being utilized well by Doc. That’s right, I said it.
  • I told Matt yesterday that the way the Lakers could combat the hyper-physical Boston defense was to pass the ball better and with more frequency. Obviously, he did not relay my message to Phil Jackson. Attacking the rim is not going to work against Boston, at least until the Lakers hit some 3s early and open up the lane. Their spacing is like a tide, it comes and it goes.
  • Another observation I made was that Phil Jackson has never coached a team with this much youth this late into the season. Even those Bulls teams had plenty of older, P.J. Brown types to help right the ship and act as calming influences. This team is still extremely green (no pun intended) and are not yet deserving of all of Phil’s trust. They came up big in the 4th quarter, but in reality, Jackson only seems comfortable playing his starting 5. I think he gets the cold shakes every time Luke Walton has to try and guard KG. Although the Lakers have been super-efficient until now, perhaps all the media pundits, myself included, overlooked their extreme youth. Boston is much more a traditional Phil Jackson team. And Doc Rivers is proving it.
  • Kobe is slipping back into 2005 mode. He best be careful, before the 35 shot demon takes over.
  • Have you noticed anyone taking umbrage with Ray Allen’s play in these 2 games? Didn’t think so. He has been very efficient and very cagey, always making good cuts and getting to loose balls. Ankles, schmankles. Ray wants this ring as badly as anyone. He is even quick enough to cause Kobe a problem or two on defense. He won’t get the press like Rondo, Powe-r, or Pierce will today, but he deserves it.
  • Phil Jackson has got to come up with some Sun-Tzu type stuff for Gasol and Odom. Although lithe and defensively unsound, they can still really cause problems for the Celtics if they continue to move and find the gaps in the paint. But if they keep taking body blows and inching out towards the perimeter, like last night, their effectiveness is nearly nil. They are both quick and skilled. It just so happens that the Celtic defense is quick, skilled AND physical. Edge: Celtics.
  • Monster 3 by Posey in the final 2 minutes last night. He can play supremely well in short spurts, but tries to do too much if on the floor for too long. Kind of like Cassell. Doc just might be figuring that out.
  • The Farmar/Rondo matchup is fascinating. This could be a great duel for years to come. Kudos to Matt for pointing that out.
  • As good as Boston’s defense is, the Lakers are still finding ways to get open shot… and miss them. I can’t see this happening the next couple of games. However, the Lakers defense can be downright putrid. I certainly can see this continuing for the next couple games. But hey, we (the brains) always say that defense wins championships, so it looks like Boston right now. And Paul Pierce is still The Truth.

Mike D’Antoni, How Does Your Garden Grow?

May 27, 2008 in by with 0 Comments

The following is another public service announcement from the Corndogg. Please remember not to go swimming for at least an hour after reading.

Lots of internet types are goofing on the Great Mustachio, now that the Bulls have won the Rose Bowl while the Knicks are stuck picking 6th (oooh, but OJ Mayo might be there!). However, while I was trying to decide if this were truly an awful decision on D‘s part, I came across one factor that I think might shape his future in New York indefinitely. D doesn’t just want Rose, he wants a Garden full of Roses. What’s that you say, are you using horticulture references in this post? What is this, a Flower Blog? No, it’s not, but that idea is imperative to the way D‘Antoni should approach his seemingly ill-fitting team this summer. When life gives you a big pile of crap, you turn it into fertilizer.

Run those bitches until their legs fall off.

