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Tag Archive - treyhastodie

Marc Gasol is a Swarthy Fellow

December 4, 2008 in by with 9 Comments

Mira’m. Diguem que no és l’amor del meu cabell. I els meus ulls. I la forma en què estic fregant el meu mugró.

Seriosament. Si em poden resistir, no ha de ser humà. Mira profundament als meus ulls. Mesmerizing.

Potser vostè pensa que jo hauria de ser un llenyataires. Ets equivocat. Que mullar la meva masclisme. M’encanta la meva masclisme. És l’amor de la meva masclisme. Tothom estima a la meva masclisme.

Estic pensant en canviar el meu nom a Marchismo. Funciona.

Mira’m.

Maybe Things Didn’t Go as Planned for the Bulls Last Night

December 3, 2008 in by with 0 Comments

Even the cameraman couldn’t get anything on the left to focus.

Oh, What a Twisted Web Robin Lopez Weaves

December 2, 2008 in by with 1 Comment

As a kid growing up in North Hollywood, Robin Lopez was always a huge Lakers fan. Being a tall kid, he especially liked Shaquille O’neal. Little did he know that one day, he’d play with Shaq but for one of the Lakers’ rivals. The Lord works in mysterious ways, indeed.

The Choice is Yours: New Jersey Nets Tickets

December 1, 2008 in by with 3 Comments

Let’s say you’re a very rich Nets fan. You really love Vince Carter 50% of the time. You like that Devin Harris looks like a frog/human hybrid. You even buy the lower tier Roc-A-Fella releases (I see you, Bleek!) just to support the ownership. Needless to say, you want to go to a game and be seen. If you’re throwing away money on Young Gunz records then you definitely have the funds to get close to action. But where should you sit? The Nets have two options.

Option A: You can sit with these guys:

Sure, their kid is going to drive you up a wall while he keeps asking why Vince is on the ground again. The guy in the hat and tie is going to be a horrible person. You’ll have to master the pointer finger on the chin move that seems to be a pre-requisite for sitting there. But, you’ll be ballin’ sitting courtside. That’s option A.

Option B: You can sit with these guys:

At first, it seems like an easy choice, right? Jay, Beyonce, and Kanye all together, that’s great! But consider this; Jay WILL NOT talk to you. Beyonce will be disappointingly less attractive in person. Kanye is going to talk your ear off about either AutoTune or some tremendously expensive designer toilet that even you won’t be able to afford. Then he’ll repeat it at least three times throughout the game, with varying levels of excitement. Just when it seems like he’s done talking, he’ll do something like run out on the court saying how his shoes are better than any of the shoes that have ever been on that floor, which means his shoes should be in the Hall of Fame. Then he’ll apologize through Rolling Stone, all the while proclaiming that while he’s sorry for what happened, he still truly believes his shoes are the best. This will not be an enjoyable situation.

So those are your choices. Do you sit with people like you? Boring, annoying people with too much money to spend. Or do you sit with people who aren’t like you? Don’t forget, they’re boring and annoying and have too much money to spend too. It’s a tough choice.

Maybe it’s best to sit with the derelicts and bums.

In Memoriam: The Year of the Goggle

November 26, 2008 in by with 0 Comments

This young season has seen the fortunes of many an eye be altered. Thankfully, the wise doctors of the NBA have expounded the virtues of the sport goggle to the afflicted parties. And for that, we thank you.

To the Year of the Goggle! HUZZAH!

A Spurs Cheerleader Speaks Out

November 25, 2008 in by with 2 Comments

Oh, HEY! It’s me! The physical embodiment of the Spurs winning a game! Go SPURS!

Just wanted to let y’all know that them boys won 7 a their last 10 games! Rah rah ree!
We got Manu! Yes we do! We got Tim and Tony too!

See y’all in the playoffs!

Other Things Stephon Marbury Refuses

November 24, 2008 in by with 0 Comments

With the Knicks severely understaffed due to their trading players for a chance at LeBron James, Stephon Marbury had his first chance at playing time. A chance to show the league he could still play. A chance to prove that he can be a team player. A chance to garner some good will around the association.

His reponse: nah thas cool man Im good Ima do my thing Steph busy addin patches to sportscoat holla.

