web analytics
<
Tag Archive - manuginobiliwantsyournuts

Manu Has Sold Me: Ginobili Hits Insane 3rd Quarter Buzzer Beater Shot Video

March 28, 2010 in by with 13 Comments

You gotta understand, I loathed the little Argentinian bastard. To a devoted fan of SSOL, Ginobili was the biggest enemy there could be. The constant move to his left. The constant second guessing yourself of whether he’s athletic or not. And the flops. Oh, man, the flops.

So it was difficult to appreciate him, even as he was slicing and dicing his way to championships, a central part of one of the most successful teams of the last decade. And when his health started to go last year, I thought that was it. He was done. Age had caught up with him and lack of athleticism would spell his demise into sad role player shell of his former self. I went so far as to make a bet with Graydon that Ginobili wouldn’t score 30 or more in a game this season. AND I WAS SOBER.

Yeah, that didn’t work out.

But for some reason, maybe it’s the struggles the Spurs are having, no longer the dominant irritant, maybe it’s the new identity of the Spurs, a little less rigid, a little less successful, a little more interesting, if a little lower in the winning percentage department. Maybe it’s just like my realization last year that “Holy crap, Dirk Nowitzki isn’t just “Oh, yeah, he’s good, yada yada yada, not as good as people say he is,” he’s really good. Because that’s what I’ve seen this year with Ginobili. He, more than anyone, including Duncan and Pop, has willed the Spurs to wins by any means necessary. I’ve seen him use the lefty. I’ve seen him hit from the outside. I’ve even seen him use the penetration dribble, hesitation at the elbow, burst to the rack move that’s Parker’s favorite, as if Ginobili has it on loan.

I’ve seen him distribute, driving and kicking with the best of them. I’ve seen him defend, that nagging, irritant, “Oh, hey surprise! You’re in a corner trap and you didn’t even know it!” defense. The Durant block. Man, the Durant block.

And last night, in an abject beatdown of the Celtics, who had just started to get their feet under them, in Boston, Ginobili hit something that finally made it click. I’m a Manu fan. Which means he’ll probably break his ankle in four places in two days. But man, he’s done too much for his career, even if I’ve spent most of it hoping he slips on a banana peel and gets bent. He hit this shot that was so good, I just dropped my sandwich. That is not a euphemism. And I love sandwiches. It was insane. It was ridiculous.

Dude just…

Aw, hell. Watch.

And that’s how you make a convert.

It’s easy to say that’s a dog shot. But how many do we see a year? Some guys in the league? They can do this. They can hit leaning, running, one-handed, fading mid-court shots as the clock expires. And he could do it for the win, he could do it in a preseason game. He could do it in summer league. Manu’s a machine, and I’m glad I get to watch the end of his career with an appreciation for a guy that is as singularly unique in style, performance, and ability as anyone in league history.

Long live GINOBILI!

Words About Argentina

August 21, 2008 in by with 13 Comments

I want to obliterate Argentina.

I’m not talking the usual Team USA 25 point win. I want it as high as it possibly can be. I want to open with a 19-2 run, and then follow it with a 10-0 run before putting in Boozer, Kidd, Redd, Howard, and Carmelo to let them catch up. And then follow that with another 15-3 run. I want it painfully obvious. I want it to be a black mark on Argentina’s history of basketball. I want Argentinian parents to tell their Argentinian children about it to scare them into staying in their beds at night. I want there to be books written about it. Volumes. I want it to have its own epic poem that forces teenagers to cram all night for an essay exam on it.

I hate this team, and I hate them even more for making me care enough to hate them.

See, I don’t really care about the Olympics. It’s just never been something that’s captivated me. I’ve been genuinely impressed with this Olympiad because it has actually been compelling, entertaining, and fun to watch. Phelps, Bolt, and Wade 2.0 have actually got me paying attention. But even if the US were to lose, it wouldn’t strike me much. There’s no question the best basketball talent in the world lives in the US. Even after ’04 and ’06, that hasn’t changed. So even if we weren’t to get a medal, I wouldn’t have noticed much. Furthermore, I’m not really a nationalistic kind of guy. I’ll spare you the justification of my patriotism, which I assure you is quite strong, but I’m just not a rah-rah kind of guy. So it doesn’t really get my blood pumping. I got invested when I saw this team playing well and people still doubting them. I was aggravated not at genuine, reasonable criticism, but at Wilbon spewing that we should have beaten Angola by 40 and that if we didn’t, it was a disgrace. But really, I’m mostly just killing time until I can get started on season previews and fussing over rotations.

But Argentina.

Oh, if there was ever a team built for me to hate more. It’s got nothing to do with what happened in Athens, though trust me, that doesn’t hurt. But that US Team was badly assembled, badly managed, badly coached, and played badly. That’s what happens when you don’t take globalization seriously. But here’s this lineup of players I’m familiar with.

Manu-I think we can all safely say we understand that Matt’s not the biggest fan of Lefty The Teleporting Troll Elf.

Andres Nocioni- Yes, you, Noc. “Look at him! He tries so hard! Sure, he’s got no touch, no athletic advantages and looks not just clumsy but clown-like in an offensive set. But he tries! So! Hard!” And I know! Let’s pay him a king’s f*cking ransom to do it! And let’s make sure he’s a deal-breaker on the Gasol bid! Woo-hoo! Nocioni may not play. I cry foul.