“But uh, Corn, most of the Knicks can’t run to the toilet, much less 94 feet and back consistently.” And you know what, it doesn’t matter. In fact, if I were D, I would do my duty to Old Glory and coach the Olympics team (and give mustache rides to the likes of Lebron and Wade), but after that, focus on the one thing you know how to do better than anyone else in your profession – Coach uptempo basketball.
It’s the perfect storm. You don’t worry about trades. You don’t try and cut costs. You don’t bother with personnel decisions or who fits what position and what their skill levels are. You just run. Like Forrest Gump, you run. This is going to accomplish a multitude of things. First, you are going to break those guys who do not really care about basketball. “Oh, I’m sorry Stephon. If you don’t like the way I run my f*cking ship, then take $2 mil and go back to Coney Island.” Secondly, you let all the waste of cap and bench space slowly die off while you find out for sure who can and will fit your system (no one is looking at you, Jerome James). Third, you design a game plan that allows every single person on this team to take a shot whenever they touch the ball, if they feel like it. No consequences, just like in Phoenix. You let them play fast, play offense and let the defense come along if it can. If this collection of filth thinks they are individually so talented and worthy, let them prove it to you game in and game out.

Sure, this seems loony. But what about D‘s style and methods have not seemed loony in the past. The cream rises to the top and the garbage gets thrown away. You don’t make any excuses or apologize for the way you run your team. Not only will this get the media off your back, but it will show your fans and other free agents you are coveting that you couldn’t care less about expectations, trends and critiques. You are just there to coach the best way you know how. And once you take that Gung-Ho attitude into year two, you will be able to have a much bigger say in your personnel issues, you will be the darling of the Big Apple and you will know exactly where you stand. No one thinks you can do it anyway, not with this mess. So you might as well buckle down, zone in and work like you’ve never worked before. Nothing else matters.

Trying to make a mountain out of a dunghill? Sure, but if you build that mountain high enough, you won’t even be able to waft along the smell of crap from whence you first started. In fact, all that feces will have turned into compost. The perfect base from which to start your own Garden.

There Has Never Been A Greater Truster Of His Teammates In The History Of Professional Sports Than Kobe Bryant

May 8, 2008 in by with 7 Comments

The Corndogg wanted to celebrate Kobe in his own special way. The other day he heard several talking heads discussing how Kobe earned this MVP because he learned to “trust his teammates.” Here’s Corn’s in-depth report on how the word views Kobe’s miraculous ability to “trust” his teammates. Questions, comments, and death threats should be lobbed at matthew(dot)t(dot)cornelius(at)gmail(dot)com.

This post is dedicated to quotes heard from around the league, detailing specifically just how much trust Kobe has in his teammates. Not just regular trust, but MVP trust. His trust is just incomparable. He might have just lifted his trust to a different level. He is running away with the “Truster of the Year” award.

Tim Legler: “Kobe Bryant has shown more trust in his teammates than ever before. That trust is so strong that it has made them better teammates and helped them elevate their game to a level that is satisfactory to Kobe. But nothing is really satisfactory to Kobe, so he is out there before practice everyday, demanding that they do things that make him trust them more, such as shooting more free throws, working on defensive rebounding positioning and playing Russian roulette. Seriously, Kobe Bryant trusts them.”
Kenny Smith: “Kobe IS Trust. The amount of trust Kobe has in his teammates is of epic proportions. There is so much trust in his teammates that Kobe feels he can trust them to clap even louder now when he shoots 55% from the floor and goes the free throw line 24 times a game. He trusts them to cheer more diligently and they do. That is MVP caliber trust right there.”

Stephen A. Smith: “KOBE BRYANT PERSONIFIES TRUST. HE IS ABSOLUTELY THE MOST DOMINANT TRUSTING FORCE THE ENTIRE N.B.A. HE IS SO GREAT AT TRUSTING THAT I WOULD EVEN LET HIM GO TO THE GROCERY STORE AND PICK OUT MY FAVORITE KIND OF CHEESE DOODLES. QUITE FRANKLY, HE TRUSTS MORE THAN ANYONE I HAVE EVER SEEN. NOW GIVE ME MY CHEESY DOODLES.”

Skip Bayless: “I have never, NEVER! seen trust like this before. I don’t even like Kobe, as I have made apparent about a gagillion times before. But, as a respected journalist, I do love trust. And he has it. I mean, he HAS IT! I never thought I would see such trust again after what Mike Vick’s posse did to him, but Kobe has really proved to me that you can trust with your entire body and soul. It is just an unbelievable amount of trust.

