Well it’s that time of year, kiddos. Autumn is in full swing, Halloween’s bursting at the door, and the NBA is ready to kick off its most exciting season in ages… before it goes completely silent while two sides who are both wrong figure out an agreement neither side will be satisfied with. Awesome. Anyway, big slate o’ games tonight and we’ll have piece from each one. But for posterity’s sake, thought we’d put our predictions in print.

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Rob Mahoney:

Division Winners:
Northwest: OKC
Southwest: Dallas
Pacific: L.A. Lakers
Central: Chicago
Atlantic: Boston
Southeast: Miami

1. Lakers
2. Mavericks
3. Thunder
4. Spurs
5. Blazers
6. Rockets
7. Jazz
8. Grizzlies

Lakers over Grizzlies
Mavericks over Jazz
Thunder over Rockets
Blazers over Spurs

Lakers over Blazers
Mavericks over Thunder

Lakers over Mavericks

1. Heat
2. Magic
3. Celtics
4. Bulls
5. Bucks
6. Hawks
7. Bobcats
8. Knicks

Heat over Knicks
Magic over Bobcats (Again? Sigh.)
Celtics over Hawks
Bucks over Bulls

Heat over Bucks
Magic over Celtics

Heat over Magic

Heat over Lakers

Three random predictions that will probably be wrong:

1. Greg Oden will come back from injury with a very specific vengeance, and literally ask Matt Moore to “Tell [him] how [his] patella taste.” Not quite All-Star caliber, but Oden will be effective defensively and put up quasi-All-Star numbers.
2. Everyone will ooh and ahh over Kevin Durant all season long, and he’ll win the MVP award despite Dwight Howard, LeBron James, and probably Dwyane Wade and Chris Paul posting superior overall seasons.
3. Jawad Williams will be your least favorite member of the Cleveland Cavaliers, who might be your least favorite team to watch. By that, I mean that of all the Cavaliers that you don’t really care about, you don’t care about Jawad the most.

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Zach Harper:

Division Winners:
Atlantic: Boston
Central: Milwaukee
Southeast: Miami
Pacific: L.A. Lakers
Northwest: OKC
Southwest: Dallas

West playoffs:
Lakers vs Suns
Mavs vs Spurs
Rockets vs Blazers
Thunder vs Jazz

East playoffs:
Heat vs Bobcats
Magic vs Knicks
Celtics vs Hawks
Bucks vs Bulls

Lakers over Rockets in WCF
Heat over Celtics in ECF

Heat over Lakers in Finals

Three random predictions that will probably be wrong:

1. Greg Oden plays over 55 games (Double-layer cake or nothing!)
2. LeBron wins Defensive Player of the Year
3. Matt Moore shatters his own record of Twitter fights with Lakers fans per 36-Minutes

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Noam Schiller

Division Winners:
Southeast: Miami
Atlantic: Boston
Central: Milwaukee
Pacific: L.A. Lakers
Northwest: Utah
Southwest: San Antonio

Lakers over Rockets
Spurs over Suns
Jazz over Mavs
Blazers over Thunder

Lakers over Blazers
Spurs over Jazz

Lakers over Jazz

Heat over Pacers
Magic over Knicks
Celtics over Hawks
Bucks over Bulls

Heat over Bucks
Magic over Celtics

Heat over Magic

Heat over Lakers.
Three random predictions that will probably be wrong:

1. Tyreke Evans will average 25-5-7, make the all-star game, and will be touted by Bill Simmons as this league’s best young point guard.
2. Around January, Josh Smith will demand a bigger role in the offense, and will either get traded or get his wish.
3. Tony Allen will win DPOY. No, wait, that’s Sheridan’s thing. So… either Andre Iguodala and Evan Turner will lead the Sixers in rebounding

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Graydon Gordian:

Division Winners:
Pacific: L.A. Lakers
Northwest: Thunder
Southwest: Spurs
Atlantic: Boston
Central: Chicago
Southeast: Miami

1. Lakers
2. Spurs
3. Thunder
4. Mavericks
5. Rockets
6. Blazers
7. Jazz
8. Grizzlies

Lakers over Grizzlies
Spurs over Jazz
Thunder over Blazers
Mavericks over Rockets

Thunder over Spurs
Lakers over Mavericks

Lakers over Thunder

1. Heat
2. Magic
3. Bulls
4. Boston
5. Hawks
6. Bucks
7. Bobcats
8. Knicks

Heat over Knicks
Magic over Bobcats
Bucks over Bulls
Celtics over Hawks

Heat over Celtics
Magic over Bucks

Heat over Magic

Heat over Lakers

Three random predictions that will probably be wrong:

1. The East wins the All-Star game.
2. The Spurs win the Shooting Stars Competition.
3. John Wall wins the skills competition.

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Jared Wade:

Celtics
Bulls
Heat

Lakers
Thunder
Mavs

Heat over Cs in ECF
Lakers over Spurs in WCF

Heat over Lakers in Finals

Three random predictions that will probably be wrong:

1. LeBron wins the MVP
.
2. Andres Nocioni is exposed for running an illegal dolphin fighting ring
.
3. Rob Mahoney once again murders double-digit Mexican migrant workers during an NBA season without getting caught — the “Refried Threepeat,” he will later term his 2010-11 “season” in his tell-all, confessional biography written from prison to finance his failed legal defense.

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Matt Moore:

Division Winners:
Atlantic: Celtics
Southeast: Magic
Central: Bulls
Pacific: Lakers
Southwest: Mavericks
Northwest: Thunder

1. Magic
2. Heat
3. Celtics
4. Bulls
5. Bucks
6. Hawks
7. Knicks
8.  Bobcats

Magic over Bobcats
Heat over Knicks
Celtics over Hawks (NOTE: I feel horrible about this and literally spent fifteen minutes fretting over it. Nothing sets itself up more for the series that gets hyper-competitive while everyone in the blogosphere goes “Wait, what?!”)
Bucks over Bulls

Magic over Bucks
Heat over Celtics

Heat over Magic

1. Mavericks
2. Spurs
3. Lakers (They coast for the first month and last two months of the year.)
4. Thunder
5. Jazz
6.  Rockets
7. Blazers
8. Hornets

Mavericks over Hornets
Blazers over Spurs
Lakers over Rockets
Thunder over Jazz

Mavericks over Thunder
Lakers over Blazers

Lakers over Mavericks

Yes, Lakers over Heat. I know. Original.

Three random predictions that will probably be wrong:

1. John Wall is Rookie of the Year, and it’s not close.
2. O.J. Mayo and Rudy Gay start to have serious issues over usage.
3. Dwight Howard averages over 35 points a game versus the Heat this season.