Because I’m a curious man, I hired a private investigator to follow Steph’s every move, just to see if he turned down any other handouts. Turns out there are quite a few:
  • While getting Dish Network installed at his condo, Marbury declines the free DVR that’s included with his package. He says, “I aint tryin a be watchin TV shows durin TV shows Ima gettin caught up in life.”
  • At Chipotle, Marbury orders a vegetarian burrito, which includes guacamole free of charge. However, Marbury refuses the delectable treat saying, “Man Im bout that green but not that green holla.”
  • Upon purchasing a new Macbook Air, Marbury turns down Apple’s offer for a free iPod Touch stating, “I got my iRiver I aint need no iPod rivers bigger than pods anyway.”
  • We should have seen this coming. Upon receiving his $600 stimulus check this summer, Starbury threw it in the garbage proclaiming, “Pay me what you owe me 600 bucks aint nothin to the Mothership Connection aka Young Moolah Baby.”
  • At Best Buy, Steph heads straight to the video games section to pick up an Xbox 360 bundle. However, he refuses to take any games with him declaring, “I just get games from them high school kids I been running with.”

Entirely Too Early Four Word Reviews of the 2008 Draft Class

November 19, 2008 in by with 2 Comments

We’re an eighth of the way in to the season, so why not prematurely judge the contributions of 20 year olds? Four words to encapsulate the impact the first round of this year’s draft has had.

(Sidenote: Is Mayo wearing Dunks? I’ve never noticed that before.)

Matt and I on the ones and twos. Literally.

1 Derrick Rose – Better Than Expected/Jesus.
2 Michael Beasley – wasted on the Heat
3 O.J. Mayo – Missiles and guns fun.
4 Russell Westbrook – the Thunder suck regardless
5 Kevin Love – Needs more mutton chops.
6 Danilo Gallinari – sorry about your back
7 Eric Gordon – Is in Basketball Hell.
8 Joe Alexander – basically he’s Mike Mamula
9 D.J. Augustin – someone tailor his pants
10 Brook Lopez – Dude, the NBA rocks!
11 Jerryd Bayless- Would start anywhere else.
12 Jason Thompson – far better than expected
13 Brandon Rush – Not in Kansas anymore.
14 Anthony Randolph – please play this guy
15 Robin Lopez – A barrage of imagery.
16 Marreese Speights – nothing special, nothing wasted
17 Roy Hibbert – Not enough playing time.
18 JaVale McGee – better on the internet
19 J.J. Hickson – Why not in Erie?
20 Alexis Ajinca – surprisingly, an actual Frenchman
21 Ryan Anderson – His name is Darkman.
22 Courtney Lee – outplayed by JJ Redick
23 Kosta Koufos – Should trim back hair.
24 Serge Ibaka – more like Serge Zwicker
25 Nicolas Batum – Pritchard wins again, again.
26 George Hill – another Spurs late find
27 Darrell Arthur – Every other play sucks/rules.
28 Donte Greene – play this guy too
29 D.J. White – His jaw awfully hurts.
30 J.R. Giddens – Wikipedia page has stabbing

Understanding Mark Cuban’s Investment Mishap

November 18, 2008 in by with 0 Comments

Mark_Cuban

Finance is confusing. Even more confusing is the language surrounding finance. Luckily for you, I’ve put together this list of real-life analogies to help you understand the stupidity necessary to illegally use inside information to save $750k when your net worth is greater than two billion dollars.

Mark Cuban performing an illegal trade to save $750,0000 is like…

…Matt Moore praising Marko Jaric for a seven point game after OJ Mayo scores 20 in the 4th quarter to help the Grizzlies only lose by 8.

…John McCain repeatedly criticizing Barack Obama for lack of experience, then choosing Sarah Palin as a running mate.

…Axl Rose forcing every member out of Guns n’ Roses, leaving the band in shambles, then proceeding to get very fat, braid his hair, become a laughingstock and then release Chinese Democracy.

…Corn going to UNC but cheering for Duke.

…me failing to make Tony Parker jokes after he scored 55 points.

…me failing to make Tony Parker jokes after he injured his ankle.

…Time Warner rejecting Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, giving Wilco the rights for free, then releasing the record through its subsidiary, Nonesuch Records.

…Dick Rowe turning down the Beatles because “guitar groups are on the way out.”

…Lamar Odom accepting the Trojan Horse near the end of the Trojan War.

I’m sure there’s other examples too. Feel free to leave them in the comments.

Hardwood Paroxysm’s Continued Antagonization of Jazz Fans Continues

November 17, 2008 in by with 4 Comments

I never really understood Matt’s internet beef with Jazz fans. I mean, aren’t Mormon’s supposed to be non-confrontational? Anyways, I sorta thought his characterization of them was unfair; they’re just sticking up for their franchise, after all.

But then, during my weekly search for Mark Eaton videos, I happened across the above clip which confirms everything Matt’s ever said about Utah fans in a tidy fifty-eight seconds.

This is my mea culpa: Matt, you’re right. Jazz fans are crazy.

You’re still wrong about Chris Douglas-Roberts though.

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