George W. Bush: “If we had more generals in our army who trusted their teammates like Kobe Bryant, we would have accomplished “Mission Accomplished” way back when I said “Mission Accomplished” five years ago. In fact, I would like to invite Kobe Bryant to lead our special ops forces after he wins his fourth NBA title this year. He strategerically trusts in ways that will help us find Saddam Hussein, engender his trust and — (thought bubble pops in above head) ‘Wait W., we already killed Saddam.’ So, in conclusion, Kobe Trust. Thank you Amurrica.”

Roger Clemens: “I have trusted Rusty Hardin, Midny McCready and Brian McNamee the way Kobe trusts his teammates. And look where I am now. That is some deep, deep, uh… deep trust. I should not have trusted them so deeply. Am I misremembering how deeply I trusted them? Anyways, Kobe is great truster. Maybe the greatest in any sport ever. Hey, what is that? (sees fetus leg start to grow out of his left temple) Hey Rusty, can I trust you to take care of this for me?”

James Dolan: ” I would just like everyone, especially Cable Vision stockholders and the media that I follow via secret surveillance, to know that Kobe’s trust is even greater than the trust I have for Isiah Thomas. And I think you know how deep that trust is. Speaking of which, have any of you guys seen Isiah? Is he talking to our players? I doubt it, cause I trust him so much. But not as much as Kobe trust his teammates. But I have truly learned from this and next year, our guys are going to trust one another. For what? I don’t know, but there will be trust.”

Mike Wilbon: “Hey knuckleheads, trust like Kobe. I voted for him for MVP, so he must be the greatest. I mean, really, I voted for him and I am always right. Especially about blogs. I distrust them as much as Kobe trusts his teammates. Now you understand how much trust there is on that Lakers team.”

RespectKobe.com: “We told you so.”

Dick Bavetta: “We officials trust Kobe the way he trusts his teammates. If Kobe tells us that a shot from Sasha Vujajic, which was an airball, should really have been counted as 4 points, we believe him and award the Lakers 4 points. When Kobe tells us that he was fouled, even though he was in the locker room getting taped up before the game, we go ahead and award him 2 free throws at the start of the game. Because, you know what, we have noticed the amount of trust he has in his teammates and that makes us trust everything he says and does even more. He even said to me that in Game 3, he is only going to let his teammates shoot the ball and that he won’t attempt a single shot or free throw and that if those shots are missed, they should still count. I told him that we would review them and then count them every time. Such are the perks you get not only from being the MVP, but also from being the most trusting teammate in the league.”

Chris Webber: ” I see Kobe’s trust in his teammates and it reminds me of my own. Like, when the game was on the line, I always trusted my teammates to hit a big shot, so I would always pass them the ball and get out of the way. Sometimes, I would just stand near the sideline and let them do their thing. And you know why, because I trusted them. But not as much as Kobe trusts his Lakers teammates this year. He probably trusts them even more than he trusted Horry in Game 5 back in 2003 against us. I don’t know for sure, because I have a different perspective now. Back then, I was busy standing at half court and trusting my teammates to hit their shots. Now, I can watch from the comfort of the TNT studios, so I have a better angle. It’s tough to see things when you are already running back down the court because you trust your teammates to hit their shots at the end of the 4th quarter.”

Charles Barkley: ” The way Kobe used to trust was turrrrrrible. Now, his trust is good. Not turrrrible. That is some good trust. I wonder how many of his teammates are in his Fave 5 (fart).”

Stephen Jackson: “Kobe asked me the other day where I got my tats done. So I told him. I trusted him to treat my artist good, ya know. Cause I see how he be trusting his teammates now, even that big wacky Walton dude. So, I was like, ‘ Yo Mamba, go hit up Smelly Telly in East Oakland. Tell him 10 Deep told you to get the hook up.’ Now Kobe got this tat that is the sh*t cousin. It is a tornado, wrapped in a tsunami, on top of an earthquake, riding a cyclone around a volcano and into a hurricane. It’s called ‘Trust.’ It’s all about his teammates, yo (fart).”