Luis Scola- I’ll admit it. I like Scola. I saw Scola early last season and admired him for his hustle and his willingness to just get the job done. He’s like Nocioni. Only with athleticism and coordination. And not being paid the gross national income of, well… Argentina. But people have gone overboard. Particularly one site that’s prone to exaggeration. We’re not talking about Tim Duncan here. He’s not an all-star. He does get worn down by guys bigger than him. And his offense is about as versatile as a hammer. You don’t carve with a hammer. You don’t weld with it. You hammer sh*t. That’s what Luis Scola does. But I’m not scared of a hammer when I have three large handguns, a fighter jet and the android demon known as 2.0. Let’s just settle our Argentinian granny panties down a sec, here.

Fabricio Oberto: Oh, the one I hate the most. Yes, more than Manu. At least Manu I respect. At least Manu I find myself saying “Wow. He just really is that good.” Here’s Pop’s instructions to Fabricio Oberto. “Okay, Fab..” First off, his name is Fab. Anyway… “Okay, Fab. Heres‘ what I want you to do. Stand on the other side of the block from Tim. When Tim shoots, if he misses, put your forearm up near the closest player’s back and push off. Then reach out and get the rebound. If no one’s anywhere, remotely close to you, tap it off the glass. If they are, throw it to Tony. Do NOT shoot. Okay? On defense? I want you to fall down. Yes. Just wrap your arms up under his, and then when he tries to get away, fall down.” And this guy has a ring.

And that leads me to my other problem. None of these guys can keep their feet. At least when Wade sprawls out, he makes contact. These guys are like a college comedy troupe doing trust falls. They’re afraid the hard ground will hurt their delicate sensibilities. They have vertigo. You’re bigger than they are, guys! Be a man! Stand!

So, please, USA, I’m asking you this one thing. You’re welcome to underperform in the gold game. I would have forgiven you if you’d lost in the pool play. But beat these guys down. Run it up. Don’t put Boozer in at the end. No victory cigars. Teach them a lesson. For the children.

In the interest of entertainment on a slow day, I asked the NBA Internet to fill in this sentence:

I want to see Team USA ____________ Argentina.

Below are their answers. For the record, they neither condone nor support my hate speech above.

The Dream Shake:

“I want to see Team USA showboat like Usain Bolt against Argentina.”

Kelly Dwyer:

I’m hoping it’s a pretty good game. We won’t get to see many of those until late October. So, “play.”

Chip, Three Shades of Blue:

“I want to see Team USA sing ‘Don’t Cry for Me’ Argentina.”

Corn 1:

“Debacle.”

Skeets:

“Tickle.”

Ziller:

“Bake a cake for.”

Brian, Empty The Bench:

“Pour a glass of Malbec, from Mendoza, all over… make that a bottle.”

Andrew Thell, Empty The Bench:

“Scuttle.”

Stan, Bright Side of the Sun:

“Flop.”

Free Darko:

“Sledge.”

Will Brinson:

“Defenstrate.”

Graydon Gordian, 48 Minuts of Hell:

“Canoodle.”

Wyn, Canis Hoopus:

“Phelp.”

Truth About It:

“I want to see Team USA ‘do the hair of’ Argentina.

It works two ways: in the South (U.S.) to do someone’s hair on the basketball court is to roast them, or in simpler terms, to beat them soundly….just in case anyone wasn’t aware.

The other way is obvious, have you seen some of the doos of team Argentina? Of course, they come from a country where the fashion mullet is huge….”

Corn2:

“make proverbial basektball diarrhea in the faces (and occasional bald spot) of”

Trey:

“program a fleet of robots with the sole purpose of excavating precious jewels from”

Mutoni:

“cuddle with”

ClipperSteve:

“help to feed the poor of“

Ryne Nelson:

“showmance“

Brinson 2, Electic Bugaloo:

” ‘drill.’ So many levels.”

Brett Edwards, The Association

“bukakke on the bald head of Manu Ginobili, who plays for”

Andrew Thell 2, Back In The Habit:

“Cuckold” was my second choice. For some reason I always associate cuckold with bukakke…”

More Truth About It:

“Uhh…..at the rate that this is going, why don’t we just say: I want to see Team USA ‘do the Aristocrats act on’ Argentina. “

Josh Coleman, Three Shades of Blue:

” Boy, that escalated quickly… I mean, that really got out of hand.

I want to see Team USA demoralize Argentina.”

Truth About It and Robin:

“You’re telling me…..some dude stabbed Fabricio Oberto with a trident, I don’t think he’ll be able to go tomorrow.”

Corn:

“I want to see Team USA ‘go full retard on’ Argentina”

Your Word Of The Day

January 31, 2008 in by with 2 Comments

Man Region – n.- term coined by Reggie Miller to describe the testicles and/or junk of a player. Favorite target of the San Antonio Spurs.

I heard it live, but Awful Announcing found the video.

Here’s the thing. Miller is actually great on the radio. When he would call into Dan Patrick’s ESPN show, I was entertained. But man, as an announcer, he’s amazingly ridiculous.

Also, from now on, Manu Ginobili is “The Man Region Hunter.”