Stephen Hawking (speaking through his robot): “Even I cannot calculate the amount of trust Kobe Bryant has in his teammates. It is as mind blowing as peering into the center of the sun. I cannot even being to imagine how much trust he has. It is unquantifiable. May I please have some milk now?”

Dikembe Mutombo: “They all love the Kobe. They want to sex the Trust. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.”

Lamar Odom: “For my birthday, Kobe told me he was gonna show me where Jimmy Hoffa was buried. Of course, I didn’t believe him cause no one knows that sh*t. But then, I realized how much Kobe trusted in me, both to believe him and not to tell anyone about it. So, he showed me where that dude was. I knew better than to doubt him. But that is all I can say, cause I know Kobe trusts me to take that info to the grave, ya’ll.”

Phil Jackson: “I talked with Kobe at the beginning of the year and gave him this simple advice: When the avocado performs stem cell research, he begins to find a haiku and a screwdriver while they are fighting in opposites and smelting Vancouver through a Taj Mahal salad full of purity, pencil shavings, brain tumors, and Andy Warhol. He knew instantly what it meant. Now he trusts his teammates more than ever before.”

Chris Paul Day at HP: Human Manna

May 6, 2008 in by with 1 Comment

The following is a special contribution for Chris Paul Day. Your contributor is the Corndogg.

NBA sustenance.

Thy name is Chris Paul.

With a grudgingly predictable playoff season thus far (and yes, even the Celtics/Hawks series skews to the predictable, as Game 7 would attest), we finally have our first, and freshest, hint that something new is upon us. That the Promised Land can be attained. That conspiracy theories can be thrown out the door (oh, but wait until you see the calls Kobe will get in the WCF). That a team that truly excites and inspires both the hardcore believers and the wayward masses can put its imprint in this vast abyss of NBA futility. This, my friends, is the New Orleans Hornets.

CP3 is not only the MVP, he is the new life blood of the NBA. And what makes him so unique is not that he is his own person, but that he has taken the qualities we so love from our other favorite superstars, internalized them and magnified them. For instance, he has Steve Nash’s uncanny ability to always get in the lane and make the perfect lob or outlet pass. He has Lebron’s magnetic smile. He has all the calm and subdued efficiency as Duncan. He is always ready to push back and stand up to his bullies, the way KG strikes fear in the hearts of his opponent. And, he has a skill package that is rivaled by the only person to beat him out in the MVP race (unfairly), Kobe.

In no biblical scholar, but it takes a very special, chosen man to lead his people through years of purgatory and desolation. Well, the Hornets have been as desolate as any other major franchise in the past few years. They were stripped of their original home (Charlotte), transplanted halfway across the country into a city that economically and emotionally was not ready for them. A tragic combination of an Act of God and Man’s Own Folly forced them to be nomads once more, cris-crossing the deltas of Louisiana to get to the sordid plains of Oklahoma. They had lost what few followers they had and were not able to attract new ones.

But oh, when they see that Paul! He, along with his true band of disciples (and yes, they love that kid like a leader and seer), have now crafted their raft and have been buoyed by the fan support, both from NOLA and the NBA viewers at large, to withstand a storm of criticism. “Too young, too weak, too undisciplined” cry the naysayers. “Not so” says the young warrior. And if CP3 and company go down and part the waters of the River Walk over the next week and close out this series, you can bet that some false MVP idol is not going to discourage him. Because he is fighting the good fight — igniting a pure, remarkable love unlike any we have had since “7 Seconds or Less.” Except, these Hornets are no one trick pony. They’ve got more than just hope on their side. They have belief.

Requiem For The Suns: A Note From Matthew Cornelius

April 30, 2008 in by with 5 Comments

Unlike myself, Corn describes himself as a “tried and true Suns fan.” He has lived and died (mostly died, given his profoundly negative nature), with this team for the past twenty years. And while I have sworn myself off of any further discussion of the Phoenix Suns outside of any coaching changes that are imminent, it wouldn’t be right for Corn not to weigh in on the “death” of the Suns last night. And while there are about a million things I disagree with about this particular piece, we’re partners, and when his team suffers arguably the most painful loss in its history, he deserves a take. Here are his thoughts. Take it away, Corn…

These are my definitive opinions and if you have a problem with them, feel free to email me at matthew.t.cornelius (at) gmail (dot) com.

D’Antoni should not be fired. Matt and I talked about it last night and neither of us are foolish enough to believe that it was D who lobbied so profusely for the Shaq trade. This guy was raised on Euro ball and built the most dynamic offense ever seen in the NBA (with regards to Showtime) and was prepared to live and die by his gun. Instead, he died by the arrogance and short-sightedness of the Suns owner (a banker) and their GM (an analyst and former sidekick to Duncan and Jordan), both of whom seem to know very little about building a championship team from the front office.

That being said, I am tired of D’Antoni’s arrogance as a coach. One of the announcers noted that D had said pre-game that if the Spurs were gonna do Hack-a-Shaq, he would not take Shaq out. His plan was to trust Shaq to hit his free throws. This is one of D’s characteristics that has kept him from winning a championship. I finally convinced Matt last night that the only changes D makes in a game are telling his team to play harder and to do what they normally do, only better. The Suns do not have either the personnel, the competence or the willingness to make crucial in-game changes that affect the outcome of games. They just try to impose their own will with more force. That is a George W. Bush attitude. And he is a bigger loser than the Suns.

I am not trying to bag on Nash for having a bad game. Everyone has one. He just had his during an elimination playoff game. So what if he hit that big 3 to tie the game? It was just a make up for the 2 awful turnovers he had. But he is not NASH anymore. You can see it in his eyes, in his gait, everything. I truly believe that it was the combination of D’s system and Nash’s powers, at their peak, that made Phoenix that exciting team we used to know. Put Nash in a more conventional, plodding game and all you notice is how bad his defense is, how he can no longer separate from defenders and how he tries too many hard passes. I don’t care if he was held all night by Bowen or constantly being beaten up by the Spurs’ defense, sometimes you can’t just turn the other cheek and try to outperform other people. You have to step up, be a man and fight. I am not saying he didn’t try to do that, but he failed at it. Same as he has failed at it the past four years. Nash is unquestionably a great player and one of the hardest working men in the NBA. But really, after watching him lose some of his faith after the Shaq trade (and he did, I am 100% sure of it) and try to run a more conventional offense, you realize that he is/was the perfect fit for D’s system, but that system is extinct. So too, might be Nash’s significant contributions to this team. He and D were made for each other.

Why in God’s name did D not just put Sean Marks in that game for two minutes last night and tell him to stand under the basket, wait for Tony Parker and then deliver a jaw shattering, legal foul that sent him to the floor head first? What is it gonna hurt? They make you pay for playing Shaq and Skinner; you make them pay for Parker getting to the rim all the time. So what if he gets hurt or the Spurs’ bench clears? We have seen that before. But seriously, you are on your last legs, so at least go out swinging. Instead, D just tried to execute the game plan harder and more effectively. You see where that got them.

The Suns brought in Shaq to stop Tim Duncan. Not only did that not work, but what it showed is that the Suns have no idea how the NBA works and how teams prepare for them. The Spurs didn’t give a crap about making sure Duncan was involved. They were already one step ahead, giving Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili the green light to attack the basket whenever they wanted. That was why the Suns lost. They just never had an answer…

Except Phoenix fans will tell you that they did have an answer. And the answer was wearing street clothes. Grant Hill is the epitome of the Suns’ gambling ways (even to a greater extent than Shaq). Keep in mind that I am not blaming Hill for being hurt. I love the guy and think he had a tremendous year. But, when it counted, he was hurt. This series, he was hurt. The Suns thought their amazing training staff (and they are amazing!) could keep him healthy and give him back years on his career, the same way they did with Nash and the same way they brought Amare back from microfracture surgery. And they did, except Grant’s body failed them when it counted.

The Suns tried to get better on interior defense (hey, how about teaching Amare to give a crap? That would be a better start than trading for freaking Shaq.) and in doing so forgot that if you don’t let people get into the lane, then your interior defense looks a lot better. The Spurs knew that and exploited it to a huge advantage. Good for them.

Speaking of gambling, that is all the Suns have done since Sarver took over. They gambled on building a winner now and selling off draft picks. They gambled on Barbosa being able to be a great back up point and defensive presence (HE IS NOT). They gambled on Hill. They gambled big on Shaq. They gambled on shipping off Kurt Thomas (guess that worked out real nice). All in all, the Suns have made an absolutely dizzying array of bad personnel moves and still are a 55-win team, which give credence to D and the drive of Amare and Nash. But they are still a playoff punchline, so what does it matter?

There really is no future in Phoenix. Yep, I said it. No future. It’s like the Sex Pistols song. Nash is only going to get worse. So is Shaq. So is Hill. They only have 2 guys on their roster that they should even consider building a team around, Amare and Diaw. Those two are their future, so deal with it. And I am not even convinced that Amare will be as astronomically good as he is now without that system and without Nash putting the ball in his hands perfectly every time. I am NOT saying he is not great, but that he is not the leader of a team.

Amare’s offensive skills are beautiful, but his defense and lack of motivation at times are inexcusable. Amare, when not being made the absolute focal point of the offense, can sometimes completely disappear. Last night was a crucial example. I have never seen anyone suffer and get so off their game just because they didn’t get the first pass when the ball comes across half court. It is pathetic and weak. Diaw, with his tremendous array of skills, should be a great compliment to Amare at the small forward position. He too needs to get better at his perimeter defense and get quicker, but his skill set plays very well off Amare. Unfortunately, Diaw cannot be effective without being the focal point of the offense either. Maybe the can’t co-exist. Keep Amare and blow up the rest. Good luck with that, Stevie Kerr.

The rest of the team should be gone within two years. Nash and Shaq will retire. Bell will get picked up by somebody like San Antonio, who can use his perimeter defense and spot up shooting to its greatest effect. Leandro Barbosa is a one-dimensional player who is incapable of running an offense or playing defense. He is a scorer deluxe, but the Suns don’t need that. Giricek and Skinner will be out of town. If you really want to see Kerr’s mettle as a GM, let’s see what he does when this hulking shell of a Phoenix team needs to be remade in full. Cause, you know, D’Antoni won’t be around to direct it.

If you really wanted to get rid of Marion, there was sooo much more you could have done to help the team rather than go get Shaq. Of course, Kerr and Sarver just wanted the biggest name possible and wanted to make a splash, but don’t you really feel that if they truly wanted value for Marion, they could have gotten a combination of players, each of which did the following: Person 1 – an SG/SF who focused solely on playing great perimeter D and making open 3s; Person 2 – a tall, strong PF/C who could rebound, block a shot and play solid perimeter D; Person 3 – a legitimate backup PG with a defensive mindset who can initiate an offense and not make stupid turnovers. Instead, the Suns sent Marion and Banks away for Shaq: One fewer person in the rotation and a liability in almost every facet of the game. Brilliant move.

Oh, and one more thing, why in the world wasn’t Hill/Diaw/Giricek/any freaking person who is NOT Leandro Barbosa guarding Finley when he hit that backbreaker three in Game One? I don’t even care about the Duncan three (because, after all, real champions make plays when the game is on the line). I care about that one. Awful coaching and even worse execution by the smallest guy on the team. Well done, Suns.

Last night, even though the Spurs had awful mental lapses and failed to execute as well as they normally do, how can you possibly forgive Phoenix for 17 missed free throws and SEVEN(!) fourth quarter turnovers? Most of those turnovers were not even a result of superior San Antonio defense. They were just mental lapses from a team that has never been able to successfully come back and close out tight playoff games. Never. So why should it have been any different last night? I mean, the Suns had to try hard, and I mean really hard, to lose that game last night. I don’t understand how a team with that much pride can just implode like that when it means the most.

The reason posts like this are happening and the reason the Suns are no longer in the playoffs can come down to other simple adjustments and arrogant misgivings they have had throughout the season. Ever since the trade, players and coaches alike have said that didn’t give a flip about home court advantage. They were not worried about whomever they met in the first round. Well, you know what? That same insouciance led to them practically giving away that game to the Rockets late in the season. That same poor effort and big attitude told them not to care about that game. That one game was the difference between home court in the first round against the Jazz and the awful massacre that just occurred. I bet they would like a mulligan on that game.

It basically all boils down to Sarver. Why did he run Bryan Colangelo out of town? Why couldn’t he just accept that he didn’t know anything about running a basketball team and leave it up to someone who had the NBA in his genes and had been intimately involved in it his whole life? It is the bane of many a new owner in the NBA to be far too caught up in “names” on their team, former players in the front office, and in wagging their own proverbial cock all over the team just to show that they are now the boss and whatever they want, they get. And in the end, he gets exactly what he wants: a distraught fan base, a team that doesn’t believe in itself, a Knicks-style soap opera in his brain trust, a legacy of losing and a reputation for being an irrefutably boorish owner who has no idea how to build a winning team. But boy, did Shaq ever boost those merchandising sales! On second thought, you are a winner, Robert. It’s only your team that had to be sacrificed.

Corn will likely be a bit quieter for the rest of the playoffs since he’s since been admitted to the North Carolina Institute For The Completely Batsh*t Insane. Donations to the Shaquille O’Neal Buyout Retirement Fund can be made in lieu of flowers.

I Lookz Into Ze Eyez Of Deth And He Turnz Hiz Bald Hed. He Scarz Of Me!

April 29, 2008 in by with 2 Comments

The following is a public service announcement from The Corndogg.

“You talkinz to me? You talkinz to ZaZa? Didn’t fink zo. HAHAHAHA!”

KG might just be Mr. Intensity in 10 Cities, but I’ll be damned if Atlanta is one. Leave it up to Zaza Pachulia to launch the first counterattack for the Hawks. He’s mad as hell and he’s not gonna take it anymore.

To be fair, the Hawks have always believed in themselves. Sometimes, to the point of delusion. Even when they were the butt of jokes since making that big trade, and bigger gamble, with $70 million for Joe Johnson, while the Suns got Boris Diaw and some excellent runs in the post-season. Even still, the Hawks felt they were on the right track. At their core, they are fighters and feel justified in being where they are right now. However, the simple act of resistance, pictured above, and fortitude shown by Pachulia in this picture was the start of something special for the Hawks last night.

In Game 3, they seemed to just barely be able to run away from the Celtics. In Game 4, they decided to plant themselves in the middle of the court and say “If you want a piece of us, you got it. Bring it on.” Unfortunately for the Celtics, the only people who brought it were Joe Johnson and Josh Smith (who is going to be P.A.I.D. this summer).

I thought about this last night and realized that this series could really go seven games. I don’t even mind being wrong (as I predicted the Celtics in 4 or 5, don’t remember which), especially when being wrong is this much fun. Perhaps the Celtics are like that other deified Boston sports team this past season. Everyone feels they are unbeatable and unbreakable, until a bunch of upstarts no one believes in (and who, in case you forgot, provide some god-awful match-up problems for the C’s) bust out the kryptonite and start beating down the warlords.

But then again, maybe its just another ploy by the most intense player to ever don a jersey, hoping to show his team that they can be punks too and if they don’t bust their freaking butts every single night that all their hard work can be stripped from them like the Sonics from Seattle. Maybe that is what some people will have you think. Personally, I just think the Hawkz cames ready for tha big fightz!

The preceeding was a public service announcement from The Corndogg.